I just finished reading a manga and feel heavily depressed suddenly. I have depressions anyway, but they are pretty bad now. It was a very lighthearted manga overall, but I think that was the reason why I ended up more depressed instead being happy. The characters where all bros without being shounen-tier cheesy, they all had fun and while reading it I felt like I was with them. After the manga ended I just realised how shitty the real world ist. It was like I got kicked out of the 2d world an get thrown to the cold, harsh reality again. I shouldn't even be complaining, I have two good friends and a family that still supports me even though im a NEET currently. I still feel like shit every day, I really don't want to be part of the society, I don't want to live just to go to work and pretend I like all the people I meet there. Even when I have fun with my very few friends I always think it's all meaningless because eventually I end up alone anyway.

I had a very very good friend a year ago. We were friends for well over 5 years, we did everything together and I really felt happy when I was together with him. I should mention here that were both guys, so im talking about a "bro" here. No homo I really "accepted" him (I always had a hard time to fully trust people) and he felt like a part of my life. Well, someday he started to work again (were were both around 25 at that time) and he met a few people there. That was the time were he began to change to the worse. Someday he said I was a "bad influence" to him and he even kicked me out of his friend list in steam a bit later. I think that left a scar somehow and just proved that you cant trust people. I guess this is also one of the reasons why that manga really let me feel like shit right now. I hate this world but at the same time just want to be happy with a few good friends, joking around and be there for each other. It's just that people in this world aren't so perfect and stereotypical. They change over time, which is something I didnt do over all these 5 years. He did though, and now im alone.

Damn, that feels and reads like shit a 14 year old would write, but thats how I feel right now somehow. Sorry for that wall of text, /so/, but I think it is fitting since im lonely and all. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. All my days are basically in front of my monitor, wishing for good friends but at the same time being unable to trust people in this world and always comparing them to characters from some manga just to realize they are pretty boring. Guess you could compare me Shoya Ishida out of koe no katachi in that regard. So instead I flee to the 2d world, immersing me to the point I think im part of it just to end up in the real world again and being even more depressed. Damn.

Well, I don't know what to write anymore, but at least I feel a bit better now after writing all that out. I don't even expect someone to read all that stuff. I wish everyone here a good day (or evening).