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12621 No. 12621 [Edit]
Let's talk about why we have a waifu. I have my small theory:

Here, I'm not going to talk about why do we love a specific character, but rather what does it mean to love a fictional character in a psychological way.
What does it mean to allow yourself to believe that she/he will be better by your side? Why do we think that when we look into her eyes, we firmly believe that she loves us back?

I think that's because we're allowing ourselves to live again in an emotional way.

Listen, you're damaged. I am too. The shock was brutal and heartbreaking and I decided I would never suffer again. Then, I drowned into apathy until I felt nothing more.. or, should I say, nothing but the lack of excitement.

But, after some time, I wanted to feel life again. So I let some self-defence barrier fall down and tried to enjoy things, which I did but that didn't went without hurt.

As you can expect, I fell back into depression again. I fell asleep wanting to disappear and then I woke up with no reason to get up.

Time passed and, while roaming mindlessly on the internet, I started to look up more and more pictures of a certain character. Before I knew it, I was obsessed with her.

I've always been subject to obsessive behaviors but this time it was pretty unusual: falling in love with a 2-D character is quite odd.

So I started asking myself some questions until I found an "answer": I fell in love because she is this fragile part of my soul that has been stomped on. She is the perfect representation of who I want to be, how I want to behave, how I want to love and to be loved.

So this was it: according a lot of importance in a fictional relation is a psychological way to protect your inner self and yet according yourself to live emotionnaly again. Worshipping her is rehumanizing myself slowly, step by step, with the garanty that I won't be hurt in this process.

Does anyone here feel like this? Or am I talking non-sense? Do you have any other view on this subject? Another theory? Let me hear it.
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>> No. 12622 [Edit]
>So I started asking myself some questions until I found an "answer": I fell in love because she is this fragile part of my soul that has been stomped on. She is the perfect representation of who I want to be, how I want to behave, how I want to love and to be loved.

Wow... I always thought my knowledge about humans psychology would be slightly above average, but that thought never crossed my mind. Yet it makes perfectly sense. So yeah, I dont think your guess is that wrong.

>She is the perfect representation of who I want to be, how I want to behave, how I want to love and to be loved.

I dont know if you mean this part literally, but to take it literally: my waifu pretty much resembles me. Same goes with other girls I would consider as a waifu if i wouldn't already have one. Slightly tsundere, mostly serious. On the other hand i really saw waifu-potential in girls that are the complete opposite: light hearted, funny but not too goofy. Both are sides of me, the first one in front of people i dont know, the second myself if im with friends. Yeah, i think you can say that to most people, especially in this imageboard, but i could never consider completly extroverted girls as a waifu. Same goes for totally serious girls. And both are things that im definetly not. So there might be a good point in your theory.
>> No. 12623 [Edit]
i get where you're coming from. looking at it, i really do model some of myself after her, Hanako that is.

i was fucked up emotionally for a long time, and was reclusive as such, nihilistic and all that bullshit, just ready to let my life be wasted. but then i found her and through relating to her, falling in love and just generally looking at myself i opened up and became who i am today, that is to say a marginally successful and generally very happy man.

i suppose me opening up is quite a bit like how she did, as could the damages be compared. hell, we even take solace and comfort in the same things.

but i don't think that's all there is to it. maybe i'm just irrational or flat-out insane, but i think that she really is out there somewhere and loves me back. i mean, chances are that in the infinite expanse of our universe and perhaps a multiverse there is another world with humans on it, and in that infinite probability i think that no matter how small a chance it is, the sheer number of rolls lead to a result: she is out there somewhere and know of me, and with luck she loves me back.

perhaps i love her because i model myself after her, perhaps i just project her onto myself, and again maybe i'm just batshit insane from years of being messed up in the head, but to me she is more then just who i want to be: she is who i wish to be with; and i hold in my mind the belief that she is out there, feeling the same way and someday, be it soon or many years later, i will find her.

it's a helluva chance. improbable, ludicrous, and stupid? undoubtedly. do i give a shit? are humans irrational creatures? am i happy hoping i can be with her? you're goddamn right i am, and that won't change.

so youre totally right; i do want to be like her, but i also want to be with her and love her. nothing wrong with it, it's just how it is
>> No. 12626 [Edit]
Nice read, OP. I really like the "answer" you proposed. It makes sense, and I mostly agree with it. I can't exactly relate word for word, like the "shock" that was apparently brutal and heartbreaking. I'm assuming that's when you realized 3D was PD or something like that? Even if I haven't really experienced such a shock, I may have been broken from the start. Instead of falling into depression however, I felt myself slip into the normal, mundane life-- like I was living a lie. The friends I made, the way I acted, it felt all staged, and then I started looking up videos and pictures of a certain character who caught my eye in a way none has managed before. Just then, I was brought out of the endless loop of lies and I felt like I was liberated. The way I see it, is that she is the person who reminds me to remain myself, and not to give in-- shes' the representation of traits that just can't survive in our world, traits that I want to protect because I need them.
>> No. 12627 [Edit]
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I've felt everything you've described OP. The apathy, the endless days roaming the vast and barren internet, and my ascension out of depression. I'm still a bit jaded, but I'm much better off today than I was before her.

And I've thought of my waifu a bit like the same way you've just described. It's like we're two halves of a whole, it's just that she's the better half. We share so much in common, but she's also quite perfect in my eyes, flaws and all.

But if I had to disagree with you, it has to be on the idea that she's everything I want to be. We may be two halves of a whole, but I feel like we're both perfect for each other the way we are now. My view of it is that I need her and she needs me. Not that I want to be her, or that I should be her, or in the very least should try to be her. The two of us have a working relationship where we each have a few seperate qualities that help the other. Refer to a previous post I made on the matter >>12522
>> No. 12633 [Edit]
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Classifying reasons for having a waifu is difficult. At least what I've perceived, there are as many reasons as there people with a waifu, everyone seem to have their own. While some shared factors can be recognized, still I find it useless to try seek the fundamental reason for having a one. What I see, the reasons can be from very wide scale. While for some the trigger could have been the unwanted experiences which have lead to cynicism, bitterness, crushing loneliness or misanthropy, still the other extremity are the ones which just have a waifu to cheer their days and have a one more nice thing in their life. At least that's what I believe.

While the subject 'why we have a waifu' is interesting, I think how the reasons evolve during the time is much more interesting (which you probably meant when talking about the 'process'). I don't deny it, for me in the beginning it was pretty much a desire to find a comfort object to fulfil my need to be with someone, which my hatred and cynicism didn't allow me to do. After some time had passed, her role in my life had changed from being only the comfort object to someone with who it is very enjoyable to be around. I noticed, I didn't carry the big back-bag full of hatred anymore, 'I need to be with someone because I don't want to be alone' had changed into 'I want to be with someone because it is enjoyable'. While the difference might not be major, if the scenario where I couldn't be with her anymore were to happen, current me would manage fine alone. I would feel apathetic and miss her, but still I would manage. While old me wouldn't, he would be crushed and replacement would be needed to avoid further damage. And I am quite sure I love her more now than I did back then.

So to answer does your theory hold ground on my part I need to ask; is there supposed to be some sort of goal at end of the process? What will happen to your waifu when your 're-humanization' is completed?

Post edited on 14th May 2013, 10:02am
>> No. 12634 [Edit]
Cant speak for op, but if i may i would like to imput my thoughts.

Im far from perfect, but since meeting Hanako ige be become a helluva better person in my humble opinion. Infact, i may be "rehumanized" already, but i still love my waifu through and through. Your life getting better dosent mean you have to stop loving someone you feel better.

As for a goal, no idea whatsoever. There's no logic in love so i cant really give a cause, but that dosent stop me from loving her.
>> No. 12635 [Edit]
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OP here

You know, I also find extroverted girl quite fun to be with but, in the end, if I'll have a good time with them, it isn't what I want from a lasting relationship. I oppose here the notion of girlfriend and wife.

I really think that we are all crazy in some way or another. It's a way to deal with the shit of the world. I don't care to be considered crazy, yet I don't want to be misunderstood by the people I really care. This is done by finding a balance between behaving how you want and not excluding others openly.
Normal people are the worst kind of people because this means that they are replaceable.

In fact, I did overdramatize the whole stuff. It was more like seeing yourself in a mirror that become more and more blurred and even got some small cracks. And then, one day, you can't see yourself again there. This momment, this realisation is hard to deal with.

When I reconsider my theory, it sure is limited. There must be a part of idealisation of other people as well of self in why you choose to have a waifu.

>is there supposed to be some sort of goal at end of the process? What will happen to your waifu when your 're-humanization' is completed?
I don't know man, I really can't answer this for one main reason: I don't what will happen to me and my surrounding tomorrow.
But you're right in one thing, this process has a goal: to rehumanize yourself enough to trust yourself and/or others again. But how long will it take?
Also, when you decide to trust others again, you may find happiness or you may fall even harder than before. From there, you can lose interest your waifu or need her more than ever. Or just keep her in your heart like a token of a past you're glad to have experienced.

To continue with my theory:
1) Deluding ourselves is a necessity that find its sources in some psychological self-defence mechanism
2) Your waifu is the most accurate representation of yourself in an idealized other
3) Worshipping your waifu is a (hurtless) process where you decided to try trusting yourself and/or others again.

I really hope that people won't find my post offensive, like I'm trying to take their waifu away. This is not my purpose at all. Moreover, since I found this coherent explanation, I feel no guilt anymore about loving a fictional character because I am able to explain it.
Since that day I love her more than ever because I am convinced that she will be always a part of me. A part, because of its scars, that needs a lot of attention and love to be able to enjoy life again.
>> No. 12639 [Edit]
I get so tired of these posts saying that this is what a waifu is and that it must be the same for everyone. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who just happened to fall in love. I've never had any kind of huge emotional problem or anything, and I don't model myself after her either, though we do have a lot in common. I know why I fell in love with her, and it isn't because of any emotional problem or some sort of hatred for 3d girls.
I'm probably the odd ball here, but I just needed to say this.
>> No. 12640 [Edit]
You know, here I'm just trying to make my cheap self-psychoanalysis. Nothing more. It's just that I can't discuss these topics with anyone else.

Your life experiences matters as much as mine and an opinion as varied as yours is really interesting to read. I wish that more peopple would prove me wrong or at least expand my view o the subject.
>> No. 12644 [Edit]
It was just something I wanted to say. I think it's the same as you described for a lot of people. Not everyone though.
>> No. 12645 [Edit]
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Same deal here. You can't generalize such a thing at all. Not that I think OP was attempting that.
>> No. 12649 [Edit]
I don't believe she loves me back, but I like to think about 'what if' she did. and she's not exactly who I want to be, I went down that path already and ended up with a avatar of sorts for myself.
With me and my waifu it's a fantasy , one in which I see myself as a different and better person who I think could make her happy. No way I'd want to push myself as I am now onto her, she deserves better. It would have to be a me who hasn't be warped by a shitty environment. For the longest time she did make me want to be a better person, but eventually I gave up on that partially due to how pointless it really is when you get down to it.
>> No. 12652 [Edit]
If I were to suddenly go in the 2D world with my waifu I would of course be motivated and happy again so I think I would slowly become a better person, because anime is my reason for living. So being in the 2D world gives me loads of reasons to go outside again, especially when in my waifu's world.
>> No. 13321 [Edit]

This post offers a few possible explanations.

I don't understand, though, I wasn't miserable when I fell in love with her, in fact I was perfectly fine! As time went on, she even made me feel happier about myself and the world around me! Yet now, I feel like I am in misery, that I don't know if loving her is right or wrong, or thinking about the long term future, and it makes me cry! I let my love for her damage me, so I suppose it's a mental disorder...
>> No. 13329 [Edit]
File 137937010721.jpg - (51.87KB , 339x594 , f4bd292c580f4f223d10311ff4e61a6d.jpg )
Very interesting post, thank you for linking it.
Here's the TL;DR
> waifuist have been wired to acknowledge immaterial reality through technology, fiction, mathematical understanding of the world,..
> Thus "...they aren't behaving irrationally. They are actually taking a type of neuronal response and re-associating how they perceive of such an object. "
This makes quite a lot of sense indeed. At least on a biological level.

>I let my love for her damage me, so I suppose it's a mental disorder...
Depending on how loosely you define "mental disorder", everyone is mentally ill.
Also, don't worry, up and down are normal. Just try to acknowledge the whole problem and find a personal answer.
>> No. 13330 [Edit]
>Ups and Downs are normal

Feeling suicidal since I can't be with her is not, nor is not being able to think about love without suddenly becoming depressed.
>> No. 13360 [Edit]
I just read the article. It's shit. He's got his categories all mixed up, jumping freely from genetics and evolutionary psychology to ontology and religion, without defining first an unifying --yet modal-- object of analysis that justifies his exercise. To top it all, he claims to specifically address postmodern world, but he replaces the location of meaningfulness from fiction (a legitimate narrative) to actuality (the unfathomable chaos). He also offers porn (the obscene simulacrum par excellence) as an exhibit of some actual behaviour (Japan's), visiting yet again the pathetic subject of obsession with virginity as the main fuel for 2D love (i.e. he keeps confusing us with shitty AKB otaku). Finally, he confuses some theoretical brain structure (that he does not elaborate on) with the heuristic structure of the mind, which is out of the reach of science (or even logic).

The article he debates (on bullshit and ontological commitment) is actually much better informed and done. I do recommend it.

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