>Is it like this with you guys or is it just me?
It's just you, sorry.

But seriously, the only thing that I "have" is anime, videogames and internet (regular /a/non). If I ever lose my love for those things, then that day I'll be dead. I can't say I'm happy. I have no friends, etc etc. I'm always alone, no one near to talk about those things I like.
That's why anime and games make me "happy", or at least interested in something. I can evade reality with them.
And /a/ keeps me alive, for there I can "talk" with people similar, and feel like I really have friends.

Without those things... I don't know man. Life really, relly sucks anyway, yeah.

I'm the same way. I don't feel anything anymore. I just feel sort of broken down and empty. Anime, manga, games, things I used to care about. Hell, I was almost ready to give it another try. But as it turns out there's no escaping this life. I don't know what I expected, I don't even identify with who or what I am anymore. Sometimes I play this game I beat years ago, and I just play it again and again, not becuase I like it, but becuase I know it so well I don't have to think, I can stare at my screen all day without needing to process anything new. It helps to distract me from the fact I have a hardrive full of things I once wanted to see, or a shelf of books I once wanted to read.

I guess this is what apathy really is, it's funny that I always associated it with angsty teens, even though that doesn't even make sense.
I wish I was mad or sad enough to kill myself, but I can't feel strongly enough to do anything, let alone something so involving. I'd like to be dead, I really would but doing it myself just seems so..

I'm certain that I'm ruined, that even if things went normal I'd be stuck like this forever, no ambition, I even lost the will to masturbate after awhile, now I doubt it could even get it up if I wanted to. My health has declined too much, my mind seems empty, it's like I'm not even a person. Sorry for ranting so much about it, I guess this was just something to still manages to bother me.

I find most things I do now just help pass the time, I don't particularly enjoy it. I always want it to end sooner, so I can do something else, but then it ends, and I am bored, so I continue to do what I was doing before.

My only true reliable enjoyment comes from sleep, I remember my dreams most the time, and better yet lucid ones are not rare (3 a week is not uncommon).

I enjoy some things, but it's an empty sort of happiness like getting a good score in a game or something. It's been a long time since I've had actual, deep happiness. I feel like I'm just waiting to die

Fuck you, fags.
I'd love to be your friend. We all would go to some place to play tennis or something. Or we could play something online.

Fuckers, if only you were closer...

>>5642

I'm no good with sports... or video games...

;_;

>5642
Try starting a thread in vg? (unless there are some, I don't go there)

>5643
being good at unimportant things is overrated.

I'd play tennis if i were a girl because then i could wear cute tennis skirts ;_;

>>5641
This sounds just like me.

It is ironic that one of the only things that are able to make me happy is hugging a person. I noticed recently that I rarely, if ever, feel the heat from other things, especially people. This makes even more noticeable now that it is winter here. I barely ever feel that feeling of hot, of temperature, coming from something, from a cup of hot coffee, from somebody, anything at all. Simply hugging something, feeling very close to someone else that is alive, makes me very happy. It is quite sad that it is also very rare for me to have a chance to even glance at a person.

>>5642
>That feel when you are always far away from any related person you met on the internet

>>5642
realistically that would be going some place, standing around awkwardly then leaving

Last week I couldn't fall asleep, so I stayed up all night and got to walk around at 4am.
Being able to walk outside without the sun shining on me or people looking and making noise was really great, I'd like to do it as much as possible.

Yes, I often find that I'll want to see or read something funny, but nothing makes me laugh. Or I'll want to see some action, but the action is boring. The game is monotonous. Et cetera.

It's not all the time, but a lot of it.

I used to be really into music.
But after an incident I've developed tinnitus, hyperacusis and partially damaged my hair cells.
So I'm bitter.

I wish food didn't give pleasure to me, I've gained 44lbs this year. Sucks.

I pretty much have to act like I'm happy in front of other people. We went on a 2 week vacation a few years ago and I almost had a mental breakdown a few times because I had to keep up that persona for so long, and all I wanted to do was go home and get in my room.

>>5672
I've found anxiety/depression to be a great weight loss method. I can't eat when I'm agitated or sullen, and lately I've been swinging between one and the other.

>>5673
I can't even keep that up for more than a couple of hours.

The only food that makes me happy is red meat. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but are you ever just taking a nap or full on sleeping, and you just want to eat meat? I've had some really good steaks at home, but they're really damn expensive. I could go to an all you can eat buffet, but they ALWAYS add too much spice and ruin the flavor. I just get restless unless I can have some ground beef, pork, or some other type of meat. I guess this is kind of how people have a sweet tooth, except I have a meat tooth. I've thought up of some reasons as to why that is. I think sweet tooth is more of a think for the younger crowd and women so as I've gone older in age I want to eat more filling foods.

>>5737
I've experienced that as well. You're just doing something and suddenly, out of no where, you start craving a nice steak or hamburger.

These days I feel I can describe myself as nothing more than "lost" though in recent times its been looking up I wouldn't say its over. I basically just lost interest in everything besides occasional video games, then I get bored of them after doing everything and finding the most abusable ways to win. Its gotten to the point where I will sometimes spend half the day staring at the ceiling wondering what I'm going to do with my life. It is looking up though, as I am now able to do a huge number of things I wansn't after getting a new computer after ~5 years. Somewhat reminds me of childhood--parents didn't make much, and I was the socially retarded fat kid, which singled me out real quick. Even if I could manage to get someone to be my "friend" they'd be bored with me pretty quick from not knowing about much interesting things or having nice toys. Feels like now I have a nice toy but I somewhat feel like I'm stabbing my old computer in the back, which, while not always (hell rarely) ideal it served me well. I do intend to keep it as a sort of time capsule though. I'd consider it a slap in the face to it to get rid of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

interesting read

>>5766

It makes sense no matter how you look at it. If it was possible to achieve everlasting happiness people would just sit on their asses and do nothing. That's as counter productive as it gets from evolutionary viewpoint. Also, it the opposite makes sense, too - you recover from tragedies because sitting on your ass moping all day long doesn't amount to anything.

I remember reading a long-ass essay on this subject long time ago (at least 5 years ago). Might've been been written by Eysneck as the name rings a bell. Interestingly the term 'hedonic treadmill' was never used but it explained the same concept - what you think would make you happy ultimately won't be as amazing as you imagine and what you think would make you miserable is not as bad as it seems.


'To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.'

Since I turned ~15 I've been wondering what 'happiness' is exactly. Am I happy right now? Does happiness feel like this? I always wanted to have some device to measure whether I'm actually happy or not. Maybe people think of a different feeling when they use the word 'happiness'?

I tend to just do things. I'm not sure whether they make me happy. I think it might be more about killing time then anything. If it was possible to magically inject the memories of me having watched all the stuff on my backlog would I even bother? I wonder. I think I just watch anime and play games to be sure I didn't miss anything but I'm not sure if I enjoy them. I haven't questioned my happiness for a while now but since I can't watch any anime for few days I'm at this point again. I don't really feel like watching it. I just do so because I have nothing else to do and watching/reading/playing feels more productive than spending all day on the 'net (even though all of this amounts to nothing).

>I find most things I do now just help pass the time, I don't particularly enjoy it. I always want it to end sooner, so I can do something else, but then it ends, and I am bored, so I continue to do what I was doing before.

This is true for me, too. I just play something, decide it's boring, turn it off and then I realize I have absolutely nothing better to do and play again. Usually I turn the game off every ~15 minutes, then come back again after 3 more. Rinse and repeat.

>It is ironic that one of the only things that are able to make me happy is hugging a person.

Actually that's perfectly normal. Hugging is very healthy you know. It stimulates endorphin and oxytocin production. And does some other stuff I can't recall. But yeah it's been proven for years now.

At the same time I sort of dislike any physical contact as I feel the other person 'invades my personal space'. Hugging is completely out of question, even touching by accident makes me somewhat uncomfortable.

>I guess this is kind of how people have a sweet tooth, except I have a meat tooth. I've thought up of some reasons as to why that is. I think sweet tooth is more of a think for the younger crowd and women so as I've gone older in age I want to eat more filling foods.

That's probably a false conclusion. The reason behind constantly craving certain types of food it chemical imbalance. It breaks down like this:

- salt craving: serotonin deficiency
- bitter food craving: GABA deficiency
- fat food craving: acetylcholine deficiency
- sugar craving: dopamine deficiency

Of course it's not like every person with a sweet tooth suffers from dopamine deficiency. But the risk is higher and looking into that won't hurt.

>>5766
Some of the parts about genetics are so vaguely defined they shouldn't even be mentioned though.

>>5771

Vaguely touched upon in a wikipedia article, yes, but I'm sure you'd find some convincing results if you were to look into the research itself.

Or not. I wouldn't know as I haven't read them but since it's something that gained some recognition in scientific circles it would be an educated guess to assume they did prove it in some way. These days everything seems to be genetic, though. Kinda disturbing if you think about it.

>>5772
Well, there's no research cited for the most questionable point.
The research is keeping a fine line between generalizing and presenting results, so I can't complain. it's just not pointed out enough, that "genetics" as it was used in one research, implied socio-cultural feedback of genetical influence on character/appearance.
(judging by the results and statements about said research presented in the article itself)

Post edited on 2nd Jul 2011, 8:39am

>>5769

Some people would still be active. Many hobbies encourage innovation, like how r/c planes builders went from manual controlled to AI controlled. THey did it without pay, and they did it while enjoying it, so there is always something to do. But if there was nothing new to do it would mean we've reached the maximum level of technological development and the maximum level any evolutionary system could take us, so it couldn't be classified as counter productive or productive.

>>5776
I think he meant it more along the lines of "complete everlasting happiness".
so no desire because every desire is permanently fulfilled.
think like a stone.

As for what you pointed out, well yes, that's true, and useful to argue for an unconditional basic income or another way to allow people free access to basic needs of living

Post edited on 2nd Jul 2011, 12:25pm

I remember a few years ago I was home by myself again for 4th of July, then my older brother came home randomly. I asked him why he was here and not watching the fireworks, then he said he had no one to watch them with. I was surprised since he had a lot of good friends. After that he asked me if I wanted to go climb on the house roof and watch fireworks with him, so I did. We sat on the roof for about 30 minutes while silently watching fireworks. That was probably the last time I felt a calm, genuine happiness. That was also the last time I enjoyed fireworks.

I went to watch fireworks yesterday. All I could really think of while watching them was how boring and trite they've become for me. I used to enjoy them but now, I dunno. I just wanted to go home and beat that final boss I was in the middle of fighting.

I don't genuinely enjoy games/anime as much as I used to. It's just that I have nothing else. Like another poster said, it's more of an empty happiness. My favorite part of a game is when it ends, since I have a temporary sense of relief and completion.

>>5834
>I don't genuinely enjoy games/anime as much as I used to. It's just that I have nothing else. Like another poster said, it's more of an empty happiness. My favorite part of a game is when it ends, since I have a temporary sense of relief and completion.

I know how that is. A few weeks ago when I was done with the 12th episode of Nichijou I was disappointed when I found out it wasn't actually the last episode, because I didn't get the feeling of completion that finishing an anime gives me. I don't mind too much though, because at least it gives me something to look forward to every week