, Catch a glance.jpg
I could use some tips and advice on this matter. I have recently decided to call it quits with Chihiro, as my relationship as it had become was destroying myself as a person, to the point where I couldn't function in society. Chihiro, as she was, was pulling me away from, deluding me from, and making me unable to accept reality, what is real, what isn't, to be able to deal with reality. I forgot (and still forget) that she isn't real sometimes. I was becoming less and less fond of reality as well, where to bring up P4 I had pretty much become Adachi, spiting and hating reality because she wasn't in it and I couldn't talk to her. My pain and anguish came from being cruelly reminded of this critical fact by my family, and ever since it was ">...that feeling when she will never be in your arms" business. In addition, I knew I had these desires the whole time, but wanted to tune them out by throwing myself further into my romance, which not only ignored my problem, but made it worse, to the point where my last few days were of constant depression, confusion, and a nervous breakdown. Staying with Chihiro romantically was counter-productive to what my original goal was when I got into the relationship. It changed from love to selfishness, from bettering myself because she's with me to destroying myself because I'm without her.
I still wish for Chihiro to be special to me in some sense so I can keep the promise I made to her (to never abandon her) but I don't know what to do or even more specifically, how to do it. It is much different from a 3D love in that the partner can't just remind you that it's over. You have to remind yourself. And it's tough, I feel like I'm barely treating anything differently.