My parents convinced me that the only purpose for having friends or partners was to get money/copy homework/cure loneliness.

No friendships or relationships for the sake of love exist, they told me. I lived for some years trying to prove them wrong, but the more people I met(I tried to make true friends with at least 600 people) the more I feel they were right. And I hate it.

I despise lying. I would rather be alone than using other people to relieve my depression.

>What provoked you to retreat into solitude and become ronery in the first place?

I didn't retreat, I've always been there.

Not once have I managed to pull myself out of communal solitude.

I feel as though people look down at me when I'm in public or interact with them. Not to mention my body language always feels unnatural no matter how much I try to pass as normal.

>>892
I'm the same way. Even just walking around I get paranoid that I'm walking a weird way and people are staring at me

About a year ago (one year exactly as of this sunday), my closest friend died very suddenly from a brain tumor, and a few weeks after that another of my friends killed himself. I tried to cope but then I just lost it, ended up in a hospital psych ward because I wanted to kill myself... and then after I started taking antidepressants, I got even worse, got in fights with my friends and alienated everyone close to me, which made be even MORE depressed, I hid in my room for a few weeks while almost everyone close to me ignored me... I lost my job and ended up moving back in with my parents a few months ago, and while I'm less depressed and less crazy now, I lost the life I had been building for years, the relationships I had made with people, everything except for one close friend from high school. I just don't really have it in me to try to start over anymore.

Through attempting to socialize many times in the past, I found that I could not relate to anyone in any way. Not in a million years. All everyone cares about is whores and money.

When I retreated into self-exile, I was not running away from anything I feared. I was simply leaving a place where I don't fit in and have absolutely no interest in going to.

Due to being high uneducated, not caring in school I ended up dropping out. During the years I was involved I had some of the worst uneducated opinions you've seen. I love hearing about all these intelligent people about how they realize how shitty everything this. I suffer the opposite, I can't understand anything regardless of how basic it is put.

So along with not being able to understand anything I have a highly unlikable personality. Its not that I dislike people, they just dislike me. So I tend to avoid the whole situation all together sparing people the horror that is being in the same room as me.

Before even getting into anime/nihon, I had a quite active life, full of projects and expectations within diverse areas (academic -scientific, phylosiphical-, artistic and social). But I failed olympically in all of them: I was filled with ungranted arrogance, aimed really high and thus fell hard; then I tried to understand the human condition of failure itself but just came out with more babling, revealing always myself as nothing but a fucking fraud.

Around those days, my mother was really sick. We had very hard differences in the past (I hated her; she always loved me, in a difficult way to conceal); but then she traied to comitt suicide, blamed it on me (not without reason) and I started caring about her. She had then to spent all the time in the house, feeling utterly sad and lonely; so I decided to make her company. I shall stay in the house with her to make her as happy as I could; I decided that if every interaction with the world had been cheap, I would try to make them valuable again by reducing them (that inspired by certain literature).

Then, in solitude, I came up with more lame conclusions about the supposed role of art and fiction in our lives, took that crap as a pretext, and pretty much gave up the outside world altogether; I stick into this particular way of just loosing time, when I found a term by wich I could gave some (equally delussional) sense and meaning to my situation, wich had revealed also as an actual generational situation:

Hikikomori/NEET.

I was always like that. Guess I was born to be ronery. I was depressed most of my life until I found mai waifu. And in many ways, I'm content with the life I have now. I don't need to socialize. I'm still in higher education and could get a masters' degree and eventually move on to a PhD. Other than that, I feel more like a Hikikomori/NEET at home and even in my dorm room. People think I'm funny or hilarious or something, yet I don't like people at all. People already know that I'm not quite normal, and they're often right. In a way, I don't want to be normal because I'd be 'fitting in'. If I wanted to 'fit in' then I would be dishonest and lying to myself because that's not who I am. I can't stand working in groups because I end up doing most of the work for them while they give me nothing in return. I have already lost my faith in humanity quite a while ago. I may have suicidal thoughts once, but they all went away when I have realized that I'm fortunate than 90-95% of the rest of the world, maybe even 99%. And not just that, I enjoy being ronery. Because I'd like to reiterate that's what I prefer to be.

I'm just a plain loser. I suck at everything, from sports to sciences to looks. Even losers have a place in society though. Everyone knows that a group of friends always has a loser within them. I was in that position, and I don't know why but I have some pride. I have no bloody idea where it came from. I got really sick of no one genuinely liking me, so I told everyone to fuck off. For a while then I just argued with everyone, rumors started around that I'm crazy or that I'll make a school massacre or something.

But I don't really care anymore, I have such a shitty reputation, I'm so fucking ugly and untalented. I'm just taking it easy until this pathetic existence finally ends.

That's why I also support eugenics. Because I blame my genes and by association my parents.

>>906
>I'm so fucking ugly and untalented. I'm just taking it easy until this pathetic existence finally ends.
*Bro hug*

>That's why I also support eugenics. Because I blame my genes and by association my parents.
*Tight bro hug, with my -mild- pectus excavatum.*

No, srsly: I stopped caring about it years ago (and even sort of liking it a bit); but over my teens, it was a right pain in the ass.

I didn't want to go to school or work and it blossomed into social phobia mixed with guilt and wangst over dropping out of high school

Is 'it just sort of happened' an acceptable explanation? Because really, it just sort of happened. I'm a lazy, good for nothing bum. That's all there is to it, really.

I pretty much always disliked interacting with other people so there wasn't any wicked turn of events that resulted in my current situation. That's more or less the way I've been born I guess.

I was always painfully awkward. I had friends up until I started high school, but I realized then they'd always kept me just because I was so awkward that I was interesting to them. I say "kept" because that's how it was, almost like I was a pet.

Since then I've been mainly alone and I have to say I prefer it to being a prideless embarrassment. I've been socially isolated for so long now that I think I've forgotten how to talk to people I don't already know, and when I have to it comes out all halting and forced. I still have a strong bitterness towards most people and it comes out in how I interact with them when I'm forced to. I don't know what's going to happen with me in the future.

>>910
I'm with this guy here. I always had "friends" that were constantly making disparaging remarks and jokes about me. One day I realized I was only a source of amusement to these people and cut all ties. Now I'm just another semi-NEET.

I never did retreat. This is really the only way of life I've ever known.

If this whole university thing doesn't work out, I'll probably just take a trade job and move somewhere alone. There's a certain "nice" safety feeling that comes with being alone, though that feeling comes from me not facing what I find to be a difficult challenge: to maintain relationships and try not to isolate myself. I actually have friends, but I fear my skills at conversation and friendship building will stagnate. I don't really have anything new to share with them, though maybe I'm paranoid. It's been awhile since I first thought I'd lose them and they're still around.
I didn't do anything with myself when I was younger, so I had nothing to talk about (except myself), so I couldn't really make friends. I also acted in shameful embarassing immature ways. I was spoiled with a superiority complex too. After I figured out that everybody hated me I went the other way with it and saw myself as a little shit. I started to pick myself apart with my mind. I also picked apart my face when puberty hit. I got major social anxiety and I just couldn't talk to people. It was easier to deal with stuff alone, without the stress of friendship. Though I was horribley lonely, this was easier. I stopped talking to my family pretty much (I don't really remember ever having an honest leisurely conversation with at all actually).
I've learned to come off as a normal, happy and interesting person most of the time, though sometimes I become quiet and sullen.
I've learned that there are really awesome people out there. Most of the people are good when it's easy to be good, and bad when it's easy to be bad.. Myself included. I have a feeling that I will give up the outside world someday. I'm the type that will probably be forgotten, I just have the tendency to isolate myself. I've done a lot of thinking about suicide and whether I should or shouldn't, and I've come to the answer that nothing really matters, and that if I decided to kill myself tomorrow that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It's just that ending a little early.. This is the easier and quicker choice, is all. I think I will one day.

I won't lie to myself though. I would be happier if I could just be relatively normal and have secure friendships with people who I enjoy spending my time with. I would be much happier if I wasn't ashamed of who I was. I wish I wasn't so useless.

>>913
>I've learned to come off as a normal, happy and interesting person most of the time
Well I don't come off as normal, but I usually make a good impression, but people generally find me interesting. This is probably due in part to the fact I've gotten significantly more attractive since 15-16. Not that this makes me better than anyone else.. But it does make social interaction a hell of a lot easier.

>>913
>I would be much happier if I wasn't ashamed of who I was. I wish I wasn't so useless.

My life in two sentences

>>905

>People think I'm funny or hilarious or something, yet I don't like people at all.

>>914

>Well I don't come off as normal, but I usually make a good impression, but people generally find me interesting.


So anyone else who was pretty popular among their peers? I always used to be even though I didn't want to since I hated most of them. Their way of thinking, their habbits, their behavior. I found some of them to be downright replusive. There was time when a girl even called me 'life and soul of the party' (even though I've never been to any, but it was more figure of speech anyway).

I'm sure wouldn't be as popular today for sure but up until late high school (I had to move to another school and there I tried my best to remain 'invisible') I was definitely well liked. But then again nobody ever 'knew' me, they just found that sarcastic fellow funny and interesting.

>>938
I was, but I had a decent group of close friends(I hung out with them until my final year, when I started to try to cut off ties with them. On a side note, I always feel somewhat guilty and selfish for doing that, because there are so many people here who deserve good friends, if they would so desire them).

Did you ever get asked to tell things about yourself? How did you respond?I always had to make up excuses or tell them "Maybe when I get to know you better", but around my final year I stopped caring and let a few people know about my love, how much I disliked social mandates and disliked 3d women etc.

>>949

>Did you ever get asked to tell things about yourself?

Not really, no. I would respond in some kind of playful manner. I was known for my sarcastic remarks and they probably constituted the biggest part of my popularity. When they asked me what I'm doing at home I would sometimes tell them that I play games and browse the 'net and and that time it wasn't much of a lie, as I began watching anime pretty late in high school (well, obviously I've seen a handful of shows before that time).

The again, I wouldn't say I was exactly a normalfag. I never really participated in normalfags' activities and always felt that I'm not like them.

I was never really normal, I was sheltered much of my life and in kindergarten I started being bullied until around third grade and I started fighting back at them. Then they'd leave me alone and pretend I wasn't there or do things when the teacher was around to annoy me that they wouldn't get in trouble for. Eventually I made one friend who showed me some online forums and games and also showed me hentai for the first time... he did move away during my early teen years and we drifted apart more and more, the only "real life" friend I ever had with similar interests. I truly hate myself for losing contact with him, of which I blame on myself trying to be normal one time but only failing.

Here I am after I dropped out of high school and got my GED in college, I'm afraid if I find him I won't know what to say, and if I do I also fear he will have changed... Perhaps hes became the same as I have, but I doubt it. If college doesn't work out I'll end up killing myself. Theres nothing I'm good at and I hate working, I like to flatter myself and say I'm a good artist but I'm not. In the end I'll probably fail college or fail to find a job since I suck. I've always been alone.

I was an honors student. I once strove to be the best at everything I do. Usually at the top of the class, I see to it that nobody topped me up, that is until fifth grade when I fell flat on my face and was ranked eighth in class. I was so frustrated back then that I cried on that day when my rank was announced. My family got a ring of it and they told me that if it isn't meant for me to be number one, then I should just give it up. It's against my core principles to give up but it just kept getting worse. I finally admit that there are people better than me. It was the first time felt humiliated in myself. I then made my school life a boring one -- I became an underachiever, a slacker and a quiet delinquent. I skipped classes, purposed got low marks just to be moved to a new class the next year (Here, your class is decided depending on your marks, the higher the mark, 'the better the class'. Think real-life BakaTest sans the facilities part.) Back in high school, a lot of my teachers and classmates said I had lots of potential and I'm wasting all of it. I kept a pretty low-profile. Not that I care. I just don't want to suffer defeat anymore.

I had very few friends. My family always tell me back then that I should choose my friends wisely. So I made a handful. I usually get picked on by my classmates because I do 'weird' stuff like drawing comics at the back of my notes, talking about video games, comics and cartoons/anime. When things get worse, I just skipped class or sit at the very back of the room. I pretty much lived as an invisible student.

I started uni with high hopes because I got to my first choice. I tried fitting in but I can't. I always ended up doing the same things that I did back when I was in elementary and high school. I'm still treated like shit. I tried asking girls out but to no avail. I also got involved in a hacking incident and the police were forcing me to fess up even though I don't know what they're talking about. I didn't go out of my house for the remainder of the semester and decided to drop out and transfer schools to start anew. I cut all contact to my acquaintances and family. But nothing really changed. I was still an invisible student, an underachiever and an omega male. My past relationships were disasters, and I blamed my self for it -- why wasn't I perfect?

I only have a few semesters left to graduate but when I heard some of the people I knew are already leading a normalfag lfe, it left me wondering, 'Is this the only way for me to go?' I really don't want to tread that way of life. I don't want to be a normalfag. I already gave up on women and what keeps me alive is the thought that once my dreams come true and I can do whatever I want, I can live the life that I want. My dreams are the only things that I cannot give up and I would feel really bad if I can't fulfill my dreams. My dreams are the only driving force that I have to live. I wake up everyday to watch the latest anime, manga, eroge, figs, etc. I don't give a fuck anymore. I just want to live my life the way I like it. I have already accepted that I cannot win at everything, but at least my dreams will drive me to do what I want.

Forever alone, probably. But it's for the better. The real world always gives me a pain in the ass. But the fact that I accepted that reality makes me feel better. Nobody expect something from me. An invisible existence has always been the best.

>>1000

>I was an honors student. I once strove to be the best at everything I do. Usually at the top of the class, I see to it that nobody topped me up, that is until fifth grade when I fell flat on my face and was ranked eighth in class. I was so frustrated back then that I cried on that day when my rank was announced. My family got a ring of it and they told me that if it isn't meant for me to be number one, then I should just give it up. It's against my core principles to give up but it just kept getting worse. I finally admit that there are people better than me. It was the first time felt humiliated in myself. I then made my school life a boring one -- I became an underachiever, a slacker and a quiet delinquent. I skipped classes, purposed got low marks just to be moved to a new class the next year (Here, your class is decided depending on your marks, the higher the mark, 'the better the class'. Think real-life BakaTest sans the facilities part.) Back in high school, a lot of my teachers and classmates said I had lots of potential and I'm wasting all of it. I kept a pretty low-profile. Not that I care. I just don't want to suffer defeat anymore.

I can relate to this. I'm very neurotic and absolutely can't accept defeat. 'If you can't do it good don't do it at all' is pretty much my motto. I'd rather retreat then openly admit I can't do something.

In the end I dropped out of high school (although it was reltaed to health issues rather than not meeting academic standards, I was far from failing any class - actually, I was getting some bad marks on purpose) which is kinda funny now that I can distance myself from it.

>>1001
I can relate to this ia a weird way.
Just without grades. Grades and things taught at school never managed to capture my interest.
(besides the few years of ethics, but I didnt care about the names of philosophers and precise construction of absurd philosophical halucinations)

I could just never get passionate about learning something I dont want to know.

Butthurt of the romantic variety. It was pretty profound but it's been years and I don't know any other way anymore. Also, I'm really only attracted to 2D so being out there holds nothing except a paycheck.

>>1001
>'If you can't do it good don't do it at all' is pretty much my motto

I was the same, when I started hiking; I said:
- If I wasn't gonna be real good, then I'll be nothing at all.
...but it already degenerated into:
- Meh. [*does nothing*]

People like dolls. Flimsy society. Expectations gone unmet one-too-many times.

Perfectionism so painful I punish myself the way abused teens slash and burn their skin. Mind too fast; much too fast. Frenetic ups. Damning downs. Potential spread too wide and too thin. Hemispheric hypertrophy.

Sensitive; I'm so fucking sensitive. It's no joke that the smallest beauty brings tears - the least blow, a torrent. You'll meet me and you'll love me and I'll cherish you forever. But one wrong move, one moment of discord... I see through everything, everyone. Always.

Paradoxically, I hurt people. I ignore people. I'm selfish. I'm narcissistic. I'm sociopathic and unfeeling. I'll play a game you never even saw the pieces to. Gritting my teeth I'll wish we'd never met. I, me, my.

Sometimes I shouldn't be here. And sometimes I don't want to leave. No refuge in life or knowledge. I'm an illusion to myself.

Please respond.

>Please respond.
And what do you want us to tell?

I posted in this thread before but forgot what it exactly it was. I used to be obsessed with 3D, to the point of shunning and scorning those who had waifus. I used to think that true love did exist within the realm of 3D, but as time went on, it was nothing more than a lie. It's just a crush and passion, no true love. And people always wonder why people constantly divorce and then remarry and so on. There is no such thing as true 3D love because relationships based on unconditional love never exist. I had a crush on several 3D pigs once, but the more as I look at their pictures, the more unappealing they are to me. I was depressed over the fact I tried so hard to get 3D pigs but end up even more severely depressed than before. But ironically, I start to accept 2D love and the wonders of 2D waifus and the imagination can do to reawaken one's soul. Ever since I found 2D love, I felt happy and satisfied for the first time in my life.

I kept getting into fights with people, because I was different than they are. Maybe it is a part of who I am. Even if I managed to join them, I still would be considered to be different. I tried to be 'normal' for years but it never seemed to work. Even within the last moments of my 'normalfaggotry', I started to delve into the realm of 2D love, even if my lusts were focused on 3D whores. I gave up 3D and started to embrace the idea of having a waifu. Even when I see 3D pigs come up to me and ask me for my number or whatever, I just ignore them. They're bitches and whores deep inside who would play with your emotions and once they're done with you, they'd throw you away and you'd end up feeling so ronery ;_;, no girl likes me, whatever, etc. Shit happened to me during high school and freshman along with first half of sophomore year in college. Then I slowly got into 2D, and then I have mai waifu. My life went from worse to better. My grades went up, and everything so far looks good. I'm never going back to 3D, they're too much of a hassle. You give so much to one 3D pig, they don't give anything in return and drop your ass like a brick. How the hell is this love? Isn't it supposed to be mutual? And if I were to have children, it'd be through artificial insemination.

I don't where I could find people who match me. This has been so since I was 5. All the "friends" I had were actually quite distant and sometimes abusive too.

I seem to have little ability to pick up social rules the way normal people do. So from day one I was making bad jokes, accidentally insulting people, saying "weird" things that people didn't understand, being "creepy", etc.

My choice is either to be bored, frustrated, anxious, embarrassed, and harassed, or to take it easy and have a little bit of fun. The choice is obvious.

>>1000
>ranked eighth in class.
>My family got a ring of it and they told me that if it isn't meant for me to be number one, then I should just give it up.

It is awful that your family would say something like that to you.

Since last year I've been having pretty bad mood swings almost every day. Even after I went back to university and lost my NEET status this continued. I don't know why this is the case or what I can do to fix it. Maybe it's the combination of stress and pressure from my family to succeed and be "normal" (whatever that might mean) against my desire to not have a single fucking thing to do with other people because jesus christ, just look at them

I find that you can justify any situation you're in if you make a lot of money.

>>1225

That happened to me. Turns out I had a chemical imbalance. Saw a doctor, tried a few types of meds out, and started feeling a lot better.

I mean, I'm still a recluse but I don't want to beat my face in with my router anymore.

>>1237
Speaking of meds. . .

I think with someone who has both anxiety and depression issues, one counteracts the other to some degree in keeping them functional. In a messed-up sort of way.

Specifically I mean how anxiety over being late helped me get up on time in the mornings, but now that I am on anti-anxiety meds, I seem to give less of a shit about it and wind up laying there an extra 20+ minutes longer than I should.

>>1237

I remember when they told me I had a "chemical imbalance" too. Total rubbish. Psychiatry is a fucking pseudo-science.

SSRI/SNRI medication killed me; I can't experience emotions anymore thanks to them. I was started on them when I was maybe 11 along with stimulants for "ADHD". Destructive stuff, worse than any recreational drug there is.

Can't say what's right for anyone else, but seriously research and evaluate any meds psychiatric physicians prescribe. Most of them are awful awful things.

Well obviously you should try to avoid taking drugs unless you really have to. Who knows what side effects they have. I see it as welding a sheet onto a crack in a boiler. If its not done well, the welds themselves create holes and more cracks, which then need more sheets welded onto it, which then create more holes, and so on..

I've always used the anaolgy of a bandage. Anti-depressants won't cure anything, they merely hide, mask or chemically subside some of the effects causing anxiety or depression.

But, the way I see it, is that depression and anxiety are internal problems that belong to an individuals consciousness. They are for him to introspectively figure out. When you visit a doctor, vent your most personal issues and walk out with nothing but a prescription and a "see you next week", you're not going to get any better. Sure, the meds may shift around or boost some chemicals in your brain, but you're not fixing the reason you're sad in the first place. Hence the bandage effect. It stops the bleeding, but doesn't heal the wounds.

Instead of pharmaceuticals, try some serious introspection or even alternative drugs like pot or mushrooms. I used to be afraid to get overly philosophical about my life because consciously looking at my situation made it worse. But in the end I understood WHY, an can make baby steps at improving myself without having to pop a handful of destructive medication each morning.

>>1286
A bandage analogy is apt because in some cases you might need to stop the bleeding just to survive before you can really do what you need to heal.

>>1282

Happened to me, too. For more details see >>1067.

But I still firmly believe that psychiatry is a good thing. There are people out there who really need those meds and wouldn't be able to live a normal life without them. They were sick, they needed the meds, the meds helped them and that's a fact.
Also, the idea of swallowing a handfull of pills for the rest of your life is totally wrong - no matter whether we're talking about schizophrenia, depression or any other mental disease (caused by chemical imbalance) it won't last for the rest of your life. It strikes out of nowhere, lasts for ~half a year (in most cases anyway) and then it's gone, just like that. It might come back but it usually doesn't (it depends on the disease, though - some are more persistent, some not so much).

If you don't want to go see a psychiatrist then just don't. As I said, I doubt I will ever do it again. I don't think I'm ill, I feel rather healthy (... well, not really, but I don't feel like I suffer from some psychological disease) and let's leave it at that. Even if you definitely are ill you don't have to do anything about it (as long as it's not dangerous for you or those close to you) - there are hundreds of thousands of people who suffer from some mental diseases right now and they don't really plan to do anything about it. On the contrary, I think some are glad they aren't healthy. Most people who suffered from maniac episode tend to look back on it as a rather pleasant memory (if they haven't managed to fuck up something importnant in their lives that is). I even heard a story about a woman who was schizophrenic. She went to see a psychiatrist, he described her some meds and she got 'better' - she stopped hearing voices. But her shrink noticed she became depressed (or rather 'melancholic', I believe depressed should be only used to describe people who actually are depressed) after that and asked her if something happened. She told her that the voice she was hearing belonged to a friend of hers who is long dead and that it always soothed her mind. She decided to put off her meds and for some she was able to hear that voice again. So yeah, stuff like that happens, too.

Never really got the chance to make friends in middle school and most of high school. Every class I had then was filled to the brim with normals who all hated me because I didn't like what they did. Only friend I had during that time was an FF7 fangirl I met in 8th grade. I had basically clinged onto her until she moved during my senior year. Thinking back, I bet she knew that she was my only friend.

In my last year of high school, though, I managed to make a few friends thanks to a game development course I took. Then one day during lunch I decided to hang with them while they were with their other friends, and I learned of how close they all were. They all knew each other since middle school. They were almost like one big family. I wanted to be part of said family, but since they had just gotten to know me and graduation was approaching fast, I wouldn't get to. It felt like a divine "fuck you".

I hardly care about friends anymore. While a couple of my high school friends had given me IM info, I rarely talk to them because they don't come online often and I don't really know what to say to them when they do.

>>1372

>Also, the idea of swallowing a handfull of pills for the rest of your life is totally wrong - no matter whether we're talking about schizophrenia, depression or any other mental disease (caused by chemical imbalance) it won't last for the rest of your life. It strikes out of nowhere, lasts for ~half a year (in most cases anyway) and then it's gone, just like that. It might come back but it usually doesn't (it depends on the disease, though - some are more persistent, some not so much).

This is the most uneducated shit I've ever read. You're also talking about it like it's fact, and that makes it worse. Download a copy of the most recent DSM, you fucking fool.

>>1520

Calm down, bro.

...but I do see both Anons points.

On one hand I am saddened by suicide. I just wish I could reach out and soothe their poor souls but I can't. I have my own shit, but the afterlife is too sketchy for me to risk going out of business for good. Which is the likely after-death scenario.

On the other hand, some problems can't be solved with medicine or therapy and the answers, if there are any, are so elusive and mysterious that many of us give up on trying to figure them out.

It probably doesn't make any difference to the potential suicide but the thought of someone else out there, with whom I certainly share things in common, despairing so that they would take their own life twists me up inside. I want them to know that they would be missed. Even if I didn't know the person directly, if it was someone I interacted with in some way (like on an Anonymous posting board) I think that person's absence would be felt in some way.

>>1520

>This is the most uneducated shit I've ever read. You're also talking about it like it's fact, and that makes it worse. Download a copy of the most recent DSM, you fucking fool.

Well, if anything I wrote about is wrong I apologize. As a person who has little to no knowledge about psychology and psychiatry I have little to no choice but to believe what I read. And unless I mixed something up that's more or less what Manfred Lütz wrote about in his book. Even though I've been warned about some authors (for example Lauren Slater, who seems to pull lots of stuff straight out of her ass) I have heard mostly positive stuff about Lütz so he seemed like a pretty good source of information. In addition most of the stuff he wrote about was pretty much the exact same thing I heard/read about earlier, so it all seemed plausible.

Misleading anyone wasn't my intention. If anything I wrote about is wrong I apologize again.

Please be civil. This isn't 4chan.

>>1538

This.

>>1537
>what I read
Some catholic dude? That sounds obscure in relation to the basics of psychiatry and mental illnesses; don't you find it obscure? In any academic context, I'd advice against jumping right on the expert vaggon. Most 'experts' writes on a different level, and for very different reasons. If you want to learn about psychiatry, as an amateur, go with publications developed by renowned information institutes that focus on that very field. If you insist on reading stuff from big names, pick the classics - those that are used as curriculum.

As for what you claimed; there certainly are chronic mental illnesses. Some you're just born with, others you develope over time (of which you might already hold biological tendencies). Take dysthymia, one of the three major categories of depression. Most cases of dysthymia will stick until you die. And even if it do "soften up" after a couple of decades, do you think the patient is willing to risk a set-back just to be sure that it's still there? It's believed that most people with dysthymia don't even know they have it. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate personality from mental disorders.

I don't really know what you were trying to say, otherwise it looks to me that you made some fair points. And yes: psychiatrists can't force medications upon a patient if the 'illness' does no harm.

Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku the shape shifting master of darkness, had friends, good bros for years. Then they became dicks, so I left. This repeated once or twice more before I noticed an on going pattern of me and my friends drifting apart over time, and just said "fuck it". I found something to occupy my time, so here I am, and when I look back on those days, I mostly feel indifferent.

>>896
This may be an old post in internet standards, but I still feel like I should say something. If you're reading this, I hope you don't mind that I showed your post to a specialized psychiatrist, that happens to be a related. It just buggled me how hopeless the situation looked to be, and I couldn't imagine how it would feel to be stuck in it; so I simply had to know what that person would think on the matter.

Here's the jist of what that person said:
Your story involve feeling deep despair, you are/were mourning your friend's loss. Young people (<26yo)cope with mourning very differently from adults - adults are often able to withhold their established way of life despite whatever set-back felt, whereas younger people may experience personality shifting behaviour. That's what you experienced - you let your anger fly upon your remaining friends; and in the aftermath felt a strong sensation of remorse. You were given anti-depressive medications - which is very wrong in this kind of situation. One does not prescribe anti-depressive medications for those simply mourning a loss. It's in the case where traumas become chronic that you look into medical treatment. Mourning takes time to overcome, you had to give yourself that time. You may have become more reculsive than ever before, but have you really given up on life? Think about it: what comes next after resignation, what will you do with that cognitive vessel of yours? When you feel you've hit the bottom of your life, will you be satisfied with staying put where you are? People in despair seek hope, and you're no exception. After all, you're writing your heart in this hopelessness - that post didn't just pop out of nowhere, you wrote it. If you look back, think about what you were thinking, feeling and doing in that situation; answer yourself why you were thinking what you thought, answer yourself why you were feeling what you felt, answer yourself why you were doing what you did. This may help you understand why things turned out like they did, and how you can overcome your current situation, and others similar to come. You may feel weak now, but you have the potential to become stronger than ever before. As long as you seek hope, there will always be hope. You can't allow yourself to think otherwise - don't disrespect your will to live. You don't have to. Think of what you can do to regain your grasp of life, there is nowhere else to go than forward - you have to go forward.

I don't know where or how you are now, let alone whether these words will ever reach, but I wish you well.

>>1735

Feel good pep talk, feels bad man.

>>1739
Pep talk; feel-good? No, I can't make others feel good like this, nor can I do pep talks. That's for normal people to overcome minor obstacles. You can't have pep talks with a mourning man, it's not that simple - you'd at least have to communicate. Feeling good is not a goal, and feeling bad is no crisis. But if that's how you want to view it, who am I to object?

Overbearing parents and family never gave me the option to leave the house, so video games and the internet was my only friend.

Funny thing though, i even consider myself an online recluse, any forum/community i tried to join ended up getting rid of me or i just couldnt stand the people there, so i seem to resort to *chans and the like.

When I was little, I was a very introverted kid. My closest friends were my neighbors who happened to all be girls. We lived in a relatively small town in Europe and knew each other very well. Went to the same school, and all that stuff.

My parents then moved to America, and I naturally had to tag along. The culture shock for a 10 year old me was very difficult. It was hard to interact with boys because I only really knew how to talk to girls, and in America boys and girls separate themselves for whatever reason. Even then, being an introvert, I did not initiate conversations often.

Luckily, I wasn't bullied, and I had a very nice teacher to help me out. I eventually managed to make some acquaintances and eventual friends, but in the process began down a path of pathologically lying to everyone and everything in order to "fit in". I lied so often that I sometimes began to believe my own lies, and I had gotten very good at it to the point that I was able to mask myself behind them.

My lies have really more or less taken a life of their own. My relationship with my parents isn't that great, especially when I told them when I started highschool that I wanted to live a simple life. I managed to fit into social cliques and groups but I was never an initiator. For this reason, I never had a 3DPD. During my latter highschool years, I hung out with people of different social cliques, I had acquaintances ranging from nerds to pot heads, to metal kids. But never really any friends. For some reason, then I sort began to lose interest in everything.

I am now in my second semester as a freshman in college. I failed my first semester(my parents don't know yet, though I have no idea how long I can hide it), and all of my acquaintances have moved to different schools. I have not made a single friend in college. I still do not really know what I want to do with my life. I really like computers, but to go anywhere you need to have experience. To get experience you need to work. But to work you need experience. I am terrible at math, so I can't really do programming, but I have been looking into become a network administrator. I am also slowly learning Linux on the side. My college campus is a community college, so to really get recognized I need to transfer out in 2 years. But all of the computer classes that I want are already offered here. It seems that to have a good shot at something, my resume needs at least a bachelor's degree or something.

I've sort of retreated back into solitude and become depressed because I don't really know what I want. I also tend to be a lazy person, and I hate myself because of it. I lack any real sort of motivation to accomplish anything. I've never worked a day in my life, and I am removed from the heritage of my old country. I can barely speak the language, and from a social standpoint I am a recluse everywhere now. I'm really just more or less doing nothing but hating myself for doing nothing.

I'm sorry for the long text, even though I don't really expect anyone to read it, it's at least nice to be able to get some of my feelings off my chest.

>>1785
If it helps, I just wanted to let you know that I read it. I think everyone who speaks their heart deserves at least one reply, either directly or indirectly. The longer the text, the more interest is generated inside me, though I'll stop reading if I render the words meaningless.

Your story reminded me of the great importance of solid identity, and you're not alone when it comes to blaming oneself for a thought lack of initiation and activities. I just wish I could give good advice, but I'm generally afraid of coming out as a naive and ignorant knows-it-all. I no longer know whtether people want or need words of encouragement, or how *my* words could ever do the hopelessness justice. I guess that's part of being an angsty social retard.

>>1787
>I'm generally afraid of coming out as a naive and ignorant knows-it-all
I think that most of us here have at least some sort of skin when it comes to criticisms.

I'm really open to any and all advice. If you have something that you wish to contribute, by all means, don't hold yourself back. I'm open to any and all critique.

No one liked me in school, so it made me give up on socializing.

Videogames have always been more fun than boring people that only talk about boring things.

When I was sixteen I became obsessed with hikkikomori. I found them cool. I slowly gained more and more of their features. A few years later I became one.

>>2140
and then John was a zombie.

>>2155
Eh, decided not to bore you guys with the details. Theres enough of it in this thread. Plus its not an interesting sob story, its pretty mild.

To say it in the most basic, least boring way: I just don't give a fuck.

To elaborate, I stopped caring around my Freshman year of high school, when I realized I'm never going to be happy by "normal" standards, started turning to entertainment to satiate my desire for happiness. After I got into anime, I just...stopped caring almost completely. That's when my motto became "Nobody else cares, so why should I?". Now I just exist for the sake of looking for contentment through anything I can get my hands on.

That whole way of thinking, coupled with the fact that I'm a complete loser, are what made me the way I am today.

>>2162
>Now I just exist for the sake of looking for contentment through anything I can get my hands on.

I'm the same exact way. Most of my time is spent looking forward to new games, then I beat that game within a day or so, then I'm looking forward to the next one. Right now it's Duke Nukem Forever, next it will be Saints Row 3 and Mass Effect 3. Those last two come out near the end of the year so I'll have something to look forward to all year!

>>2156
I'm sorry, I wasn't really criticizing, I just like spewing memes mindlessly and your post reminded me of that.