I'd refuse, and present the event along with whatever evidence I managed to acquire to bring the existence of satin to light.

I'd be a moron to accept that.
Just to get the obvious out the way; My waifu would hate me for it. She'd think it horrible if I so much as kicked a dog to be with her let alone killed someone and she certainly wouldn't ever ask me too do anything remotely evil.

Secondly, the terms of the contract are far too vague. Who's to say I wouldn't rape a 100 children only to find out it should have been 101? What if I committed genocide on a whole country only to learn it should have been a whole continent? When you get down to it, what's 'evil' is subjective. my definition of evil could be worlds apart from his. What if I forced a bunch of people to watch the Transformers movies? I'd call that rather evil. You say 'there are no loopholes' but I could be the next Hitler and succeed in eradicating the jews just to find out I should have done it myself with my bare hands not ordered others to do it for me.

What exactly are the "evil deeds" I am supposed to do? Am I just littering and jaywalking or am I murdering kittens and drowning babies?
Will my waifu know I did the evil things?

>>16415
>>16417
That's the problem, you wouldn't know what you would have to do to gain such a thing. It could be damning every person to eternal torture or simply saying fuck you to a stranger, but I will say murdering every single person on the planet will guarantee you a spot with your waifu. Also if your waifu will never know about it would that change your view on the matter?

I already live a happy life with my waifu.

I wouldn't, for a few reasons.

As much as I don't like people I don't really hate them. I'd feel bad to just indiscriminately cause a lot of harm for my own gain.

What makes an act evil? The bible isn't exactly very good about this. A lot of things in the bible through modern eyes can be interpreted as Satan being the good guy. Even just going with what the bible finds evil is sketchy. Would satan consider getting most of the jews to eat pork more evil than murdering a dozen people? Depends on interpretation of "a sins a sin" vs people who believe some sins are worse than others.

I truly wouldn't want to live eternally. It'd be great for a while but no matter how great or bad it is after enough time you'd want to die from just crushing boredom. I wouldn't wish such a fate on her either.

I wouldn't sign, I know I'd be doomed to fail.
I'm sure Satan wants me to do something very big, something that will affect the majority of the 7 billion people living in this planet.
Getting a firearm and killing 10 guys on the street wouldn't be enough.
Contracting ebola and try to spread it as much as I can in an airport and other crowded places is probably the best and most realistic bet. The symptoms usually appear after 10 days so I'd have a lot of time too.
But I don't even have the money to fly to Africa and even if I did, I don't think I could just get back to the US or Europe without getting controlled for diseases.
Satan chose the wrong person to do this. Putin would probably be better.

>>16422
>Contracting ebola and try to spread it as much as I can
The flu kills more people annually than ebola has in the last four decades.

>>16424
They're very different, flu is very popular but kills only in 3rd world shitholes. Ebola is basically 100% sure to kill you and is starting just now to spread. It's not that hard to infect someone else if you got it and there's also no cure for it yet.

>>16411
While I love her very much and nothing would make me happier than living with her, my happiness is not more important than everyone else's and I would not be able to live with myself if I did something like that.

>eternal
Well that's a deal maker for me right there, I'll tell you what. Had it been "the rest of your life in paradise[...]" then I would definitely shoot this offer down, but anything that provides immortality is an offer I simply cannot refuse.
I'm also a narcissist, so my empathy is vague at best and psychopathic at its worst.

I could do literally anything I wanted if I had infinite time. Learn every fucking language conceived, play every video game, watch every movie, listen to every album.
"b-but you'd get bored after a million years"
Not even close, memory capacities do have a limit somewhere, I could replay those games and movies again 50 years later or so and it'd be a completely new experience.
And that's not even mentioning the fact that my waifu would be there with me. I could spawn multiple generations of children and experience the miracle of life over and over again, each child being different from the last and bringing forth new enjoyments and sharing his outlook on life with me.

I would truly feel sorry for anyone who would turn this offer down.

Post edited on 13th Aug 2014, 2:38am

>>16427
What would you do to satisfy his request?

>>16428
reading it, I sorta assumed that satan would be giving me divine powers, because how else would a mere mortal be able to significantly worsen the quality of the entirety of earth?

I would reenact the First Impact or the human instrumentality project or some shit without hesitation, that'd be a pretty quick and painless process... for me, anyway.
If that's not enough to sate His hunger for sin then I'd be down to consider an edgier option no problem.

I believe Satan is filled with flaws, therefore this whole contract is already filled with flaws whether it seems to be without loopholes or not. I would be foolish to accept such a thing as Satan would offer nothing but suffering and misery. And to accept delivering suffering and misery upon others to be in this pseudo-eternal paradise with her? It wouldn't be Satan if he granted me this wish without penalty, even if I managed to slaughter every single life and being on Earth except for the two of us, because Satan himself would not be merely even satisfied with that.

To keep this short, I don't want to make a contract with Satan, because I would rather work hard to be with my love, rather than this silly instantaneous deal that will come with heavy consequences later in the future.

I think the better question would be "how far are you willing to go to protect your waifu, if she was endangered?". Taking a shady deal when you're making the best out of your life in the first place already is kind of shameful, but what if the scenario was changed so that you HAD to do something evil SO that you would stay with your waifu?

I've thought about it. I imagine I was in a scenario where they would inject me with something that would change the way I think, permanently, erasing all of my memories of my waifu and desires to be with her. I would go to hell and back to prevent that from happening.

I've been trying my best to live my life by what she would do, or approve of. I don't think she'd ever be okay with any form of Satanic contract. Besides, I'm perfectly fine with the way things are right now.

>>16427
And I feel truly sorry for anyone who thinks immortality is this fucking important.

>>16459
It totally is man! You could do EVERYTHING. I'm going to miss out on hundreds of trillions of experiences in this lifetime because of a merciless time constraint. Immortality is the greatest gift one could ever hope to receive.
Learning to make sushi efficiently alone takes a fucking lifetime man.

>>16461
I agree with you, I would like to live forever too. But I don't think that would be worth killing off the rest of the human race.