You know, I remember a few years ago when I felt like this. I don't want to make this into a blog, so I'll just say a thing or two.
People like us are fundamentally honest people, and it kills our souls to have to lie. We do it anyway, mostly out of shame, anxiety and/or obligation. Listen. What you need to do is start telling the truth. I never thought I would ever pull myself out of the rut I was in, but I find that even these days I can barely stand to lie. It's okay to hate everything, what you feel is natural and it comes from somewhere. Somewhere valid and genuine. What other people think doesn't matter. The people who make up society are the sick ones. Other people aren't all bad, but there are certain behaviours, certain people and certain factors in our social sphere of thought which are driving western civilization into the ground. I guess that would be more my concern than most of yours, living in the west myself.
But listen, it's people like you that are the good ones in this world. No, you're not perfect, but you pay attention and are sensitive. It's just that something happened, and the wound is festering badly. Life is worth living, I can promise you that. The enemy of the best, is the good.
Anyway, good life to you. I don't post here much anymore as it is.
Realizing who is behind everything has shut me down from any feeling of being productive, but knowing they are losing influence has stopped me from killing myself.
What is going on here?