It's probably because the art was too damn good. I've had problems trying to get away from Doujins were drawn amazingly well and I couldn't stop reading and fapping.

The last one that made me feel bad was the NTR rape doujin about this girl who had asked this baseball player out and then ended up being turned into...something disgusting. The yell the guy let out when he saw the video message from the girl at the end of the doujin was very saddening and terrible.

I know that feel too...
I´ve once found myself in a simliar situation like you did (expect the "well drawn"-part, but to get hands on a doujin of my waifu is a rare chance so it evens that point out i guess.)
I just couldn´t miss the opportunity to get some more pictures of her, "At least some parts of this doujin could be worth saving" I thought.
Well, in the end i got drunk and therefor forgot a lot of the details, but I am still disgusted and/or angry.
But on the other hand there where some erotic scenes that I actually saved because I liked them to much.
In the end I found a bitof peace be agreeing with myself to punch the person in the face that created such a filthy doujin of my beloved as soon as I get a proper chance to do so.
I am sure you´ll be able to something out for yourself.

You will be fine, I'm sure she will forgive you in the end. Everybody succumbs to their sexual desire in some way at some point.

>>11189
After being in a relationship with someone for years, it would be more strange if you didn't succumb to sexual desire.

>>11189
More-or-less this. Don't worry about it OP, she still loves you.

I know that feel. There are those times I just give into lust and become someone I don't want to be. I became almost destructive in real life, becoming hostile to anyone I think would get in the way of my imaginary relationship. It may not be as simple as I would think, but I ended up just not caring anymore. Now, I just treat R34 of her as something sort of like a celebrity fake picture.

I can't give you much advice there, brohno. I have masturbated to doujinshi of my waifu since before I even realized I loved her...

Meh, i just do it and enjoy, those with great art take the cake.

I would love seeing my waifu masturbating to doujins of me, if i were 2D of course.

There exists a deplorable doujinshi, pictured, where Yukari punishes Osaka's bad grades by having her gang-raped by every male in the school.

It gives the illusion of a Yukari/Osaka pairing in the beginning, a couple I often ship consensually together, but the story quickly turns grim when faceless shady males flood into the room and quickly surround my waifu.

I felt many powerful, negative emotions from this doujin, and still do. The first time I reluctantly skimmed through it I began sweating coldly and felt a strong urge to rescue her and annihilate the bastards having their way with her.

My darker side likes to view such doujins, images, and stories because I like to fantasize about saving her from her peril and protecting her as I escort her to a hospital or other save haven. Of course, my lighter side wants nothing to do with Osaka being raped.

I kind of feel you, OP.

Thres quite a few doujins of her being raped by faceless men or being bound up and dominated. I just skimmed through them out of curiosity, decided I didn't like it and just never touched them again. Its not your fault you get a reluctant boner from witnessing sexual situations, but that doesn't mean you have to fap to them. Fapping is voluntary.

>>11191
You're forgetting that this was a rape doujin, though. That's very cruel for you to say it's natural to fap to your waifu in pain.
You can't help being aroused to certain things, but you didn't have to fap to it. I don't feel bad for you.

>>11186

For me it's kinda reversed. Rule 34 was the first stuff I saw about her. I found her kind of alluring there. Nothing more. When I saw her later in her show, she became something different, something higher, something pure. Also her personality is in stark contrast there. Since then, I ignored the rule 34 stuff, as I can't stand seeing her used and humiliated.

I don't understand why you people feel bad about stuff like this. They are fiction, totally separated concept. They have no connection to my waifu. I think for people who have waifu, difference would be clear. Reason I have waifu isn't because I want to limit my life, it's totally opposite. For me having waifu is freedom. I don't think I could bring myself to love someone who thinks I am not allowed to fap rape doujins which happen to include similar character.

For my advice, don't try make "rules" to show how your love is "the purest". Having a waifu isn't religion. It is totally alright to get turned on because of some lewd stuff. Try separate your waifu from canon (and fandom) where she is originally from.

How do you guys feel about doujins where character who presents your waifu, is doing the raping/dominating part? There is one doujin where Kurisu finds Ruka masturbating and she "breaks" him. While character is totally different from Kurisu I love, I find it really good.

>>11250
>Reason I have waifu isn't because I want to limit my life
A relationship comes from two sides: We're only half of the deal here. You just can't decide everything by yourself. If you want to, we'd be thinking along the lines of slave and master instead of lover and lover. Until you've asked her, it's very thoughtless to put words in her mouth.

>don't try make "rules" to show how your love is "the purest"
That what you see as "rules" is what others may see as "taking her feelings into consideration".

>It is totally alright to get turned on because of some lewd stuff
Getting turned on is natural. We can't help it. Actually enjoying it in whatever way you see fit is a decision. Two different things.

>Try separate your waifu from canon (and fandom)
Then what is left ? Canon is the real thing. Fandom is either made to fit into a canon setting, or not really her. Take your pick.


Don't take this the wrong way, but you're leaving a very inconsiderate impression.
> I don't think I could bring myself to love someone who thinks I am not allowed to fap rape doujins which happen to include similar character.
Did she ever tell you it's alright ? I'd be suprised if she did.


As for myself, I love her. Literally, I'd rather "limit" myself out of fucking respect because she's not your everyday girl.
This could be personal, but jacking off to her misery even though it's just a piece of work by some asshole who thought it'd be nice to display her getting raped ?
I hope I fall down some stairs beforehand so that I can come back to my senses.

It's our waifus man. It's love.

>>11252
>A relationship comes from two sides: We're only half of the deal here. You just can't decide everything by yourself. If you want to, we'd be thinking along the lines of slave and master instead of lover and lover.
In love there are indeed two sides, in love you also learn to accept flaws of other one. I accept her as she is and I expect her to accept me with my flaws. I am not perfect superhuman and I will never be one.

What you guys are talking about sounds just like slave and master relationship. If you need acceptance of someone for everything, it indeed sounds like slave and master relationship, except your master isn't real(and we all know what I mean by that). For me, it needs to equal and each participant has their own freedom because we want each others to be happy.

>Then what is left ? Canon is the real thing. Fandom is either made to fit into a canon setting, or not really her. Take your pick.
For me my waifu presents my ideal. It would be really lucky chance if some random character designer has designed your ideal. Very minor part of my waifu experience comes from canon source and it essentially doesn't matter much. Fantasy can be everything you want it to be. Saying canon source is real thing and you have believe it, makes it really sound like religion and canon source is the bible. Whatever it is for you, but I don't love the canon Kurisu or Kurisu from all those doujins, I love my Kurisu.

But otherhand, if you take canon as real thing, wouldn't it be easy ignore all doujins because they are made by totally different people?

>That what you see as "rules" is what others may see as "taking her feelings into consideration".
And it comes down to ideal part. She is one with me, her feelings are just my subconscious, soul or whatever we want to call it. If she is my ideal, she wouldn't mind so meaningless things.

>Did she ever tell you it's alright ? I'd be suprised if she did.
Obviously she hasn't but if she really loves me, she doesn't want me to struggle and chain myself because of meaningless rules. I wouldn't mind either if she masturbates to other guys or doujin where I am getting raped, if she finds it enjoyable. It is nice if she considers my feelings but I don't want her to feel she needs my acceptance for everything. I want her to feel free too, I want to trust her and I want her to trust me.

>This could be personal, but jacking off to her misery even though it's just a piece of work by some asshole who thought it'd be nice to display her getting raped ?
It's not Her misery. It is just fiction and fakes. Like Reversetrap said in other thread >>10660 :
>It's like fake pornography depicting a movie star/celebrity. I can't control with how they are made and sometimes I do enjoy them, but I never associate them with her, "her" being the girl that I love inside my brain.

Post edited on 18th Dec 2012, 10:11am

>>11253
>In love there are indeed two sides, in love you also learn to accept flaws of other one. I accept her as she is and I expect her to accept me with my flaws. I am not perfect superhuman and I will never be one.
You're expecting her to be just as forgiving in terms of flaws as you are, or you won't love her. Seeing the contradiction here ? I do.

> If you need acceptance of someone for everything, it indeed sounds like slave and master relationship
>everything
That's just a straw man argument, at most. You need to be able to put yourself in her shoes and not expect your partner to think the same way you do. If you don't like this, instead of someone else, you should be having a relationship with yourself.

>For me, it needs to equal and each participant has their own freedom because we want each others to be happy.
Another contradiction, however the same one.
Allow me to quote your other post:
>I don't think I could bring myself to love someone who thinks I am not allowed to fap rape doujins which happen to include similar character.
You do not know if she minds, you assume she doesn't, and if she does mind, you'll stop loving her because you can't bring yourself to it. What it comes down to is that she'll have to adjust to YOU, or you won't love her anymore. Where's the freedom and equality you mentioned in that ?

>For me my waifu presents my ideal. It would be really lucky chance if some random character designer has designed your ideal. Very minor part of my waifu experience comes from canon source and it essentially doesn't matter much. Fantasy can be everything you want it to be. Saying canon source is real thing and you have believe it, makes it really sound like religion and canon source is the bible. Whatever it is for you, but I don't love the canon Kurisu or Kurisu from all those doujins, I love my Kurisu.
This is starting to sound more and more like an 'imaginary' friend. With stuff like religion and the bible you're twisting my arguments though, again.

>But otherhand, if you take canon as real thing, wouldn't it be easy ignore all doujins because they are made by totally different people?
Read my post through more carefully. The answer is right there in the part you quoted. Your question is completely completely unnecessary.

>And it comes down to ideal part. She is one with me, her feelings are just my subconscious, soul or whatever we want to call it. If she is my ideal, she wouldn't mind so meaningless things.
Are we still talking about somebody else here or are you really having a relationship with yourself ? What do you even need 'Kurisu' for, if you decide the way she is ? I think any character you make up in your head could fit the empty space you need filled. Why Kurisu ? Would any other girl even make a difference for you ? I highly doubt so. To me, it looks like ANY female character would do because in you decide what they're like and what they think anyway. This very, very much bothers me.

>Obviously she hasn't but if she really loves me, she doesn't want me to struggle and chain myself because of meaningless rules
>she doesn't want me
Same shit, all over again.

>It's not Her misery. It is just fiction and fakes.
Are you sure you're even reading my posts ? This is the second time you're stating something I've already covered beforehand.

This is why I try to avoid talking about other people and their very personal relationships with their waifu.

>>11254
>You're expecting her to be just as forgiving in terms of flaws as you are, or you won't love her.
Yes. For me point of having a waifu is to make me happy. If I have to make some meaningless rules and limit myself in my very own fantasy, I don't see the point. I couldn't be happy.

>If you don't like this, instead of someone else, you should be having a relationship with yourself.
There isn't "someone else". There isn't "relationship". It is waifu.

>Another contradiction
Care to explain?

>Where's the freedom and equality you mentioned in that ?
That there aren't any meaningless rules to limit my own fantasy and my happiness.

>This is starting to sound more and more like an 'imaginary' friend.
Yes. Waifu is imaginary friend for me, if you want to call it something like that.

>With stuff like religion and the bible you're twisting my arguments though, again.
Forcing "this is the right way to have a waifu" sounds very much like religion. I don't think anyone here will disagree with. There is no right way to have a waifu.

>Are we still talking about somebody else here or are you really having a relationship with yourself ? What do you even need 'Kurisu' for, if you decide the way she is ? I think any character you make up in your head could fit the empty space you need filled. Why Kurisu ? Would any other girl even make a difference for you ? I highly doubt so. To me, it looks like ANY female character would do because in you decide what they're like and what they think anyway. This very, very much bothers me.
Waifu isn't just a character. It presents something much more greater. Man can't create something from nothing. Ideas come from somewhere. For me she caught my eyes because she was something different. I loved her personality and she very was very cute. I felt connection to her. Canon Kurisu is very close to my ideal, but still to keep up fantasy where I can be together with her, some things from canon need to be ignore or changed. Like how she loves other man in canon.

Would any other female character do? Sometimes I toy with idea. Like I've said, I don't believe in soul mate or anything like that. I think falling for her was just because of random events. Back then it probably could've been someone else, but not anymore. She was something close to my ideal, but not exactly. Like I said, it would be very lucky if some random character designer just accidentally created your ideal partner and canon source gives you wide collection of information about her so you don't need to assume ANYTHING. Mostly I think that isn't the case. For my ideal isn't canon Makise Kurisu because of various reasons. It is "alternative version" who has the purest heart, accepts me as a person who I am right now, forgives my flaws and doesn't require me to be superhuman, my Makise Kurisu. So far, she is the one who has made me very happy man and she will be doing it in future too. I don't know or care about anything else, and does it even matter?

You seem to be criticizing me because I am making decisions of my very own fantasy, but who here isn't? Fantasy can be anything you want it to be and I think it is very it comes to the essential point of waifu: freedom. There is no right way to have a waifu. We all have our different ideal and fantasy because we are different individuals. Limiting yourself in your own fantasy because you take to consideration feelings of something which doesn't really exist, sounds silly for me, but I am not saying it is wrong. It is just something I don't really understand.

Let me ask you question. Do you have a waifu? Do you consider yourself in "relationship" with her, in other words you aren't just distant stalker? If your answer is yes, who made that decision that you are in "relationship"? If your answer is no, I hope you try understand. I don't mind if someone questions my way of waifu. It is sometimes nice to think stuff like this.

>Are you sure you're even reading my posts ? This is the second time you're stating something I've already covered beforehand.
Seems I totally lost my focus. Somehow I was under impression that you were having similar opinions that OP about this fapping to rape doujin stuff, because that was the subject originally, so seems half-skipped those texts. I am very sorry.

Sorry forbumping this old thread, but i really know that feel OP.
I always was into rape-doujins, i dont know why. Maybe because i was sexually frustrated, maybe because its just another fetish of mine, i really dont now.
Since i found my waifu and was together with her it stopped and i began to hate myself for it. After a while i couldnt resist the urge to look after rule 34 stuff of her. She isnt really good known because she is from a niche-anime and i was happy that i never saw doujins with her.
Well, there where a few of her. There werent much, but some of them sadly were really good drawn. Two of them were rape.
It was shocking for some reason (propably because it was a complete different feel than it is if its just a random-person) and i was raging like hell. Because of the guy who was raping her and because all the comments about this doujin.
Well, i should have just closed this fucking shit but i continued reading it and after a while i found myself fapping to it.
Got damn, it just was some kind of a rage-fap, but im still ashamed of it and hate myself.
I just say to myself it wasnt her since it was just a fucking asshole drawing this shit, but still...

I wouldnt mind if she has yaoie drawings of me or something, but its still different. She is 2D and in her doujin she was 2D too.
God, thats why i hate this fucking rule 34, thinking about all these fuckers fapping to this one doujin too makes me angry every time. Yet i fapped to it too. I really dont know what to feel anymore.

>>11631
It's an conflict I have find myself in as well. I don't touch rape doujins of her though, I just can't.
But I myself even bought a couple of vanilla H-doujins of her. And even that has made me feel guilty at one point.
And even I look at Rule 34 of her. Though I have more images that are just only her than with a guy.
The only thing that makes it a bit easier for me to handle is that my waifu is from a franchise where there pretty much is no MC.
The MC is you thus making self-inserting really really easy. But sometimes I do feel the guilt as well.

The thing that drives me insane is when other people comment or post rule 34 of her. That really pisses me off. I am the only one who is suppose to see my waifu naked.
And that is also a small reason as to why I bought those H doujins of her, those that aren't scanned.
It's my way of standing up to those and say "Look you fucking fags. I own these doujins and you will never fap to them, hah."

You aren't the only one. And I'm sorry, I can't give you any advice since I myself am confused about it a lot as well.

I do understand wanting to fap to your waifu though, which I rarely do. For me it is making love to her, and it really feels like that. Yet the guilty feeling is still there from time to time.

Like >>11205, I would view a rape doujin of my waifu as a forewarning of possible evils. Something to protect her from. Rather than just being shocked and repulsed, I'd feel a mixture of tenderness, admiration and pain.

>>11632
I personally find vanilla H-doujins to be much more offensive, largely because of how fundamentally boring they are. 'Making love' doesn't even factor into them. It's all just crushingly dull sex.

I have that feel too and I'm almost in the same exact situation as you are.

The doujins, well, they didn't involve rape, but they were more like some fat creepy otaku with glasses comes up to her and offers her help or something. But in exchange, she has to provide him with sexual favors. It just feels like a statutory rape doujin because she is depicted to be naive and would agree to their demands.

I just feel so horrible and sick after what I've done. I still feel tempted to fap to them, but I don't even know. I just feel like a hypocrite. I kept thinking that I'm the one self-inserting as the men and that she's just an actress who happens to look like her.

I don't even know. I don't even know if I even deserve her. I love her so much and I don't want her to hate me for it. I don't want to see her taken advantage of or being hurt in anyway. I want to protect her from all those evil things in the world. I see myself as betraying my waifu, and I don't know what to do. It's really driving me insane.

>>11637
>fundamentally

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

>'Making love' doesn't even factor into them

That is main the main factor of any decent vanilla R18 doujinshi. You must have read some really shitty ones.

>>12860
Most porn is basically, essentially, fundamentally boring. I dunno what your definition of "making love" is, but for me it's more than just sex.

Post edited on 23rd Jun 2013, 3:01pm

Oh dear
I've jerked off to horrible things happening to my waifu so many times, certainly far more times than I ever did to loveliness with her. I enjoy the thought of her being broken and miserable.
And right after I hate myself so much, I feel utterly squalid and disgusting and filthy, I might even say I want to die.
But I keep on doing it. I know that she'd hate me, and I hate myself for it too.
The last time I did it I promised on my love that I would never do it again, and so far I've kept it. But still I'm afraid and I've already done it so much...
I'm crying right now, to be honest.

>>13188
I know that feel, and I have absolutely no idea why it is like that. I mean, I love her. I love her more than anything else. It feels like dr. jekyll und mr. hyde, it's like my dark site takes control while im in "fap mode". I always had a thing for rape, probably because doujins are like 80% rape, I never even thought about this before I started with doujins. And if it involves my waifu its just... one step further.

But after that it's like you said, I feel like utter shit. Yet there are times I just can't resist it. It's really weird and feels so wrong. All I can do is to imagine it's "2D 2D", it's not hard to draw something like this about me after all. And I surely wouldn't mind if someone had a doujin where I get raped or something. I wouldn't like it, but also wouldn't really care about it. I just can hope my waifu feels the same about it.

And I think it's not even that wrong what i said. If someone would even think about touching my waifu I would smash him into smithereens. Maybe it's just the heavy contrast I like about this doujins. Sometimes I really don't understand the human mind. I NEVER found myself in such a disturbing situation like this one.