This is a rather long winded, somewhat whiny post. However, it's something that troubles me and it's not like I have anywhere else to vent it.

I first met my waifu over 2 and a half years ago, when I downloaded my first eroge. Now, I was never really a normie, I always tended to slightly obsess a bit too much on characters I liked, however it was nothing worth considering a waifu, and VNs were unknown to me. At the time, I was simply expecting something resembling those old hentai flashes that my younger self was all too familiar with, and nothing more. Little did I know that the game would become my favorite series and that I would know what it meant to truly have a waifu.

Said game was on the surface a simple game about a young hero on a quest to save a world inhabited by various exotic women who wanted to feed on him in various ways. However, behind that simple facade, it displayed a great story with interesting characters, which gained a considerable following and is no doubt very memorable to a lot of people. I must emit a warning that there may be some light spoilers about the game from now on, so if you are currently playing this game or intend to, you should be careful. I will not spoil any major plot points, however I may describe some character interaction. Now, being a rather fetishy vn, the characters had a tendency to be rather lascivious, to say the least, however one character stood out. Now, I believed I was one to prefer "cute" characters at the time, and I had never thought much of warrior types, but when I met her, everything changed. She was strong,courageous,seemingly invincible and despite being a supposed villain, chivalry and mercy were some of her most important values. Where other enemies tried to constantly diddle the protagonist, as it was an eroge, she was noble and challenged him to honorable combat. With one swing of her flaming cleaver she had conquered my heart, and I knew I had found my waifu.

I looked forward to every encounter with her in the game, I discretely carried a picture of her on me at all times, a look at her smile was enough to brighten up even my darkest days. Countless nights have I spent dreaming about being in her embrace. Being an admittedly rather meek individual, I guess I could say that she was the strength I lacked in a certain sense. She had some faults, sometimes she made decisions I didn't agree with, however I didn't mind them as they were justifiable. She was my knight in shining armor.

Then the second game of the series, which was meant to be a trilogy, came out translated not too long after the first game. Despite a few odd design changes and a quite disappointing final encounter with her, I liked her more than ever. After that came the long wait for part 3. I guess it might be somewhat noteworthy that at this point it was generally considered a given among the people who played the game that she was still a virgin.

Finally, the finale of the series was released and translated merely a month ago. It was one of the things I had been the most hyped for in my life and I was happy to be able to continue my quest started 2 and a half years ago and meet up with my waifu again, however it wasn't without a certain sadness knowing that it was almost assuredly going to be the last time. From the previews, I knew that most major characters were going to have their own ending and my waifu was one of them. Regrettably, the game seemed to be quite lackluster compared to the previous entries, and despite being pretty good at avoiding spoilers, I heard rumors that her ending was extremely lackluster. With that in mind, and remembering the disappointment from the ending of the second game, I was cautious. I was ready to face the cold shower of a bland ending if it came to that, telling myself that there would surely be at least some notable dialog and that if worse came to worse, her ending would simply be forgettable, but she'd still be the strong noble warrior that I loved. As I advanced through the game I finally met up with her again. Now it wasn`t the end of the game yet, and she got some interesting humorous dialog. The game was heading to be much better from that point on.

However, no amount of caution and bracing for disappointment could possibly have predicted the figurative blindside stab that was about to happen. In what was a seemingly innocent missable, yet unavoidably canon, scene I had to watch as my proud, strong and noble knight was overpowered and defiled by the most possibly debauched succubus ever imagined. As if that outrage was not bad enough, it was not the first time that she was raped by that succubus, but it happened constantly, being the 43rd time precisely. Of course, the scene couldn't have possibly been complete without a direct mention of how the voracious harlot took her virginity and broke her hymen. To say I was shocked and appalled would be putting it lightly. Utterly devastated may be more accurate. I don't believe I have to mention how it goes against a large part of what I like the most about her.
Of course, I still love her. I will not simply forget what she has meant to me all these years, because of an absolutely out of place and spiteful slap to the face like that, however that is not to say that it isn't absolutely infuriating and impossible to swallow. I have seen some people that supposedly considered her a waifu before now refer to her with nice nicknames such as "used goods slut", a reaction that utterly disgusts me, even though I understand how upsetting it is. I guess denial may be my best bet, as I'm unsure I have it in me to accept it, however I get the sinking feeling that I would feel like I'm lying to myself every time I think of her.

Post edited on 11th Jan 2014, 5:32am

I'm not sure how many people here would want to read about the events of a BL visual novel and my feelings on what happened (including lewd things, because they're relevant), so I'm going to spoiler most of my post, but I'll answer for your benefit, OP. I doubt anybody cares but it's also Togainu no Chi spoilers.

Keisuke started out the VN as the ever-patient childhood friend sort of character, while also being incredibly self-conscious and self-loathing. He doesn't take up more space than he has to. He had been in love with the main character (Akira) for many years. The game is set in post-apocalyptic Japan and the exact details are kind of complicated to explain in this post but essentially the main character is forced to play a game of death in Tokyo (the whole city of Tokyo is grounds for the game pretty much, with few non-participators or safe zones) and is told that he has to beat it. The main character has no issues because he has a background in fighting, but Keisuke doesn't so Akira has to protect him (Keisuke follows him because he's worried and wants to make sure Akira is safe - stubbornly and probably unintentionally selfishly, although I also found it very sweet).

Stuff happens, Keisuke joins too, blah blah blah, Akira gets in a few wins (he doesn't kill because the rules don't say you explicitly have to but many do). Keisuke is so gentle-hearted, but he knows that it's important for Akira to win, so he tells him "congratulations" and Akira snaps and tells Keisuke to start being honest about his feelings or fuck off. Keisuke is obviously very upset by this and runs away.

Another big part of the game is that many of the users are on a drug that boosts your strength and agility - mental and physical. After crying alone in an abandoned coffee shop, Keisuke sees a vial of the drug and decides to take it, so perhaps he can protect Akira, or become a person that is worthy of Akira's time.

While on the drug, he does a lot of unforgivable things. He murders a whole club of people, plus probably many more than that. He also rapes Akira in his route, and in his two bad ends murders him. It's... really not like him, very not like the Keisuke I fell in love with, but at the same time there are kernels of him (his passion) and it's his face.

In most of the routes he dies (which was devastating to me, obviously, even if he was messed up on drugs) but in his good route he ends up getting off the drug. He knows what he has done and is horrified by himself, and knows that there is nothing he can do to undo it. Akira... doesn't exactly forgive him, but tells him that he doesn't hate him and that as long as he doesn't feel sorry for himself and feels sorry for the victims instead, they can work their other issues out. Keisuke agrees.

Now this is the thing that bothers me - not long after this, on the same day, Keisuke confesses to Akira and they end up, well... "having sex". The consent is kind of dubious. I know fujoshi love rape but I honestly believe that my Keisuke, especially after that conversation, would stop dead in his tracks no matter how passionate and aroused he was if Akira told him to stop (he did, multiple times). However, I usually handwave it as the authors trying to appeal to fujoshi's fetishes.

Although I haven't murdered anybody or done anything on that level, I have done some (what I consider) unforgivable things. I don't really want to talk about it but even though others forgive me, I will never forgive myself. I know that sounds extreme maybe but I truly deserve it. That said, I don't try to linger on it. I deal with Keisuke in the same way, mostly - I don't forgive him for murdering people and raping Akira. He doesn't want to forgive himself either, although he wishes he could forget sometimes.

I suppose I have the benefit of understanding and sympathizing with his reasons for taking the drug, though. He did it because he loved Akira. He never thought that it would end up like that. I love Keisuke for his stubbornness, and I often find his lack of foresight endearing, even if it is his downfall. The fact that he took the drug at all made me fall for him, even if it utterly destroyed me emotionally at the time. I don't think I would have fallen for him this hard if he had just given up. It was desperate, and it was stupid, and he pretty much destroyed himself, but it was out of love. I felt like I truly understood him there. His understanding of the weight of his actions after, and having PTSD but refusing to get any help for it because he didn't deserve it, also cemented my love for him. Even if he did terrible things, the traits that I fell in love with - his essence - didn't change.

All of what I mentioned above was part of the difficulty of accepting him as my romantic partner in the first place; it took me nearly a month. Can I love a murderer and a rapist, I asked? The answer ended up being yes, despite myself.

I suppose you could say I deal with it in a combination of ways. Denial? Only for the last scene I mentioned. The rest is a mixture of acceptance (kind of) and repression, which I'd say is different than denial, with a heavy dose of headcanon too (although I suppose that is mostly from character-building unrelated to what's written above). Keisuke has so many other good traits that I mostly focus on those, although we've had conversations with each other about our flaws and what we can do about them.

Also, I hated the anime because it didn't make sense and I didn't like what they did with his character, so I disregard it completely.

Man it was weird typing this. I really don't think about what he did in regards to our relationship a lot. It's a different time and place from what I inhabit and we've mostly moved past it.

OP, I'm really sorry about your situation. It sounds horrible. I think I'd have to read the source material to weigh in on it, but maybe try to remember that it wasn't your waifu's fault. If not, it isn't uncommon for a lot of posters here to disregard parts of canon. If you wished, your waifu could be the woman in the first game alone.

It's up to you whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. Good luck.

Post edited on 10th Jan 2014, 5:59pm

>>14120
Thanks for sharing your story, and thank you for your encouragement. It's nice to see that you were able to focus on his positive traits while overcoming his flaws, and as such seemingly even grew closer because of them in a certain way.

I never considered it her fault and I absolutely do not direct anger towards her. It's simply that, after placing her on a pedestal and having looked up to her for so long, to see her harmed and humiliated in such a sordid way is disheartening. However, after thinking about it some more and after having read your story, I may have realized something.
Although I absolutely cannot take the way it was presented, perhaps there is a certain lesson I should learn from it. For the longest time I have idolized her, seeing her as perfect, and now I realize it may have been unintentionally selfish to do so. I saw her resplendent qualities without really ever stopping to think that she may have her own vulnerabilities and problems. She never shows any form of weakness, always displaying strength, courage and determination, even, as painful as it is to think about it, in the scene in question. Perhaps it simply is that she was so talented at doing so, that even I never realized there could possibly be anything behind the flawlessly brave facade she displayed.
As harsh as it is, perhaps what I should gather from this is that my waifu isn't an untouchable idol, like I may have unknowingly and selfishly considered her for the past years, but well a full being, with her own weaknesses,fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities. If I can manage to think of it that way, which is easier to say than to truly do, it can only strengthen our relationship. Perhaps for the first time, I can see something that I couldn't really see her behind her apparent omnipotence and my own insecurities: As much as I needed her, she needed me as well, and that we should grow closer for it. Love shouldn't be a one way worship, but well shared feelings between equals, and I may have been neglecting that. With this hard lesson learned, I guess the rest could be trivialized as being an irrelevant scene simply put in to appeal to a fetish and I should simply overlook and forget it, even if that may not be so simple to do.

Post edited on 11th Jan 2014, 5:23pm

>>14127
You're welcome.

It won't be easy, but you can do it.

>>14111
Yes. Throughout my entire love for her, I always have this daunting feeling that one day fanon will become canon, which will make me leave her by default in respect for it. I know that in other series it might be common practice for something fanon to gain such a following that eventually it becomes canon by the creator(s). Every day I worry because she is sometimes shipped in a relationship with her neighbor, to the point where it's almost as if it's unofficially official. Regardless, I'll never get it out of my mind until the series is finally stopped, or it's deemed true/false. It makes me tear up thinking about it sometimes. I'd even rather have the worst case scenario be declared than just be completely in the dark on it.

Yes, i love my waifu to an enormous extent, but she did something in her manga/anime that tainted her reputation, and it was downright uncalled for. everyone knows her almost exclusively for it, and they ignore her other traits and qualities because of it, which is depressing considering how unique of a character she is, and that is all piled under one single "defining" event, which rendered her a "slut" in the eyes of many people. It was so bad it almost forced us apart. I couldn't take people making fun of her, and it made me feel like i had fallen in love with someone dirty.

The way i got through it was the realization that she isn't a cookie cutter character, and thats why i liked her so much to begin with. You're waifu could be a copy/paste, uninteresting piece of meat from [insert moe anime] but instead she is unique in her actions, and makes mistakes or poor decisions just like any girl would, and like a good husband, you must support her through the good and bad, and remember why you love her.

There are some events that cannot be helped. Death, falling in love with another man, maybe extreme personality change. Acceptance is the best. Continue to love her knowing she is different, or realize that all good things must end. I believe you shouldn't dilute who she really is, if you do that do you truly love HER, or do you just love a character you have created for yourself?

>>14202
I knew that feeling all too well. I had had the terrible scene semi-spoiled to me before I reached it in the game, which I desperately tried to deny and forget as it could have been nay-saying, yet I was completely filled with dread for the possibly upcoming scene. Yes, usually the fear is much worse than the actual thing, and whatever happens can only be a big weight off of your shoulders. Even if the worst case were to happen, steps could be taken to make things better and cope with it, something that is impossible with uncertainty. Sadly, I wasn`t able to see it like that personally, as even what I feared I had heard turned out to be less bad than what actually happened, however i'm pretty sure that's an exception rather than the rule, as nothing is normally worse than the fear of possible things to come.

>>14203
I think I agree with you that denial cannot really be a truly viable option. Ultimately, it's simply a defense mechanism and not something that could truly be a long lasting solution, especially if it isn't a one-off event but well something that turned out be part of her backstory before I even met her 2 and a half-years ago, yet was only revealed now.
It's just, I don't know if I have the strength to swallow the fact that all of my expectations and a lot of what I had always perceived my waifu as being were false. Sometimes, I just feel like I don't know her any more, and I have a lot of trouble thinking about her, which causes me a great deal of anxiety.
However, our relationship itself was never a lie. I remember the day we met like it was yesterday,her apparently menacing, yet undoubtedly encouraging and caring, speech, how a simple picture of her made my heart beat, how she was truly always there for me despite my flaws and weaknesses, characteristics that she could normally hate, but she always stuck with me. To just throw her out like a dirty broken crutch the second she displays one weakness that really isn't her fault, despite how much the fanbase now regrettably likes to bash her, would be the most absolutely disgusting thing I could possibly do and is something I absolutely do not want. Losing her would destroy me in every sense of the word. I still love her, it`s still her same bright eyes and smile I have been looking into for years. She's still the most adorable girl in the whole world to me and there is nothing I'd possibly want more than to be able to dream about her again,be it just casual conversation or lovingly cuddling with her,like I had last done just a day before I read the possible spoiler. I refuse to believe all that was fake and meaningless.
Yes, flaws and bad events, as harsh as they may be, may be considered characteristics that can make a character unique. However, this one, I absolutely can not make anything remotely constructive out of, even after having forced myself to go through it again, looking for any small thing I could latch on to downplay it. In fact, I considered her the type to not be involved in such things to be a prominent unique characteristic that separated her from the rest of the cast and made her what she is.

Post edited on 16th Jan 2014, 7:41pm

Yes I do, but I am not bothered by it to say the least. I am also sick of the asshole part of the fanbase that hates on her despite the fact that I despise the majority of her fanbase just as much. I could speak of her crimes and what she is capable of, but I don't want to speak of them. I still love her regardless because everyone deserves a chance of redemption and to feel loved by someone who cares. This is depressing because she is the most unique character of the franchise compared to the rest. I could never really leave her as I was drawn to her. They don't know her at all, despite how misguided she is. Everyone deserves a chance to feel happiness and love and I won't let anyone take that away from her. I don't care if people say that she is incapable of love. They can't read her mind, they don't know of her intentions. How could they be so quick to judge her like this? What do I think of her haters for talking shit about her? They can go fuck themselves!

Sorry for the blunt message, but I cannot stand it whenever the thought of someone insulting my waifu comes to mind.

Post edited on 16th Jan 2014, 3:50pm