I'm not particularly lonely but I do want a online friendship. Something like Takumi and Grim's friendship from chaos;head maybe have a threeway thing going on. Mainly just sharing links and talking about preferences and stuff

I feel like i'm not doing enough.

I should be spending more time practicing and exercising

I should be spending more time on my school work

I should be spending more time engaged in higher learning.


But I spend the majority of my time arguing with people on the internet and playing video games.

I feel that I have to get away from my mother. She makes a ton of stupid decisions and then for some reason depends on me to somehow deal with it or thinks that everything is okay because everything I say is wrong and because she's decided to label me the "retard". I understand that there are times when she can't deal with the things I have to say, no matter how honest and blunt it may be, doing stupid shit like letting her other fat piece of failure shitspawn make my life worse. Sure that fat cock sucker doesn't have a place to live, but it shouldn't be here, especially with the whole stealing from me and her thing that that shit eater has done. My mother may be the "retarded" one for putting faith and trust into this thieving shit stain. To make it worse, the fat fuck has his friend stay with him. The cum guzzling retard is only with the fat fucker because he ended up knocking up some 3DPD and doesn't want to take responsibility for it. My mother is okay with all of this and doesn't mind both of these shits staying here eating my peanut butter and other foods that I like.

As you probably could tell, I am a very angry individual with a very big anger problem. I've been trying to keep it down, but I believe that one day I will pick up a hammer and bash their skulls in while they sleep. The world doesn't need this shit, but the world will do it's damnedest to protect them and ensure that I pay for killing these 'precious' people.

It's just one of the reasons why I hate this world. One of the reasons I believe I should die so that I don't have to deal with one of these problems any more. I mean, sure, there are other problems, like me not being able to do anything with my life and not being able of achieving anything with it, but this really gets serious when normals invade my home and try to take the things I like away from me. Well, I'm starting to feel like I can hardly call it my home any more, anyway.

psychosis is no fun.

I have no friends irl or online and haven't had a conversation with someone other than my mother in years. Sad thing is, I actually had a few friends in high school but I moved far away from school (that I anyways dropped out of) and lost all of them.

I spend at least 14 hours on the internet daily and yet I've never made one friend. I want to close my eyes and just dream forever. ;_;

I feel like such a failure.
I wish I had artistic and collaborative friends in real life.
I really hope there is an afterlife when I die because this life I lived was such a waste.

Everything I make, I hate.

>>13926
I think this is a pretty common condition. Lacking motivation, spending too much time on escapes. It may be a sign of depression, or really any number of other mental health issues. Though it's not severe, you might still benefit from talking to a therapist; if it's an option for you, do consider it.

>>13927
This might sound stupid or cliche but there are probably self-help books you could read that would help you get some perspective on what you're going through. Not just for anger issues, but also for the dependency you experience with your mother. Unfortunately I don't know of any, but I'm sure a quick google search could point you in the direction of some well regarded ones. Just a thought.

>>13929
>I want to close my eyes and just dream forever. ;_;
I know exactly what you mean. And I wish I could offer you some advice on making meaningful connections with other people but it would be a case of the blind leading the blind.

>>13932
Hope for an afterlife if you want, but live as if there isn't one. What's stopping you from seeking what you want in this life?

These days I just can't relate to others. I understand other people well enough, I think, but it seems as though no one understands me. I read through the posts on r9k and other imageboards, and where I used to feel a definite sense of kinship or commonality I now feel very little. I don't know if it's that no one else is in the same place I am, or if where I am is a place from which one simply doesn't experience such a thing. Maybe both. I've given up trying to explain the peculiarities of my schizoid/avoidant personality, because either words just won't do it justice or it's so much a part of me now that I can't adequately externalize it. It's just something I live with now. By myself. Never talking about it to anyone. Never even trying to "open up."

>>13938
Same here. I want to go on here or somewhere on the internet and talk about my life and get it all out but I feel like it's all in vain in no one can "get me". Besides, if I go down that path, there's nothing different between me and those disgusting drama "depressed" women who constantly complain about shit.

It's just better this way I guess.

>>13938
>>13941
Yeah I know what you both mean my problems are extremely personal and specific. I don't expect anyone to understand them and I can't talk about them with anyone. I don't feel a belonging to anywhere but in a way that sets me free because I can go anywhere feeling an equal amount of rejection.

This may seem like a really pathetic thing to be one of the top things I hate about my life that I can't control but one of them is the general climate of where I live. It's killing me the way it's so cold a majority of the year, the older I get the more dependent on a connection to nature to feel happy because nothing else is satisfying me besides the pleasure of food and drugs. Every year it's getting harder and harder to cope with like when it all goes downhill in October. I put up a good fight with all my strength even physically to take the uncomfortable days and nights. But after months of it I can't take it anymore, I'm fucking defeated and tortured by it with no escape, basically screaming and crying in my head for it to stop at some points. I can hardly stand anything under the mid 60's, so at the deepest point of Winter in January and February it's like a never ending nightmare. Staring out the window, frozen and uncomfortable with no hope. I can't enjoy anything completely, at most things I like give me slight comfort but the coldness and how lifeless everything is ruins it no matter where I am. Even enjoying things on the internet isn't as bright, nothing is. It's all just dull, painful, and cold. It constricts me both physically and mentally. I forget what freedom of movement feels like too since I get very twitchy and slow.

>>13941
>>13942
I hate to be the person who's just blathering on about his problems while others look on and just think he's whining about nothing. Expressing oneself and being misunderstood is worse than saying nothing at all.
But I also hate this pent up feeling like I'm keeping something inside of me and shouldering a particular burden that would be lessened if only there was someone I could talk with who understood it. What's more, it seems that in losing touch with others I've lost touch with a part of myself.

>>13950
I don't like to look like I'm whining about nothing to people either so that's why I usually keep to myself. No one can do anything about it anyways so it's useless.

I like to whine about insignificant stuff in /ot/, then blow it out of proportions to make myself seem spoiled and stuck up. I think that those qualities can be considered 'cute', if done in a certain way that isn't too annoying.

>>13955
How can whining about stuff be cute? Whining about my life here does help me blow off steam though.

>>13938
Communities have changed over time. A lot of online communities aren't the same crowd they were before. Chances are you can't relate anymore because there are so many different people in these places now.

>>13950
>>13942
I don't think it's complaining in specific that's the problem. Venting is very important and a good thing to do. I think the problem more so lies on where you place your focus. What kinds of thoughts eat up most of your time. When you're alone and have nothing much to do, it's easy to get lost in your own thoughts and over-analyze and worry about things. Doing this makes you more depressed, because you shift the focus onto yourself and yourself in your situation is obviously not something you want to think about if you aren't happy with yourself.

Depression preoccupies you with yourself too much. Your thoughts. How you feel. What you should be doing. What you're actually doing. But that's the thing, it's all thoughts related to "I" or "me". Skim the board, most posts are focused on the "I" of things. It perpetuates that you don't like your position in life and you're going to continue to overthink it.

Personally, I find that shifting focus off of myself and onto someone else or something else tends to take a huge load off my shoulders. Depressive feelings and episodes are a lot less intense that way. Vent when you need to - but keep it in check. When you break away from moderation it can actually backfire onto you - not because of how you appear to others, but the effect that it has on your mind. You get caught in the perpetual trap of focusing on the self. Laying in bed, thinking about all the things you hate about yourself is a one-way ticket to hell.

I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense, it's just something I've thought of lately, since I noticed even when I type, I have an excessive amount of "I"'s in what I say. And none of it is ever good.

>>13971
What you say does indeed make sense, but I do manage to avoid the trap of dwelling on one's miseries. If anything, I do it too well: I keep myself preoccupied with one meaningless pursuit or another and never even begin to process my emotions related to where I am in life or my limitations. Going to the other extreme can be bad for you too; repressing one's emotions denies one the chance to connect with others and generally builds stress.

I feel guilty and confused. I would be a NEET except that I have a good connection with someone who hooked me up and gave me a well-paying job where I don't even do much of anything. I don't deserve it. I feel worthless and useless. It's like I only got the job out of pity because they know I have issues. It's like if you see someone with down syndrome working in a grocery store, collecting the carts from the parking lot.

Shouldn't I be happy? This situation is good for me. Financial security and being able to live on my own without autismbux from the government. But I still feel terrible.

>>13981

If it makes you feel better I would kill to be in your position

>>13981
There's nothing wrong with that. There are people in this world who are the scumbags of society and they make a shitload of money screwing over others. I know it sounds stupid the way I put it, but hopefully you get the point.
You should be grateful and happy someone was willing to help you out. You haven't done anything wrong. They obviously wanted you to succeed. If they see you well off, I think they'll be happy too.

>>13981
I wish I was in your situation bro.

>>13981
I'm in the same situation...
my mom got me a desk job. I have good reasons to believe that unless I fuck up, I could keep this job for 30 or 40 years.

I know a lot of homeless and starving people out there would love to be in this position, but I still feel terrible and I don't even know why. When I was NEET I hated myself for not working and now that I job I hate myself for working. And I can't even kill myself because my mom would QQ.

>>14017
It's not like you can give them the job even if you wanted to, so stop worrying about it.

>>13981
>>14017
I'm happy for you guys. You shouldn't feel bad. If anything it's promising to know there are some good luck/circumstances for people with real problems. In school I met some people that had it all coming in to this world - genetics, wealthy/powerful family and friends set up with them from infancy. The thing was they were not one bit satisfied and wanted more. It's a general trend right? The rich getting richer, the powerful getting more powerful and not a single fuck is given to what happens to small fries. The fact that you guys appreciate your situation and feel some empathy already makes you leagues better than those pricks.

>>13995
Amen. I had to work for 2 years with some little shit stain of a teenager, who just so happened to be the managers son.

>>14017
>>13981
So long as you aren't some lazy, work allergic, ass-wipe that magically gets all their weekly absences forgiven and is hell bent to making your co-workers feel like they are back in some shitty highschool hierarchy, I'd say give yourself a pat on the back.

But wait! My story does have a happy ending.
He was transferred to another store as some assistant manager and ended up getting his ass handed to him by some upper management for his physical harassment of employees. I'd never been more happy at work the day I heard that news.

Haruhi, I fucking hate the outside world.

>>14119
I do, too.

My dad called me a baby in front of my mom, thinking I didn't hear him. It hurts.

>>14486
I can relate if you are referring to the traditional 'masculine' expectations for males. I'm from a long military family and a gung-ho attitude is entrenched. I didn't want a career in the forces but did my officer stint, sports and other brawling nonetheless. Now they just think I'm 'misguided' instead of 'cowardly pansy'. Good thing I have brothers to take up that path or else it'd be much worse.

>>14486
I know that feeling.

One day when I was 14 my dad got angry at me and said ``fuck Anon-kun, you're a teenager now, why are you playing with toy solders? Why do you watch chinese cartoons? Grow up.'' Fuck off oto-san, it's Gunpla, it's not a toy, it's a model kit, and it's anime not chinese cartoon.
But of course, he still complains about me always keeping in secret what I do in the computer; ``Hey Anon, you don't need to fear of being judged. We still don't know what you do in the computer all the time. Why do you always keep it in secret?'' Sometimes he gets really pissed off about it. Why is it such a big deal that I don't constantly share what I'm doing? Why don't you realize that being bullied by my sister has caused me low self-esteem, to the point that I'm not open about my hobbies anymore?

Gee, I sure hate people sometimes.

>>14488
Gender roles are the most fucked thing in the world. I'm 24 and my grandmother is asking when I'm planning on settling down and having some kids. What the fuck.

I sometimes wish e-sports would actually take off here in America to the point where it's more popular than pigskin.

Today I noticed how frail and old my parents are and then the thought hit me... "Soon I will have to cope with being truly alone."

>>14488
>>14498
It sucks when parents/family try to shove down rigid expectations and their own dreams onto you. Especially when they reject any reasonable alternatives or compromise. More annoying are the hypocrites. The forge your own path, take on the world speech one minute and then the you should comply with family and get X type of job, marry X type of girl and live X type of life rant the next.

>>14501

My parents are both in their late 50s and I'm pretty sure they're losing their minds, so I know this feeling all too well

I hate university so much. Its killing me. I have two things due tomorrow and I haven't even started them. I just can't bring myself to do anything and it makes me feel so guilty. I'm just wasting my time and every day I fall further and further behind and every day is worse than the last.

Going outside has started to become hard. Since of all the things I've read about social anxiety I feel like it's all in my head and I'm just faking it or something and I keep telling myself to snap out of it but I can't. About a hour before I leave my face starts to flush and it stays like that for a quite a while. Before I leave I stand right in front of my door for a few minutes hyping myself up that I can do this. I also hate walking past people. Even through I look down and away from them, I can still see them look at me when I pass.

I don't feel like I can continue like this from much longer. I just what all this to end. Everyday I think to myself "What if I just don't get out of bed today?" or "What if I just don't go to the lectures today?". It makes me hate myself. It feels inevitable that I'm not going to pass so why am I putting myself through this? But I don't know what else I can do. If I did drop out what could I do? Another factor that adds to me hating university is that all of this is leading to a job. It would be well paid but the four years of torture to get it isn't worth it. And since I hate the work I'm doing now, I can't see myself liking the job.

I thought about killing myself. The place I'm staying is on the 14th floor so if I jumped out the window I hope I'd die. The window only opens a few centimeters though so I would have to break it to actually get through it. But I don't really want I die. There are lots of thing I still want to do, but none of them involve university. It's all pointless shit like wanting to reading more VNs since I've spent so much time learning Japanese and things like that. But most of the day I don't even do that. I just spend hours browsing imageboards.

At least one thing I can be proud of is that I've lasted this long without completely giving up or killing myself.

>>14511
>I have two things due tomorrow and I haven't even started them.

Thats funny because thats the exact same situation I am in right now. It was three tasks this morning, but then I holed up in the university library for seven hours trying to get all three of them done (I could only finish one though). It should have only been maybe four hours, but it was seven because I did it at an extremely slow pace and I could hardly concentrate. I probably wouldn't have finshed if it wasn't for a scare where I thought I lost all my work (I had to dig up an autosave. Thank Haruhi for the autosave.)

The scare pissed me off greatly and somehow that overwhelmed my sense of procrastination and allowed me to charge through the rest of the work in 1.5 hours.

If its possible, try to get over your social anxiety enough and go to a library to study. You don't have to talk to anyone, just go to a quiet corner to study and ignore everyone around you. Don't allow yourself to look at disractions using the school internet. The focused environment will help you finish your work. Personally I know if I try to do things at home nothing gets done because I end up looking at distractions on the internet instead.

Anyway hope you feel better now.

>>14511
Wow, are you me? The part about what you want to do having nothing to do with university really hits home. Don't have anything I could say to help, but at least I can let you know you aren't alone.

>>14511
>I have two things due tomorrow and I haven't even started them.
This is the status quo for me with work now. I have a thermodynamics assignment due in 14 hours that was assigned four weeks ago; I haven't started it.
I have thought about suicide. To do it by train seems selfish, there are barriers on the tall bridge, roofs of office towers in town are generally secured.
So I think I could renew my old firearms licence and purchase something, then send a letter to a police station with my chosen location and do it immediately afterwards.
I can also relate to the imageboard complaint. I sleep 12-14 hours per day and in my waking hours I don't find time for hobbies. Anything but refreshing imageboards seems like too much effort. I procrastinate by sleeping, and I now actually 'procrastinate' on things I used to enjoy: things other people would do for fun. I write lists (games I should play, films I should watch, study I need to do) and never act on them. I feel tired constantly.

It's funny, isn't it? In your youth you watch people and wonder why they continue. Miserable specimens of humanity - "I would kill myself before I became that way", you think. But the years continue, and you are there. Not through any true cowardice or aversion to suicide, but due to the insidious nature of the decline. Like the frog in the slow pot* if it were he who set the pot to boil.

*I know it's a myth. Frogs supposedly jump out in reality.

>>14517
Well, I didn't finish the assignment. At least I started.

I think I have lost my true colors. I used to have my form that I maintained for 5 years straight. I feel like im betraying my form.
When I took up this path I swore to myself that I will not know of any regret. People told me that regret will definitely come.

I haven't regretted it yet, but I think I'm losing my way. I like going out on fresh air more and more, and I like to smile alot more.

I just want to keep my form, but is this how my life auto-corrects itself?

What should I do to maintain such an ideal?

>>14624
What is your form? Why does it deserve to be preserved? Why not be whatever form is adapted to life? Why not be the one which enjoys fresh air and smiles?

I don't have any childish illusions about heroic deaths. Nor do I think about suicide. But lately I've thought it might be nice if there was something I could give up my life for in order to benefit humanity.

I don't do anything to contribute to society, or arguably even any individual. I'm dead weight to everyone. And I don't even enjoy my life: my personality disorder ensures that. Life is increasingly just a matter of killing time in the least unpleasant way possible. I don't think too hard about purpose or meaning; I've long been content simply to take it a day at a time. But each day now is such a joyless affair, and wholly unproductive to boot. It's hard not to ask 'why.'

I'm taking two summer classes before starting the fall semester for an associate's degree in computer engineering. I regret it already and have been planning to drop out, but I already payed so I've decided to go through with the summer classes. I have a constant throbbing in my head and chest when I think about it.

Just had to type that out somewhere since I can't say it to anybody.

This will probably come out sounding wrong but here it goes...

Pretty much the only 'friend' I know stopped by and wanted to celebrate his college degree graduation.
I've felt distanced from him in the past but now I really wish he would quit hanging around me.
(I can't help thinking it probably gives him some smug sense of satisfaction to know an old, dropout, NEET, loser like me.)
Worse yet, my parents found out. Feels like now I can't even have a simple conversation without them hinting at or pressuring for me to re-enroll.
Fuck it, I just want to be left alone. Go disappear somewhere and never come back.

I know most of you don't exactly like social contact, but I have to get this off my chest. I believe I'm almost ready to finally end my life after 5-6 years of hiding depression and anxiety. Call me a Ford Driver, Ford Driver, whatever, but I don't want to die alone. Yeah, it's what it sounds like, a suicide pact. Proble m is, no one I know seems like they'd be in the same position as me emotionally, and I'm not going to reveal this to anyone. But I have no idea how to go about finding someone who might accompany me.

Sorry if this is against the rules. Delete it then. I don't really care to check right now.

>>14806
I'd be more then willing to talk to you man, if you want to talk about it.

>>14806
Most people are more against being in social groups or going to parties/clubs and being in 3D relationships. In my opinion the mentality of the person is the most important thing. Since it is very easy to find websites with similar people I think when you have a website like this where everybody agrees on certain things you should more or less keep it that way, and try to keep idiots out who have no good reason to be here. For example someone is a Ford Driver and says they are here for anime, there are thousands of other anime websites out there why pick the one website that hates Ford Drivers? This is getting way too meta though so I'll shut up.

Anyways I don't think you should kill yourself either, unless you are literally left with nothing in your life, nothing meaning no money no family no hope nothing. Escapism and other computer things can really help. Talking with people online helps (maybe try the tohno-chan IRC chat?) I understand as well as anybody how shitty this world is but the escapism stuff has really given me purpose in life and I want to try and help you if possible. Fantasy and imagination is the most amazing thing that exists.

Post edited on 13th May 2013, 1:22pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHyYUKnEIXU
This video made me feel better.

>>14831
Definitely agree with only going for something practical and in-demand if you're in it for finding a well-paying job when you graduate. That should be pretty self-evident IMO. However, everyone and their dog has a post-secondary degree now. You pretty much need 'something' after HS to be competitive even in menial positions now. The coffee shop and fast food place I sometimes frequent are virtually all college grad staff.

>>14831
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a124EIWjlog

This video made me feel better.

I've been seriously considering getting into the Forex exchange market as a way to make money and eventually start living on my own as a NEET.

>>14842
Good luck. I'd recommend not making a strategy and focusing things around a short time horizon though. No way anyone can regularly win against HFTs in those times.

I have to go back to uni next semester. Not looking forward to it... I'm supposed to be on break, but the stress is still lingering with me. Taking 15 credits was way above my limit, although my parents convinced me otherwise that it's completely normal. Fuck my work ethic.

On a side note, how the fuck does one fall and stay asleep? Ever since I stopped my medication, I've been getting two hours of sleep a night for about a year now. It's driving me crazy. I have a schedule before going to sleep and all that jazz, but I wake up 2-3 hours later.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to take a shitload of sleeping pills and sleep for several days. I hate depending on medication that messes with neurochemicals, though.

If I could just get some sleep, I think my life would be ten times better...

My mother keeps trying to cornhole me into going on this shitty trip for her selfish reasons. I already know that I won't have internet for 2 months if I agree to her stupid shit. I can't relax with those circumstances and I won't feel good at all during that time because I'll be in some stranger's house with very limited modes of entertainment. I don't want to piss away those two months doing that when I could piss them away in my room with my internet and my games.

I don't know why I have to do this. Even though it's a small part of it, I don't want to have to visit my grandparents. Those two weeks out of the entire time is too much alone and I will hate every single second of it. Aside from that, I really don't care about those people. I haven't seen them since I was 5 and I don't want to go out of my way to spend two weeks meeting people I don't need to see.

Aside from that, I also have to deal with the airport. The airport is one the worst shitholes for a person like me since I'm overly paranoid and don't want to have to take off my shoes and shit just to get on some plane. I don't want to hand my things to some sack of shit that may try to steal my things. I don't want to have to wait in a line to get checked my security. Fucking hell, I don't want people to see me period.

I just want to stay in my room until I die. Why am I not allowed that? Why does my bitch of a mother keep trying to force me to do shit like this? I don't want to go outside. I don't want to meet anybody. I just want to play video games until I die. I don't like much in this world. I don't want to do much in this world. I don't like this world at all and don't want to have anything to do with it.

Just thinking about the whole thing makes me nervous and really bothers me. It's like I have no choice in what to do despite knowing that the whole thing is going to be terrible. I can't enjoy anything in those areas. I just want to stay on the internet and play games while staying in my room. I can't get that over there and these stupid, empty promises that my mother makes just makes me angry because she won't stop lying about what is and what isn't possible. There's a point where all of this "pet retard" shit just goes too far and it's getting there.

I think that killing myself is probably a better alternative than going through all of this shit.

Connection. Understanding. Emotional intimacy. The avoidance of these is the defining feature of my life. My life is untenable. I have to change. I don't know where to begin. Where do I seek these things? Their pursuit is alien to me. Interacting with others I merely socialize, never connect.

I fucked up. I stopped going to class a couple of weeks ago, after doing all of my homework and papers. I am skipping finals now. I didn't get in touch with my professors. This was supposed to be my last semester.

I was in my bed looking at pictures on this phone I recently got after using the same one for as long as I can remember when I noticed a crack on its screen. The phone slipped off my hands earlier this evening and fell to the floor. I'm feeling like a miserable piece of shit. And I know it will happen whenever I notice or feel the crack on the touch screen.

>>14967
You can always replace the screen on your own if the cracks are bothering you. Buy a screen from online, open your phone, and plug in the new part. It's almost laughably simple---I used to be really afraid of opening electronics.

Does anyone have a pet?

I had a dog. He died two weeks ago in the middle of the night, right by my side. I was on sleeping pills, but I heard him dying. I think I just shoved him and pet him and went to sleep. I really regret not cleaning him up before taking him to the hospital (cremation). But I really couldn't touch him, he was cold. But I did pet him. Here the city tells you to throw out dead animals in a bag with a tag on them.

That weekend my mother wants to get another dog, so we get a puppy. The next week we get another one. So now I have two puppies, and they are really cute and perfect. They don't bark or make a mess. I don't let them on my bed. I groom, feed them and play with them. But I can't keep them around me for more than twenty minutes without my boredom getting to the point where I just have to walk out and play a VN.

Anyway my point is that a dog is great. They are warm, they adore you, and they keep you from suicide. I was really worried about what to do about my dog, but he did me a big favor. Dogs are wonderful.

>>14969
I think I would like to try owning a dog. I'm too lazy to take it for walks and stuff, though...

I used to like cats, but not anymore. One second they're acting cute and enjoying a belly-rub, the next they're clawing me to pieces or chomping into my hand. A shame I can't resist petting them.

>>14972
If a cat gives you the claw for doing something, then it's probably something you shouldn't be doing, at least to that particular cat. Rubbing a cat's belly is a common catalyst for cat attacks and I would recommend observing if the cat's getting a bit too excited, and being ready to pull out your hand to dodge when it strikes.

Virtually 100% of cat attacks resulting from direct input can be avoided by engaging in a process known as learning and not doing the thing that gets you clawed.

>>14972
you could always get like a pet rat or something
they require even less maintenance then a cat, take care of themselves & are very friendly

>>14974
The thing is, it always seems to come out of nowhere. For days leading up to that point the cat will love the same thing, then the next time I do it, it swipes at me. It's not like it's playfighting, either. Full on hissing and screaming.

>>14976
Good idea, but I think I would like a lizard. They're cute.

Post edited on 26th May 2013, 11:28pm

I'd rather have a dog than a cat. I already with too many catty, temperamental people. What I want is a dog, fiercely loyal, always eager to have fun, always there for you.

>>14979
Same, cats are jerks.

>>14969
>They ... keep you from suicide.
True, but I often wonder if that is necessarily a good thing.

>>14978
Sounds like the cat in question is something of a deviant. Most cats I've seen haven't been volatile like that - even the meaner ones that're extracted from the wild as adults were usually consistently hostile, not sporadically violent like that cat sounds like.

Unfortunately there are no ``cat shrinks'' to fix cats; the only solution I know of is to spike them if they don't recover in a few months and roll a new one that's less of a cunt. The world isn't going to run out of cats any time soon with a constant supply of wild populations courtesy of owners that don't care a whole lot about their cats or the environment.

>>14978
>>14984
It's just tsundere.

I used to have a cat a long while ago. It didn't like being touched, but it would sometimes walk up to me and rub itself on me and do the purring thing, then it'd start biting me. This is without me petting it or doing anything to agitate it.

I didn't mind the biting until he started putting pressure into his bites and tried to break my skin.

Cats are terrible animals.

>>14968
I'll try doing that, it certainly sounds simpler to me than having to go at an eletronics store and leave my phone there for a week and not knowing how much it's gonna cost me - thank you for the idea!

>>14987
Look up the phone model + screen replacement tutorial. I'm sorry I can't help you any more than this, but all phones are different. I find parts on Chinese sites, but Amazon also works.

>>14972
I find that my new puppies are doing the same thing. You can't write it off as just teething either---they're trying to assert their roles in the household unit. I'm at a loss of how to deal with them.

If you don't train an animal firmly then everyone is unhappy. I don't know how it works for smaller ones like rats/hamsters/whatever but they are still animals.

Declawing cats is just fine, no matter what PETA says. If you are happier, then the cat will have a better lifestyle. It's not going to go outside anyway.

>>14992
PETA is insane. most of what they say should be ignored. They're a very horrible hypocritical organization when you learn more about them.

>>14992
I dislike PETA as much as anyone else, but I'm not a fan of declawing cats. Is a cat without claws even a cat at all? If you prefer cats without claws, then a cat is probably not the right animal for your use case and you'd be better off getting an animal that's less sharp rather than modding a cat to hamfist it into the desired role.

>>14994
They're just claws, would you call a person less human if they clipped their nails or shaved their head?

>>14995
Human nails and hair aren't really comparable to cat claws. Without claws a cat is unfit to survive outdoors, fight aggressors, climb, move properly, hunt, or instinctively hone its claws, and other things I probably missed. Remember how cats often end up skidding on their claws when running on slippery surfaces and trying to maneuver? Claws are where cats get the bulk of friction for their paws, and without it most of their movements are made impossible or significantly less effective.

A more accurate human analogy would perhaps be having your hands and feet permanently covered in an extremely slippery oil, and having precise control of finger and toe movement removed. You couldn't run fast barefoot without slipping (and certainly not stop), hold a pen, operate a mouse with any precision, or do any number of other things that are necessary for functioning.

>>14996
Also, it's not just PETA that doesn't want you to declaw cats. The practice is illegal in a lot of civilized countries, and for good reason.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Declawing#Declawing_practices

>>14996
>Without claws a cat is unfit to survive outdoors, fight aggressors, climb, move properly, hunt, or instinctively hone its claws, and other things I probably missed.
so? we're talking about a pet, a house cat shouldn't need that stuff.

>>14998
Who are you to decide what the hell a cat needs or doesn't need? Surely a smelly NEET living off his parents doesn't need fully functional feet or hands to stay alive, let's just cut them off so he can't make a mess of the place. A domestic cat can survive even if it's crippled, yes. Does it deserve to be crippled merely for being a cat and doing whatever the fuck it is cats do? Are you completely fine with subjecting a cat to disability for your own petty convenience? Just how much of a piece of shit are you?

Please, just kill yourself, dude.

>>14999
They aren't 'crippled' by cutting off their claws. Cutting a person's hands and feet would be more accurately compatible to cutting off a cats feet. Seems a little extreme to compare a human NEET to a household pet but sure, If I had claws and used them to attack the hand that feed me and destroy their things removing them would be understandable. provided of course I had no practical use for them anyway. You'd think people would be more bothered by neutering (taking away a animal's reason to live) or selectively breading pets with desirable traits that serve no practical purpose and would doom the animal in the wild.

>Just how much of a piece of shit are you?
Ironic coming from someone telling a human being to kill themselves for defending the practice of declawing household pets.

>>15000
Destroying your things and attacking you? Cats do not understand the concept of property. They're instinctively keeping their claws in shape, the cat has no choice at all in the matter. Attacking you? Even in this case it is but instinctive response to perceived threats. Sure, for some cats this response might be fucked up due to genetics, feralness, or bad behaviours learned from how humans have treated it. Even so, the cat makes no choice at all to attack the hand that feeds it, it does not comprehend a connection between a hand that's a threat and is struck and a hand that gives it food.

No practical use for claws? How about walking? Climbing? Fucking existing as a functional cat?

You are making a conscious choice to hurt animals you yourself chose to acquire and keep as pets and completely ignoring their nature in a retarded fashion and applying a twisted sense of justice on them. Far worse than anything a cat could ever do to a human, a much more capable and accountable being.

>>15001
They're just claws dude. I think you should really step away from your computer for a minute to breath and relax, maybe lay off whatever drugs your on.

>>14999
>Just how much of a piece of shit are you?
>Please, just kill yourself, dude.

I completely agree with your points on the issue, but don't do this. It's way too much of an overreaction. You don't want to end up sounding like as much of a dumbass clown as this guy: >>15002

>>15003
>dumbass clown
Takes one to know one!

This thread is going places

>>15004
They're just words dude. I think you should really step away from your computer for a minute to breathe and relax, maybe lay off whatever drugs you're on.

>>15008
I know you are but what am I?

>>15009
Haruhidamnit, you got me. You win this round.

>>15004
say that to my face not online and see what happens fgt
bring you're hole crew

dont animals have nerve endings in their claws? wouldnt it be like ripping someones fingernails out?

I haven't been a NEET for a long time so I feel like I have no right to be here anymore but I also can't adapt to the "normal life". I rarely have to speak to anyone and I do my simple job well but that is all. I wish I had a friend and some group I could feel I belong to but I've never had a real friend and there's something about me people don't like. I don't know how long I can keep living this goalless life... It feels like waste of effort. I'm too old to change things at this point, so I have already accepted it.

>>15012
>I haven't been a NEET for a long time so I feel like I have no right to be here anymore
I don't judge anyone for working or studying. Some people simply lose (or never have) the opportunity to be NEET, and suffer through work as a result. It adds insult to injury to shun them for this misfortune. I think most here understand this and only take issue with blatant Ford Drivers.

>>15013
I think it's the only thing that still keeps me going because at least there's some reason for me to be here. I'm afraid that I'll lose it because then I have absolutely no reason to keep going. It was just supposed to be a temporary thing but it's too late to start something new one and it would lead nowhere.

>>15012
>I'm too old to change things at this point, so I have already accepted it.
This sounds terrible. You should try to do something about it anon. I know that I wouldn't be able to if I ended up in a situation like that, but you shouldn't seal the fate of your life like that... it's very upsetting to hear somebody give up like that.

>>15015
I am in my thirties. I don't want to make someone feel down, but once you turn 30+ years old and you still haven't achieved much(like get some friends, at least) or feel like you're not worth anything then you better get used to it and be realistic. When you're younger, you have this feeling that you're very special and can do anything(except people here probably don't) but as you grow up you realize how many people there is on this Earth and there is no way all of them can have "good life" or find love. No matter how much people say it's possible. And most of the time I'm alright with that, but sometimes I too have regrets.

>>15018
Yeah.


I'm 25 and hang out almost all the time on the internet.

>>15018

I'm 29 and despite having obtained a Master's degree at 26, I still feel like a fucking loser. I'm on SSI, I'm a virgin, and I've never had a full-time job (and probably never will). I was even in the psych ward about two weeks ago. No matter how much I try or even occasionally accomplish, I'm still a piece of crap.

I am sorry that I brought up declawing. I didn't mean it, and I'm no expert in cats. But it's like ripping fingernails out, more or less the first joint. If it's an indoor cat it will be fine. If you feel really bad about it, then adopt a kitty that's already been declawed. Humans do worser things to domesticated animals. Don't eat meat, don't get purebred (inbred) pets, don't do anything--but you're working on that already.

Anyway--
Why do you think it's "too late" to do anything, Anon? It's not like you ever really had a chance. This is the way I have started to think about it. My expectations have been set unrealistically high, to the point where I don't know why I expect anything good to happen. I know the world is shit. Why should it get any better?

>>14658
I've been interested in suicide/kamikaze attacks. As you said, it isn't as idealist as shown in media, but I still respect those stories of WWII Japanese soldiers who conducted 'Gyo'kusai' charged on Allied forces. Or Palestinian Suicide Bombers who made a strike against the Zionist Jews during the Intifada.

Of hell, school shooters like the Columbine Martyrs.

>>15022
Always thought I would become a school shooter, but now it's too late~

>>15021
You don't get "chances", you need to make them happen by yourself. I realize this now, but yes, I do think it's too late. I could start studying something, but that would take several years and after that no one would hire a man close to his 40s with the experience of a novice. I can do things for my own enjoyment, but if I ever wanted to become good at something I should have started ages ago. Not to mention the social awkwardness, there's just no way I can fix it now. I'm sure there's no one who would like to even help me to fix it, because I really can't offer anything back.

I am not saying I'm completely unhappy since I have my job and ordinary life with same routines, because this is what I made my life to be. But sometimes I do have my regrets, and I know I can't change some things anymore. Time is limited.

This whole semester at college I haven't done a single thing, or been to any classes, because I was too afraid that people would see how much of a loser I am. I've mostly just sat in my room and stared at the wall and either cried or played games. I have exams approaching and when I fail I'll be sent back home and my Dad will probably kick me out onto the street.

I just feel like shit, even reading this thread makes me feel horrible because most of you guys have actual problems while I'm just a fucking waste of space. Thinking of shooting myself because I'm not happy and when I thought about it I realized I haven't been happy in a very long time.

I guess if you never see me again then thanks TC and take it easy, you guys at least made me feel like I wasn't completely alone.

>>15026

Don't give up. Work on conquering your anxiety. Haruhi knows I have a lot of that.

I fought an Alatreon and lost. I had spent 45 minutes and hit it as hard as I could, even breaking its horns and cutting off its tail. I mean, I did forget to take the Mega Demondrug and Mega Armorskin at the start of the fight to boost my attack and defense, but the lack of a boost shouldn't have made much of a difference.

I'm currently playing Megaman X. It's been years since I've played this game, but now it seems very difficult. I remember as a child making the bosses and levels my playground and have a ton of fun with this, with the exception of the final level where you have to do the boss rush thing. I still have a password written down somewhere of my progress from back then, but I'll see how far i can get on my own. The only thing I remember about the game is that the penguin boss was the easiest and should be the first one to be chosen.

I'd edit this and type in that I finally beat Alatreon solo in the village quest, but I haven't posted this yet because I forgot to.

At least I managed to do something right instead of be a failure. Even if today is my Birthday and all that garbage.

>>15028
Happy B-day!

>>15026
Your problems are not lesser than those of the posts before you. You can probably do another semester before getting kicked out. Try to hide those grades and good luck.

>>15172
>>15173
LEAVE THIS PLACE

>>15174
This.

>>15174
>>15175
I wonder if he was serious or just shitposting.

Man, I was just thinking, it's been about a year since I was active here, and even longer since I was active on any other place. I literally just spent a year so wrapped up in my own little world of playing games, reading, and watching things that I consistently forgot to visit one of the only places I feel comfortable talking with people. I wonder how that happened?

>>15190
I know what that's like. It feels like you're just too busy to do anything else and you can't really be bothered to do anything else since you like what you're doing.

I think that it might be the closest thing to being truly happy.

>>15191
Indeed. It had never been on that high a level before, but that sums it up pretty well. It feels bad, man. It feels kind of like I'm leaving a part of myself behind, or something, and not even gaining anything from it. I mean, I gain some momentary happiness from the game experiences, or reading something really good, but those don't last too long, and the sadness of them ending drives me into another series.

Well, I'm not TOO concerned, it's just a little worrying. As long as I have a place to come back to, I'll be fine. Oh Haruhi. I hope I never have to find another place.

Here, have some Touma for reading these two.

>>15190
I did the same thing. When I came back, I browsed through threads I remembered and read new posts. It felt all warm and fuzzy.

I miss you.

...but, one day before, I already ended up worrying them all the same. Fuck my life.

See you later, /tc/. Enjoy your 20's. They'll be gone before you realize.

>>15212
The fact that youth un/underemployment with alot of them staying at home longer is getting lots of media attention gives a slight reprieve. That is, it seems like even the older generations are grudgingly accepting the idea of a longer 'delayed adulthood' given the situation. So subtract two years or whatever.

People are really scary. A few weeks ago I had to get some paperwork done at a government office, I got into an argument with the clerk and insulted him using a racial slur. I went back today and unfortunately the guy recognized me and made a scene. When I told him to suck my dick he went apeshit. I'm worried because he has all my personal info- name, home adress, telephone number, birthday, etc. What if he posts this stuff on his shitebook and I start getting calls from strangers? How can people be so resentful? This is why I rarely go outside. It's like a minefield out there.

>>15241
What did you think would happen?

>>15242
I thought he'd just forget about it. Someone in that position has to deal with dozens of different people everyday anyway, what were the chances he'd recognize me weeks later?

>>15241
Minefield or not, you set yourself up for trouble by insulting the guy. Unlike the Internet might have you believe, it is preferable to argue in a civil manner in person to avoid things like you experienced.

>>15241

So you treated a guy like shit and it made him not like you. Interesting stuff

>>15243
Even if he has to deal with hundreds of people a day, I think someone who argues with him and insults him using a racial slur will stand out just a tad.

you cant even verbally abuse a clerk anymore, political correctness gone mad!!!

>>15241
>What if he posts this stuff on his shitebook and I start getting calls from strangers?
He's probably thought about it, but he's likely afraid he'll be fired if he does and I doubt he wants to get fired because of you, no matter how much he dislikes you. Anyway, if you're trying to qualify for disability by acting like you have autism, good job so far.

>>15241
Did he maybe do something to you to deserve the verbal abuse? If so that makes the situation more understandable.

People are really scary. A few weeks ago I was working the desk at the office and a client started arguing with me furiously for no good reason and called me a nigger in front of other clients and personnel. Yesterday the guy came again while I was a having a bit of a bad day, and I flipped out a bit at him. I hope I don't get fired for that, I didn't want to start any trouble. This is why I don't like that job. It's like a minefield out there.

>>15250
I didn't fill out my form correctly, I said "I can fix it just give me a minute" but he was in a hurry and told the woman in the line behind me to step up. I didn't want to wait another 20 minutes so told him I just needed a minute and he said it was my fault because I need to pay more attention and stuff. I responded with "well, at least I'm not a ..." and walked away. When I went back there he said "I remember you, I have something to say about that comment you made blah blah" and started telling me about the accomplishments of his people. Not even joking. I told him he could suck my dick for all I cared and he got pretty angry, so I walked out again while he kept yelling at me to come back.

Anyway I called the department this morning, turns out I was doing it all wrong so I don't have to go there again.

By the way I'm not racist. in fact I believe race is a social construct, but I felt offended when he told me to pay more attention and I needed to get back at him somehow

>>15026
I went through the same thing as you, eventually dropped at the last minute after 3 semesters and got saddled with a load of debt.

>>15252
You sound like an unpleasant person.

>>15251
>called me a nigger in front of other clients and personnel.
#wrekt

For almost three years I've had this little forum of me and some internet friends and it's finally dead. It's been at the point where only me and three other people used it for like a year now, but the person kind of holding us together decided to disappear a while ago. I feel really depressed now. Being as asocial as I am, I never added them on shitbook(I don't have one) even though they added each other, and I don't have any instant messengers or use email. They're just gone now, completely and probably forever. After so long, it kind of felt like a part of me. It was the place I'd go to vent or talk about whatever was on my mind like what normal people use twitter for, and they'd actually read it. I don't have anywhere/anyone to go to now, except here to an extent.

I'm stuck at an impasse. It's all throughout this thread, and I myself am committing it blatantly.

The phrase, the identifier 'I'.. doesn't it seem selfish? Are we selfish? Do I ever have the right to use the word 'we'? When other people do it, it never is a problem and I never even think about it, but talking about myself, I feel a deep shame. How dare I even let people know I have feelings or exist? It feels selfish of me. What else do I talk about? I don't know how to talk to people, how to be comfortable to talk to. And I feel ashamed at the notion of having people that care about me. Such a waste, right?

I can't even type this in a coherent manner I suppose. I've been going through some manga I read. This picture, it struck so true to me. How should I interpret that? It doesn't matter, in the end I'm sick of talking about me.. but how do I talk about anything else? I can perfectly able to navigate a conversation and act normal, but the way I go about it has developed with one thing in mind: end the conversation as quickly and precisely as possible, cause as little impact as possible, make the other party feel things concluded on good terms.

Fuck. I'm sorry. I feel alone, unloved, and unlovable. I think this is an attempt to vent some of that. No one really cares to hear about other peoples' issues, not a stranger's. Perhaps myself and some of you are here, feeling this cruel little twinge of hope: someone out there will look at our words, and they will want to know us. I'm sorry, but if you are like me (I hope you are not), then the truth is that there is no one. It is not bad timing, or the wrong place... there is no one.

I apologize again. This post has been rather dramatic, right? And I don't know you. The only person I can speak for is myself. I suppose one can only go as far as one allows themselves. I'm dooming myself but you probably will fare better.

So dramatic. Fuck.

>>15462
link to forum?

I freaked out when some guy wanted to be my friend in a game. I don't think that I can do those kinds of things any more, and I sort of don't want to.

I fear the future and its unpredictability more than anything else in my life.

My Grandmother will probably die in the next few months, meaning I'll have to meet family I've been estranged from (on my own and their accord in some cases). I need to get out of this somehow. There are some people that mean well but simply don't understand me, and there's all sorts of pressure for me to go back to school and "do something with my life". A funeral is not very dissimilar from a party: Emotions flying high with unpredictability and different people having VERY different ways to reconcile their feelings all in the same place. I never go to parties. If I miss this I will lose my healthcare that my parents provide (and likely any other future financial support if shit hits the fan). I have absolutely no clue what to do and am having trouble sleeping. I hope she lives longer, but with heart failure it seems as though death is maybe 6 or so months out, instead of the initially projected 10 years. Adding to the stress I have to deal with people afterward with the will and everything. I know my grandmother has around 35k in my will that is set aside specifically for my college. The expectation of both extended and immediate families of mine once they see everything divied up and me ending up with cake I will never eat: It's just all too much and I have nowhere to run.

>>15472
Probably just randomly added you to expand their friend list. Happens everywhere.

>>15473
I have the same dreading of family meetings - the whole shaming regarding where I am at with my employment. While they might be correct that I could be doing much better (they pretty much expected me to be a white collar at 21), they don't realize hurling verbal abuse demotivates me and just makes me hate them.

The irony is that the family members who shame me went through the same thing when they were my age, it wasn't until their late 20's did they start their professional careers. Also, I look at my peers and most of them are also in my situation of having no direction in life. While these two anecdotes don't justify my career failure, it just surprises me how unsympathetic my relatives are with my situation.

Post edited on 19th Jul 2013, 5:52pm

>>15477
Exactly. You're not really making a friend. More like a transient acquaintance that you like playing with sometimes compared to the random average person.

>>15478
Yeah, my family doesn't get that saying shit like "We won't always be here" doesn't help at all and just makes me feel trapped. I know that the second they are gone my life will spiral downhill. I didn't ask to be born and I'm just living in fear of the day that I'll have to kill myself or become homeless because of medical bills. Both will probably result in death, it's just that one is quicker.

I tell them I didn't ask to be born but they don't realize that having kids is generally either a selfish or completely mindless proposition (or a mixture of the two) in itself: You have to want kids or have to accidentally have them. Projecting your wants and needs onto children who can't yet think for themselves is the unhealthiest shit ever, I will never EVER have kids for this reason. Saying "I want my kids to have their own life and opinions" is a fallacy in itself due to the fact that we can only respond to stimuli we are exposed to. No one has their own life, and it starts in the crib and wherever it ends really doesn't matter. They tell me that I should find happiness, but I need to do certain things to find it that they know from experience and not objective truth. It's annoying and I know since I was a kid they had incredibly high expectations for me even though I was stupid. No direction and this equates to unhappiness, so here I am spiralling out of control and fearing free money that normals would gladly take.

I know how you feel, man.

>>15477
>>15488
If they added them out of the blue, rather than after working together well/chatting with each other in-game, then that's probably the case.

Otherwise, it could've been the start of a nice friendship.

>>15492
>nice friendship

Do you guys have online-only people that you can actually consider friends? AKA the ones that you can't hang out with in person or really spend much time together and who might be on the other side of the Earth?

>>15499
I do. The best friends I've had in over 10 years.

I was talking online with a friend who was into all kinds of neat psychedelic drugs and stuff.
Being the fucking dipshit I am, I got my hopes up high and thought I'd check out silkroad and all that.
Of course, as soon as I saw the prices my hopes were dashed completely and I wanted to die many times over.
Just like everything else in my life that has ever seemed interesting to me, it's out of my fucking reach. I get to just sit here and watch other people having fun. Fanfuckingtastic.

iwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwantto
fuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdieiwanttofuckingdie

I really hope all the false justifications of "I'd probably regret it" and "it's probably not that great anyway" kick in soon. And I hope nobody ever talks to me about any drugs ever again.

>>15499
I used to. Not anymore. We drifted apart since I'm a horrible human being, etc.

I want to start smoking. I've tried convincing my only friend to stop smoking for 4 years now. I realized the other day that I don't give a damn about my health so why should I not smoke? I like the feeling of the cigarette on my fingers and that it gives me something to do when I'm idling around.

But everything shouts at me in my head that I shouldn't be doing it. Even my friend told me I shouldn't because it's bad for your body. I don't know what to do now and it's left me unable to do anything else while I wonder.

>>15529
On one hand, it'll probably shave a few years off your life.

On the other, you and your room will probably smell awful and I don't think it's good for your teeth, either. I also doubt that lung cancer is a pleasant way to go.

>>15529
the actual truth about smoking is buried in the "british doctors study" and the data gathered says that smoking is unhealthy if you're more than 40 years old.
at that age or older smoking will have a debilitating effect because the body has a much longer recovery period, but if you're younger then smoking has no scientifically verifiable negative health consequences.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Doctors_Study
"…specifically, on average, those who smoke until age 30 have no excess mortality, those who smoke until age 40 lose 1 year…"\
the wiki article used to be a lot less biased than it is now.
the general anti-smoking bias has gotten pretty ridiculous.
if you want to smoke and you're not old then you're actually not going to harm yourself.

>>15529

I recommend cigars. Get a cheap one, like Cuban Rejects. They aren't as bad as cigarettes and it is a very pleasant way to spend an evening hour.

>>15529
I've always wanted to try heroin, but I have similar (health) objections as you do to smoking.
It's strange, because I don't really take care of my health in any way (nutritionally, GP visits, etc.). Yet I must rationalise those away as passive factors or something, in contrast with the active harm of smoking or taking drugs.
Of course the other problems are that I would have to deal with people - potentially unpleasant sorts at that - and I don't have enough money.

>>15573
i want to hang out in an upscale opium den with you guys and smoke opium and drink opium tea

I just realized this online buddy I've been messaging regularly for the last few months might actually be a girl. I hope he's just pretending to be one for the attention, because I talked about my fapping habits with him and even bought him a gift (15$) for his birthday so he/she (xhe?) probably got the wrong message. Christ it's embarrassing. If only I wasn't such an autist I would have seen the warning signs. Now I can't log back in, not until I figure out how to explain myself, so I'm basically locked out of my account. I'm an idiot.

>>15651
Check your profile comments.

>>15651
Oh man. That really, really sucks.

>>15651
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoPzP-MwcLI

>>15651
why do you care? if she acted like a buddy, treat her like a buddy; if she starts behaving like a woman and expects to be treated as such, do so and dump the 3D trash away. you owe her no explanation, no special consideration, nothing.

Haruhi... Apparently my mother managed to get another boyfriend while she left on her vacations, and her current boyfriend is here at the house with me and paying all of the bills so that I can be a NEET, and also dealing with the living sack of shit that is my mother's other son (I refuse to call that shit my brother, there's no way in hell I'll ever call that scum an ally or ever accept him).

3D women, 3D people period are all shit. They only care about satisfying themselves and abandon the things they consider worthless at a drop of a hat. Fucking trash.

3D people are disgusting. I know that I can't really generalize, but I know that there's more bad than good, and why should they bother being good when they can make themselves feel better by doing as they please?

I don't care if I'm stupid and paranoid. It's not like I'm entirely wrong in that way of thinking. I'm going to have to somehow lessen the damage by these stupid impulses by my mother. I don't know how the guy is going to react when he finds out that my mother has done this.

This world is better off destroyed.

All of my online friends despise me and I only talk to my family plus the people I see on IRC, they don't really like me either.

Today my therapist came by, we talked and I mentioned my mom having swung at me by mistake. Now he's getting the government involved in my life so i might not be able to live online anymore.

My paranoia is starting to get worse too, it could possibly just be because of how little I'm sleeping so I can stay up on the internet. I don't know.

>>15555
Or a decent pipe.

>>15706
>My paranoia is starting to get worse too, it could possibly just be because of how little I'm sleeping so I can stay up on the internet. I don't know.

I can relate to that at the moment, I'm always worried about stupid shit I shouldn't get so worried about, mainly from a mixture of lack of sleep things from the past getting to me and over thinking things too much. I can't help but wonder who you are on the IRC since I'm there too, unless you are referring to another channel that's not #tohno-chan.

Post edited on 9th Aug 2013, 8:57am

darkcorner.neocities.org/index.html

Well I finally quit the game. I killed all my characters and dropped al my wealth and items, and this afternoon my trusted friend is going to log in and change the password and email. I might come back to it a year or something to reminisne, but for now ive quit.

I've gradually stopped talking to my only online friend. It's the second time this has happened. I don't have any real life friends, either.

I guess internet friendships are really hard to sustain. It's a shame, because I enjoyed talking to him.

I've only realized the importance of friends recently; it's probably impossible to make friends now. Fuck.

I get pushed around by the people I live with. They are always getting angry with me. No, I'm not related to any of them. There are only 2 other people living here now but we've had as many as 6.

I can't really talk to them about it. I put up with it because I don't have anywhere else I can live. Standing up for myself just makes things worse anyway so fuck it.

Sometimes I just wish I had someone I can talk to that didn't have any kind of power over me. Someone who couldn't kick me out of my home. Every time I get close to someone online I end up shying away and avoiding them. I have no idea why it always happens.

I do want people to talk to but I'm not always up for talking. It's my own problem of course. There are a lot of cool and kind people out there. I'm the one fucking shit up.

Just wanted to get it off my chest

>>15757
There's hope for you if you eventually make some tweaks. You seem to be able to examine yourself with some objectivity instead of closing off with limited experiences and taking an immature cynical stance. The everyone in the world is definitely a dick but edgy teen me who is misunderstood and leagues above them kind of thing.

>>15752
Why not get back in touch with him?

I have the same problem with always drifting from internet friends, but you can always get back into talking to one another if someone puts in the effort and there's still interest on both halves. Sometimes all it takes is one person to the break the ice after a long silence.

I can't seem to get any of the people I'm surrounded by to understand my situation, and just how hopeless things are.

I have no motivations, no dreams. Nothing I have ever wanted to study or do for a living. Nothing I could stand studying or doing for a living. I break down under the tiniest amount of pressure or tedium, so both stressful jobs and "easy" jobs are out of the question.

I can't work just for money which is what they keep trying to tell me I should be. Why would I want money when there is nothing I want to buy? To survive? Why? I don't want to live. But I don't want to leave my friends behind. The thought of either of us disappearing and the other being without just tears me apart inside. If somebody doesn't log on for even a day I start to tear up. Yet even that is not enough to motivate me to spend so much time working. Nothing in my life is worth torturing myself to sustain. The moment I'm pushed out onto the street? They seem to think that'll motivate me to work. It won't. I'd likely wander aimlessly for a bit, then off myself. I don't think it'll be happening too soon, but life has a habit of having awful timing.

I feel cornered. My head is spinning, I feel like I'm going to vomit.

>>15764
This, so long as they still care at least a little bit and haven't changed too much.

>>15765
I understand you, everything you wrote applies to me as well. What I've done to help me is ignore the predicament I'm in as much as possible. This means, even knowing that I can get kicked out at anytime (which would mean I'd have to kill myself), I just disregard it and enjoy every day as much as I can. I used to worry to the point where I felt like my breath was constricting and my whole body was in pain, but this helped me a lot.

It's somewhat comparable to a person learning about human mortality, but deciding to do as much as possible in their alotted time. For me, it might not be that long. But what else can I do? Getting out of bed hurts, for Haruhi's sake. I wasn't born to live in this world, so it's only fitting that I die in it prematurely.

As for fixing your mindset to this mode, I am not sure how to go about it. My mother does not want to see me suffer, so she insists on supporting me, but that can change anytime. So let's say, I have support of one family member for an unknown number of time. That's one fact I can use to strengthen my escape. Another thing is that I've been involved in things that would be considered strange by most people, that is, certain mystical beliefs that influence the physical world. It doesn't seem very crazy to me, though. What I want to say is that sometimes, something I watch, play, or hear, activates something in me that gives me elevated senses for a very short period of time. Something like adrenaline. So I'm thinking, maybe when the time comes, I would be able to naturally activate it and do something insane (in regards to what's possible in my world). Maybe I'd even survive. This thing I'm talking about has to do with being able to trust the absolute unknown. I can't do it unless I'm in that state, which comes, almost never.

I'm very fortunate in at least having those two things. I understand that the average TC user probably has family that hates them, and that breaks my heart. It makes me cry. To have absolutely nobody? That should not be. Not one person deserves such a fate. Please just hang in there. Block out the world to your best ability, live for your own peace and enjoyment. I don't think anything else matters in this life.

>>15776
> I understand that the average TC user probably has family that hates them, and that breaks my heart
It's funny, I have a loving family of 2 parents and 3 siblings who all love me and are wonderful people. I absolutely despise them all because of that and I hate myself for wanting a bad family. They shouldn't support me or want me yet they do unconditionally. It's almost disgusting to see people who are so okay with who I am.

>>15765
>I have no motivations, no dreams. Nothing I have ever wanted to study or do for a living. Nothing I could stand studying or doing for a living. I break down under the tiniest amount of pressure or tedium, so both stressful jobs and "easy" jobs are out of the question.

If it's any consolation, you pretty much described my problem to a T. I can't really relate to the friend thing since mine have pretty much all gone their separate ways, but I know the feeling of 'never having motivation or dreams' you described there all too well. No amount of counseling, researching, and searching for my "life's calling" has been able to pull me out of it. Every time my mind wanders it seems like I end up thinking about it, which makes me feel like I'm drowning in hopelessness. The feeling of not being able to do anything about it and just being forced to suffer is really the worst. I try to keep myself distracted as much as humanly possible.

>>15776
>What I've done to help me is ignore the predicament I'm in as much as possible.
That's exactly what I do, though when I'm reminded of it I take a few days to recover my composure and mood.
My parents swing from caring to spiteful on an almost hourly basis.

>>15779
Yes, I've been through several therapists and medications myself. Nothing helps, escapism is the only option. You described exactly what I feel.

It hurts to look back at memories of how happy I was as a kid, how carefree everything was, and then to look at how I am now. So much so that seeing young kids, kittens and puppies triggers this reaction of complete heartbreak in me. It sounds silly, but that really does happen and I hate it.

>>15780
That must be inconvenient. I was almost as miserable as a child as I am now (albeit for different reasons), so I don't really get the same feeling. Even back then I'd try to shut myself in and indulge myself in escapism through video games and the like as much as I could. At the least I had friends that helped back then, though...so it wasn't all bad.

Anyway, it does help a bit to know that someone else understands how terrible that hopeless feeling is. I hope your mood recovers soon, and I wish you luck.

>>15781
My childhood was somewhat dull, and I grew up in a poor, rough neighborhood but I was still happy, somehow. Even before my uncle gave me all his old video games. Which soon became the only thing I was interested in.

Likewise. Here's to doing your best to forget how miserable you are!

>>15765

Well, at least you have friends. Don't worry about having nothing to live for; usually, that finds you, not the other way around.

>>15780

I had an odd childhood that was dominated by an emotionally retarded, abusive neanderthal of a father and a mother that was nice but very delusional and fearful. It kind of fucked me up, especially since it took me until I was 28 to move out of the house (probably only because my mother died). I had to deal with my father's selfish, self-entitled agenda and the oppression of having a false diagnosis of autism shoved down my throat and made into a "community issue", so I couldn't escape it for the longest time.

My childhood and early adulthood was psychological rape, basically. I must be the only one here who prefers how it is now to how it was back then.

>>15785
How is it going to find me if I never leave my room?

>>15786

You can read books, or look at stuff on the internet. I highly recommend reading philosophy; the academia of it is more or less a bunch of B.S., but the wisdom contained within philosophy will at least help you a little bit. It can help you realize that the prison in your life is not the world, but rather yourself. But the good news is that it isn't an impossible prison to escape from.

>>15785
>Well, at least you have friends. Don't worry about having nothing to live for; usually, that finds you, not the other way around.
This. From the looks of it, they actually have an abundance of friends. They should be grateful for that, at least. Loss of contact with friends, or an outright lack of them, seems to be a fairly common problem here.

>>15788
I am grateful, though it's not like I didn't have to put time and effort into finding them.

Hadn't had any for 10 years up until some time last year when I started searching.

>>15789
There are some that don't find them even with "time and effort".

On another note, I don't think I'd want literally dozens of "friends" like some people have. I'd rather get to know a few buddies (no more than half a dozen) well than try dividing my time between 30-40 people that I wouldn't end up knowing very well, even with the excess time I have as a hikikomori.

>>15790
That's the problem I'm having now, there are some people who have added me on steam and I've added some too lately. People seem to add each other to friends just so they could have a bigger friend list.
I can hardly believe everyone I've met this far has the same difficulty with expressing themselves, I just think they aren't interested in becoming close friends.
I guess they can sense I'm "damaged goods" and don't want to waste their time with me

>>15791
These aren't real friends, and it makes me sad that friendship has come to this. Friendship should be about having someone in this cold world you can count on, someone who you can maybe relate to, and have fun talking with. It should be about loyalty, having each others backs, and being able to trust something. And yet people treat friendship as some past time hobby and a thing to make them appear socially superior to others, I truly think if you have more than like three to five friends a lot of them are bound to not be real true friends.

Someone who views their friend, whether close friend or not, as 'damaged goods' is not somebody who you want to be close friends with to begin with. But I too always have had problems throughout my life with someone I genuinely like not really caring that much about me, eventually after a lot of effort they open up but then it usually crashes back down from there, I hope this predictable formula finally stops, maybe I'm insane for not giving up, at least I have given up on real life friends and normals by now...

>>15759
Thank you for the kind words. I really do appreciate it.

>>15791
>People seem to add each other to friends just so they could have a bigger friend list.
This is something that has really bugged me about the whole online friends thing lately. Honestly, I've refrained from trying to make any online friends through Steam because it seems to have completely succumbed to this kind of Facebook-styled 'friend count' social-status-boosting crap.

>>15792
Very well-put, and I agree completely. It really is a shame that most people seem to have adopted a quantity over quality approach to friendship.

>>15794
Friendships like Gon's and Killua's are next to impossible in real life. Everybody's only out for themselves. I won't deny that it's possible to have one in this day and age, but it requires a great amount of luck (that only a very, very few have) to even find somebody willing to act in that way towards you.

It's more likely to have a "friend" for 20+ years and have them eventually tell you that they hated you for the entire time they knew you, though.

>>15790
>There are some that don't find them even with "time and effort".
What's the "" there for? Anyways, in such a case, more time and effort is required. The less luck you have, the more time and effort you need. Especially if you have emotional issues to overcome. Some never do, even when you do everything you can to try and build trust and affection. I've had a few people like that, the kind who call you their best friend one day then remove you by the time you wake up the next. There's a point where it's hard to tell if they actually, truly want to build friendships, or if they're more comfortable the way they are.

>>15791
You'll run into a lot of those, too, unfortunately.

>>15792
>>15794
I would be fine with just one good friend who I could share my ups and downs with. I don't have anyone close who I could trust or who trusts me, can't even talk to my parents.
The only person I actually regarded as a true friend revealed his true colors a few days ago, apparently I mean nothing to him and he finds me comical when I'm trying to be serious.
Such cases.
And yes, he just said that literally and I'm not misinterpreting anything.

>>15791
>I guess they can sense I'm "damaged goods" and don't want to waste their time with me
The thing you have to keep in mind is that not everyone is looking for the same kind of friendship and what they want with people is going to vary drastically from person to person. It might have nothing to do with you being a broken individual, since these people you're trying to befriend could be getting their basic social needs filled elsewhere. So what you want out of them, is not what they want out of you.

In other words, if you're trying to befriend someone who doesn't feel (how they feel about it is really more important than how many friends they actually have) lacking in the social department of their life, you're going to naturally have a hard time trying to fit your life into theirs and make things work out in a way where you both feel fulfilled from the experience.

People are naturally already overwhelmed with all their current social connections, since it's so easy to talk to people, get what you need from them and move on, so they get stressed out and you begin to hear from them less and less, etc. So we end up in this position of where we actually shun and get shunned due to having too readily available access to social networking and it being on demand due to how easy it is to do. Thus, you end up with very shallow friendships where people will take what they can from you and tend to not give a fuck about you, because it's just simply too troublesome and counterproductive for their own personal desires (not to mention how easy it is to replace negative friends).

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you and other anons (no friends), only I've never used any sort of social networking site, I don't even use steam, so I've had the chance to really get more one-on-one with people I've spoken to. I've found the reason people avoided me socially was never due to technical personal faults (though I thought it was for the longest time), rather it has to do with them thinking about their own lives and how they can make things most convenient for themselves. So unless you're willing to shapeshift per individual to make yourself a convenient entity that they can suck the energy from in the correct circumstances, trying to make friends with people who have no interest in (or already have fulfilled the desire of) the kind of friendship you're looking for to begin with is a bad idea. But you really can't tell this about a person until you really get to know them more.

The only way you're going to make a fulfilling friendship or social contact is if you manage to find someone who feels their life is lacking and you can both fill the hole for one another. The only times I've ever managed to make friends in my life was the times where I was exactly what a person needed to fill some sort of gap in their social life. I lost all those friendships when it became apparent I could no longer fill that gap for them, or they found someone to replace me that did a better job of it.

In other words, it's not your fault, but rather it's more so case-by-case depending on who in specific you're talking to and what they believe you have for them. The more lonely a person is, the more likely you're willing to find what you're looking for. But by that same account, if that lonely person finds someone that gives them what they want easier, they'll probably toss you aside. In all technicalities this is not yours or anyone's faults; as you cannot be someone who can fill the random void according to any and all random individuals you meet.

And if they straight up call (or hint at) you too depressing, broken, damaged, whatever, don't even waste your emotional capacity on them, they have no intention to be friends with you regardless of your emotional and mental status. Those kinds of people are the kinds of people who just want to talk shit with someone easy-going then proceed to never talk to that person again. In other words, they just want an easy ride with all their conversations (including strangers), and you just dampened their mood because you didn't lift their spirit for all the few minutes they decided they wanted to talk to you. Those people aren't worth anything.

So don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, even though it's really easy to think it is since everyone else is probably blaming you. Truth be told, friendship is just something that's WAY too case-by-case and dependent on the specific individual to really blame yourself for failing to connect to them. So don't blame yourself. Don't do it. Because this is something that depends entirely on what the other person wants from you and you are not a Haruhi able to grant them any wish.

I apologize for the wall of text, by the way. I have a very bad habit of going overboard with words. I just read that one sentence and it hit me right in the feels and I exploded.

>>15798
Great post, I agree with everything you said.

Most people you'll run into on the internet who make themselves available tend to be the kind that's already fulfilled, and not looking for anything meaningful. So you end up giving a lot and getting very little/no affection back. Friendships shouldn't be one-way like that.

Then of course you have the kinds of people who have difficulty getting personal/emotional and can only take small talk and talking about what you're doing. Being the opposite of that, which I feel most lonely folk are, it's harder to get close to those types. Funnily enough, my best friend is that kind of person, but they opened up a lot after a few months.

Post edited on 18th Aug 2013, 10:00pm

>>15798
thanks for the dedicated reply, I never really thought of it that way.
I guess I am asking too much from a stranger, very few people are looking for a friendship as intimate as me. I didn't mean to be so histrionic, sometimes that just happens and I've had a rough week. I don't aggressively hate myself or blame myself for everything that's wrong with the world, I just didn't realize people would have such a different view in "making friends" so I thought it was all me.

>>15794
Hmmm, but you really shouldn't dismiss everyone using the service entirely. I use it because I know a lot of other potential contacts do as well. My problem is that once I add someone with the intent of being really good friends with them, I get scared after one conversation. Last time, I actually kept going and scared off a person that I thought would fill a void for me, and vice-versa, as another anon wonderfully pointed out. They outright deleted me, and I kept sending them messages for days afterwards on other messaging services on which I found them to also be on. It was a little overboard, but that's what happens when somebody is desperate for another person to understand them sometimes.

There are exceptions, for everything, I think. For instance, If I need to find information on any given person, there is a very high chance that they will be on facebook. As much as I despise it for how much it destroyed the internet and all its implications, it too, proves to be a useful tool for excavating information. I happen to have this investigative-type work as a hobby, so I really value anything that gives leads on people - all done out of curiousity.

>>15801
I see your points, but I'm not dismissing all of the people on the service so much as the service itself. I'd rather stick to other messaging services if at all humanly possible, so I don't have to bother dealing with all of the social networking (with a gaming twist) shit.

I'm sick of arguing.

So many people seem to enjoy it, though. Somebody I had been friends with for awhile started to argue with and insult me when I expressed disinterest in a game that they had been enjoying. I ended up arguing back, but about three times during the course of the whole thing I offered for us to both stop and forget about it, as we'd been nice to each other up to that point. They didn't stop, though. They ignored everything I said and kept going. When I tried to get away from it, they attempted to contact me twice more just to keep arguing and called me demented.

Oh well. Into the trash our friendship goes.

>>15831
If you find yourself arguing a lot- which is only what I'm assuming from the statement "I'm sick of arguing"- the problem may lie within yourself and not everyone else. You might come across as more confrontational and/or insulting than you realize. Also, saying things like 'just forget it' often sounds very passive-aggressive and agitating to the other party, and it's probably better to seek solid closure to the conflict than drop it altogether.

Just something to think about.

>>15832
I understand what you mean, and that used to be a problem. Tone. I hadn't seriously argued with anybody for months until today.

"Just forget it" wasn't the exact wording, it was more like "Let's just stop, this isn't going anywhere" because like every internet argument I've ever had, neither of us was getting through to the other. It's the internet equivalent of a yelling contest, I suppose.

I haven't been a NEET for that long yet, but I feel like this is the path I'll end up in no matter what else I do, so I think it's fine not to put up any effort anymore.

But what really bothers me is all the people I've left behind - or from a different view, the people whom I forced to leave me behind. I had found actual friends who really cared for me almost like family, and yet now I've cut myself from them completely without explanation. Every now and then they still contact me but I never acknowledge them.

Just leave me alone Haruhidamnit! I just want to live alone in peace. I'm not the person whom you thought I was, so just give up on me. It was unfortunate that we all got to know each other, because now you guys have to deal with the pain of losing a friend. I shouldn't have become your friend in the first place. Yeah, I'm just a good-for-nothing creep who deceived and left you all, just like I left all those other friends I tried to have before. I don't deserve any friends. So just　leave me alone, please. Just forget all about me so I can move on with no regrets.

>>15834
Why do you feel that being a NEET means that you have to be friendless? I know it's not socially acceptable, but... you shouldn't have to make yourself miserable by cutting yourself off from your buddies before you even give them a chance to accept you and your predicament. Being a NEET doesn't change your core personality, so I don't think good friends would hold it against you. And if they do...well, I guess they'll leave you alone sooner as per your wishes, right?

>>15831
>>15833
Sounds just like what happened with one of my old friends.
He always had to start an argument just for the sake of arguing, no matter what the reason was. I don't think he even enjoyed arguing but he would never calm down once he started. Countless times I just said "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, can we just stop fighting now?" and he got even angrier, saying I didn't hurt him, just made him mad.
I don't know if he was honest there or trying to cover up his emotionality, either way we just couldn't stay as friends since no matter what I said he always turned it into an argument

>>15835
Not that anon, but what if I don't have a core personality? Every single "friend" I made in life, I created a whole new person out of myself for. Even when I'm alone, I bounce back and forth between a number of personalities, anything from a very quiet/somber person to an aggressive monster who is ready to kill. Isn't that some kind of disorder? I don't want to go to a doctor because I'm afraid they'll put me into a mental ward.

>>15837
I'm not a psychiatrist, but it does sound like dissociative identity disorder or something similar- though I think there has to be some sort of amnesia or memory impairment present for that.

I can certainly understand your fear of being thrown into a ward or asylum- I've always imagined that it'd be the worst kind of hell myself. I think you should be safe, though, as long as you never convey that you're a harm to yourself or others. Should it be the case that you are (ie: are having suicidal thoughts, or literally feel violent urges in some of your personalities), NEVER tell them. If you stick to that, you might be able to get help for it or at least find out some more information without being in any danger of involuntary commitment.

>>15838
>Should it be the case that you are (ie: are having suicidal thoughts, or literally feel violent urges in some of your personalities), NEVER tell them

I agree with this. Saved me a lot of trouble as well as the chance of ending up being labeled with something.

>>15835
It's more like I don't want them to worry about me anymore. They were just people who expected a lot of things from me, and I tried to live to fulfill those expectations. But now I've found out that it's better to live in my own way. It's just that they're still hoping I'll go back to the way I was, and that's what bothers me.

>>15837
Looks like we have similar issues. I also feel like I don't have a core personality. I tend to act depending on the expectations of the people around me, which is why now I'm trying to keep to myself so that maybe I'll find who I really am. Hell, even now while posting here I might be just keeping an act. But I don't think that's what they refer to as Dissociative Personality Disorder. It could still be something else though.

Have you watched Kokoro Connect? Iori's personality problem is pretty similar.

>>15838
That's true. It's one of those symptoms that if a psychiatrist hears from you, he'd definitely do something drastic. I once saw a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with depression because I agreed when she asked me if I was having "morbid thoughts". I didn't know that "morbid thoughts" meant thoughts of killing yourself, I just thought it was just really negative thoughts or something. Well, turned out I wasn't really depressed and if I hadn't told her I was having morbid thoughts, she wouldn't have put me on those awful antidepressants. It's not as serious as what >>15837 is worried about, but it just shows that telling them about that kind of thing will just get you something you don't want.

Time for my (almost) weekly "I feel like killing myself but I'm not actually going to do it because this will pass" post. Just writing this down already removes some weight off of my shoulders, but I feel like it's a temporary solution. I used to only think about suicide maybe once a month, maybe every other month, but now that it's happening more frequently, I feel like I'm blindly running in the wrong direction and I can't stop. Every night I just think about how breathtakingly good it'd feel to just be weaker and weaker by the passing second and eventually lose consciousness.

>>15839
This, a million times.

I once mentioned suicide (in the context that I had gotten over feeling suicidal) and I got shipped to the hospital and everything. Thankfully I managed to make it seem like it was an off-color joke and got released.

Instead of talking about your feelings from the start, talk about things that are going on in your life, and try to reason out the things that you feel are really negatively impacting you. The psych's job will be to ask about how you feel about those things, and you won't exactly say "I'm suicidal" in response to no-one talking to you.

>>15831
That sucks.

>>15843
Yeah, I wish I would just not wake up. I know the end is coming closer. I barely have any money, I'm having to plan my finances in the scariest terms (eg "Let's eat this day but not this one"). Even if I screamed no one would hear me, I'm completely alone and no one will and can help me. I'm going to die like this. Maybe I should forgo eating a few days and risk rent to get a daki or something to comfort me. There's literally no one there for me. I don't know anyone.

>>15877
You have no steady source of income? Were your disability benefits taken away or something?

I almost did it, /so/. Why is the body's will to live so strong? Apparently, I somehow ripped the exit mask off while I was unconscious. The helium tank is also wiped clean. All I remember was that my eyes felt really weak and I was breathing slightly more roughly, my arms were also taped together and that's it, just blackness. Then I woke up really sweaty and my arms unbound. Now I'm scared that I might've suffered some kind of brain damage.

>>15903
Hope you're alright anon. Maybe you should take it as a good subconscious sign that you should stick around.

>>15903

You should've used handcuffs or stronger tape. I can't imagine how much last minute strength you had to unconsciously break your binds and get the mask off. I would've liked to see that.

>>15903

That's weird, I thought the body wasn't even supposed to react that way to inhaling helium because it thinks it is air. Maybe the flow wasn't high enough

After 3 and a half years of being a NEET, I am going to attempt taking a class. Last week I was notified that I was moved from waitlisted to registered. I've been feeling so stressed out, anxious, and irritable since then. Just preparing has has made me feel like quitting. I just want to hide and continue being a pathetic failure.

>>15956
Nothing really stays the same forever. Good luck anon. Maybe you'll find something you like learning or doing as a job.

I missed the news on something important and if a single person ever talked to me they would had mentioned it. You really need to be completely independent and plan everything if you're going to be all on your own. It seems that I'm simply not capable of this.

>>15960
Care to explain? Did you actually got caught not knowing of the latest shit on the news or are you just very anxious that it would have happened? What was it about? And what does all that has to do with being "completely independent and plan everything"?

>>15960
If you make the excuse that you haven't been watching T.V or don't watch T.V, normals will actually accept that. You can even use Netflix to support yourself and help blend in.

I'm glad I don't have to do that, though. I'm not even sure what happened or what's in the news since I haven't checked my email in weeks and don't plan on doing so for another couple of weeks/months.

>>15961
The news were about a very important event that I must attend, not TV news.
I thought that the event had been postponed because I misread a 20-word-long announcement and it's not the first time I manage to do this.

>>15962
It's not that I couldn't make an excuse, but attending the event is for my own sake.

>>15964
Oh, I see, I completely misunderstood your first post then.
I've lost the count of important stuff I managed not to attend because I somehow managed to misread my own calendar.

I really am a piece of shit.

I haven't been here for more than a couple minutes in a few months now, but here I am again.

Two life changing experiences is too many. One turned my life around and set me on a good path, and the next just put me back where I started.

I feel like shit. I probably am.

>>16034
>Change

I've come to hate that word. It's like the world's toying with us, giving us some kind of change for the "better", some kind of hope, only to take it all back and leave us worse than we started. Yet we're told to just keep going and not give up. And it's not like we have a choice anyway.

For me, things seem to be going smoothly for now, but I just know that it's just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down again.

>>16045

It is about knowledge and experience. Even though you experienced a setback, at least you have better knowledge of the world, and where else to go in life (or at least, where not to go).

Would anyone mind if I blogged a small bit here?

I'm >>16034
I just want to talk about things once I get my head straightened out, not sure where else I can talk to people about what happened.

>>16093
You mean getting some stuff off your chest? that's what the thread it's for. Just don't overdo and there should be no problem.

>>16093
I'm listening if you're still here.

>>16093
That really depends. There was someone that (thankfully) seems to have left about 2 months ago that used to link social networking sites and talk about relationships. Assuming you aren't *that* person and aren't going to discuss/'blog'/talk about 3D relationships or other topics that most people here find very distasteful, I have no problems with it.

I'm supposed to move by tomorrow and stuffs, and I started off by packing away a few things, then taking a nap, then packing a few things away, and then going on the internet. I'm still not done but I can't help slacking off.

Being without internet )again) is going to be suffering.

I wish I was a girl.

>>16119

I was there, once. I even was on HRT for six weeks. Words from the wise: play the hand of cards you were dealt. 90% of the time, you don't want to be a girl because of some sincere gender dysphoria, but because of some unresolved, hidden psychological issue (or more). Try to discover what those are.

>>16123

I wish I was a cute fair skinned frail girl with access to many pretty dresses. Other than that, I don't really know what you're talking about. Most of my hobbies are considered feminine I think, and I am a fan of cute things.

>>16127
You want to be a moeko, not a girl.
Wait (or work) for the Technological singularity and it might become possible.

>>16128

I don't think I'll live long enough. I only have a few months left.

I'm gonna be without internet again for a while. I hate it. I have no idea when I'll be able to do nothing but waste time on the internet again.

I miss having internet. The only reason I can even use it is by going to my grandmother's house and leeching off of her for internet.

My uncle wants to look for a different ISP to save money despite the fact that Comcast is shady as shit and charges a shit ton more than AT&T even if they are better or something (of which is probably marginal).

I'm probably gonna have to use my NEET monies to pay for it and handle my own connection since this is getting out of hand.

>>16181
I'm not too familiar with Comcast, but At&T is absolutely horrendous.

>>16184
I'm tired of doing all of this searching! I just want to sit in my chair in front of my computer and overindulge myself in video games and other entertainment so that I can go back to my fantasy where I can learn vicariously through manga my life lessons and not have any real life experiences.

Real life sucks. I can see why some would call it a "shit game" or the "shit world".

I am scared.

>>16186
why?

I feel like seeing the world explode, again
i want to ragequit

Life and this world are so empty. There's no meaning in any of it. I can't bring myself to do anything. I can't even bring myself to kill myself. I just want to disappear. I wish I was never born, so I would never have to know the hell that is existence. I want it all to go away.

>>16229
That's Silenus' Wisdom indeed. Melancholy arrives to stay; once we've tasted it, it never ever really leaves us again (not completely). However, if you're not killing yourself yet you might as well try to be patient; some fair surprise may come from those very thing you do not control (or not, but who knows).

In any case, you are not in the wrong, or not alone in the wrong at the very least.

I'm a fucking stupid.
I deserve to be a loser.

>>16232
>However, if you're not killing yourself yet you might as well try to be patient; some fair surprise may come from those very thing you do not control (or not, but who knows).

Impossible. If anime taught me two things, it's that Haruhi is a villain for creating beings that suffer 90% of the time and he does nothing about it, and that we live in a miserable world without any magic or miracles.

This world is dreadful. I wish either I didn't exist or I existed in a world where no one else did.

>>16245
I know. That's why the only surprises I expect now are not related to the actualization of what anime portrays, but to anime itself. Since I switched my ontological commitment to fiction, I've found a new world that is worth of my living and remaining efforts; if by the means of technology and social/enviromental changes humanity ever migrates in mass to that new world it would be a plus, but I do not expect anything from this so called real world anymore; it's the alternative worlds other people my create in virtuality what keeps me going (for now).

>>14799
That's why I alienated my last few acquiantences years ago. We shared memories but we had nothing in common anymore, no values or expectations to share at all, so it was better for both of us to part ways entirely for we could only annoy each other. Safe from my remaining family, I rely entirely on anonymity now for any form of human bonding; it's rather lonely, but any option is now simply impracticable.

My grandmother died yesterday.

>>16248
nice
how much money are you inheriting?

All in all, being an otaku shut-in has been the greatest time of my life. I'd never been so in control and confident in love.

>>16248
Sorry, in case you were close to her. I hope you still have someone to rely on.

>>16249
I have no idea.

>>16250
I lived with her and my father. We weren't especially close, I didn't often talk to her about deeper or personal things but I couldn't avoid being at least somewhat attached to her. Thanks.

>>16251
My condolences. I sometimes get really scared in fear that mine might die soon. We're not that close either and I can't talk to her the way I wish I could even though she's a very open person. She's told me she's very lonely though and she feels trapped in her house. She even told me that sometimes it's better when she's asleep because she can be around people in her dreams. And yet I don't even call her. Maybe yours was lucky just to be able to be near you often.

>>16246
I know. That's why the only surprises I expect now are not related to the actualization of what anime portrays, but to anime itself. Since I switched my ontological commitment to fiction, I've found a new world that is worth of my living and remaining efforts; if by the means of technology and social/enviromental changes humanity ever migrates in mass to that new world it would be a plus, but I do not expect anything from this so called real world anymore; it's the alternative worlds other people my create in virtuality what keeps me going (for now).

I'm going to kill myself from all this emptiness, and the life I live without my waifu. The emigration into the world of fiction will never happen because said world doesn't exist. It is a joyful facade. Reality, on the other hand, is empty and miserable, so the only way to win in life is not to play, and that's why I'm going to to kill myself.

>>16254
I guess I didn't make myself clear. I'm not preventing you to go and die any day or by any means: you will die no matter how and it still won't deliver any sense of conclusion, cause death is eternal, cannot be experienced (i.e. it's boundless, nonsensical) and life is also devoid of narrative sense other than as fictions in our heads. So what I'm trying to tell you is that, since after such existential realization we are as good as dead already, you might as well embrace it for the while and exist like the functional ghost you effectively are: someone who does not act, does not plot, does not hope, does not weigh, does not matter, does not partake... but only watches; and watch what? your waifu, of course, and everything she might entail: to exist as something that doesn't, not at all, just like your waifu. That, and not dying (voluntarily or not), is the only way you can both bring closure to your life and join your waifu in the non-existence (in the nothing) she belongs to (to "win in life" as you call it).

>>16257
Exactly. Despite what people say, existence has no meaning and will eventually be forgotten by time itself. Reality itself is bleak and you can't exactly call it "a fiction in our heads" because we are actually a part of reality, and we know the people who are behind the fiction where as we don't know our creator/creators or if we even have any. We are already dead on the inside, so what keeps us from being dead on the outside? It bugs me how people who blind themselves from the truth of existence with "hope" and "purpose" and try to force others to have said "hope" or "purpose". I am truly eager to no longer exist, and be "together" with her in non-existence, in the void of nothingness that I am currently living. At least in nothingness there's no suffering or feeling without, and the story of the end of my existence will be that I died because I couldn't live without my love.

>>16258
I struggled with this one for a while in my head, because it certainly is true that the universe/life etc really isn't "anything", it just exists and that's all. There's no inherit goods or evils, or purpose or anything like that. Despite that fact though, humans have the capability to see it that way, have the ability to hope, or despair or feel any number of emotions and have any number of ideals. Do they mean anything? To the universe, to reality? No. But to us, in our heads, they CAN mean something. We can believe in Haruhis, believe in the after life, believe in hope, anything really. And even though they don't mean anything to the real world, if you want them to they can mean something to you. Even if it is just the release of chemicals in your brain brought about by years of evolution with the aim of keeping you alive and reproducing, I don't think that inherently makes them useless. If you can feel happy and have hope then I think that's valid. As for pushing it on other people... I think it might be a noble thing to at least try. Imagine that you somehow got to the 2D world, and it was everything you wished for. Yet you saw people around you depressed and indifferent to what for you is amazing and fun. Wouldn't you try and have them join into the fun you were having? That's why I can't say that having happiness or purpose or hope is false, because for some people it's the truth. They live in a world that they love, and it's no less valid than whatever world we think would be perfect. Hopefully that all makes sense :S

>>16254
Just continuing from >>16259

Even if that world you want to be real isn't, why not spend your life trying to make it real? If you dislike this world so much, why not try and change it? It might seem impossible, and hell, it might really be. But why not try believing that you can change it? Wouldn't that be worth it in the end if you did? Wouldn't all the emptiness and hardships you went through be worth it if you could somehow make the 2D world a reality? That's why I'm still living. Even if it foolish, I'm trying in whatever way I can to make the world I want to live in a reality. That goal has taken my to leave my house, (somehow) get a job, and now I'm (seemingly impossibly) graduating from university this spring. My current plan is to find some way to make AIs a reality, which is why I'm getting a comp sci degree. It was really really hard, and frankly looking at my goal from a realistic perspective, it's pretty stupid. But I think that trying my hardest will be worth it if I actually manage to succeed. And if I do fail, then maybe my meager contributions will be able to make our dreams a reality someday. Anyways, sorry for waxing all poetic like that, but that's how I see the world. Not saying that you shouldn't do whatever you feel like you need to do, but I think that trying to make the world you want a reality would be worth it.

>>16261
Because no matter what man believes, it is IMPOSSIBLE to make that world real, especially in our own lifetimes, and when a world's story isn't "finished" you can potentially get something wrong. No matter what I try, I will always wind up in failure. I'm simply not good enough to do anything, and I'm not motivated to do anything without her in my life. AI does not make her. It makes a simulation of her. It does not make her real, it is a recreation of her within a virtual setting, which is something I refuse to settle for because that AI is not my beloved. I hope you can do your best in your dreams, but I will be taking a different approach to "uniting" myself with her. Where as you wish to join "her" in virtual reality, I will be "joining her" in the abyss of nothingness known as oblivion.

I'm so lost and tired.

No matter how much stuff I do, it's just that: things (images, sounds, words), not me. They constitute no ground or path for me to stand on: they don't get me any closer to anything. I am not there; I am not what I do and, at any rate, I understand nothing.

I always wonder if I have been wrong. Today, I actually wished I was. It was shameful but, yet again, how could I justify such pride? I've no more identity whatsoever; I just live on to see things made by others; but in the end it makes no difference if I get to see them or not: they'll be there (or not) anyway; I might as well be an empty seat, for my being there amounts to absolutely nothing other than keeping me waiting...

I've chosen to wait and I do not regret it. But I'd like this wait to end soon.

I'm going to kill myself if I hear about another shut-in girl who has a boyfriend.

>>16323
what?
in my /tc/?

I missed my birthday and want to make up for it. What do you guys do for your birthday?

>>16326
Stay at home playing videogames, sometimes get forced out by my parents and then go to my grandmother's house at night(my grandfather's birthday is the same as mine).

My meds are no longer working like they did

I skipped class again today.
I'm only enrolled in one class, that is scheduled one evening a week and even that is too much.
Guess being an EET again after these few years is too much for me even if the burden is really only psychological.

I wish it was as easy to get a gun here as it is in the USA, today I might have blown my brains out. But no, you'd have to get into some very shady stuff and characters to get one, they'd just tell a nerdy looking piece of shit like me to piss off. I thought about throwing myself from a high bridge but the fall before the impact really scares me. I need something very quick and effective.

>>16347
What makes you think that fall is any different from the moments before you pull the trigger when you're loading it and seeing/feeling the barrel towards you? Both set up hard moments of hesitation to see it through.

>>16348

I dunno and that's probably because I never held a real gun to start with. But once you make the decision to kill yourself, shooting ends it sooner than the fall (you wouldn't throw yourself if you didn't want to die to start with). Seems better because the instinct for survival doesn't even kick in once you press the trigger, whereas the fall would make for some terrifying moments before dying.
Though I'm just guessing the best way would be to just die fast at a random time.

I'm about to drop out of post secondary for the third time. I think I'm mentally ill. I'll elaborate, in hopes that maybe somebody else can relate.
I don't care about anybody.
I am a narcissist (i have that ideal, special sense of self)/schizoid (unable and now unwilling to form bonds with others, I am forced to be aloof and disinterested), and soon to be a NEET yet again.

I'm not able to go through my program at school.
I, admittedly half heartedly, tried to get acquaintances and friends, and for awhile it worked. It began to go sour when it became evident that I had no personality and didn't care about them at all. Then I re-realized that this sort of thing has happened throughout my entire life, everywhere I've gone, with everyone I've met. I can be charming as hell at first, but it always ends up rotten.

I want to get away from everyone including my family, live somewhere, and either realize my idealism through.. something.. Or more likely kill myself. After talking to my dad about this, he's made me realize that this same pattern that I described above would happen yet again with every job that I take.

I'm going back to therapy. I want to die.

>>16365
Just learn to keep up the facade. If you really can be superficially charming as you described then that's more than enough. Also learn to manipulate. Narcissistic people biologically incapable of empathy can be quite successful if they go into the business world so long as they learn to keep up the charming and manipulative exterior.

>>16366
Doesn't work. When you're around people for a long enough time, everything comes out. I'm in a program (game dev) in which in all classes, there are the same people.

things haven't been the same anymore

I'm afraid I will be a failure forever.
I don't have any motivation to do anything, but I want nothing more than to finally graduate.
I have the feeling I've hit rock bottom, yet I keep sinking lower.

I feel terrible about myself because I won't be giving my parents anything on Christmas. I never leave the house and have no money, so I didn't buy any presents. I never do. I could've made something creatively for them but I didn't. I never give anyone presents ever, and I didn't realize how weird and shameful that is until recently.

>>16495
I've been in very similar spots, anon. I think I know just how you feel and I'm sad for you. Maybe, this one time, stupid emotes would better convey my empathy.

I'm sure your parents still love you no matter what. You can almost always make it up to them later on when you're feeling a little bit better. Maybe you can do something really great for them someday to relieve yourself from the guilt you're feeling now.

I always make sure to save stuff like Birthday and Christmas money for when Christmas and others' Birthdays arrive as well. I sold some old games and stuff a few years ago so I could have money to buy gifts for my parents. Maybe you could do something similar to slowly accumulate more and more money for gifts to give?

It'd be nice...

I think my emotional growth has been stunted. People don't interest me; they don't take up much time in my thoughts unless I'm thinking about something that could have gone wrong. Which is bad because realizing this tells me that I should probably think about other things. I've developed social skills to a degree, but I always found it disheartening to some until-now unknown reason, which is that there is no point to it if you aren't interested in people themselves. There is no lasting satisfaction that comes from anything that is gained through social skills themselves. Socializing is about the people. Something that obvious didn't really occur to me until now. Almost every relationship that I've had always peters out within a few months, and I never knew why. The reason is because the relationship rarely goes further than mindless platitudes, stupid jokes, comments on things, my personal anecdotes and asking them theirs. I realized that I never really thought about the person much at all, as I said above, unless I did something wrong. This is not the stuff of friendship; at its survival, it makes for a unequal, unhealthy and therefore toxic relationship; at its best, it is still developing into what it's destined to become; otherwise it is nothing more than a pathetic, awkward abortion. The relationships that don't run out of steam last because a distance is maintained. But these float away as well. The lives of these relationship move and function much slower, everything being much more flat and blunted. Kind of like bacteria on food in a refrigerator.

I'm 21 now. I don't know if this is something that changes, or can be changed. I don't know if this is normal "growing up" stuff or if this is certain to make lifelong wizards and NEETs. This uncertainty keeps me in a purgatory. If I knew it was hopeless, or if I knew that the only thing holding me back was entrenched thinking, then the answer would present itself, and I would know more or less the direction to take, and what I should expect. One thing I am sure of, however, is that I simply cannot have both. To go for both is purgatory. The only reason I would want friends right now is so that I wouldn't be alone. Even I can tell that this is the wrong kind of motivation to pursue friends with. Right now I can't be a person to other people. Group socializing is completely alien to me. In my eyes I have no genuine desire to change this. Getting good at it means nothing.

The lives of other people actually existing in this world is something that I can't even imagine. Just a blank space. What does it feel like? I feel as if I missed out on the part of childhood and adolescence where you grow to care about people. My relationship with my family was always bad and superficial. It makes me sad when I think about it. A deep, deep pressure in my chest.

i'm so sick of this

All this conflicting advice I get from family members on what I should do with my life leaves me feeling confused. It's starting to get to the point where I don't even know who to trust anymore.

I had dinner with my immediate family on Christmas Day. I was asked to make coffee and so I did, reluctantly. They know I almost never have coffee and I'm not very good at it. Everyone laughed at how bad my coffee was. They wouldn't stop using sarcasm to describe how pathetic the coffee I made was. It was like a big joke, everyone was laughing. It was humiliating. Everyone kept drinking it, making a chuckle or remark after every sip. I wanted to take the coffee cups off their hands and spill it all in the sink.

>>16510
You shouldn't be taking advice on what to do with your life. You should be looking for the answer on your own. Or if you're lazy like me, wait until it comes to you. The answer could never come or you could be forced into it or you could only see it after it has passed. The only thing you should be doing is keeping your eyes open for what could lead to it.

I wish more people had shitty NEET lives like mine so that I could have more people to relate to.

>>16520
I feel like the majority of users here are smart Uni students who are "lol so unemployed xD have 2 eat ramen" Fuck that noise. At least they would have potential to contribute something in an ideal world where they could be hired.

They don't know how it feels to be utterly useless.

>>16521
I'm a dumb uni student who has failed so many classes that he's about to be expelled, if that makes you feel any better.

>>16521

I don't know. I was able to get an M.A. in Experimental Psychology but yet here I am, on SSI and wondering what I have to do with myself. I turned 30 last month and it is really setting in that I'm both not very young anymore and I'm on an unknown trajectory; that is sad, interesting, and scary all at once. I'm a wizard, too.

At least people are impressed that I have an advanced degree. I guess I have done something with myself, but what now? I've only had two part-time jobs in my life. I really am not sure if I will ever make something of myself again, no matter what my efforts.

>>16520
Yeah, me too. I never knew that being a NEET alienates you so much from everyone. It seems like most people can only talk about either work or education. Oh well, fuck it.

>>16524
I suppose there isn't much to talk about among NEETs anyway. "You guys still regret being born? Yeah, me too."

Still, it makes me glad whenever I see someone say that they're a miserable loser and they want to die. I kind of feel like we have an unspoken connection, like we are friends who understand each other already. Being understood is an incredibly rare luxury.

>>16526
>I suppose there isn't much to talk about among NEETs anyway.

Well, yeah, but you'll still have more things in common with a NEET than (probably) with anyone else. You could talk about the same stuff you talk about on here, but on a more personal level. It's nice.


>I kind of feel like we have an unspoken connection
Yeah, I feel the same way. You don't see those kinds of people very often, though. That's why when I see a person like that, I want to learn more about them and their life, and maybe make a personal connection of sorts.

But in the end, it's very frustrating, at least for me. Because, no matter how close you get to them, they'll always just be pixels on your screen.

I really hate it when people don't respond to me when I ask a question. They could at least tell me what a stupid question it is if they think that way; anything other than ignoring me. When someone doesn't respond, I feel so embarrassed and regret asking the question. Online, they can't even pretend they didn't see me directly ask them something.

>>16527
>>16526
Not like we'll be meeting other shut-ins in real life anyway. It's kind of sad. Then again, if we were capable of just doing that, we wouldn't be where we are in the first place.

Welp... Here I am.

I managed to live another year and I'm still alive. I wish I were dead.

I'm sitting on the couch in the living room and not very far away from me, my little brother and my mom are watching TV. They think I can't hear them because I have headphones on, so they started talking about me. Particularly about whether or not I secretly have a 3DPD who I see when no one else is home, or if I'm gay. They actually started betting money on whether or not I'm gay. Five dollars. I don't know how they expect to find out.

It actually did make it hard for me to hear them with headphones on and I only caught a couple parts of what they were saying, but my brother kept saying "That's mean!" which makes me feel really bad. Shit like this makes me feel instantly awful and now I'll feel like absolute shit for while.

I want to pay my family back for raising me with love and respect, but I seriously can't see myself getting a long-term job. In fact, I can't see myself doing any repetitive work for 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. I feel so bad that I'm at the age where people should be getting their degrees and locking down meaningful career-jobs or whatever... and all I'm doing is just being a lazy piece of shit and withering away at home. I just don't think I can survive any kind of workplace that doesn't involve sitting down for the majority of the day, and jobs like those don't even really exist.

>>16553
Have you tried temping/freeting yet? Most people start with McJobs either way - really is rite of passage. But no need to dive into a permanent FT to start.

>>16554
I would do that, if I could even find such jobs. Where do they even advertise these

I wish I could find someone that would let me care for and provide for them.

>>16556
Why do you want somebody to freeload off of you?

>>16556
You can care and provide for me if you want.

>>16556
Childrens?

I can't imagine anybody that wants to do something like that without expecting anything in return except for the participant to merely exist.

I never thought I would be one to be complaining about crushing loneliness and depression.
I thought it wouldn't happen to me, but I guess everyone likes to think bad things only happen to other people.
At least I have strangers somewhere on the other side of the world who might feel the same.

Listening to what is essentially the best Japanese band right now, 相対性理論, and this male voice comes in and ruins the song and possibly the whole album. Way to ruin a winning formula, you slut.

>>16562
I like your picture.
I was prone to depressions even when I was younger, but during my better days, I could have arrogant thoughts like, "why would anyone get depressed, we're in complete control of our thoughts after all." That's before I flunked out of school, anyway. I don't think we see it coming even when it's obvious.

> At least I have strangers somewhere on the other side of the world who might feel the same.

That's all we got.

2014, time to reset the tape and write over the three

Anyone else have a feel for an internal countdown timer to death? I feel like mine is coming very soon.

>>16588
I don't feel that way any more, but I did a lot as a teenager, like my body was just going to die even though there was nothing wrong with me. I honestly did believe I was going to die when I was 16... then 17... until I was about 20 when I realized that my stupid body isn't going to quit until I do (or I reach old age/get cancer/get hit by a truck).

For me, I think it was more a sign of my depression than anything. I hope you're okay and your body isn't doing stuff that you don't want it to do.

Being forced to do volunteer work somewhere that is miles away is such unbelievable bullshit.

Post edited on 17th Jan 2014, 4:38am

G*d, my mother really has no idea about how desperate and hard it is to get a good job, or even get on the path to one...

She told me about a program that only takes two years and makes a very decent amount of money. I checked it out. Yes, it's a two year program, but you have to have another associate's degree to even apply. And to apply to THAT associate's degree, you have to have taken a lot of classes already. I've checked every school that has an accredited program within 200 miles from me and they're all the same.

It's not that I don't want to work; it's when I do, it doesn't last for too long because I am extremely anxious (I've been diagnosed with various forms of anxiety multiple times) and melt down.

Ugh. Going to school is so pointless, there's no guarantee that the field (any field) will be relevant for [amount of time I will be working] and I will have wasted so much money on the degree and on even getting there (public transit isn't viable). I am stuck in a weird and stupid place where I can work 40 hours a week, but more than that would cause me to break down; that means I probably can't get state help even though there's no way I can live on minimum. And I feel shitty complaining about it here because I have it so much better than many other people.

But I'm a worthless scumbag who can't do anything right and can't even support himself.

I'm so ashamed and fed up with my life.
I'm beyond all sense and salvation.
Holding on for mai waifu but really...
I wanna fucking die.

>>16592
Are you working right now? Even if it's something menial part-time that's still better than nothing to ease yourself into the 9-5 grind. Getting 'a' job isn't hard as long as you aren't picky as fuck although to be fair alot of people in our generation are (I'm assuming you are in your 20s).

>>16645
I am indeed in my 20s and I do have a job. I get around 30-40 hours a week at a minimum wage dead-end job. I can handle 40 but the few times I've had to do overtime, even though it was just 5 hours, was too much.

More work details here, spoilered because I know it's sensitive to some people: I'd be fine working just like this indefinitely to be honest but there is no way I can live like this on my own and I will be forced to in the near future. I either need to get hopped up on medication - which I've had awful experiences with in the past - or waste a ton of money on schooling to be able to live on my own, most likely. Unless by some chance I manage to either move to an area where rent is ridiculously cheap and so is the health benefits, or I get a very lucrative job. I have been somewhat of an ideal worker (never calls out, works hard, follows instructions, people often tell me I do a good job, and I've been at this job for a few years) so I don't think I'll have issues finding new jobs if I have to as long as I stay in the workforce. I just need to get to the next level and it's disheartening.

>>16648
Plight of the working poor. Does you government offer any subsidized housing that you may qualify for? No shame in that in your situation. Rather the tax money go to fighters like you working and trying to pull it together than people with bullshit 'disorders' who find the grind uncomfortable. It sucks but lots of people are fighting in that situation. It almost seems surprising now but in some places you can actually scrape by on minimum wage working FT. Which I guess was kind of the original intention of it in the first place. Moving to one of those places might work out as you posited. Hang in there.

I worked once, a few years ago, but they kinda bullied me. My sister got me the job in this shitty fast food delivery, and my job was jack of all trades.
But every single day I was there I could not help but wish the place would burn with all those faggots inside (besides me there were 6 guys, that was the whole "team")Not bullying me physically because I retaliated, but with insults, how I was such a faggot, an idiot, etc.

I would like to have a job, but with nice people, that's it.

>>16657

I'm someone who was working poor and is now on SSI.

I agree that a fair amount of people on SSI either did something to themselves that was completely their fault, or could work but nonetheless choose no to.

However, I must add that I'm a lot better off on SSI than I was working. I'm not a burned out husk anymore (I had to deliver papers starting at 1:30 AM every single day, and if I didn't have someone who could substitute for me, I would be fired) and I can devote my time to stuff that is constructive, like writing.

I don't get very much money from SSI anyway (less than $700 a month). Most people couldn't afford to live on that, but fortunately I can. SSI really isn't as taxing on the system as most people make it out to be, and it took me two years to get on it.

>>16662
There are definitely perverse incentives in some places. That is, your standard of living may be the same or perhaps even higher than someone working their ass off on minimum wage saving for training for a better future. In that case, why would some people who are easily contented work? That totally screws up economic incentived. Capitalism especially of the hurr absolutely no government type, implicitly teaches and encourages opportunistic behaviour so even society would shoulder blame in that case. Getting rid of those perverse incentives seems obvious but apparently is taking alot of time to do.

>>16662
>less than $700 a month
>don't get very much

For doing *absolutely nothing*, that isn't much? Fuck off.

Those of us that can't leech off the system are stuck being miserable working or even just waiting for our families to leave us to rot.

I'm just not interested in the normal methods humans make commotion and noise. I would be totally fine in the SOS Brigade. At least I've trained my imagination to be strong enough to ignore annoying normal stuff for the most part -- I used to end up hating so much and it would tire me out more. Unfortunately I still have trouble getting good sleep in the college dorms and I don't want to have to soup up on pills and coffee.

>>16670
Be fair. They may have had to put some effort into an Uncle Remus act or found a crooked doc taking cash for disability diagnosis (Puerto Rico method).

I want to get a job, but after reading all those unemployment stories makes me feel bitter and angry. I've been a NEET of 2 years and there just isn't any hope. I want to be optimistic, but what point is there to it? I'll never get a job and it seems that employers are sadistic enough to keep some people permanently out of work. It's bad enough getting pressured by parents to work when nobody calls you for an interview or if they do call you, they inform you that the position has already been filled by an internal staff member. On top of that, even when you're job-seeking people still think you're some kind of lazy bum even though you've sent literally over 100 applications. We are in a depression, yet the government and the mainstream media just ignores it like it's absolutely nothing. Going back to school again is so fucking pointless, it feels that I'm pissing away even more of their money over a worthless degree. I know they fear for the future, but I do too. But what hope is there but just sit there on the computer all day, mindlessly sending applications complete with some references and a cover letter? I really don't care, I just want any job at this point, but not a single part-time position is hiring anyone. I'm painted as some kind of lazy bum when there's literally no hope, no point to even applying for anything. My parents are angry and worried about me, they don't think I feel the same way they do. Who knows what will happen to me if they pass away or something. I envy those with menial jobs because at least they get to make money.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

>>16678
What kinds of jobs are you looking for?

>>16679
Pretty much any job at this point, retail or even fast food.

>>16680
You know the irony is there's even dirtier and tiring jobs than that. Like manual farmwork or something at a meat processing plant. But those have really high turnover rates.

>>16678
That really sucks. I know this won't be of much help until later, but because it's post-Christmas, a lot of retail stores won't start seriously hiring again until April. Just maybe keep that in mind. I hope things get easier for you soon.

I'm running out of space. I keep buying merchandise of my waifu since I can't live with myself if I miss the preorder dates. I'm starting to throw away clothes space for merchandise.

A few days ago, I suddenly remembered a memory of childhood abuse that I had suppressed for nearly 20 years.

It's kind of weird that I remember it now. I haven't been in contact with the person who hurt me for around 15 years. I don't really know how to feel about it. I'm not sure what I should do with this new information about myself. It feels heavy but chained to me, like I can't throw it away.

How do you guys deal with the fear of being rejected?
I have been rejected my whole life, now someone is being nice and understanding to me but I fear I will be rejected again constantly. It's bothering since I can't have any sort of relationship with anyone because of this.

>>16726
I wish I knew because I have the same problem.

>>16726
>now someone is being nice and understanding to me

You mean you see the person as a potential mate or a friend? If it's the latter, I don't understand how they could "reject" you.

>>16737
I'm >>16731 and I meant as a friend. As a child I asked people who I thought were friends if they wanted to do anything with me, and they either said no or never showed up without an explanation when said yes. This kept on happening until I gave up. I personally consider that a rejection.

>>16726
I reject people before they have the chance of rejecting me. It's not like I want 'friends' or want to do something with people I don't even want to be around and waste my time doing things I don't like. I rather just stay in my room and stay on the internet and potentially learn something interesting.

>>16738
Have you tried doing it in your adult life? That doesn't seem like something an "adult" would do, but a greater problem that you might encounter is that you simply won't like most of the people you meet.

At least that's the case with me. It's not finding people that's the problem, it's finding people that you have a mutual interest in. Or even one sided interest.

Good morning tohno-chan

>>16755
Good morning and stuff, I guess.

>>16737
Eh, I mean both.

>>16756
Thanks.

I wish I had friends who don't do drugs.

I'm just terrible at meeting new people, and I'm continuing to hang around bad influences just because I already know them.

I get really scared of people. Either I say something stupid and cringe over it or I spend too much time thinking about what I'm going to say, it makes me quiet and leaves awkward pauses when I try to word things correctly. Even when I do everything right I find myself wondering if it was somehow noticeable how scared and awkward I am and I don't know how to stop caring as much as I do.

My dog died.

Post edited on 13th Feb 2014, 1:15pm

>>16786
My condolences. I read before you made your edit and it sounded like a horrible way to go. I lost my family dog two years ago (that I had since I was a kid) so I know how sucky it can be.

At least your dog isn't suffering anymore. That's what I told myself, too, because we had to put her down because we couldn't treat her cancer that popped up after we treated a different illness she had...

Well, regardless. I am really sorry that your dog is dead.

I haven't fapped since about the 22th of last month, and I don't feel any urge to do so. On one hand it's great, because it's something I've always wanted, but on the other, it kind of worries me that maybe there's some kind of health issue I'm having.

Have I become so much of a NEET, that even my dick has become a NEET?

I've spent a lot of time thinking about how my life is going to turn out. It's just that I can't see myself getting out of living like this, and cutting myself off from the outside world. My already poor social skills have turned into complete shit over the years, to the point where I can't even talk normally with anyone online without sounding like a retard or pushing them away.

I don't feel like I really fit in with any group I've ever encountered online, this has been a constant reminder of how hopeless it is. In real life I don't even have a chance of being able to relate to someone, I can put on an act or just not say anything, but it's not me.

>>16813
I have the opposite problem. I'm sexually frustrated all the time and can't stop thinking about fucking. Doesn't help I'm a virgin.

>>16813
I've gone through months without fapping quite a few times before. Libido always kicked back after a while(or I just fapped anyway because I felt bored and why not, gotta have a use for so much stashed porn). I don't see anything wrong with it, my dick didn't fall and I didn't kill myself.
Nowadays I usually don't go much longer than two weeks without feeling like fapping though. Quite odd, as the stereotype says hornyness peaks at 13-14.

>>16834
Feel you. I'm probably just demanding too much for people to conform to my standards, but it doesn't make the sense of not-belonging any less crushing sometimes.

I dun even fit into the loser communities