Sometimes, but it's really fleeting. Recently I've been trying to remember times in my life where I was happy, or at least times in which I look back on myself and remember being happy, and I'd take pride in myself and feel good about all sorts of little things. These days it feels like my default mental state is depression, and even if I did something really great, I only feel maybe a small jolt of happiness for a few hours, and then it's back to my usual fog.

I'm really lazy and I don't do anything, but I have a few goals, like learning Japanese. As soon as I start to work on one of them I remember how hard actual work is and stop. If I am able to work at it for a while, say, I get a nice feeling and bask in it for a while and then slack off again. I can't stick even to things that make me feel good. I think what makes me feel the most proud is learning something new, but my attention span is so shot to hell.

Shaving my face would be an accomplishment at this pointin my shitty life. I haven't felt good about anything for almost a decade.

Sometimes, after doing some custom wiring, or fixing something technical.
Like when I installed some lights into my fig case, making two battery powered lamps, both powered from the same plug, with a on/off switch I built in.
Or when I fixed my headphones by soldering the wires onto a new jack.
I sort of surprise myself when it ends up actually working, and a little proud I guess.
It's only during those rare times when I feel I accomplished something, even if in actually it's not that complicated....

The only thing I can be somewhat proud of is that I've been studying Japanese consistently.

It makes me feel like a complete idiot when multiple peopleon /jp/say that it's actually a simple language, anyone should be able to learn it, etc. At that point, I just lose all the self-esteem I managed to gather up.

It's the same thing with programming and math, except I have absolutely no ability for either of them. It's almost as if everyone else is smarter than me and I'm just incredibly slow, even if I do put a lot of effort into something.

>>9683
I think one reason why I haven't put any serious effort into anything for years is because I'm terrified that I'm actually stupid. I continually tell myself that I could easily learn something like programming if I tried, but I'm too lazy. What if I'm wrong and I'm lazy and stupid?

>>9684
It's pretty much the same thing here. Being stupid is something I couldn't stand to be.

I read this quote a while ago: "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence."
Somehow, I'm just hoping that we're one of those people...

>>9683
Well yes, pretty much anyone can learn any language... IF they are willing to soak lots of time and patience into it. It's a matter of effort rather than intelligence, and it sounds like you have been putting a good amount of effort into it.

Also, a lot of people on that board will say shit like that just for the sake of being a dick; they most likely don't understand the language themselves.

>>9677
>/so/ do you guys ever feel proud or good about yourselves or stuff you've accomplished?
I only feel shame when I think about all of the things I haven't accomplished but could have.

I'll let you know when I actually manage to accomplish anything

>>9683
>It makes me feel like a complete idiot when multiple people say that it's actually a simple language, anyone should be able to learn it, etc.

This is an objective fallacy, in a world where most people can't even speak their own native language to fluency.

lately when I've done things that make me feel like I've accomplished things its been mundane things like sorting through a lot of files I've had organized in crappy ways into a better format. Or things like cleaning up my room. Yet when I do something like get my homework done for my classes I don't feel any sort of accomplishment from it, even when I get it back if I do really well on it.

Also learning Japanese here, barely do any actual study since I finished the kanji. JRPGs and internet all day

As for the topic, I don't feel much pride in anything. If I can land a job and move out I'd be pretty happy though.

Yes. Making even a little progress in learning Japanese makes me happy, because it means I am one step closer to fluency. Spanish to a lesser extent.

Occasionally, I'll get in a good mood and feel good and proud of myself (cause when I'm in a rare good mood I can actually accomplish things).

But in general I'm in a perpetual state of self-loathing. Paradoxically, I'm arrogant enough to think I'm a man of many talents that could take his life in any direction, but at the same time i think I'm too shy, withdrawn, and lazy to accomplish anything in reality.

It also doesn't help when you don't have goals to aspire to. When I was a kid I dreamed of becoming an inventor or an astronaut. Well, I had that chance when I got into a great university with amazing post-graduation job prospects, but because of my social ineptitude and inability to handle the tremendous stress (for people like us at least) of college life, I threw it all down the drain. Now my life holds no purpose or value. No friends, no vision, no dreams, there is nothing.

Sometimes my family will treat with with gifts and vacations and stuff and I hate it when they do. Inside me there is a feeling that tells me I'm a horrible person I don't deserve any such kindness shown to me. I feel guilty when they give me gifts for I feel that there are literally billions of people on earth more noble and deserving than I am. I felt guilty in high school when I brought home straight A's and the teachers lauded me with praise, when I knew that I actually put forth absolutely no effort and did the bare minimum the class called for. When my birthday comes around, I consider it the worst day of the year because it is proof of my loneliness, but also because I feel any day celebrating me can or should be nothing more than a mummers farce. I carry so much guilt and shame, imagining all the things I could do, but I won't do.

>>9742
You are me, down to the letter.

I feel completely worthless. The pressure from my family to have a normal life makes it that much worse.

>>9742
Hell, you are me too.

>>9742
You are me as well. I feel I was only a straight A student since I was so socially stunted and didn't have much else to do besides school work. I wanted to enjoy university, but I just grew more withdrawn and took to this Internet thing as it continued to grow.

I feel like absolute shit every day and like a burden on my father. My older siblings give me shit whenever I am forced to see them, as would my mother when she was still alive. Yes, yes, I know, I need to get a job and be a good little citizen, thanks for telling me something I don't know.

>>9742
I'm like you too in many ways too except the having dreams of success or being someone important. I was never good in school and never had any real dreams of being anything growing up and still don't. I take what I'm given but anything I'm given I feel I don't need or it's just too much and I do feel a sense of guilt that I don't deserve that much. Was a useless stupid piece of shit when I was little who didn't care about anything and still am now. My life is a miserable thing now, not much left to even experience in it that's positive but I can't imagine myself any other way and can't help but think this is the way it was meant to be. There's some things I want in it that I'll never have and that's what really tears me apart but I'm ok with being what I am.