From what I believe to be experience, you just fall into a rut and only jump out temporarilly on impulse.

Thats more or less true, when I reached the point that I stopped enjoying anything, I started studying because I figured it was atleast the most productive waste of my time.
I now spend about 6 hours a day with my nose in a textbook.
Of course lots of people just kill themselves instead, so its hardly the "no fear invincibility" many people who've never been depressed think its like.

I don't want to kill myself until I am put into stressful situations.

I see myself as waiting to die, and taking the route that is of least resistance for me personally in multiple dimensions (psychologically, intellectually...) to reach this point.

>>7558
Keeping busy and working on things increases the speed at which life seems to move. You think less about what a failure you are if you are making some steady progress and spend less time in introspection.

>'Since I want to die and nothing is worse than death, I can take all the risks I want and if things start to look bad I can just kill myself!'.

No. I used to, but now I just think: "Why can't I just die faster?". I'd take any risk, as long as it doesn't inconvenience me too much because of my personality.

I know that I'm too much of a coward to "kill myself" so I don't do anything stupid unless I know that I can either benefit from it greatly or have some sort of impunity.

I will kill myself eventually, but I don't see it happening soon enough. And this is after getting stabbed and having one of my lungs punctured.

>Another example, maybe you want to commit suicide. You then think 'Since I want to die and nothing is worse than death, I can take all the risks I want and if things start to look bad I can just kill myself!'. Just a thought.

I had the same feeling when I was under severe depression.

yesterday I remembered hearing that gold cleaner is probably the best thing to use if you want to painlessly end it, and I remembered my dad had some gold cleaner. I looked, and it was actually SILVER cleaner, and while I was looking some of it got on my finger and I seriously considered licking it off. I didn't, though, since I'm not sure of the toxicity of silver cleaner and didn't want to just fuck myself up. if it's as toxic as gold cleaner I'm thinking of keeping some of it in a small bottle hidden in my room, so I will always have an exit strategy.

>>7595
I remember this method.

There was/is a picture floating around the internet with this method and I had considered it, but I heard that because of the chemicals it'll burn the inside of your throat, so you'll be in extreme pain before you die.

>>7595
>>7601

I tried to get a hold of it back in the day but it was surprisingly difficult so I gave up (too much effort).

>I can take all the risks I want and if things start to look bad I can just kill myself!
Depression doesn't really work that way. At least mine doesn't. It's more like "I can't bring myself to do anything. If I'm going to kill myself anyway everything is even more pointless. No point in trying or starting anything, I'll just wait until I die."

It's easy for me to work and go out and do things now... ever since I came to the realization that I'd never have the only things I want and that life is completely pointless. I feel like I've been squeezed out so that I'm completely empty now. I no longer fear rejection or failure, because it just doesn't matter.