My SSI appointment is today. Has been on my mind for awhile. spoilers are drug related
Before that, some things I've done today...
Few minutes ago on a walk in the park I almost ran into two people, right after almost falling off a short bridge. Should really be careful walking in the pitch black. That got me thinking that I *might* be one of those creepers people say to watch out for walking at night, I'm probably too weak. I look like somewhat of a bum, and sometimes under the effect of stuff, often pacing around randomly in a public park at night. Nightwalks are better than day, not giving a fuck.
Other than that I did some writing practice with some random japs. Rarely actually do this though, not even sure why. Writing my thoughts out in a different language can be fun. My reading and writing have made some improvements it seems. That's it though... I'll never be able to speak nippon, I STILL can't even understand when others speak.
Later, I'm going to make progress on my quest to get SSI.
First, I have a doc appointment, 10 hours until the doc, 12 hours until an SSI related over-the-phone interview. Doc's appointment should be easy if these side effects go away. Wide open eyes and slightly foaming mouth will stand out. SSI interview will be a new situation, unknown questions,etc. therefore scary etc.
I honestly have no clue what I'm going to answer with when they ask me about my "disability", "why it prevents me from working",etc... Aspergers and social anxiety doesn't sound like a very solid reason. My cousin had to go through court, get a lawyer, etc. No way I'm doing that shit though, if it comes to that I'm giving up.
This interview was actually supposed to happen last week, I really fucked up and skipped it. Almost lost whatever chance of getting on disability... or so said the lady that's "helping with my case". She seemed pretty mad over the phone.
Though that only happened because of stupidity with my meds, planning ahead this time.was only on 15mg, which is just 1/3 of my prescribed daily dose. Playing borderlands 2 with my bro allowed me to save up 4 days worth of the stuff. I've downed 105mg of adderall IR today, two 15mg pills every 30min. Then to prevent me from avoiding my business, I'll be taking another huge dose before my first appointment. My daily dose is 15mg 3 times daily. Confirmed that I won't avoid this.
Getting any amount free money monthly would be a nice bonus to have, while I take my sweet time with job searching.
Only reason I'd want friends is for when I'm using my stuff, two NEETs on it would be some fun. Too bad I'm a friendless aspie. Large doses of amphetamine actually make me want to talk to others, like seek them out, leave my house. Scary how close to being a normal high doses can make me. No one would even guess I'm a shutin. After waking up my anxiety returns at full force. then I get the cringe inducing memories of me in situations I'd normally avoid at all costs.
I want to try out stronger stimulants someday, if prescription shit that anybody can get does THAT, illegal ones must be pretty badass.
If disability is granted to me, I'll use tax payer's money to buy that shit. Surely the tax payers wouldn't mind assisting me in temp. curing anxiety. Can't do it with this neet budget.
Part 2 ...because I forgot to click submit. chance to add some extra shit I thought about.
I was thinking that ME getting disability would be funny. As far as I know my health is perfect, have access to stuff to fix my only problem, even tried to apply for jobs, not my fault nobody hires me. With that I could leech tax payers without any guilt. SSI is somewhere in the $600-$700, more than I thought. Curious to see if food stamps is also included. That one lady mentioned "helping my case", no idea what that means.
I'm going to be paying attention to what kind of questions, etc, and of course how badly I think I fucked up. Most likely won't tell me my real result until laterr. Way later.
blogpost so tooo long, might be boring as hell.
I'm going to post again after my interview, might be able to answer questions from fellow NEETs or soemthing
Post edited on 16th Oct 2012, 6:00am