I've chickened out with a gun, but I guess that doesn't really count as an attempt. I had a firm finger on the trigger, and I felt very very hollow at that moment. Like when you lay outside on your back and just look straight up at the night sky and it feels like you're falling. I got scared and started crying then fell asleep.

Not yet!

I was about to attempt, but someone saw me walking alone at night and thought it was suspicious and called the cops about a "distressed individual". The police arrived in a matter of minutes when I arrived at the tracks of the dark train tunnel (I didn't think anyone would see me and the train would have arrived in about half an hour according to it's schedule). Haven't felt like trying again since.

I've once tried to kill myself by not eating or drinking anything for a week, I could've managed it if I was really alone, but I sort of gave in after I was talked out of it on, like, the fifth day. The second time, I tried to overdose on my depression medicine along with my ADHD medicine, which made me look like I had taken speed or crack since I couldn't stop twitching, then my mom saw me and probably thought that I was trying to get high with my medicine and from then on, she never let me take them again.

I'm not going to count when I tried to slit my throat/wrists with a knife. That was a really pathetic waste of time.

I tried and followed through about 4 times. First time I had a gun I bought off someone, but I never managed to find a bullet due to the country I live in. Next times were on some hard drugs (heroin) but I was discovered by people each time, and unfortunately ended up in the hospital.

Now, I don't really think about it because I realized as depressing, bleak, and harsh my world may be, I can still exist for my own escapist pleasures.

Yeah.

It didn't work.

When the time comes I want to but I'm too much of a pussy to do so. I can't see anything good at all beyond the 30 point in my life and that's why I must do it. Maybe by that point I'll be so depressed and distant even to myself I'll do it with ease. But until then I just don't know. I'm just waiting for something to kill me. I exist now as someone said above off simple pleasures, there really is no other meaning to my life anymore, I've accomplished what I personally wanted to do except for one thing that will complete my life. A connection with another person, just someone to love and have fun with for these last years of my life but I fear it may be too late and no matter how much I try or long for it, it will never happen. I'm all alone here, I'm getting older and everyone younger I don't recognize and can't be with no matter what age I always am inside. I'm stuck with no way out other than suicide with my pleasures to comfort me until I need to.

I wish I could take all the NEET to a farm upstate and show them the value of a hard day's work.

>>9106
You won't be able to get me to work, Old man!

>>9106
I'd go, hell I'd even volunteer to go. I feel so detached from the meaning of hard physical work.

A long time ago I discovered my self esteem is strongly connected to how hard I believed I worked. I'm not satisfied with myself unless I've done my physical best and done so reliably on a day to day basis. The fact that my self-imposed standards are so freaking high doesn't help, and I guess I have to just tone it down a little and stop beating myself up after every little mistake.

I know this is going to sound stupid, but is there a place like that? A place that's lets people farm their land for them, and also isn't a cult?

>>9109
you could just get a job on a farm, its probably not as cool as you think it is though

>>9106
I'd do it, if only for a day. It's paperwork involving a lot of thinking that gets to me.

Hard, mindless, physical labor on the other hand is often kind of exhilarating and makes me feel alive, like there's something I don't completely suck at.

>>9106
As someone who has worked on a farm before going NEET, it's not as good as you think it is ("the value of a hard day's work). Now I liked being in the fields planting and plucking up crops and shit but i mainl did that during summer and spring - i.e. when it was warm.

>>9106
I for one, would love that. Take me away anon~

I don't really feel I should count them as genuine suicide attempts, but I have, on more than one occasion, started chugging a fifth of cheap gin with no intention of stopping. When I'd wake up the next day to carpet against my cheek and the stench of vomit hanging in the air, I'd be momentarily confused before feeling a strange mix of disappointment and relief that I hadn't died.

>>9115
It must be an interesting feeling, waking up and finding out you didn't die.

>>9128
I wake up to find I hadn't died almost every day.

>>9131
Me, too!

Near the end of January 2011 I attempted suicide.

I've never believed in half-assing something as serious as a suicide attempt, so when I'd decided to do it I was determined to succeed. No slit wrists or handful of pills for me.

I got into my car on a cold winter's night and drove to a big hill nearby. I parked a half-mile from the top and sat there for around 15 minutes, wondering if I'd reconsider. I didn't.

I put some music on to psyche myself up, and started the car. Halfway through the second song I shifted into drive and gunned it towards the hill. By the time I reached the bottom I was going over 120mph, and I let go of the wheel. My car drifted to the right, eventually going off of the road. I can vividly remember the snow flying over my windshield, rumbling and roaring and illuminated by the headlights. That was all I saw. After a moment my world was turned upside down as the car flipped over. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt, so I fell against the roof, and tried my best to hold myself in place as the car tumbled through the snow.

That's the last thing I remember. Evidently I hit my head and was knocked unconscious. I woke up laying curled on the roof of my car, the contents of the interior scattered around me. I was unharmed, aside from a headache and a sore neck/back. I grabbed my phone and my coat and began trying to escape from the vehicle. The snow was deep, and I had to kick the door hard to get it open. I'd traveled around a hundred meters from where I went off of the road, barreling through the thick brush and somehow managing to miss any of the large trees.

Someone living nearby had seen what happened and called the police. I was examined by paramedics shortly thereafter, and driven home. The car was totaled, and I haven't had the courage to try again.

Nope, and I could never imagine even trying to. I'll probably die of a heart attack at some point though, given how unhealthy my lifestyle is.

I have. I followed one of those guides that made me buy a tank of gas, a mask, and a tube that connects both of those objects. The gas was already in my system and since my body didn't know the difference between that and air, I was going faint in a matter of seconds. I knew nobody would find me because of my location and timing, so that moment was probably the last time I would be able to think. What ended up happening was that, although I was already knocked out, the tube burst and allowed me to breathe actual oxygen, and I later woke up with tears and a massive nosebleed that didn't stop. I don't plan on trying again, since that was supposedly the easiest way to go, but one thing is for sure... that moment where you're close to death. Even though, to some people it may be nerve wracking and scary, to me it was pure bliss. Like, all the weight that was ever on my shoulders... lifted. When I woke up, I cried with a feeling of disappointment but overall happiness. This is because now I know that, if things go real bad, all I have to do is do the same thing, but buy a more reliable tube. Makes me happy knowing I have a painless escape route.

>>9164
That's exactly the way I plan to do it. Of course I'd have to move out first so I could have a place to hide the equipment, but I can't wait for the feeling of having it available whenever the time comes. My biggest fear is actually being put in a position where I am unable to kill myself (prison, become disabled, etc) and be FORCED to live.

I have never tried this, and I've never even thought of it. Don't get me wrong, I hate myself completely and sometimes I do wish I were dead. But there's just too much I want to know, too much I want to learn. That's maybe the only reason I live, to read and to learn more about life, the mind, and the world around me. Books and other media like that also help me fend off depression, because I can forget the outside world when I have them.

>>9164
Once you get beyond the point where physical pain can be felt and you are able to let yourself go is a really great feeling. I haven't tried to kill myself yet but I have a few times I had a pleasant trip beyond death. Like one time I decided to be stupid and drank a bottle of Redline (one of the most powerful energy drinks in the world) and then after that downed a Rockstar 2x. Later that night I made a 4 bag brew of relaxation tea (valerian root). Soon after I tryed to go to sleep. Minutes seemed like hours and I felt like I was laying in the darkness for an eternity. At some point much later I completely blacked out and I woke up in this place with no body. It was some kind of temple where the walls were made of rainbow colored faces, as they got higher they took on a more gray tone. In the upper middle there was one giant face and on each side 2 cupped palms. On the right side of this temple there was a passage with a stream flowing out of it with many strange symbols on the walls. From the small stream there was a line of caskets being transported upright into another place. I was able to move freely around and there was a gentle pulse in the air. I didn't want to go back to my body. But as I started to explore the place a little more it just got more and more dark until it all faded away and I woke up.

>>9170
Sounds like you probably inadverdently brought upon a wake-induced lucid dream.

>>9171
It felt so real, there was only a couple others that had this amount of realism to me, one was another good one but the other was a complete nightmare.

How does cigarette smoking sound as a slow suicide? Might as well go out by something enjoyable.

Sounds like a very long and agonizing way to die.