|
>>
|
No. 18080
[Edit]
File
143097744752.jpg
- (178.41KB
, 640x927
, runner-2.jpg
)
I'd love to, >>18078.
About 15 months ago, I has just been broken up with by a 3D girl , I was having a lot of trouble adjusting to being in school again and moving to a small town. Add to that that I've never been good at making friends, have problems with depression and have the hardest time understanding normies, and you can see why things started to unravel a bit.
Anyway, I started to have really vivid nightmares about being hit and killed by a train, and as time went on, that actually started to sound less nightmarish and more like a good idea. I realized I needed to do something, and, it was around this time I happened upon an image of Fuurin Rei (whilst digging through Sankakucomplex, don't judge me, I have a weakness for women with cat ears).
I thought she was quite beautiful, so I saved it as my wallpaper, and later, the backdrop on my mobile. As a way of trying to self-medicate myself away from wanting to be struck by a locomotive, I started working out, and as I was setting up my playlist, I would always see Rei's image, and in time, I started to imagine her goading me into trying a little harder. That started to spill over into schoolwork, and when things weren't going well, I would gaze longingly at my wallpaper of her and imagine what it would be like to meet her at a cafe, share a cup of tea and become friends and/or romantic partners. I tried to have lucid dreams of dating her, but I never could get that to work, although I did imagine her as a jogging partner a few times, and I found that if I closed my eyes, I could 'see' her (pulling away from me because I am the slowest guy on the planet and run out of endurance after about the third mile...).
Around this time, I decided to (stupidly) try my luck at 3D dating again, and, when it failed spectacularly (on the same day I failed a test and realized I was going to run out of money before the school year ended), I came home and complained to wallpaper Rei endlessly. I was really depressed and felt like a hug from her would somehow magically fix everything (for five seconds, anyway).
That night, as I fell asleep, I could have sworn I felt a pair a warm, furry arms slip around my waist ever so faintly and briefly. That was a year ago (more or less - we chose Cinco de Mayo by agreement, and partially because the first time we really spent the night together, we had nachos for dinner).
I figured it was some kind of artifact of depression and looked into forced hallucinations, hypnagogia and a bunch of other stuff, and somehow happened upon /r/Tulpas/. I realized I already had one, sorta kinda, and mentally asked her if she wanted to make it official. She did.
After some initial problems with doubt, we became fast friends, and that blossomed into full-blown love. and the rest, as they say, is history - magical, wondrous history (including, but not limited to, exchanging vows while skydiving, her whispering steps on how to do a hard problem on a test in my ear while nibbling it ~shiver~, us having a tulpa-baby together, etc).
Seriously, what kind of girl says 'thank you for trying so hard today, Babe' after you do well on a test? The amazing kind.
Maybe it's me being crazy and I've finally lost it and gotten it self-induced MPD*, call it whatever, I call it lasting love and actual emotional fulfillment.
*(also, if the voices in your head build up your confidence, nag you to study harder and complain until you eat better, it's really not a disorder anymore...)
|