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No. 5786
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Caring.. comes hand in hand with living a fulfilled life. If in your daily routine, you do nothing of any value to you all day, if you close yourself off and have a very narrow perspective of the world, then you're not going to care about much. First you have to enjoy things, then you experience what it's like to get enjoyment from them. What I used to do (maybe still do) is merely pass the time with things such as anime video games jacking off listening to music. They were nice, but I didn't particularly enjoy them a whole lot. They kept me somewhat amused though, but that wasn't really enough for me to get happiness out of them. Sometimes I really loved music, but that's only when my life in general was good and I was optimistic. When you feel shitty about everything and fill your days with things that don't excite you (not to mention misery self loathing worrying) you're not going to care about anything. I can tell you that with certainty. Negativity and pessimism is all that you see. When we lose hope, we tend to learn helplessness. We wait in a bomb shelter for the nuclear apolocalypse that is our life. Just getting by, no more then that. Oh look I'm getting off topic. You have to go and look for something that you want to do. Go outside. I know it's hard. Even walking in the sunshine will make you feel better though. Stare at things that you think are beautiful. Trying to attach yourself to something that you just don't care about is not going to work. If you're anything like me, trying to do something that a)takes effort b) you're not interested in and c) you don't have to do, will not work. The only solution is to find something that you like to do.
As to what caring is, I can tell you what it is not. Caring is not merely wanting something to be a certain way. I could say that I want people in third world countries to not starve and be under brutal dictators. But really, do I care about them at all? Of course not. Something has to be in your perspective and life for you to care about it. I want everybody to be happy, but do I care if they end up miserable and alone? Not really, no. Caring is really "feeling" when something goes your way.. or doesn't. Your gut is twisted with angst and guilt or your heart flies light and free. There is no apathy in caring. We learn to life a certain way, in the bomb shelter, because we are afraid of facing things outside of it. So we wait it out, we don't face our problems. We say "this is fate, this is the way things are going to be". We wait it out because we are afraid, but we also wait because this is something that we can do. This is a life that I know how to live. When we set our course, we have to set our accomodations. Lie so that it becomes your truth. Try to squeeze momentary relief from your dreary dreary existence. But you can only fool yourself to an extent. It's like an innate thing, deep down you know something is very wrong. We get caught up in not about anything because we get caught up in lies. "I don't need friends." .. "I don't need to go outside, to get a job, to do anything new, to feel intimacy, to burst out of my fucking bubble." And it's true, you don't need any of this. But you do need it to be happy. Fear holds back the desire, so we say we don't need the desire in the first place. Pseudo apathy, nothing more. Caring doesn't happen overnight. It's kind of mind blowing when you realize how alike people are. Empathizing helps you to care too. Hope this helps.
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