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8044 No. 8044 [Edit]
If there's anything I've ever learned from chan culture, it's that I'm anonymous. Always, on the internet and in real life. In 99% of situations, anyways. This is how I learned not to give a fuck about social encounters, being ridiculed, making an ass of myself, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a hardcore recluse. I keep to myself because I just don't like people, not because I'm afraid of them.

OK, think about it. Maybe you're afraid of being seen by the neighbors, or of them talking to you. But if they see you, so what? To them, they didn't see you. They just saw a guy, maybe a fat pale nerdy guy that made them laugh on the inside, but just a guy. Not you. You experience no consequences on account of your appearance or behavior. In effect, "you" are not the character people are interacting with. To them you're a face like any other face, the things you do are to them just things that some guy did, whether they're funny or sad or embarassing, they're just impersonal phenomena. Only in the 1% of circumstances do your actions affect people strongly enough that they remember you as an individual, and even less often do your actions resound further down the line with consequences for those actions, enacted by the people who you left an impression upon.

And even in those rare cases - look, you're afraid that people will remember you, but they don't. What they remember if they remember anything is him, or that guy. You, as a person, vulnerable and shy whose actions persist and have terrible consequences, exist only to yourself. For everyone else, you are just a blip like any other blip. And as a blip, even if you are an embarrassing mess of a blip, you are anonymous.

So I'm fat and ugly and used to be so self conscious about leaving the house, but I do not care now. When people see me, a fat and ugly guy walking down the supermarket aisle, I don't get flustered. Because there could be any fat and ugly guy there and they would have the same reaction, and forget about the incident just as fast. Me, my me-ness, does not impress upon them. And so I truly am as good as not there, and being not there, I have no cause to fear or be anxious.
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>> No. 8051 [Edit]
Thank you for this. Seriously, no one cares about anything except what immediately affects them; people need to stop thinking they're constantly being judged.
>> No. 8052 [Edit]
it doesn't matter what the reality of it is, that's why it's called an irrational fear
>> No. 8054 [Edit]
And, like any fear, it's possible to overcome.
>> No. 8055 [Edit]
which takes more than someone saying "stop"
>> No. 8058 [Edit]
I wonder if the the fear of constantly being judged stems from the school yard. Because at school you ARE being constantly judged and your failure to meet expectations can result in exclusion or worse, make you the target of bullies. So even despite the realization that nobody really cares or will hassle you anymore, individuals still feel this fear as its been conditioned into them.
>> No. 8063 [Edit]
I already know this, and being told by somebody I couldn't care less about isn't going to change anything.
>> No. 8064 [Edit]
Might be true for bigger cities. Not true for my town (~40000 people). Sometimes you get the feeling that everybody knows everyone here. I remember a few years back when a friend of mine (who happened to be my classmate on top of that) overdosed and was taken to the hospital my mom (who is about as much of a reculse as I am and has no friends) heard about it few hours earlier than I did. Gossip can travel at spped of light in small towns.
>> No. 8068 [Edit]
Also, although it may not be "constant", I'm judged frequently enough in my day-to-day life by my work associates, my parents, and my siblings. My personal preoccupation with being judged probably also stems from the fact that I'm always judging people myself.
Oh shit, this. I grew up in a town of ten thousand. You can't even go into the Wal-mart at three in the morning there without running into old classmates, neighbors, friends of your parents, or whoever. The people that live there gossip and talk shit incessantly.
>> No. 8101 [Edit]
Thank you for this! I am typing from a mall during 'black Friday' now (in an apple store now) and that reminded me why I shouldn't give a fuck about dressing as I do as my family bitches and claims I dress as a bum or something,....(wearing 'domo' gloves, layers ng clothes and multiple hats if cold), Given the things I see people dress as and pass away as.....

Lol, I am reminded why I am happy to live in a large city with good sized metro area (2mill I n the city; 9 million in the sprawled out metro in total) I have talked to people out ther in small towns and they don't like it...
>> No. 8107 [Edit]
I'd say that'd be considered a massive metro area by most anyone's standards. I consider the metro area I reside in to be pretty big, and it's only one million.

I'm guessing that small-town culture varies somewhat between regions, too. The town I grew up in is in the midwestern US, where people (in my experience) tend to be conservative and narrow-minded. When I traveled the US a few years ago, I recall a lot of the small towns on the west coast seeming to being full of single twenty- and thirty-somethings, old hippies, eccentrics, outdoor types, and the like. In the midwest, south, and northeast, it seemed like I'd only see people like that in the urban cores, with the smaller outlying towns mainly populated with families. I didn't spend any appreciable time in any of the towns, though, so I could be way off. Anyhow, getting to my point, I can't help but get the impression that the west coast small towns might be pleasant to live in, and that their inhabitants would be less judgmental and gossip-prone. I'm sure small towns vary widely between different countries and regions of the world as well.
>> No. 8207 [Edit]
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You are ugly social retard.
You are disgusting (at least they think so).
Nobody fucking wants to interact with you.
Remember, instead of ingoring everyone will fuck your life up as much as they can. Because they hate you, well, for some very blur (to them) reasons.
Now you know: effects of their negative opinion become pretty physical for you.
You can't just "not give a fuck".
>> No. 8209 [Edit]
Yeah, that's at least true for me.
>> No. 8660 [Edit]
That's true for me too, the hate this world has for me is pretty evident upon walking into a place where there is a lot of people. Everyone jumps on every chance to fuck my further than they already have and make me even more miserable. I'm past the breaking point in my life, it just can't be repaired. Leave me the fuck alone and send me to anywhere to live with my computer so I can slowly die on my own without ever interacting with anyone where I live ever again.
>> No. 8662 [Edit]
This is a simple idea, but have you tried dressing well? I don't mean you have to be dressed to the nines, that would attract more attention. I just mean dressing in a plain but dignified way. When I go out to a place where other people will be, I always wear a buttoned shirt and brown leather shoes. It makes me much less self-conscious, and it even makes me feel better about myself. Not to the point where I want to actually talk to anyone, but that's a separate issue.

I know it sounds like a vanity thing, but it's really not. Try it out, if you can. It works for me.
>> No. 8679 [Edit]
Thats the problem though, I cant talk to people without putting up a wall. If I'm even slightly invested in a conversation, I shut down. I dont even let my closest friends listen to music I like, because I'm afraid of them judging the real me.
I feel lonely, I want to be more then "that guy", I want to be me, John Smith, Marry Lou, Joe's real personality, to people. Rather then just some fat shut.
The fact that no one really knows me is starting to feel even more horrifying then people judging me, I've started to open up (make jokes around my parents, showed my sister some songs I listen too), and that feels nice, but its scary.
>> No. 8732 [Edit]
I'm no conversation starter and in fact if I like you I don't mind you speaking to me about anything and I'll probably do just about anything with you. Anyone is welcome to speak to me but even if they did I know most people would hate me, if they got to know me.
>> No. 9980 [Edit]
So "fear" is evil?

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