First days of Jr. High.
I was bullied so terribly during that time. I've never really recovered.

I like to think that the game was rigged from the very beginning. Did you know that engineers have higher chances to have autistic/mentally ill children who will never adapt or function normally in social situations? So maybe I never had a chance. All the symptoms were there- I enjoyed stacking up things when I was little, had difficulties verbalizing my thoughts, hated going outside, preferred to play by myself. I can tell you where everything went to shit though: we moved to a different town just before I entered highschool, I was 13 at the time. I didn't know anyone and all the little cliques had already been formed. Things just went downhill from there.

>>13443
i believe it was engineers, mthematicians & compsci people. hard sciences basically

my mental health was never in a good state and a lot of troubles in school fucked me up as well

>>13444
Computer science isn't a hard science. Physics is.

When we moved to a different town. The children in that town just sucked so bad.

>>13444

CS isn't a hard science. It's barely even a science, and should instead be considered a branch of engineering.

The day I was born.

>>13449
Technically I would say things went wrong the day the universe started to exist. Maybe even before that.

>>13450

Well, OP did specify 'your life' so I don't think there's much of a point in naming stuff that happened before I was born.

>>13448
Well, there's also political science and that's not science at all.

When I was diagnosed with speech problems and had to have therapy sessions instead of spending time with other people.

The day I was conceived. My shitty father should have used a condom. I don't know why that piece of shit didn't think that this was going to happen. He didn't care, though. Because he could just leave and not give two shits about it, which he did.

This isn't about that, though. This is about me being worthless shit and that is the moment I came into existence.

>>13453
Same thing here. I had major speech issues when I was little and came off as retarded to everyone. I couldn't interact with other kids well because they couldn't understand me and usually people just made fun of me or got pissed off at me. I also lived a much more isolated life when I was younger even though I actually had some friends in the neighborhood I knew just because my parents knew them. I was one of those people that wasn't even allowed to do anything or have friends when I was much younger. So when I was little I became completely addicted to video games because at the time they were all I had. This made for a very empty childhood and planted the seeds for a very dark, frustrating future ahead. It just gets worse as I get older. I've found more ways to cope but the damage is still being done.

>>13454
I couldn't even imagine my parents having sex, it was like they were desperate to have me and were just together to do just that. I don't even know how they both found each other attractive enough to get together because even when I was younger it was obvious they hated each other and now they hardly even speak to each other at all. And this is the same life the want for me in the future? Yeah I don't think so, I'm killing myself before I even slightly resemble them. The only thing they've done is taught me to do my best to not be like them. So repulsive.

Far as I remember.
I guess in Elementary I had some friends until my parents homeschooled me for a while, shoved me back in Elementary. I had no friends and no social awareness at all.

Before that I remember playing with legos and my brothers fucking them up every. single. time. Only things about childhood I remember.

9 years old. I was a happy, normal kid before certain traumatic things messed me up and then I picked up some bad habits and made some bad choices.

I'd say the year I started middle school, when I was 11.

I moved to a different town before starting, so I didn't even have my friends from elementary to provide support. Plus, I was diagnosed with Aspergers that summer (mostly just because my social skills were crippled by never being allowed outside to play or visit friends), and the school administration overreacted to that by having a teacher's assistant follow me everywhere and give me "help" I didn't even need. The little cliques hadn't formed yet, but nobody wanted to be friends with me because the assistant's presence made everyone else think I was retarded and gave them a reason to bully me.

By the end of the year, I couldn't trust anyone, and I still find it hard to even now, a decade later.

I don't know anymore...

But I can tell you when was the first time I felt true terror and honest to Haruhi wanted to die: 17yo (don't mind the details; they involve women).

I might have my problems, and we might be piss poor(technically in debt), but I wouldn't say my life has gone wrong. I'm rather content with how things have turned out. Things could always be worse. I've got everything I need and plenty I don't.

>>13507
We're similar in some ways. Nothing in my life has gone terribly wrong. In fact I've got everything I want let alone need, my parents have avoided debt and even set aside funds to keep me in college for 2 years if and when I decide to go. The only problem in my life is me, and I don't think I've fucked myself enough to say my life went wrong at some point, at least not yet.

I was feeling it around ninth or tenth grade. Though, I wasn't bullied or anything. I guess it's a bit complicated, and not like a typical problem. Especially compared to the people who lurk around these parts.

I've felt like shit for as long as I can remember. I look at the world around me and wonder what I could have possibly done to deserve being put here.

>>13505
you know you cant leave us hanging like that.

I don't think it's possible to pinpoint an exact time of your life falling apart. That would just mean there was one event, or a series of events within a short time span that caused a persons downfall. Something that easy to pick out would be just easy to fix and wouldn't have much baggage along for the ride. I just don't believe a single event can really impact a persons life to the point where it becomes so crippling horrible where it can only be defined as everything going wrong.

With the amount of shit everyone has to wade through, I'd say it's not just about an individuals threshold to withstand given situations (otherwise they'd easily get back up after feeling better), but rather how, over the course of their life they learn to deal with certain stressors. I think you can trace a lot of peoples inability to cope with their fuckups back to their early years and childhood. Certain things might not become obvious until a later age when they're forced to actually use what they've come to understand about the world.

So if anything went wrong in anyone's life, I'd say it was with how an individual has learned to handle things. To retreat, to run away, to think death would be the better alternative to having to take some kind of action - these thoughts are composed of how one has learned to handle negative factors over the course of their life.

Not to say someone is doomed from the start. These things can be unlearned and learned again in different ways. A suicidal individual can years later say that they're glad they never killed themselves because now they enjoy life - it's now because life is greatly different now than it was then for them before. It's because they learned how to handle themselves - in particular their emotions better.

In other words, I think a lot of people lack control over themselves. If you feel great, life is great. If you feel like shit, life is shit. By letting emotions run wild and free you succumb to whatever the hell nonsensical train of thought you come up with for the day. When you're alone and locked inside your own head with nothing to distract you, it's easy to come up with reasons why you hate yourself and life. Meanwhile, it takes great effort to accept things as they are and feel good about them, since it's natural to compare lives to others and base your own exceptions on the kinds of expectations other people have placed on you.

Or at least, after some thinking, that's the conclusion I came up with.

>>13442
Just makes me wonder how many peoples' lives have been destroyed by bullying. You're not just killing someone, you're just psychologically crippling them, and they have to live the rest of their lives with these scars. All for what? For fun? To look cool? For a power trip? When someone does these things do they even realise they could cause an entire life to be one of pain?

I'd say dropping out of college was the beginning of the end. I got through two years of community and a year and a half of university. At the time, I honestly thought I might finish. I was handling my mental issues well enough, I actually didn't mind being around my roommates, and my grandfather had saved up more than enough funds for all 4 of his grandchildren to go to school so going a few years over to finish wasn't an issue (plus it was really a pretty cheap school to start with).

For a while, I didn't even feel like I had that many issues socializing. Sure, I was awkward as fuck, but that's not uncommon. I would still genuinely get along with some people (hell, I still keep in contact with one of my old roommates who also dropped out), but looking back, I was probably "that guy" to a lot of people, I was just really oblivious and/or didn't give a shit.

Anyway, somewhere along the line, I started falling apart. I was falling behind, I couldn't take the pressures of day to day life. I was told my bipolar medication wasn't working as well anymore, so it had to get changed up a bit. The stuff they put me on didn't work, to say the least. I started having panic attacks frequently to a ridiculous extreme, and it fucked me up left, right, and sideways.

Long tl;dr short, I took an indefinite "medidcal leave" from college and I've been feeling progressively worse, trying a shitton of meds that don't work, though lately, I've been adapting a little too well to the life of a shut-in. It honestly scares me thinking where I'll be in a few more years.

>>13638
I think you're right. I was actually going to type something similar but in a different thread yesterday. I do believe these single events are important in a way, though, because they give narrative to the current mindsets of those who write them; I don't believe, however, they're often the true causes of the problems: they're just the most vivid examples of problems that have continually beset them throughout life, perhaps even when the original problem began to exacerbate its effects, creating the much greater problems with which they've since been saddled. The reason for the trauma is usually pre-existing, but the traumatic circumstances and the endlessly recast narratives of our lives reorient all we know around the effects of this problem in the form of the trauma (similar to how a paranoid schizophrenic's worldview reorients around the influencing machine--most of the world, past and present, is re-interpreted in light of the machine).

I remember this process being briefly mentioned in a book, but I've wondered myself whether there is any real "moment" we can be said to have changed but for looking back and seeing that we have indeed changed; like Zeno's arrow, we progress to the distant, unknown target despite each moment by itself seeming stationary.

Used to think it was somewhere between the tornado and starting high school.
Now I'm pretty sure I didn't have any real friends in middle school either. There were some people I talked to in school, but didn't spend any time together outside it. So if there was such a thing as a 'when' it's pretty far back.

When I was bullied in middle school probably. I was a straight A student until High School and began to stop caring. I eventually went back up to straight Bs by the time senior year rolled around (even though I never did any work outside of class), but by that time I was fucked for college. I was planning on going to a local state school for a couple years than switching, but my anxiety got to such a point where I couldn't get myself to even purchase food due to the interaction I'd have to have with the person behind the counter. I dropped out after 1 semester and 1 and a half years later I'm still a shut-in. I'll be going to a psychiatrist soon though.

>>13638
I agree with there are exceptions to this rule like most other 'social' rules.

I can tell you the exact day things went wrong was the day I became physically disabled.

When I was 9 years old. Went to the 5-day school trip. "Best friend" at the time was sick and couldn't go. First time I realized how isolated I was from the rest of the class.
I was always a quiet kid who hung out with 2-3 friends mostly living in my own world of imagination. Didn't realize my lack of social skills (sometimes it seems to me I was less socially anxious that time simply because I didn't care). But after the trip I became more and more self aware and slowly puberty started to hit too. Now I feel more anxious and self-aware than ever.

Oh and in later years I got bullied too.

Post edited on 26th Mar 2013, 5:45am

I was a somewhat loud kid in elementary school. I wasn't bullied—in fact, I had many friends. When high school started, I was no longer with the individuals of which many I had gone to kindergarten with. I shut myself like a clam. Luckily for me at the time, the courses that I'd chosen had a small number of students, and good teachers: I fit in fairly well and got good grades.

Because of my encouraging grades, I decided to aim higher. I reenrolled in an engineering-oriented class. This time, I was placed in a large group of loud and snotty brats that made it impossible for me to focus during class. I did not have the guts to voice my displeasure at their behavior, and eventually started resenting them and school in general. I started skipping.

I am currently in my last semester. I sometimes get panic attacks, and regularly develop hives on my body as a stress reaction.

I think it all has to do with the fact that I never really had a father figure. My mother was quite mentally broken after their divorce and lashed out sometimes, so I sought refuge in books. That's how I found manga and ultimately the imageboards.

Many of you seem to have had it a lot worse than I have. I wish you all luck from the bottom of my heart.

First semester of conservatory.

Music was the only thing I was "good" at, but after seeing my fellow students, I knew I'd never fit in or be good enough to succeed in such a competitive industry.

I was pretty much a shut-in for my second semester, having constant panic attacks so bad I couldn't leave my dorm room. I only managed to go to enough classes so that I wouldn't fail - and I failed a few anyway. After that I left school and never came back. It was probably the worst part of my life.

While things have gotten slightly better for me, I don't think I'll ever make music again, even for fun. I fucking hate when people ask me when I'll start doing it again and tell me that "[my] talents are going to waste".

This wound is years old and it still hurts like it's new.

>>13773
Did you want to be a musician, or was it just something you fell into for lack of anything better? You describe it more as the latter, but getting into a conservatory implies (to me at least) a certain level of dedication to the subject at some point in your life.

>>13777
Eh. Kind of a mixture of both. Sorry in advance for blogging.

I was a vocalist and I had sung all my life in casual settings. My little sister got voice lessons and dragged me to them; the voice teacher there told me something I had been told since I was very young - that I was incredibly talented and should do something with my talent. I was in the middle of high school at the time (which is late to start) but I also had training in wind instruments so I was able to sight read and such. (There was a point in my life that I wanted to be a professional bassoonist but a really abusive teacher killed my love for the instrument.) I managed to build my repertoire in two years and while I didn't get into every conservatory or university with a strong music program that I applied to, I got into a few good ones. I ended up going to the one that gave me a $15k vocal merit scholarship, and it was a reputable school (not on NEC or Julliard level but probably only one step below). It made me happy but... I really had no idea what I was doing when I decided to go. It was the only thing I knew I was "good" at so I went.

Thinking back on it maybe I was paranoid about my ability because I started so late and my depression (because my classmates told me I was really good and they envied my talent, and I was one of the few students taught by the department chair), but there's still no way I'd fit in. I wasn't interested in making friends or acting a certain way or being charming and flashy - I was there to make music, nothing more. There's a personality expectation that comes with the territory of being a vocalist that I was not ready to deal with and I won't ever be. It's against my very nature to act like that. And fitting in is extremely important because people need to like you and you need connections to get anywhere after you graduate undergrad.

It really sucks. It used to make me so happy to play an instrument or sing. Now, even when I'm in my room alone, I start shaking incredibly hard and nothing comes out of my mouth after a few measures if I'm trying seriously. I can't stand how bad my voice has gotten from not practicing. People placed me as a tenor because I could do it but I had a pretty wide range, wider than most of the guys... a lot of it I can't reach any more. It kills me because it would have made me so happy if I could just make music in peace without the personal/societal expectations, only professional ones, but that will never be the case.

At the same time, I know it's my fault for being such a quitter. But who can blame me for not wanting to be a fake sellout? Either with or without the music I'd be miserable; I'd rather be miserable staying true to myself.

>>13778
>>13778
hmmm. some autistic guy noticed how he had to deal with the drama of he artists and egotists in that scene. He had a scholarship too. he wrote about it in a book.

>>13778
>>13780
Did you go to Northwestern or Oberlin?

Not going to some sort of higher education after High School.

After High School, I told myself that I'd take a 1 year break from school because I just hated school and wanted time to myself.

Well, it's been almost 6 years since then...

>>13875

You would've dropped out if you feel that way.

>>13878
This guy is right. I went straight to college and decided to take a year off to switch majors and schools. Now I'm even more addicted to entertainment and NEETdom than before.

>>13894
Thank Haruhi, there are others.
I took a year hiatus from college... 3 years ago.

College was such bullshit. A fucking debt accumulating unnecessarily stressful experience. Classes were easy (Although at the end of the day a high GPA doesn't mean shit.) but the life style was terrible. I've never been more stressed out in my entire life.

All so I can graduate with 500 other people and compete with them for non-existent degree specific jobs while the next 500 people graduate 6 months later and compete with us for those same non-existent jobs.

>>13878
Not at all, I'm actually very committed to completing stuff once I get started.

It's just getting the motivation to even get started.

>>13896
>All so I can graduate with 500 other people and compete with them for non-existent degree specific jobs while the next 500 people graduate 6 months later and compete with us for those same non-existent jobs.
Don't forget the 500 people that graduated 6 months before you!

>>13898
Such are the trials of those who get a useless degree from a poor school. Non-targets who don't have a co-op or intern programs at all aren't doing their pupils any favours. Those things are essentially interviews for placements after graduation for bigger firms. Having work experience out of the gate is critical. Of course that's not say the job you ultimately land won't be mind numbingly boring and make you question the purpose of life all day. Everyone's got their problems I guess.

>>13902
What's a "useless degree"?

>>13904
I'd guess he's referring to liberal arts ones like women's studies, philosophy or even pop culture. Yes. They actually have degrees in pop culture. Art history may yield equally bleak prospects but at least it sounds more sophisticated.

My school years weren't all that great, but I have to say that I was essentially "doomed" for a life like this when I stepped foot on the chans.

>>13507
Kind of this. My teenage years were awful, until I finally found anime. Anime and my waifu and many other things have given me a purpose in life and a reason to get up in the morning. I'm sure many people have it much worse here though so I would feel bad if I bitched about my miserable life. In short: I would be a depressed mess if it where not for anime and things like that.

>>13904
In modern times? Virtually all of them. Your major itself doesn't mean jack shit unless the degree in question came from a well-known expensive college or university.

>>14086
There are still majors with much better career prospects than others though. Experience and connections are more important than the school you came from. It's just that most privileged, well-connected kids end up going to the good schools and landing top internships/co-ops. But I agree - the degree itself (with the school name on it) won't guarantee you a nice position in any way.

Fucked from the get-go with a disabled, depressed father and alcoholic for a mother.

the worst is yet to come

>>14328
I always imagine that Welcome to the NHK scene with 50 yr. old fatass Satou.

It's been awful from the beginning. But my biggest fuck up was getting disqualified from university.
Funny, it happened for the same reason that prevented me from doing well in school. I'm the worst kind of retard since I repeat the same mistakes.

>>14345
I know that feeling. Especially when you were forced to study something that you weren't really interested in.

>>14346
I forced myself to study something I wasn't interested in, with disastrous results.

When I went into middle school, I kind of just opted out or stopped participating in social interactions. I just didn't involve myself with anyone. As time went by, it became harder and harder to start talking to people because I became the loner kid. Now I'm always that one guy who never talks and has no friends. It started because I didn't have much self-esteem or confidence, and now I just have absolutely none whatsoever. I've never met anyone who is more silent and insecure than me. The last time I've started a real conversation with a female was probably elementary school, which definitely isn't healthy.

I don't think my life went wrong. Although all I see is despair and suffering in the future, going any other way would've led into even more despair and suffering-- unless I started off wealthy or something.

All was going well untill I decided to spend my entire summer playing video games and ignoring all contact with people. I never recovered.

>>14542
You shouldn't regret it, I for one enjoy this life much better than the Ford Driver life I had. My life was pointless and depressing and I had no purpose until I started getting into anime and other kinds of things like that.

>>14543
I always thought "I'll never be like those no life losers". And then I got addicted to one game, spent my whole summer playing it and my friends stopped coming to ask me to play outside. I always said that I would do it later or that I didn't feel like it. And now I can't get friends even if I want to, I just don't know what to say to people. It used to come naturally but nowadays I'm mostly silent. I really do regret it.

>>14544
I'm sorry I guess. My experience was somewhat similar but I don't regret it all and don't see how someone would want to long to be a normal. I guess I am one of those people who would have chosen to stay in the matrix even after finding out the truth.

>>14545
It hit me the hardest when I got the "taste" of the normie life. There was a party in which the whole class was invited because we would have been split the next year. I felt incredibly happy there. And afterwards came nothing but saddness, knowing that no one would ever invite me anywhere or even talk to me unless they are forced to was depressing. Hope you get my point and I hope I don't sound like a tryhard normie.

>>14544
>I really do regret it.
Sounds like you really want to go back and was more socially adept than many here at one time. If you have the skills somewhere and the will from lingering regret, why don't you? This is not the place to launch you back. You sound like you're really trying to pretend and go with something you're not and don't want which comes off as annoying. Some people are reclusive by choice you know.

>>145,52
Sorry, I thought I might sound like that. I better shut up before I make it worse.

>>14556
While I somewhat understand, at the same time I can't really relate. I can't really stand people that much these days other than maybe family. Being around large groups of people makes me extremely uncomfortable and thinking too much about reality and the way things are usually makes me feel a little sick. On top of that anime has made me despise the world even more because I have seen how much better it could be. Anything related to this young culture shit like sex parties and ''gf'' relationships that last 2 years makes me feel ill, and that doesn't really even have anything to do with the fact that I'm a loser like a lot of people would think. I can't stand talking with more than one person at once either, because there is no way to have a good conversation with that many people and I feel that good friendship exists best between two people. I have also increasingly become unconsciously hateful towards women, especially younger ones, the more I look at their perfect counterparts.

In short: Reality just horrifies me and I am always much happier here in my room doing all this stuff. At times I do feel lonely, but when that happens there are imageboard sites, or in my case I can talk with my parents or something if it gets really bad.

Of course in my opinion you're welcome here as long as you are unsocial and reclusive like now, but you are right that it is a bad idea to go around announcing all the time how you wish to be a Ford Driver. And if the time comes that you become social again then this won't be the place for you anymore. This is at least my opinion.

>>14547
No offense, but how can you enjoy parties?
The loud (and bad) music, the boring people, the dancing...
It's too loud to talk to anyone, dancing is stupid, and the only thing you do is be there alone and awkwardly hold your cup.
I went to one of those in my early teens, and I can clearly state that for me it's much more fun to be at home watching anime and being a short-term-hikki.
Sorry if I was rude.

>>14560
I never go to parties myself but if you don't mine my butting in.
>the only thing you do is be there alone and awkwardly hold your cup.
that's what you do, not the people who go to parties.
>The loud (and bad) music, the boring people
Some people like the music, and want to socialize. They'd probably say the only boring people there are the ones who do nothing but awkwardly hold their cup.
>dancing is stupid.
lot of people would disagree.

Post edited on 3rd May 2013, 3:10pm

>>14561
>Some people like the music, and want to socialize.

Here is where the problem arises, most people here hate socializing. And especially with that many people.

>>14561
Why are you even here?

>>14563
watch out, he might be trying to make you think differently.
(Either that or, you know, he is, like, sharing his personal opinion.)

>>14565
You entirely missed the point of my post. Tohno-chan isn't exactly the place I'd expect to see extroverts and/or socialites criticizing people for being boring at parties, and I have no idea why someone like that would even take an interest in this site.

Post edited on 3rd May 2013, 4:43pm

>>14560
>dancing is stupid
Only as a social activity, dancing on your own in a dark room is very relaxing

>>14563
Why are you?

>>14566
You don't have to be part of something to point out why people might like it. How does anything in that post make me a 'extroverts and/or socialites'? Why are you with your stupid which hunt bullshit even here? I swear stupid people like you that see what they want and jump at the opportunity to label someone a normal fag are whats killing this place. I've never been to a party in my life, yet you ask why I'm here? I'm sorry are only intolerant close minded cynical assholes allowed to be here?
I said some people like parties and dancing when someone asked how someone else can enjoy those things, means I'm a normal fag right? better get out the torches and pitchforks right? and I wasn't criticizing him at all you fucking stupid donkey raping shit eater.

>>14566
Edit: Overly redundant with >>14569.

Post edited on 3rd May 2013, 5:34pm

>>14569
I was with you until you started up the retarded, childish internet raging. And now you look like far more of a dickhead than the person you responded to. Congratulations.

Post edited on 3rd May 2013, 6:20pm

>>14571
I am sure he is just a little stressed out.
Although stress affects us all of from time to time let us not forget that we are are all friends or, at the very least, in good company when here.

>>14571
I'm just so sick of having to tiptoe around this site at the risk of being called a Ford Driver by people who are more judgmental and intolerant than the normals they claim to hate. I realize that was a bit much now, I was going to post it in response to >>14563 but then decided not to, but then when he made this stupid followup post >>14566 I said to hell with it and posted it anyway.
I'd like to know where the fuck the guy gets off calling me a 'extrovert socialite' when he knows nothing about me. He has the nerve to ask me why I'm here when he's clearly just looking for trouble? yeah I overreacted and said some childish things, but fuck him.

>>14576
You assume as much about me as I did about you. Obviously I misinterpreted your post as defending the "party lifestyle" and criticizing that other guy when it wasn't, but I wasn't attempting to call you out on being a Ford Driver as much as I was wondering your reasons for being here. Not in a "get out normies" sort of way, but as a legitimate curiosity. I have a few habits that would probably be considered "Ford Drivery" myself, so I wasn't trying to ostracize you or something. Looking back at it, my posts could have been worded better, so I apologize for that.

>>14571
back the fuck up, nigga.

>>14578
You're right, I'm sorry about that.

>>14567
I do this sometimes but I feel like an idiot every time.

Gee, two minutes before going to sleep I post this >>14560, next day I wake up, look into this thread and realize I caused this shitstorm.
Gomene, /so/.

>>14561 causes a shit storm with people calling him a normal or normal wannabe for defending the notion that some people like things others don't.
but http://tohno-chan.com/an/res/14786.html#15319 gets nothing?

>>14628
That was just posted recently, and I reported it too.

>>14628
it's not posted on /so/ so it's not like rubbing salt into a mouth sore or other wound....

>>14633
so it's okay to be a normal on other boards?

>>14634
Just stop, dude

>>14635
No this is bullshit. You can't attack someone for what you think they said then ignore it when someone else says it blatantly.

>>14640
Would you relax? That "shitstorm" (which would have been limited to only half a dozen posts if everyone let it be after it was over) was caused by a misunderstanding by myself and another poster. Largely my fault, so I apologized for it. It's not that big of a deal.

And really, I assume the post you quoted in /an/ is under rule violation explicitly (rather than possibly), which is why I reported it and not anything in this thread.

Post edited on 5th May 2013, 12:14pm

One time I was invited (out of pity) to a Festivus party. Even amongst the social outcasts, and rejects that invited me I felt so alien. Like some useless ornament made for some shitty decoration that should have been stuffed in a forgotten corner of a closet. I started to choke up and knew I couldn't handle it so I desperately tried to make up some lie so I could leave early.
I went home, masturbated, and cried myself to sleep.
Easily ranks up there in my top worst life experiences.