I imagine with most of us long timers, who have gone through most of the stages of 'welcome to the NHK,' except for maybe the part about the 17 year old girl who wants to save you (;_;) srsly when I watched that show, it was uncanny, a show about me; felt weird man..

<how do you feel the helplessness of your daily life shape your view of the future?

I feel helpless because I feel I have obligations to my family. Even though I've totally failed to live up to what ever they expected of me, I can still fail more so at that, and the next step to to disappoint them more is to leave, and leaving means I would rarely communicate with them, even more rarely then now, and that would break their hearts. I want to a traveling bard or a wise forest sage or a kappa under a bridge. I want freedom.

I also feel helpless in a societal role, as no others are diehard communists like myself, I just don;t feel like I can morally participate in the society I live in, without compromising my ideals.

I have grown quite alot in my time of seclusion, I am much much less greedy and selfish, I remember when I had a list of all the things I wanted to buy, how much money I needed, how long it would take to aquire them. Then I never got a job, and then as time passed so did my desire of material possessions. And now my desire of digitial possessions is going too. I haven't watched anime in atleast 1/2 a year, read manga in a 2 months and before that 4 months. I no longer collect pictures, and have deleted well over 100,000. The only thing I would like to do is finish my backlog(8 games maybe) of videogames, and watch K-on!!, and Arakawa under the bridge #2. I don't even like the internet anymore.

I have always been paranoid about what people think of me, and probably always will be, but I am slowly working on it. It has stopped me expressing myself in ways that would be outside the social norm most my life, the last time I was like 8 years old. But for better or worse, I am beginning to see most peoples oppinions as not important, so they no longer carry they same weight they once did and not worth acknowledging.

I am still hopeful for the future, I just dunno how to get to the one I want.

I feel that the first year is possibly the worst year of your life. You know why? Because it feels good. The first year that I took time off, just after completing high school, I remenber when vacation ended and people began to go back to work and school and I remenber seeing cars go through the street that day. I watched from my bedroom's window. And it felt really good. The first year is a first experience, you can simply change it easily if you want in the next year but then comes the seconds year and you get that feeling that you have alredy been here before, that feeling that you just got to the same point as last year. That is where it starts to repeat itself. That's where things start to look impossible to change. I still feel that I'm still living that same, horrible, vacation until now and I cannot get out of it.

Also, everyday that you spend as a NEET or a hiki turns you more selfcentered and distant from all others. It takes little time for you to become unable to talk to others easily and feel well around people. It becomes near impossible after a year or two.

>>I have grown quite alot in my time of seclusion, I am much much less greedy and selfish, I remember when I had a list of all the things I wanted to buy, how much money I needed, how long it would take to aquire them. Then I never got a job, and then as time passed so did my desire of material possessions. And now my desire of digitial possessions is going too. ... I don't even like the internet anymore.

This.

I never understood how people could just sit there and watch a wall, or a sunset, or whatever. Now I do. I suppose this is just becoming old. But I'm only 20. Oh well.

>>5629
>I haven't watched anime in atleast 1/2 a year
>I no longer collect pictures, and have deleted well over 100,000
>I don't even like the internet anymore.

Man... That's sad as fuck. Those things are the only things that keep me sane. If I ever grow bored of the internet oo anime... I'll have nothing. Nothing at all.

I really hope that day never comes, dude.

>>5629
man you think "welcome to the NHK" is bad trying reading ressentiment, its like looking into the future for me.

>>5636
I'd imagine that anyone could get bored of those things if they were literally the only things you do with your time.

I don't mean to preach (I absolutely understand how difficult life is for some of you) but I have to say, going to school and working do make those things more enjoyable for me. After I spend a lot of time working and doing stuff I don't want to do, the point where you finally get to sit down and watch some anime or browse the internet becomes so much more worthwhile.

>>5793
This is true. It takes contrast to appreciate what you have. If you keep giving yourself pleasures then they become unpleasurable. In other words you build a tolerance to it. Diminishing returns..

>>5794

Pretty much. Even if it sounds somewhat counterintuitive a life completely devoid of misery will lead to life completely devoid of happiness. If you think about it it's quite funny as human beings first arrived at this conclusion some 2600 years ago and even today most people claim that their ultimate aspiration is to be achieve constant happiness which won't fade away (modern abolitionists are the best example).

People only appreciate the value of things they don't posses/have lost. As soon as they acquire it they quickly lose interest. If they lose it again they'll realize how much it meant to them. You won't find many people who actually acknowledge how lucky they are to be healthy, to have a home and to be able to afford to eat three times a day. We took a lot of things in our life as self evident and that's the result.

>>5791
How far away from that are you right now?

>>5803
about 7 years

This is more or less why you have so many rich kids fucking around with hood rats. You can't attach value to something your life is filled with.

It's funny that I gave up my life to sit around and read VNs all day, but now in such a position that I can't actually enjoy one enough to read it.

Maybe if I went out and lived a normal life I could go back to wanting to be a NEET enough for it to be nice again. But, frankly I think it's too late for me to get a job that would pay well enough to have a worthwhile life. I mean, fuck, I'm getting old, no one's going to hire me for anything decent even if I weren't absolutely talentless. By the time I got my life together and finished school I would be on the doorstep of middle age.

What kind of life is that? No, I've fucked up and made my bed, so I guess I'll just sleep in it. Growing a backlog when I can be bothered to, and looking at it once a year or so. Guess, that'll be my life until there's no one left to support me.

Stay dry, Brohnos.

>>5805
It's never to late, my family doctor (who I haven
t seen in 8 years), apparently didn't start school until he was like 32 so he didn't start practicing until he was like 40.

>>5806
Yes, but how old is he now? The world is a different place these days, one of dozens of useless degrees, too many overqualified people flooding the market for someone like me to compete.

>>5807
Probably 1993, but doctors can always scarce and sought after. But yeah for most other things you are right.

There is always trades though, apprenticeships allow you to work while you learn, so it doesn't really matter your age to get into those, and most over qualified people ignore them.

>>5808
Most shut in NEETs aren't cut out for manual labor, or complicated tasks.

>>5805
This is the future I see for myself after I use up the few years I have left to avoid it.

I don't really remember what I was thinking or feeling going into this lifestyle, OP. I can't relate to who I was back then at all. If I had to call my isolation anything I'd call it an incubation.

You can't go back, the world just doesn't work that way, if I'm to do anything it'll have to be as what I am now. The thing is I don't really understand what I am now. My identity is so tied to my circumstances that I couldn't imagine myself living any other way.

The way out of this is changing, becoming a new person and facing the world yet again as someone unfamiliar. But that in itself is rather scary, on top of the fears I have of the outside world, and the general fear of the unknown.

I'm not happy with this life anymore, whatever it was that I enjoyed about it have seemingly rewritten who I am. To face such an overwhelming and personal issue after what felt like a journey of escapism seems an impossible task to me, and I wonder not only if I have it in me to do so, but if the reward at the end would even be worthwhile.

Frankly, I find it scary that fundamental parts of who I am can be molded so simply, and the thought makes me question far more than I am comfortable with facing. Is escape possible? I'm certain that it is. But I feel so lost that I'm loathe to give up the only thing I have for the possibility of something better, especially when I would have to face such important issues first to do so.

I suppose that's the only thing that has never changed about me, at my core I am a coward. That's what brought me to this point and what in all likelihood will keep me here.

These are just my thoughts on the matter and my personal situation and in no way do I insist that any of what I said should apply to anyone else's situation, much less everyone's.

>>5807
Just gotta be more competitive then. What, you thought this shit was easy?