Just confront him harder. Say "Father, we need to talk." etc. Just giving him more money like that will only complicate the problem and make his addiction even deeper with time. Just flat out refuse next time, or at the very least try to get him some therapy.

Have you tried trying to see if you can try to introduce your dad to something else he can hold onto? It would be worth a shot to get him addicted to something that don't cost 84 bucks as week, like a TV show, or give him some of your old video games, or... well it might be a bit of a stretch, but maybe try to introduce him to anime. If you pull off the anime thing, maybe you two could have a common interest.

As for the smoking, there's nothing that can be done at this point, when one gets addicted to cigarettes, it's hard to get off of that addiction, and it seems the depression he's in from his wife leaving him is gonna make that impossible.

The best thing you could do is try to fill in the void that your mom leaving left behind, cause it seems he's trying to fill that in himself with cigarettes and the lottery.

you have to stop giving him money, for his own good

You could try and get him addicted to an MMO--just not one with a "pay to win" thing going for it.

I know when I was addicted to this one (still am, but not as badly) I couldn't do anything out of fear that someone would pass me up. I think mainly what helped there though was that I had to do shit for a while and it didn't affect it all all that quenched most of the fear.

Oh, god... I kind of know about this. My mother, a technology illiterate, has been spending the last couple months buying (or trying to buy) stuff from internet (as I do, with my scholarship); but she has done lots of stupid mistakes like biding without noticing, offering stupidly high amounts of money, erasing recipits, forgetting to pay for things, etc. So I've had to support her and come with solutions for all the mess she's done; right now, I've just paid for a few articles she (unintentionally) bought using an account she doesn't even have funds on; and today she lost her credit card on the street (maybe I should add that my mother has attempted to commit suicide in the past; and she's been using rivotril for years now, as a consequence of an epileptic... uh... thing she got, wich turned her life upside down and she's now recovering from) ...

So I can partially understand OP's situation. The first times I got really mad and yelled at her; but that just made her utterly depressed and I felt extremely guilty, thinking that she has supported me (and still does) almost all my life, and that if I could've teached her better and being more patient, she could have a hobbie close to mines and it'd be a nice experience we could share. So I fought hard to mend things up; I succeeded and she tried again... but she keeps on doing the same mistakes -and worst-, now realizing that it wasn't me being rude with her, but her being genually and unbelievably senseless.

Anyway, by all means, if your father is already taking you both to the ruin, you're gonna have to get really serious with him, OP, even if it's painful for both.

Post edited on 24th May 2011, 6:58pm

Thank you for the replies, guys.

I don't think my dad would be interested in any of our NEET-hikki activities as he hates being shut in at home and if he does he quickly becomes depressed. I installed him a few games on his computer but I had to play like half of them for him. Well, he still finished Half-Life 2 and said he liked it.

He's a nature freak, a guy that likes building and repairing things, come up with new ideas and so on. It's just that we found out after living in this house for a good 10 years that it makes us depressed. The neighbourhood is bad, the weather is bad, there's nothing to do other than going to the next coffee or shopping district and even then people are just plain bland. It's just uninteresting for a guy like him, maybe also one of the reasons why my mother departed. He tried many times to stop the cigarettes but he simply gives up halfway through, says it's part of him now since he's been smoking since 14. >>4326 I have the fear that if I try to stop his addictions he'll become too nervous and do something stupid, I know how he is and it happened before.

So now we're stuck in this situation until I can find a job and pay for all this shit. Except I'm forgetting the part where I'm a failure who never worked in his life and has a serious social impairment. I'm not even interested that much in my degree right now. How can you have any motivation if everything around you just pulls you down and makes you depressed? I guess we need have to have a real conversation between men and get things sorted out.

>>4342
Sorry to hear that. I think your mother appreciates your efforts and she'd like you to be there more for her. That's my genuine feeling.

>>4347
Can I ask, how old is your dad?

Since he's been smoking since he was 14, probably quitting would take several years of slow weaning. But at least the coffee and lottery game he could stop doing. Maybe you could get him to join a men's shed: they are great places where men can find friends and build stuff together, and share tools. In fact Ive been meaning to join one myself!

I've got a mom with a gambling addiction that likes coming to be for money, so I know how hard it can be.
you could try lying and saying you spent your money already and have none to give him whenever he asks.
maybe try telling him to stop tossing your money away and get a hobby that doesn't involve gambling or smoking himself to death.

>>4347
Maybe you should try moving out, and use the money from a job if you get one to support yourself, not your dead wight.
He might be your father, but he's clearly trying to drag your life down with him, you need to kick him lose before you find yourself working 9 to 5 every day to support his mess for the rest of your life's.
You should not have to pay for his problems, you have your own to deal with.

>>4348
He's 49.

I still haven't gathered strength to talk with him. I just hate this situation I'm in.

I talked with him after we had dinner today.

Basically, he yelled I always throw him that to the face and it's the only thing he can enjoy now. After 20+ years of sustaining me and my siblings he could at least have that for himself. Said I was ungrateful for what he did for us because he worked himself to death for us.

I gave him over $5000 without ever asking anything in return and I have $3500 debt on top of that sitting in my bank account. I take care of the house, I'm must be one of the few guys my age to have to do this shit. I clean up everyone's mess every weekend, I do dinner when needed. I pay bills, I take care of paperwork. I take care of my younger brother. Maybe I need to find a work too and work myself to death.

So yeah. I don't even know any more. I hate my life.

>>4425
It's a parents responsibility to raise their and take care of their child, not the other way around.
Just forget about him and move on with your life already.

>>4425
Since you've taken it upon yourself, its your responsibility not only to care for him monetarily, but also take care of his welfare as he did when you were a child. Consider that you either have to take all the responsibilities or none of them.

He knows how much money you get from scholarship? See if you can try to lower it. Lie and say it got cut. Hopefully he won't find out.

Put away a certain sum in the bank for bills, etc, so that it's not lying around.

More or less, put him on a set allowance...

You can't just dump him, and you have to be there for your brother. Where would you go anyway? It sucks.

I'm in the same situation, and I am looking for work, but... yeah.

If this keeps on going on, you're going to really hate him.