I always want to be the best. It doesn't matter how trivial a thing it is. This helps me in the workplace. I see it like another video game. It's just another learning curve.

However, that same quality is what makes me obsessive about trivial things, and sometimes works against me in terms of physical or mental health.

>>19460
Be careful, policing is a hard job.

I can't really think of anything good about myself. I realize I could be worse, but that goes for everyone.

I'd like to learn Spanish or Chinese. Maybe start working out.

>>19461
I'm only like that when it comes to hobbies and things I enjoy how do you bring yourself to do tasks with effort when it comes to work?

>>19462
Thanks, I know policing is a hard job, in fact it's more of lifestyle than a job, but it's the only "job" I can imagine doing happily and looking forward to everyday, I've always wanted to do it since I was 13.

I'd also like to learn Spanish, it's pretty sexy, practical and easy to learn (1 year to be efficient if you practice 1-2 hours a day with the right tools). It's also a great career booster, much more valuable than college if you ask me.

>>19463
I don't know, I don't have any other setting except tryhard. It's not always a good thing. For example, I suffered from lower back pain for about 6 months but I couldn't make myself take it easy and ended up hurting it pretty badly.

policing? you don't even know what you're talking about.

a close friend of mine worked as a police officer for years and almost ended up killed himself, decided to take all of his belongings and abandon his family and friends to live in a far away country because the things he had to put up with made him sick, only a fresh start could help him change his mind and keep on living, that ''job'' ruined his life for good.

You're literally crazy if you want to do that.

Seriously fuck the police worldwide, they are corrupt beings and the worst kind of individuals you culd come across, either get it together or prepare to lead a miserable life.

Post edited on 18th Jan 2015, 7:30pm

>>19466
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend, however it is extremely ignorant for you to say that all cops are corrupt and have shitty lives. I frequently browse officer.com and listen to cops from big towns such as LAPD, DPD, NYPD and more in addition to reading hundreds of police articles from policeone. I also personally know several cops and I can safely say what you believe is far from the truth.

Yes some cops kill themselves due to traumatizing events on the job, yes there are cops that dread the job and yes there are some asshole cops but they are a minority. Truth is results vary as everyone is different (shocking, I know) and generalizing a entire profession with millions of people like that is just retarded. I suggest you reform your statement.

>I am tired of it (hope that doesn't get me a ban). It's not fun anymore

Now you know why there are few old neets.

>>19467
You look like you're taking the police job very seriously. Nice work. One thing I hope you do is never be an asshole to the people you're dealing with. No matter how many other nasty people you met, assume the best out of others, and do not be prejudiced.

I've also thought about joining the police force. My uncle is a police officer in the next town over, so my name would be known if I join and I would probably get a lot of shit. He says there is a lot of the same bullshit found in other companies like being all talk and no action. He has been doing things like crowd control. It's amazing all the organization in a sports game or a music festival or anything where drunk people collide. But it sucks when there is a streaker or a riot happens nearby and you get all the blame.

In my country they have a show like Cops, where 99% of problems are involving drunk people. So if I became a cop, it would mostly be dealing with that I guess.

Anyway, what are good things about myself? In periods of my life I have shown perseverance. In high school I studied like mad but never not good grades. I got top student in my last year but I feel the teachers felt I deserved it for studying so much rather than excellent grades. I practiced guitar a lot and got ATCL in high school but last year I attempted LTCL but failed. I practiced so much. Even the one trimester I was at university I tried really hard until about seven weeks in and I gave up. I also tried lifting weights but only lasted two months. I've started running but I get pains in my legs

With video games I have not much perseverance. I think my major achievements have been I 1CC'd EotSD on normal and got half way though stage 5 in Dodonpachi. I mostly played games on normal. I remember I tried playing Brutal Legend on the hardest difficulty setting but couldn't beat one of the last levels and had to put it down to normal.

And with something I want to change is that I want to be more social and that I want to stop drinking so much. I've talked to my psychiatrist about stuff like small talk but as someone said the other day social interaction is all the same shit. In high school I had a friend but once you talk about all the shit you can talk about and you can't think of anything else to talk about it's all sitting together in awkward silence.

And as for drinking. I've only started a month ago but I like it so much. I know later it doesn't feel so good but for the time being it's great. I know I'm disappointing my father and grandmother but I can't stop. If I don't set a day I don't drink I drink everyday. I tried to do a 'don't drink for a week' to my psychiatrist, which I shook hands on, but I only lasted two days without drinking. I am also a bit drunk right now so please excuse all the grammatical errors and a poorly set out, rambling post. Not that my sober posts are any better.

>>19470
How much are you drinking a day? I always found one or occasionally two drinks a day (beer or a medium shot) gave me a significant long-term mood boost even after it wore off. My parents don't like it that much and I'm already pushing my luck living with them as a NEET after high school so I don't drink daily anymore, but if I lived alone I would.

Anyway, to reply to the OP:
My most positive traits are my ability to act kind and proffessional (when necessary) to everybody and I never hold a grudge. Things that could be improved the most are my "act now and think later" compulsions, active denial of problems until it's too late, and my assumptions that people dislike me personally whenever they express even the slightest negativity (I am very good at reading body language).

At least here where I live getting a single job requires billions of zillions of all sorts of degrees, contacts, previous work experience and what not. Once you have all of them, you're going to fight against people with way more motivation to get the job.

This alone is enough to get me through the boring phases of neetdom. It would be way worse if I tried anything else.

I hold two WR scores in a video game.

I can work for results and learn at a decent rate... in select video games. Anything besides that, not so good.



I wish I could get over being a paranoid fuck. I thought moving away from my mother would help with the fear of being killed by her, but it seems it's all in the mind.

How can I have something 'good' to say about myself when I don't like myself? If I could change one thing it'd be the whole being alive thing, it's nothing but a pain in the ass and nothing good has come from it.

If I could become anything I'd like, I'd like to become the thing I think about all the time. I'd then focus on getting a bit stronger and then I'd just travel the world looking at anything and try to better myself by understand the world even further, and when I'm done I'll lock myself in some house in some remote nowhere that people can't ever hope to get to through regular means for extra distance from people, and somehow figure out a way to have internet and food so that I can die alone in some shitty house I'll have to make for myself. At the very least that would be if I got my way in this ideal fantasy.

Perhaps you need to have had a job for some time to understand how bad it is. I don't see any harm in joining the police force though. After all, you can quit at any time. It might give you perspective on how no matter how bad things are, they can always be worse.

You might also find that boredom is pretty low down in the hierarchy of negative emotions. But maybe it's more than boredom that you are feeling now. From a young age until they leave the education system, people have work ethic impressed on them. People are meant to feel bad in our situation, because it is convenient for society. Tie a dog up in one place for years, then when you remove the rope he will stay. Mental constraints can be as effective as physical constraints, and they're cheaper.

I think contributing to an open source project might deal with both your boredom and need for work. All without the suffering that comes from a regular job.

>What are some good things you can say about yourself?
I'm willing to change negative things about myself and I think of myself as (relatively) kind and giving.

>Anything you wanna change with yourself and how?
I'm paranoid, insecure, anxious, depressed, have a narcissistic streak, am lazy, am unwilling to put myself in new situations and worst of all, I'm a defeatist. I can change these by not being such an awful human being.

It just takes practice. Changing is the hardest thing of all I think.

>>19489
You can do it.

I keep to myself, thats about it.

Too bloody fucking anxious.

>>19461
>>19460
god fugin damnit we all have the same kinds of personnalities holy

>>19685
That's what happens when you have a website that caters to a super niche group of people

Well, I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol. That's an objective positive, right?

I'm not sure I would change anything. My mind has convinced me that everything I think, say, or do is the most perfect and correct way, and that everything else is garbage to be ignored. Maybe it's delusion, but it keeps me happy.

I can endure suffering
I can resist temptation
I have elaborate amazing ideas
I wish I could implement any of them

>>19460
> This hasn't paid off so far but I hope it will in the future.

All my troubles in life step from this, you get told proper behavior, and then you do it, and it turns out its not realistic, because no one does it, especially not the people who tell you to. Every generation it gets more severe, parents did X, children of X aren't allowed to do it, the next generation gets told something else they aren't supposed to do. As it turns out if you do what you are told is right you miss all social milestones and become incompatible with everyone else who did "bad stuff." It makes me made that successful people tell others not to do X because it will ruin your future, when they did those same things and have a successful life. I view this as a tactic to sabotage other people so that they can't become competitors in the mating game.

I admit my faults and errors, no matter how painful or shameful it can be. I was not always like this though, I reached this state coming from 22 years of misery, and although I have yet to put in practice what ive learned im confident im in the right track.

I'm caring and empathetic despite being the textbook example of an outcast.

I try.