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14869 No. 14869 [Edit]
ITT: parenting.

Do you think your parents are responsible for the way you turned out? I'm convinced they are and I'd like to hear your opinions on this. Mine have always been very protective and even today they still try to intrude on my every day life. For example, for the past few weeks my mom has trying to force me to go on a vacation with her, and I'm having a hard time weaseling my way out of it, since she knows how many friends I have (0), my work hours, and my college schedule. She knows I have no excuses.

Isn't it awful when someone makes decisions for you? Doesn't this have a negative effect on children as they grow up?

It took me a while, but I realized why she won't take no for an answer. She doesn't want to leave me alone. She doesn't see me as an adult (no one in this family does) and thinks I can't take care of myself. And she doesn't even have the courage to say it.

Last time this happened I was 17, she had to leave for a week while my sister was away in summer camp. As soon as I overhead her talking to some relatives on the phone looking for someone to take care of me, I begged her to leave me alone and told her she was making me feel offended. She pretended to agree with me and hanged up. I kept asking her for the next couple days if she really intended to leave me alone, and she'd always say yes. She even left me a recipe book, a paper note with some numbers I could call in case of a emergency and a couple other things to sound more convincing. Guess what, a few hours before leaving for the airport, she goes out "to get some groceries" and drop off a retired relative at the door.

She's always been like this... she made me change schools on a whim 4 or 5 times because she'd get into arguments with my teachers. I don't even know. Back when I was about to finish middle school she asked me which highschool I wanted to attend (there are several in my area) I looked and did some research and picked one that looked great, but she didn't like it and tried to convince me to attend one she had picked out for me. I refused so she pretended to sign me up at the one I wanted just to calm me down, and I only found out a couple weeks before summer vacation was over.

Let's go further back... summer camp 1999
"Mom why do I have to get dressed? It's summer I don't have to go to school"
"Mom what's with that bus out front?"
"I'm going WHERE?"

Don't let children make decisions on their own, and then get angry at them for turning into shut ins... some people shouldn't be allowed to have children. I can't believe you need a permit to own a gun and a license to drive a car but not to reproduce.
>> No. 14875 [Edit]
Gee, if you weren't exaggerating or lying, your mom sounds like a douche.

In my case, I blame my mother for showing no interest in my studies. It's a strange case. It's not exactly like she ignored it... let me explain:

She paid for an hour a week of maths and 1.5 of english, but otherwise, she didn't care.

She almost never paid for textbooks, I mostly had to use the ones that my three year older sister used, most of times they were different so I couldn't do much homework because the exercises were different than in the current version. She was unwilling to buy a lot of school material, I had to use like three 80 page notebooks for a WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL YEAR. For ALL classes. She almost never felt like giving me the money for buying pens, rulers, etc... and she didn't want to buy me a scientific calculator. She said: "if it's more than 15 euros don't buy it" What a joke. I had to pay it with my own money, and I only managed to get those shitty ones without the natural display. And no, we weren't poor. In fact, our house was big for our city, my mom went to the gym, we traveled often, most of my family members used Apple products (I didn't, of course), etc.

My mother was also a nasty person, she screamed very easily, she was agressive, (seriously, I once remember that she started hitting me in 6th grade because I didn't go to school with sport shoes, I went with *regular* shoes. Asshole.)

And she also did nothing about my sister. My sister was terrible. She bullied the fuck out me. Bullying that happens at home. And I'm not talking about two brothers who dislike each other, that girl did truly cruel things that I'll never forget, she's probably the source of my low self-esteem. And my parents did NOTHING about it. Once when I was 10 they found me crying with my face full of blood because my sister hit (I called her a bitch multiple times because she was making fun of me) me and what did they do? They said "you guys could have lost an eye or something like that". Yeah. No punishment or anything.
>> No. 14876 [Edit]
Oh gee, now that I read it, that post looks more like a rant about my oka-san than what OP asked. Sorry.
>> No. 14878 [Edit]
Do I hate one of my parents for being unsupportive and abusive? Absolutely. Problem is just flinging blame doesn't do much. At some point you have to take responsibility even though it may be comparatively harder to crawl out of the deeper hole they dug for you. Breaking away and doing my own thing was the best decision I made and only way to survive in the long run.
>> No. 14879 [Edit]
I never really suffered abuse nor neglect at the hands of my parents, in fact I had a pretty normal upbringing despite never fully connecting with my father as my brother and sister did. He worked for this prestigious law firm and was often home late which meant I hardly ever got the chance to bond with him properly. Even on weekends he was always busy with other things like church since we were a religious family. I'm sure he never meant it but he'd always act somewhat distant towards me, seemingly disinterested in whatever I was doing and rarely talk with me. I guess that has left a lasting impression on me.

Funnily enough as I get older - I find myself displaying almost the same mannerisms and attitude that my father has as we're both quite solitary, especially in the pursuit of our hobbies.
>> No. 14881 [Edit]
I know how you feel, my parents would always waste money on vacations, laptops, cleaning ladies and expensive food instead of cooking, but would always refuse to give me any cash and then they'd get mad at me whenever I lost a pencil or pen at school. I kept telling them it'd be cheaper to cook and clean the house ourselves but they'd respond with the usual insults, "You don't know anything, you're too young" it's funny because after I finished HS and started spending more time at home they got rid of the maids since I get nearly all the work done by myself.

Sometimes they'd force me to go on vacation with them to places like Paris or Rome and saying something like "can't we just save the money instead, or at least go somewhere cheaper?" would make them go ballistic and call me an ungrateful brat.

To think of all the money they've wasted... I could have gone to a expensive private school, or they could have bought a second apartment and rented it out for extra $$. Just throwing some ideas out there.

Some people don't know how to spend/save money I guess. The other day a economist was on TV talking about the eurozone crisis. I said that it'd be nice if they put a maximum salary of 1,000 euro on public servants because it'd help pay off the debt. My parents laughed. "Who the fuck can live on 1,000 euro a month?" They're that stupid
>> No. 14891 [Edit]
They pretty much let me do whatever I want. I want to blame them and often I do, but at the core of it I just know its my own shitty personality and outlook which has caused the problems I have.

Would I have turned out better if they monitored me and cared for me closer? Yeah, definately. Its a parent's obligation to help their children, but to what extent? They don't have to do EVERYTHING THEY CAN for the child's wellbeing. They helped me financially but never emotionally, but they weren't abusive either, and thats really all I can ask for.
>> No. 14909 [Edit]
they think they are, but to be honest it would only be their fault if i had tried and still failed.

i'm not sure if i can blame my complete lack of social intelligence on genetics?
>> No. 14915 [Edit]
>Do you think your parents are responsible for the way you turned out?
Not at all, I don't have any tales of abuse to tell.
I am responsible, but I don't care. Indeed, probably because I don't care.
>> No. 14922 [Edit]
My father was emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abusive; my late mother was somewhat delusional, but I was much more closer to her.

It turns out that Hitler sort of had parents like that. Oh well.

I don't hate either one, but it is still difficult to get along with my father now that my mother is dead.
>> No. 14927 [Edit]
I blame them for letting me drop out before the legal age. Other than that my problems are all my own.

They also could have been doing some serious drugs while making me.
>> No. 14928 [Edit]
I blame them for bringing me into this world without my permission.

They still seem to think like I owe them something for existing, and that I'm getting more out of it than they are.
>> No. 14930 [Edit]
If you didn't want to be brought into this word you shouldn't have swam your way into that egg and let one of the billion other sperm go for it.
>> No. 14931 [Edit]
Even so, it's not my fault my parents are fuckheads who couldn't get their shit together before really thinking about having 3 children.
>> No. 14933 [Edit]
Thats a problem with a lot of people these days who don't plan for parenthood and really have no business raising a child.
>> No. 14941 [Edit]
In terms of genetics, definitely. Bipolar disorder, diabetes, cancer, mysterious pain disorders... all such wonderful gifts running in the family. Maybe the way they treated me is why I'm such a lazy, apathetic person, I don't know. Maybe it's just the way I am.

>I blame them for bringing me into this world without my permission.
I can never drop this line of thought. They didn't even mean to, I'm an accident!
>> No. 14943 [Edit]
This. Ironically we were all initially winners by a large margin. It wouldn't be totally unfounded for parents to think you were one of the better candidates that could have been spawned. Unintentional (aka non-inbred) birth defects are the odd exception, not the norm.

Everything is not about what the child wants or thinks he/she is entitled to. To think so is rather naive and arrogant. Parents are understandably in it for their own gains as well - especially the less privileged. You are the solution to THEIR problems. You are their loyal helping hand on the farm, retirement pension, ticket out of poverty or whatever. Even if you're born into a wealthy family, you could easily be expected to develop a certain way and take over the family business.
>> No. 14947 [Edit]
They have no right whatsoever to birth you into existence. The fact that they did so without your consent means they owe you.

People who aren't ready to give up on their personal life and devote everything to their child shouldn't be allowed to have children.
>> No. 14949 [Edit]
>They have no right whatsoever to birth you into existence.
Maybe you should sue your parents for giving birth to you.
>> No. 14950 [Edit]
That's just ridiculous. Unborn sacks of cells with a future yet to be written have no say in the matter. There's millions of sperm and absolutely no way to be sure who's coming out. It might very well be a less entitled and bratty person who lifts their family out of poverty - another for the rags to riches stories. Reciprocity is and will remain a cornerstone of human society along with the related, practical reasons to have children.
>> No. 14951 [Edit]
That would be an interesting case if he's looking to be euthanized and being prevented whether financially or legally from doing so. State stands a high chance of getting involved and maybe he'll get a voucher for one of those Swiss suicide hotels. Any attachment to life would sink the case quick though.
>> No. 15346 [Edit]
You're welcome to kill yourself at any time.
>> No. 15406 [Edit]
I don't know what's worse - that your sister was terrible or that your parents didn't stop her from being so cruel.
>> No. 15408 [Edit]
I don't want to blame my mother because it's not her fault. She was just incredibly unlucky, but her bad luck has also caused her to ruin my life.

Many many years ago she had a severe injury and she has never, and will never, fully recover. She can't work, can barely leave the house. Can barely walk across a room, even. Using money from the government she raised my brother, sister, and myself. She always told us to never leave her, she wanted us to stay together. We all agreed.

First thing my brother and sister did when they turned 18 was got the hell out. Of course they would. Who would trap themselves there? Besides, they could shoulder it off onto me, who was only 14 at the time. I couldn't just leave.

Ever since I was 14, she has told me that if I leave her, or even try to put her in a home, she will kill herself. If I could just turn cold hearted this would be no problem, but I'm emotional and succumbed to her emotional blackmail and have stayed with her well into my adulthood. Never went to school, never got a real job. All those years wasted just because I didn't want to push her over the edge.

And now she gets less money from the government, so I have to help pay for bills. Even if I left, and she actually didn't suicide, I would still have to help pay for her bills. Nobody else will.

Like I said, it really isn't her fault, she never asked for this. But in all that time that other people would be going to school and getting ahead in the workplace and forming friendships, I was stuck with her, taking care of her and making sure she didn't die. I can never catch up to them, I am screwed for life. I mostly hate my brother and sister for completely abandoning me to do this by myself, while they went out to have actual lives. Sister is now married and rich and of course doesn't even talk to us. Brother is basically a bum with a kid he can't even afford to feed. Fuck him and his stupid kid.
>> No. 15412 [Edit]
If you want to rationalize it a bit you can think that you owe the government and your society as much as you owe your mum. They were kinda like a 'parent' since they're the ones cutting you a check and not requiring you to work your ass off for it. Make your other parent proud and become a good civil servant. Of course this may sound totally stupid. Oh well. Either way you should start thinking of an escape plan that'll allow you to physically and mentally cope. Parents who truly love their kids would never try to drag them down or stop them from making their own place in the world.
>> No. 15415 [Edit]
I think that you might be taking what you have for granted. I mean, sure dealing with your mom might be difficult, but it might be better than anything you'll find outside of your current life.

As for your sister, she just spread her legs for some guy with money. Guys can't do the same, or at least not with the same success, but what she did requires no luck or skill and is how most bitch pigs get through life.

Living a "life" isn't "freedom". You'll still be obligated to do something for the rest of your life, even if it isn't living with your mother, it'll be working for every single day of your life with people you'll probably hate, doing something that you hate.

"Friendship" is a waste. Most of the time you'll end up with leeches who only want things from you until they either get bored of you or figure out that you're not worth the time or effort to care about. I don't mean to say that it's always like that, but a big percentage of the time it's like that.

I might be a little overly negative, but I can say without a doubt that life really sucks and is very difficult.
>> No. 15416 [Edit]
>but it might be better than anything you'll find outside of your current life.
At a certain point your life gets so shitty that you'll be able to muster up the courage to roll the dice and try for something better if you can help it. Just depends how shitty it is. Even the risk averse snap at some point.
>> No. 15418 [Edit]
I'm in the same situation. I've had to support my mother for three years now. She's tried to kill herself a couple of times and everyone else in the family has sort of dumped her on me.

I've convinced myself to abandon her. I can't give her any more of my life to support an unproductive waste of a human being. But it's too be seen if I can go through with that in a couple of months..

Is it a waste? You're saying nothing is better but what is worth having in life if not experience? If you're being held back it's not worth it.
>> No. 15435 [Edit]
I'm also in kinda the same situation except she gets no money from the government and so I have to go out and work/college (big city). But no dating, no going out with friends. She's a NEET and I can't afford to break down.

I don't know how to feel. I watched this old, shitty ass drama where this girl lets her dad die in the hospital so that she can move on with her life. She does, her dad's rich boss takes pity on her and she goes off to college and becomes the villian character to the MC, stealing her boyfriend and sabotaging her career. I cried so much at that scene, and even when she went on to do bitchy stuff near the end I couldn't help but understand what she was doing.

I feel pissed that I'm just waiting for my mother to die but I don't have the guts to do anything.
>> No. 15452 [Edit]
My mom decided to have me at 35. I am permanently crippled with autism as a result. Fuck, she had my brother at 38! Big surprise, he is more crippled by autism than I am. What was she thinking? Both me and my brother are shut-ins, we've never brought home friends or 3DPDs, never had any skills to support ourselves, never experienced life.

My mom always talks about the good times she had while young, my dad tells me "value your youth, you will miss it when you're old like me." They don't seem to be aware that I'll never have a youth because of what THEY did. I wonder if they are embarrassed and ashamed of how we turned out? I hope so.
>> No. 15453 [Edit]
I'm sorry but... what does their age have to do with your problems?
>> No. 15454 [Edit]
The older a person is when they have a child, the more likely that child is to have some sort of disorder or disability.
>> No. 15455 [Edit]
According to the graph on page 9 an age of 35 would have one of the lower rates of cognitive disability.
>> No. 15456 [Edit]
It's hilarious when your parents expect you to have the exact same mindset as them when you obviously have numerous things wrong with you.

I wish I could afford an apartment on neetbux.
>> No. 15457 [Edit]

Well, I guess I was wrong. I'm just unlucky instead.
>> No. 15458 [Edit]
You have autism becuase your parents waited till they were 35 to have you? Thats one of the most ridiculous things I heard in my years on this website. If that were true it would be common knowledge by now, that and half the planet would be autistic. You honestly expect everyone to pump out kids while still in their 20s? I might not know you or your faimly but from your first post it sounds to me like you're trying reeeally hard to blame your parents for your own problems.
>> No. 15459 [Edit]
My mom had me at 40 and I've never been called autistic.
I have absolutely no idea if what that guy said is true. The keyword in the post you're quoting is "more likely", which may be statistically true, but not enough to blame your parents for deciding to have you a little late in life.
>> No. 15465 [Edit]
Most of the world's population was born to young mothers. It's only in the decadent West that mothers wait until their late 30s/early 40s to have children. Having children at that age is like drinking milk past its use by date. Everything might turn out fine, but it's risky and stupid.
>> No. 15466 [Edit]
I know it's way easier being ignorant, but try some of these:






Each of the links is about a different study.
>> No. 15469 [Edit]
Isn't it a widely known rule of thumb that the older the mother, the more likely that the kids will be born with some kind of mental issue like downs or something?
>> No. 15471 [Edit]
No. Isn't it a widely known rule of thumb that the recent booming outbreak of mental issues such as autism are just a big hoax perpetuated by hypochondriacs and lazy teens looking to defraud the welfare system?
>> No. 15480 [Edit]

If it wasn't for my parents who exaggerated my weirdness and had an overall lack of acceptance of me, I probably wouldn't have been misdiagnosed as being autistic, so I think you are onto something.
>> No. 15485 [Edit]
I'm not a doctor but I read a study once on how the human body picks up a lot of "baggage" as we get older like iron and stuff and that these cause deformities and mutations on children, I wonder if there was any truth to it. It would certainly explain a lot of things.
>> No. 15486 [Edit]
There are still clear mental illnesses like Down's in particular it's been observed that the chances of being born with it increases with the mother's age. Is that and the extra chromasome a bullshit fake disorder?

>> No. 15489 [Edit]
Don't give me that shit. Anyone who has been on imageboards or forums for more than a week knows there are plenty of people who fake having autism/ass burgers to get easy money. Also I didn't say anything about Down's.
seriously, google "autismbux" if you're really that ignorant.

Post edited on 19th Jul 2013, 4:57pm
>> No. 15490 [Edit]
You're being the ignorant asshat here. I specifically referred TO Trisomy 21 (Down's) in my original post. That is to say, the serious types of disorders you wouldn't get very far contesting as being 'totally made up bullshit'. Trisomy 13 and 18 are others which also become more like with older mothers. The grotesque physical deformation and mental retardation are clear. Hell most don't even survive their first year.
>> No. 15495 [Edit]
I blame my father for making me apathetic to everything, he never encouraged me or told me I was doing something good, always criticized, so I stopped caring and he did the same with me.

He's a shit human being, cheating on my mother, workaholic and compulsive liar, I think this is why I don't like other people.
>> No. 15502 [Edit]
Indeed... many people succeed IN SPITE of their parents and upbringing. Not because of it.
>> No. 15506 [Edit]
I don't think parents necessarily have anymore sway in your development then friends/enemies/family/fictional characters. I suppose quality(emotional intensity) and quantity of time is important for an individual to influence you.

Other then that I don't think parents should be considered a major factor in it.
>> No. 15511 [Edit]
but parents determine your genes and are with you for the beginning of your life, even if they abandon you that will be the most significant event in your life. Who you are is almost entirely defined within the first years of your life by your environment and your parents by far have the biggest impact. It's fine if you want to believe that your parents had little impact but that's simply your delusion
>> No. 15514 [Edit]
In that case if they didn't abandon you that would be the most significant part of your life too. Which is like pretty much saying the early an event happened in your life the more significant it is. Which you could even extend back further to the beginning of all time being the biggest influence on your life. You are also not accounting for stray high energy particles that wedged itself in your moms uterus, that caused some mutation. Not to mention the whole question "when does life begin?"

But honestly arguing "what ifs" is dumb, parents have an unknown amount of influence. As does everything else.
>> No. 15522 [Edit]

I second this. I have an MA in Experimental Psychology and they taught us things like this.
>> No. 15524 [Edit]
>I suppose quality(emotional intensity) and quantity of time is important for an individual to influence you.
Your parents tend to have the highest scores in both of those categories that you raised. Could you have been raised by your grandparents or aunt instead after being abandoned by your parents? Sure but would you honestly argue those scenarios are the norm? Besides spending the most important times with you when you are a kid and starting to develop your personality, there's of course also the genes parents gave you. I agree there are cases where someone/something else may have had a bigger influence on you than your parents. Certainly. But I wouldn't go as far as to dismiss parents as just 'a factor' and not one of the top if not strongest. Technically some random person you had 10 seconds worth of small talk with is eligible to be on the list of 'factors' in the person you turn out to be. The real question is how high up do they rank and are there factors that on average rank the highest?

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