pretty much whenever something goes badly for me I think to myself "its not like it matters, I'm going to kill myself one day anyway"

>>340
That's a very Greek attitude.

I'm not even sure my compulsion is that logical, or even because of emotional distress (though that greatly exasperates it.) Ever since I was a kid whenever I was walking along the street for example and saw a car drive by I considered jumping in front of it. I don't even know why.

Whenever there's a dangerous situation I immediately picture self-destruction and have some sort of weird longing for it. I have to hold myself back from it. I don't know how to explain it. I don't even know if that's normal. Sometimes these imaginations are so visceral I confuse them with reality.

If you consider your life void, then come work with me. I intend on creating an 'academy of awesomeness' one day. You will be supplied with food, board and internet and can NEET inside my house as much as you want in return for teaching kids the finer points of life for a few hours each day.

>>342
Sounds nice.

I don't think about killing myself but I think about dying all the time. Like when I'm going to bed, sometimes I think about how much of a loser I am, and I think "Maybe I'll die in my sleep and it won't be a problem anymore"

>>342
Where do I sign?

>>342
I'm in.

I haven't made it yet. It depends on whether i'm successful in college and manage to get a good job. The more I fail at that, the more appealing this outrageous idea seems to me.

Also Im sorry for derailing the thread.

I think about suicide every time I fail, get close to failing, or think I will fail. If I fail college I'll just kill myself.

>>342

Sounds like a nice trade.

>>340
Seconded.

I'm not suicidal, but I have a tendency to do damaging or dangerous things (drink heavily, smoke, drugs, eating unhealthily) because I believe that life is worthless and shitty and that I should at least enjoy myself while finding the quickest road out short of blowing my brains out.

>>342
Give details please.

>>349
>I think about suicide every time I fail, get close to failing, or think I will fail. If I fail college I'll just kill myself.

Similarly in my case.

I'm not suicidal, but I often wish I could erase all what happened to me so far (memories included) and live as a different person in a different place. I imagine how liberating that could be.

(>>367 again.) I'm afraid because I don't see anything that change my my life for the better. I really don't want to give up. I want to hope. What keeps You alive, Anonymous? Please tell me, I'm interested.

>>380
>What keeps You alive, Anonymous?

My parents would be really sad if I killed myself. That's pretty much it.

>>381

Same. Being trapped in my mother's emotional world isn't that much fun.

>>380
delays on releases (vb.gr. Rebuild of Eva 3 until 2012 wtf). also my family.

I've tried before many times, since I was really really young. I had 3 serious attempts, the last being a heroin overdose that put me into a short coma. I was hospitalized many times against my will after being found, and eventually I just stopped caring. Why kill myself, when I can live for my own simple pleasures? Perhaps one day I will, but it won't be for a while.

>>381
>My parents would be really sad if I killed myself. That's pretty much it.

That's the same reason I have. I can't bring myself to do that shit to my family.

The Epicureans believed in a life of modest pleasures: to savour simple things like eating and sleeping and to avoid pain rather than tackle it head on. Epicurus himself said that "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.".

>>381
Exactly.

However, it's looking more and more like I'm going to get kicked out after this semester since I'm doing so bad, and I don't know if I could handle being homeless, so the thoughts keep coming back more and more.