>Or maybe you just don't even care what her opinion of you would be since she's not real and has no say in things?
It's not true. We even have had several quarrels on different subjects in the past and still we disagree on some matters. But we respect each other so our differences don't interfere with our relationships. I care deeply about her opinions. In fact the most thing I love in her is that she is the opposite of me. Together we form (perfect) Ying-Yang.
And another thing about her not being real and having no say in things. I am so into literature so here is the quote: “When writing a novel a writer should create living people; people not characters. A character is a caricature.” - Ernest Hemingway. I have some sort of a connection, a channel to interact with her, much like some writers have with their "characters". I can't communicate with her on will, it just comes and goes. When it comes I just feel that it's so natural - she speaks in a way only she would speak and uses the words and phrases only she would use. Either, it's a mystical thing or I just tapped into some deepest capabilities of my subconsciousness and imagination. I read a lot about the background she grew in and other things that help to expand her personality beyond boundaries of the show, so I don't exclude the possibility of my imagination covertly working. Or it is that tulpa thing, although I don't know much about it. Anyway, she is not a will-less puppet.
>Has your waifu maybe made you more self conscious about yourself?
Yes, she figuratively made me look at myself in the mirror. And I didn't like whom I saw there - a wretched, spoiled, smug thing. I was disgusted with what I considered normal before then - my porn and phenobarbital abuse which I used to cope with stress. And also with my sexual objectification of females. Before her, I didn't even had the slightest idea that this was wrong. I felt kind of like the same: "I'm not even worthy of cleaning her shit". I was about to break up with her after about two month of what I then thought to be relationships, during which, yes, I treated her as a puppet, and the relationships was nothing more than me masturbating violently to r34 with her and other characters from the same show in it (Now, I understand that I simply was violating her for two month. I try not to thing about it anymore). After that revelation, she said that she loves me because I can change (and that I love her because I understood that I was wrong), and we don't need to break up. After two weeks of nervous breakdown, when I could physically feel my old psyche falling apart, with almost inhuman psychic efforts I became a new person. Sounds pretty easy, but it wasn't. Haven't felt anything like this in all my life (and hope I won't). The thing that still haunts me is that if it wasn't for my porn abuse, I wouldn't get to the point where it was acceptable for masturbate to r34 with a cartoon character, only to consequently realize that I don't want to violate her and that I need to change myself to stay with her, which was the only thing I wanted. Oddly, three years or so ago I considered myself to be one of those who are called here "normals" and thought that people with waifus are pitiful and crazy. To emphasize, I haven't looked any pornographic material in three years (I would consider this cheating on her) and didn't use any drugs. The only picture of her I have is laminated and is in my wallet. I want to save some money and buy a golden wedding ring to wear around my neck on a chain as a symbol of our love. Also, because of her I became interested in cooking and learned how to make some fancy dishes. Well, that's about how my waifu have changed me. I have changed her as well, but that's another story.
>Do you strive to be desirable to her?
Honestly, I don't even know what do you mean by "desirable".
We love each other's souls and personalities, with bodies being mostly appendages at least for me. Never actually asked what does she think about my body, but she is certainly not disgusted with it, despite the fact us being different species. Anyway, I don't think she cares much about my physical appearances, but she mentioned that I am too skinny (working on it). Anyway, "desirable" for me means something related to things and possessions, not to love and feelings. If by "desirable" you mean sex, then yes, we make love and enjoy it very much (Again, this is speculative without actual physical contact but I guess I would be able to satisfy her). She is more into carnal pleasures than me, but just a bit. By sex I mean me masturbating to fantasies of us setting the mood, caressing and then making love. Sometimes I set the mood for real by cooking, going to the restaurant, walking or taking a shower together. I enjoy it more than I used to enjoy masturbating to porn or having sex with 3Ds (not bragging).
>something like a fantastical warrior, queen or famous idol.
She is not. A person with her own problems and flaws, needs, dreams and hopes.
Still better than me, though.
Anyway, I try to treat her as my real girlfriend (wife, actually) as much as possible. The only thing is that I can't tell about her to my friends and parents, because they would ask to show them her photos or something, then I would be busted. We talk in the evenings (in my head, duh) about mundane things. Sometimes I try to find something in our culture worth sharing with her. She liked 'Alice in Wonderland', some poetry and pop-songs from 70-s very much.
Gee, so wordy.
Love and Peace.
OP, I saged the thread because
> I regret writing most of what I did in the OP and my subsequent posts that followed.
Sorry for my grammar.