Buying my first computer.

being born

I have been 'different' from other kids ever since I was old enough to do independent acts. I could be normal, but it took effort so usually I didn't even try. What was it that made me different? Was it a bad temper? Was it poor impulse control? Was it a low time preference? I still don't actually know whats 'wrong' (if such things can even be bad) with me.

I could forever hypothesize about what led me to this road, but I am too tired and lazy to dig up the past and rethink the same processes I have already thought over and over again. I'm also 100% sure you guys don't want to read a long, boring life story.

Finally failing BIG TIME. Epic failing at life as a whole.

Growing up and finding out what a terrible place the world truly is, and how pathetic humans are.

To be specific though: being fucked over by my close friends and turning to anime and escapism to fill that void.

"This: ‘Most men will not swim before they are able to.’ Is not that witty? Naturally, they won’t swim! They are born for the solid earth, not for the water. And naturally they won’t think. They are made for life, not for thought. Yes, and he who thinks, what’s more, he who makes thought his business, he may go far in it, but he has bartered the solid earth for the water all the same, and one day he will drown.”

^ Pretty much this, although I would say it's more akin to quicksands than water - if you don't struggle too much you can prolong your life, even though it's not really worth calling 'life' any longer.

>>20
>your life will never be like luck star
YES IT WILL SHUT UP!

I can't pinpoint a specific event. I mean, it's years of being able to relate to another human being, excluding 2-3 people. All my life, I've tried, I've tried my hardest. Still end up failing. I mean in every sense. Academically, socially, fiscally, artistically - I'm a complete failure. I am one of the absolute lowest people in this world - I'm not conceited and cruel enough to take that title for myself, but I'm pretty high up in the rankings, I'd say.

So, it's natural that I'd end up here.

I've started considering suicide daily now...Probably would if it weren't for the escapism that music and the beautiful stories, that Japanese people tend to be good at portraying, offer me.

When I got my mother to pull me out of school for the third time. Being left completely alone with nothing to do and no access to the outside world for months on end really seemed to allow my symptoms to manifest with far more strength than before.

When I bought my first computer and before I knew I had Assburgers. I guess this is the reason I became "addicted" to these machines and have spent the last 15 years sitting in front of a computer. Tohno-chan is just another blip in the space and time, I suppose.

When school started.

Got bullied non-stop, started skipping at about grade 4.

Over the years it increased until I was only going to school about 15% of the time during my senior year

I'd say when I started middle school, when I finally realized that most people are full of shit and that the world wasn't all that great afterall. Everything pretty much went downhill from there.

Awhile back I was just your average /b/tard, fucking around, we r leejun all the good stuff. At the time I honestly fucking hated anime, but I had a few female friends that where interested in it. One of which I was interested in. Long story short, I started going out with her. Whenever we got into arguments or she wouldn't want to talk to me I'd withdraw into 4chan and act all emotional over it (during this period I figured out that /b/ was shit and moved to /v/). While I was going out with her she convinced me to watch some of Bleach. At first I thought it was stupid but I slowly warmed up to it and watched tons of it along with a few other shows she suggested to me. About the time I more or less adopted anime as a hobby of my own our relationship hit the shitter. I was too attched to her and she hated me for it. When the relationship ended I was extremely depressed, I withdrew into /v/ again, when I tired of /v/ I tried out /a/ for the first time and quite enjoyed it. Soon I was watching 4 episodes of anime a day and browsing /a/ about 3 hours a day. I pretty much stopped playing videogames altogether. I assume what happened was I was trying to cling to one of the few things my ex 3DPD gave me that stuck to me. Of course it followed into a painfull spiral down into the abyss of weeaboo culture until I spent my time fucking around on IRC and reading VNs until one day I was told of tohno-chan. Here I am now, just a dirty weeaboo whom has given up on 3DPD whores.

When I bought my first computer. Then everything started to drop down. Dramatically.

But no, I think it all started when I was about 4 or 5. I had to go to school psychologists for about 5-12 years. So I was fucked up before I brought my first computer.

I used to like 3D pigs quite a lot, flirting with them and all that. But no relationshit or anything. All I ever wanted was to just love and feel loved. But my faith in those whores started to waver when they throw all sorts of excuses around. It was an endless cycle of depression and bullshit until I stumbled upon /a/, /v/ and later /c/ and /w/ (at the time I was a stupid, idiotic /b/tard and I regret it), watched animu, played VNs, read manga quite a bit (and later found mai waifu). And I heard about it through a link on ED for the waifu board, so I decided to check it out. Now, I'm here, I've realized that I've become what I've said I hated a couple of years back. And I'm fine with it.

>>15
It started 5 years ago for me.
I had to redo my final year in high school which caused me to lost contact with the few friends I had.
After that I started to spend more and more time on the internet and finally I discovered 4chan.

>>15
not staying in contact with my friends after high school (none of them lived anywhere near me so I never saw them again) and not getting a job straight away. that isnt a single event but its probably where my life started to spiral out of control, that was 7 years ago btw.

>>20
My imaginary friends are all moe otakus and we talk about eating food and playing games.

>>15
I think it's when I found out that computers and a class of 31 was more interesting than real people.

I had to see a shrink in 3rd grade because I was so scared of going to school I would throw up every morning. I don't even know why, really, since I never had problems before. My life went downhill from there, and now I'm a 20 year old hikki who has never had a job or driver's license.

>>31
I still have one friend from high school (my only friend now) who I desperately want to go away. We only ever talk online on PS3 anymore (haven't seen him face to face in over a year) and yet he still thinks we are buddies. I'm afraid to tell him I got a good gaming computer because I don't want him bothering me on here too.

Mine was never good. I wonder what could turn it around, if at all. (pic unrelated)

I saw this thread on the old tohno chan but never bothered posting in it, but feel like it now for some reason.

Life has been downhill for me since Kindergarten, I've always been different from the other kids, and was picked on for it, which led to me fearing people and even rejecting friendships when I have the choice, multiple times throughout my life people have tried to "help" me get better but it only ends with me in a fit of rage in which they decide to leave me alone.

I did have one friend once though, only because he was similar to me, but I betrayed him when I was trying to get "help" for my anti social problems, I deeply regret it as he was the only person I could really open up to, and we had been good freinds, but for the sake of trying to fit in I threw it away. If I could find him today I don't think I'd have the courage to face him.

A year ago, I decided to gain some social skills to get out of the hole of crushing loneliness.
In college I met a guy, he was a true bro. He is the kind of people that seems comfortable with anyone, even with a social retard like me.

So one of those days I was carrying my laptop because we were doing some assignment. I couldn't find the file and when I randomly opened a folder, there it was. Lolicon. I downloaded some threads with loli pics and I forgot it, most of it was toddlercon but I don't even fap to that shit.
He was looking at the screen at that moment. The look in his face, holy fuck, it hurts so much just remembering it. It's was like the kind of look when you see half a worm in your apple but 10 times worse.
Obviously he stopped talking to me but luckily he told no one. I couldn't even look him in the eye. From that moment every time that I attempt to move on ends up 10 times worse.

When I moved to another state and lost the few friends that I had. Had difficulty making new ones, so I never made any. 5 years later, here I am.

Even back then, I only had one "real" friend that I met because out parents knew each other before I was born. The other two "friends" (really more like acquaintances) that I had I met through him. If it weren't for my parents, I doubt I would have ever had any friends to begin with.

Also, I was always interested in computers and the Internet and loved all the information I could find on the Web. I spent all my time learning about math and various other things that interested me.

See image for my post

>>17
yep

>>65
you dont seem to take any responsibilty for yourself. you complain about getting into fights yet you do everything you can to perpetuate it.

Anything up until eighth was a total trainwreck. I got suspended multiple times as people started shit with me. I haven't done much and people still got away scot free.

In ninth grade, I kept getting into fights with the students and had to put me through psychology bullshit. Got suspended multiple times, I still didn't give a shit even when I was yelled at multiple times.

from 10th to 11th, not much happened aside from some faggots who picked fights with me and I gave them some nasty injuries to the face. I got away scot-free because they saw that I did well in my classes.

In my senior year of high school, some asshole punched me in the face. It didn't hurt, I went "Is that the best you got?" and socked him right back at his jaw. It felt good, and I didn't get in trouble because the teacher did not give two shits about his class. I could've gotten suspended like I did in ninth grade multiple times, but who the fuck cares as long as I got good grades and made it to the honor roll.

Now, not much has been happening since college other than playing vidya, Magic, watching animu and browsing *chans. Aside from the occasional lectures and exams. In some classes, I seem to do well in them even when I don't pay attention to the lectures.

>>67
i chose to fight those fights out of my own free will except for those ones which i had when i was still in grade school. in fact, i like fights. i wish i had gotten into more, when the major punishment would be a suspension. if i tried to hit someone nowadays i would get sued or go to jail. i listed the fights mainly to illustrate how much the desire to lash out has pervaded my interior.

my chief complaint was that the schools never properly served justice in my eyes. sometimes i would get off scott free, and sometimes i would get in trouble for doing nothing at all. the school seemed to just deliver punishment without ever being sympathetic and without ever trying to teach us that i was wrong (if i was wrong) in a way that i would understand. from the bogan teachers who were too dumb to understand, to the self important monkeys in suits who seemed to see us as enemies rather than kids who needed to be taught. from an early age i felt that the teachers had let me down, and what spoke to me the strongest was the need to solve problems by myself using my own fists, and to never rely on anyone else. irresponsible, yes. but as a kid, who lacked the intellectual capacity to objectively think things through and only acted upon impulses and ingrained sentiments, what else could i have done?

>>70
I guess I misinterpreted, I can respect and agree with you on that

>In college I met a guy, he was a true bro. He is the kind of people that seems comfortable with anyone, even with a social retard like me.

this reminds me of a bro I met once who was always smiling and got along with everyone. he used to drive me around after class just for the hell of it (and I think to get away from his wife). then one day he didnt show up and everyone assumed he went back to Malaysia or something.

I was actually happy and normal until 17 or so. I had friends, people liked me, I was genuinely happy.

But when I tried to get a girlfriend I failed over and over again. I also started noticing how those "friends" never called me outside of school to hang out with me. Then I realized that I'm not actually their friend, I'm just the class clown. I just made them laugh and did some crazy things to teachers and similar that's why they were nice to me and all.

Once I realized what a loser I was in reality, I told everyone in my life to fuck off. I got psycho and people started to actually fear me. And of course, I was right, I had no real friends to begin with because no one gave a crap about me being psycho. They just said, don't shoot us up one day.

During that psycho period I analyzed why I was such a loser and why no one respected me. I realized I lied A LOT and I come from a poor family and I didn't have my own friend circle outside school and I was quite ugly.

So I decided to change all that. I became actually honest as someone can be. I would tell all my most intimate secrets if you asked. I became quite proud and I lost weight too. I became really friendly and positive. But nevertheless, when I joined college, there were rumors about me being psycho, I couldn't fit in, and immediately I became the freak.

Even though I worked so hard to change, in the end, no one gives a fuck and I'll never fit in anywhere. I guess I got bad genetics or something, my parents are pretty retarded. I really don't know, but I gave up- Fuck the 3D world. I found happiness in 2D and my waifu. I have no more desire or need for anything 3D, I just pray I can lead this taking it eajy life style as long as possible.

I've never even tried to get a girlfriend. It just doesn't interest me at all

Part of being human is learning how to be alone. This is a fact that most people completely miss. They can't sit still for three seconds without talking to a friend or AIM or goddamn Facebook. Since I am a socially retarded person, I've learned how to deal with being alone pretty well, and I enjoy it now. That's not to say I'm living a totally healthy life, socially speaking; I'm not.

Sometimes I do get frustrated and I want to break something with a metal pole or just my hands. I think how things might have been different if I'd had a different sort of childhood; if I'd known the things then I know now. I wouldn't have been an outcast, a creep, any of that. I'd probably be happier today.

But this is what I am, and in a general sense what we all are. At least we know how to be alone.

>>75
I strongly agree with this
I get frustrated that not enough people here seem to realize how great being alone is

>>76
I love being alone. I just feel like I shouldn't...

The only thing I don't like about my social phobia is it's preventing me from getting a job, which means I can't move out of my parents' house. I REALLY want my own place. Mostly for masturbation purposes......but still

>>78
I find it really annoying that all jobs require you to be outgoing, even if it's not supposed to involve that much interaction. It's not like a preference for being alone is of much consequence in the majority of jobs, and even if you have a social phobia, there are millions of things you're still perfectly capable of. But despite this, if you're not a normalfag, you're at a major disadvantage when seeking a job.

Not saying that being socially challenged is one of the worst fates in this world, but they really make it a lot harder for us than it should be. If they really wanted people like us to stop being NEETs, they should stop kicking us in the face whenever we try to do something about it.

>>79
This is why I really don't want to work and can't keep a job.
I can't stand being outside and/or being around people.
At thins point, I don't think I would mind hard labor, just so long as I got to work alone, away from people.
but that's next to imposable to find unless you work for yourself, because you'll always have people checking up on you for whatever reason.

>>79
>>78
Chill out guys, take it easy. You're taking life way too seriously. Don't forget, you'll die sooner or later anyway. There's not much point in prolonging it by working your asses off. Just have fun while you can, have a painless death, be forgotten, etc. Whatever.

>>73

I had a similar thing happen in middleschool for me, but we ended up moving though it wasn't any better after I moved.

>>75

I find the majority of people just don't know how to relax, people don't realize that sitting back on the internet all night long doing whatever you want is a great way to spend a evening. However people that do such (and similar things) get shitted on. See file for a post that sums up what I said.

>>79

Most people don't realize how shitty normal life really is. Learn to drive, go to college, get a job, save for retirement, obey the law, have children. That is the extent of a normal life, which I find quite shit to say the least. I had a image with this on it but I seem to have misplaced it.

>>82
Normal life:
-Work
-Watch tv when you get home
-Sleep

Our life:
-Internet for 15 hours
-Sleep

I don't see how we're better off.

>>84

I find a lot of them spend their whole lives doing what other people want them to do rather than what they want to do. Though if you ask what others are wanting them to do is what they want to do, according to them at least.

>>90
They want to do it because others want them to do it. But is the thing they're doing the thing they want independent of other's opinions?

Call me dumb but I don't understand what's going on in the OP pic. It looks like some sort of spider creature popped out of her head

>>108
Chiaki from Minami-Ke has a prominent ahoge that apparently became sentient and removed itself from her head.

>>109

>>75

>I think how things might have been different if I'd had a different sort of childhood; if I'd known the things then I know now.

This. Where the fuck is my trial version of life? It's retarded, usually you can try to do something to get a hang of it but apparently, that's not the case with life since it takes too much time to understand all kinds of stuff. I want a reset button. Fuck, at least give me some save states.

>>112
Oh, shit, bro. I relate completely to that. I'd like a new game option. It would be so nice to just click a button, and restart from the beginning.
Save states would be nice as well. I'd love to have something like that. It's not possible, though...Kind of a bummer.

>>113

Right? For example you could save at an importnant part in a conversation and say something strange just to see someone's reaction. I did that without any saves every now and then but sometimes I wished I answered seriously.
Also, you could pick a new 'class' on each new game. For example, I don't think the NEET/hikki route is all that bad but I'd like to try something else, too. There are sooo many classes I'd like to at least try, like 'milkman' or 'mamm murderer'. Sounds like fun.
Life is pretty much the worst game I've ever played. There are no save states, the rules aren't clear and other players constantly break them, the invested time/reward ratio is all over the place and the whole thing is fucking pointless. It's another proof that graphics alone don't make a good game. I'd rather play Big Rigs or Superman 64. Fuck this shit.

Becoming friends with Clannad.

>>127

I was wrongfully accused of hacking online game accounts seven years ago. I was 15 back then, and I was traumatized that I didn't play that certain MMO ever again. I can still feel the cuffs in my wrists and the beating I got.

To 'move on', I decided to transfer schools and probably live a normal life. I tried getting girlfriends but it seems they find me too weird for their tastes, so I always end up alone.

I was always browsing the internet so I seek refuge in forums but I felt awful because they had too many normalfags. I was reluctant to visit 4chan at first because I'm afraid that it might to too hostile for. But then, I tried it fit in, switching between /c/ and /u/ at first, then /a/, then came the split, then /jp/. Now that /jp/ is threatened of becoming another normalfag heaven, I ended up here.

>>406
Maybe when canv.as starts, then all the normalfags would get the fuck out.

>>407
When canv.as gets going, moot will simply say "go there now" and take 4chan offline. Calling it now.

>>408
Hopefully if that happens sites like this get a boom of good posters

>>408
I don't see it happening. Why would moot kill his cash cow like that? What if the canv.as thing doesn't work out?

>>413
4chan doesn't really make him money (with ads and everything he breaks even on it, at least according to him). Still he'd probably be more likely to sell it than just kill it outright, which would probably be just as bad as killing it depending on the buyer

>>409

>good posters from 4chan

maybe a handful, but I think almost all of the good posters on 4chan have quit and moved onto greener pastures

>>21
is that from Steppenwolf?

>>512

Sure is.

>>45
[side comment]
>asa
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNG...
you did make me like her for a moment.

When I think about it - I've always been different.

I always enjoyed working by myself vs working in a group. Often I thought what people were doing was stupid and chose something else to do.

Where I am now is just the mature version of how I was as a child.

>>531
Same, only I started being like that around the end of elementary school. Before that I was actually quite social and popular, I don't know what happened

It went wrong in college. I developed bad social anxiety when I started college my freshman year ,but having a roommate forced me to be social and I made some friends. My sophmore year though everything fell apart. I made even more friends,and liked a girl.I thought for the first time in my life I might actually get a 3DPD and be able to kiss her. Silly me.My parents growing up never knocked on my door and one night after hanging out in her room I went back up to tell her something and when she didn't answer when I knocked I opened the door. She just said she was busy so I left.Later she said it made her mad which made me feel like crap. I tried the next week to apologize to her only she avoided me and I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on.Then that Wednesday She arranged a meeting with the dorm head resident and said she didn't want to be my friend anymore.Shit hurt and the rest of the semester passed in a blur. Next semester I was getting some food one time and she was talking to some girl and apparently a year before I met her some guy started following her from class with a knife. I felt a little empathetic and decided to help her by trying to tell her friend about a free legal hotline or something the school had. I got in trouble for it and had to visit the office of the judiciary-sort of like school court. The dean said I could go to trial or take the equivalent of a plea bargain. I had to talk to my parents about this because they sent a letter home. I decided finally to do what the dean said sort of. She dropped two charges and the other two stayed. I was told I could never talk or communicate with her again and I had to move out of my dorm. Three or four messy weeks later and I was in a nicer more expensive dorm for the last seven weeks ,but I had to pay more. It really took a lot out of me.I browsed the internet all the time except for when I ate or was in class and got about 3 hours sleep. I made a friend who liked anime last year,but he graduated and entered JET. No here I sit with no friends ,and 10 grand in debt. I'm staying at home next semester ,and hopefully I'll be able to find a nice summer job to put a dent in the debt. 3DPD ?-Never again my friend. Unless super realistic sex bots happen in my life ,I'm going to die a virgin.