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File 130431024284.jpg - (331.36KB , 600x600 , 333510.jpg )
3581 No. 3581 [Edit]
This is probably silly, but I'd just like to make a simple little thread for the people who don't really have anyone to talk to.

I know that I myself have been pretty close to suicide more than once lately and it was sort of chilling to know that no one would even know.

So, this thread is just to give people the chance to let the world, or at least a few others know that they are alive. I think we should just stop by one a week or so, and let the rest of us know that we're still here.

I'll do my best to keep up with this, and hope that it doesn't needlessly take up too much space.
Expand all images
>> No. 3582 [Edit]
>hope that it doesn't needlessly take up too much space

Like...me ;_;
>> No. 3583 [Edit]
>>3582
Sometimes I feel that way, I try and stay quiet and eat very little so that I am less of a burden.

I also try not to leave my room if anyone else is awake, so that they don't have to see me.
>> No. 3585 [Edit]
I don't think it's a silly idea at all.
>> No. 3586 [Edit]
Thank you.
>> No. 3587 [Edit]
You could always join us in the IRC if you want someone to talk to.

Not that there's anything wrong with this thread, just sayin...
>> No. 3588 [Edit]
File 130431174171.jpg - (25.00KB , 300x296 , 1942-1390290993.jpg )
3588
Actually, I made this thread with the sort of people who normally are too afraid to do more than lurk. Though anyone is welcome to and encouraged to post in it!~

It's good to see that this has sparked a little interest. I hope to see you all in a week or so, good night brohnos.
>> No. 3590 [Edit]
These sorts of threads are impossible to me. I always write up a fairly lengthy post, and stare at it until I eventually delete it all. I simply cannot share my experiences and feelings with you guys. Even among the pathetic people that comprise the majority of this site, I am still alone.
>> No. 3592 [Edit]
I wondered what happened the guy who lived with his mom on top of a chinese restaurant? The one who wanted to take a few thousand dollars, a suitcase and leave his worries behind to walk to a sunny tropical island? If you're still here, can you tell us whats up? I hope you didn't die.

Oh, and if anyone needs someone to talk to immeadiatly, don't be scared to come to TC irc!
>> No. 3594 [Edit]
>>3590
I have no problems expressing myself on anonymous imageboards, but on anywhere where I have a name I can barely do it. Things like voice chat are entirely out of the question for me
>> No. 3598 [Edit]
>>3594
I suppose I just take it a step further. I always get paranoid that the mods are looking down upon me for the way I act/post/whatever. It's not real anonymity if they can see my IP.
>> No. 3600 [Edit]
>>3598
I feel the same way sometimes, actually. Not a lot we can do about it though
>> No. 3605 [Edit]
>>3598
Don't worry the mods are trustyworthy.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
>> No. 3607 [Edit]
>>3605
I love this site.
>> No. 3611 [Edit]
>>3605
Tohno?
>> No. 3612 [Edit]
I've been having problems for months but i've never told anyone.

Stuff like this just highlights that I have nothing to say and I never will.
>> No. 3620 [Edit]
>>3594
>I have no problems expressing myself on anonymous imageboards, but on anywhere where I have a name I can barely do it.

I feel the same way. It feels like the higher ups or more frequent posters are just holding that over my head in a very condescending way. TC is such a small and I guess the best way to put it would be "specialized" community, that I fit right in, so that doesn't really come up here when I see posters using names, or using the IRC.
>> No. 3622 [Edit]
>>3587
been there done that,
don't really know how to have a conversation so i just idle and say something once in a while.
>> No. 3632 [Edit]
I'm not sure what to say, but I appreciate that this topic is here. Thanks for making it.
>> No. 3634 [Edit]
Well, I don't really plan to suicide, but I'm posting anyway.
>> No. 3635 [Edit]
>>3587
I used to idle in the IRC channel a lot but I was too nervous to say anything the majority of the time. Thanks for being one of the few people I talked to while I was there.
>> No. 3636 [Edit]
>>3635
Always happy to make new friends~
>> No. 3646 [Edit]
Thanks a lot. I feel better.
>> No. 3703 [Edit]
I'm bored ;_;
>> No. 3704 [Edit]
>>3703
Me too. ;_;
>> No. 3705 [Edit]
>>3704

Can I be bored with you? =3
>> No. 3706 [Edit]
>>3705
Sure.
>> No. 3815 [Edit]
And so comes a another week, I hope you all are doing well.
>> No. 3826 [Edit]
>>3815
I'm No. 3634 and I'm still here.
>> No. 3830 [Edit]
I'm here, but barely. Spring and Summer always make me feel terrible for some reason.
>> No. 4052 [Edit]
>>3830
I have to agree, the temperature should never reach extremes of hot or cold. Then there are allergies...

Anyhow, it's been another week! Hope you all are still doing well!
>> No. 4057 [Edit]
>>4052
Still going here.
>> No. 4074 [Edit]
>>3632 here. I'm stressed/bummed about my level of incompetence in all areas of life lately.
>> No. 4075 [Edit]
I am here and alive, it may appear that i idle on IRC, but generally i just idle so i cam go back and read what you guys are talking about, however trivial i find it quite fun and interesting.
>> No. 4197 [Edit]
Getting by alive. Lurk here more than I should even though I see the same posts everyday.

Thanks guys.
>> No. 4198 [Edit]
I'm too embarrassed to even get on the irc, honestly.
>> No. 4199 [Edit]
>>4198
I'd be embarrassed also about going to a place filled with cross dressing homosexual suicidal pony loving mmo addicted masochistic hikikomori lolicons.
We wouldn't want them to look down on us and our problems right?
>> No. 4200 [Edit]
>>4199
I love you too tobo.
>> No. 4201 [Edit]
>>4199
I'll have you know I have never touched an MMO in my life.
>> No. 4202 [Edit]
File 130608158710.jpg - (60.95KB , 370x369 , meager man.jpg )
4202
>>4198
Just do what I do

Change your name constantly so no one will remember any of the shitty things you say
>> No. 4203 [Edit]
>>4198
I wish more people would join the IRC, but every time I try to say hi they get scared and run away.

I just wanted to say hi ;_;
>> No. 4207 [Edit]
>>4203
>implying you go to the IRC
>> No. 4209 [Edit]
>>4207
Please don't do that.
('A`)

>> No. 4212 [Edit]
>>4207
I do, but not as of the past 2 days. Long story as to why, and I don't want to drag that fight into here.
>> No. 4213 [Edit]
>>4203
I've wanted to join the irc for awhile, but I keep thinking it'll be hostile to people who haven't been in it before. Side effect from /jp/ I think
>> No. 4214 [Edit]
>>4213
Trust me, we're alot less hostile. Except for Ayu-Ayu, but pay him no heed, he hates everybody.
>> No. 4221 [Edit]
Will people look down on me if I use the irc board instead of a client? I'm scared of using irc because I don't understand it. And I feel like people will take advantage of that if they caught on.
>> No. 4222 [Edit]
File 130609931359.jpg - (52.58KB , 261x226 , so happy together.jpg )
4222
>>4213
I love everyone in the IRC and they are my friends! However I don't think this is reciprocated and I'm pretty sure I'll end up getting banned altogether

It's okay though because you are my friend! Whether you like it or not
>> No. 4223 [Edit]
>>4221
i always use the board and nobody has ever said a thing
>> No. 4230 [Edit]
>>4223

I can't even tell the difference.
>> No. 4232 [Edit]
>>4230
people who use the board have a green thing by their name instead of blue, or something like that. I haven't been on the irc in months
>> No. 4235 [Edit]
>>4232
depends on the client mirc is all black text.
Besides, why would anyone care if a person uses /irc/?
>> No. 4236 [Edit]
>>4235
Some people are elitist. They believe that they are entitled to judge others because they have more extensive knowledge about something.
>> No. 4237 [Edit]
>>4236
I'd call the guys on our irc channel many things, but elitist would not be one.
>> No. 4241 [Edit]
>>4221
I have never used an IRC before I came to /tc/ and I have no idea how to do anything beyond write a simple message, and no one has ever said anything.
>> No. 4242 [Edit]
>>4221
That's what the board is for. We could just have an href="irc://irc.rizon.net/tohno-chan" somewhere instead but having a dedicated board is much more convenient for everyone in my opinion.
Also, while we're on the subject of IRC clients I'd like to recommend http://www.silverex.org/download/ for Windows, it's more intuitive and simpler to configure than mIRC in my experience, and also looks a bit better.
>> No. 4243 [Edit]
>>4241
Same. I also had never joined a steam group before coming to TC. This place is helping me out of all sorts of online social anxiety (´・ω・)
>> No. 4245 [Edit]
>>4243
>online social anxiety
I'll never understand this
>> No. 4257 [Edit]
>>4250
less rude please
think of tim
>> No. 4260 [Edit]
I idle on the IRC whenever i'm awake really, and its a place to be at most. Like all IRC channels, it has its fair share of good people, assholes and idlers. You can get some good conversations going here and there when its not people talking about LoL or people bitching about people talking about LoL.

>>4255
I think they got banned because they were very obviously from /jp/ or /a/ and trying their very hardest to troll. Don't respond to them, just report and move on.
>> No. 4262 [Edit]
Why are you guys trying to talk to someone who is either a retard or a troll
>> No. 4263 [Edit]
>>4243
I'm not nervous about it, I just think IRCs are boring.
>> No. 4264 [Edit]
>>4262
Not anymore we're not.
>> No. 4289 [Edit]
I tried to get into the IRC thing but I just didn't feel like I fitted in with the people there, I'd sit there and idle and watch people chat but I'd never find a place to enter the conversation. I'm bad with people I don't know all that well.
>> No. 4290 [Edit]
>>4289
I think We've had multiple people who idled for a month or two before they even said one thing. I can think of 3 who did it for a year before they started talking.
>> No. 4291 [Edit]
>>4289
I feel the same way. When I say anything too often there it feels forced, so I don't talk very often. Pathetic that even in a place where I share interests I can't get along that well.
>> No. 4301 [Edit]
>>4291
>>4289

Its completely understandable, these kind of places can be strange to interact with when you're not used to it. Only thing you should know is that just about everyone who is on the channel daily are all in a similar place in life. Its really why we get along so well, its the only place where we feel like we belong.

theirs also a lot of different things that can be discussed if you're not into lol, like tea parties and little girls
>> No. 4303 [Edit]
>>4301
It's not that I'm not used to it, it just doesn't work for me.
>> No. 4317 [Edit]
I agree, IRC can be rather scary, especially if the people in it are really close or tight knit.

Also, how's everyone doing this week?
>> No. 4318 [Edit]
>>4317

Well I'm not dead so at least that is something.

...thank you for asking though, I appreciate it.
>> No. 4518 [Edit]
>>4237
Disputing this.
>> No. 4521 [Edit]
Oh wow, and here I thought I was the only one who was scared of the IRC. Sometimes I lurk as the default "Brohno" to see what people are talking about but I get anxious thinking about saying something or attaching a name to myself. Although I would like to make some friends.
>> No. 4522 [Edit]
>>4521
>I get anxious thinking about saying something or attaching a name to myself. Although I would like to make some friends.

You pretty much summed up my entire internet experience
>> No. 4526 [Edit]
>>4521

I've been an irc user for a long time (though only really with a small group of people I know) and I still don't feel the urge to talk much on the irc. It just seems that most people know each other there, so I kinda keep quiet.
>> No. 4527 [Edit]
>>4522
>>4521

Then join up and talk to us, we really don't bite.


As long as you don't bring up stuff like relationships or the current happenings going on at 4chan, we really don't care. We'll talk about a lot of things
>> No. 4529 [Edit]
>>4527
> the current happenings going on at 4chan,
Ohh but I just want to show a cool picture I found ;_;
>> No. 4534 [Edit]
>>4260
I'm using XChat right now, but for some reason I can't connect to irc.rizon.net. Am I doing something wrong? How do I fix this? Sorry to bother you with this question.
>> No. 4535 [Edit]
>>4534
What error message do you get? Does it happen for all servers or just Rizon?
>> No. 4537 [Edit]
>>4534
If you can't get it to auto connect on startup just /server irc.rizon.net as a command
>> No. 4538 [Edit]
>>4535
>>4537
Thanks for your responds, I got it working right now. I couldn't connect to irc.rizon.net so I just Googled for another Rizon Server and voilà!
>> No. 4602 [Edit]
Thanks for making this post OP. I dont really have any online friends nor am i in contact with anyone i used to know irl, the most contact i really have offline or online is when my mother knocks on my door to tell me that my food is ready. I idle on irc just to watch people talk and read their conversations, i'm too nervous to talk.

If i would talk i'd make a fool of myself anyway, although im happy enough watching you all talk.

Oh well. Sorry if theres any spelling or grammar errors in this post, im quite tired and i probably drunk more than i should have, hell it might not even make any sense
>> No. 4661 [Edit]
File 130713321466.jpg - (1.01MB , 1131x1600 , moe 168041 animal_ears gokou_ruri gothic_lolita lo.jpg )
4661
I'd also like to thank you for making this thread, OP. All I really need to keep me going is someone noticing that I exist.
Sorry for such a contentless post, but I don't really know what to write. I was about to post much earlier but bugged out. I'm very happy to be with you all here.
>> No. 4663 [Edit]
>>4661
What a regal picture.I feel like swearing fealty just on the image alone. Goddamn.
>> No. 4664 [Edit]
OP here,I'm glad people appreciate the thread.
I meant to update at the beginning of the week again, but I got a little tied up.

On that note, I hope everyone is still well.
>> No. 4742 [Edit]
>>4664
Hello, >>4602 here. Im feeling a bit under the weather, but okay. I hope you're feeling okay too.

Usually i feel bad on sundays due to a new week starting and me having to wait until the weekend so i dont feel bad about doing nothing, but tonight i don't feel as bad as usual. Im thinking of packing a flask and some sandwiches and visiting a badger set in a little forest type area near my home that ive been to before. I hope noone else is there, even though it'd be highly unlikely anyway.
>> No. 4749 [Edit]
Have one of my few days off today. Just been drinking while enjoying terrible music.

Did you all have a good weekend of whatever it is you do?
>> No. 4818 [Edit]
I only work a couple of days a week and my schedule got messed around so I had 8 days off in a row. so far I've spent the entire time playing Football Manager and FIFA while listening to podcasts.

also I just did my monthy online grocery shop so I dont even have to leave the house for that.
>> No. 4823 [Edit]
Been stressing out over a phonecall I need to make. I haven't touched a phone except in emergencies for years now, and this is a big deal. I've been warring with myself, trying to tell me to just get it over with, because it's pretty important that I do, but that doesn't help.

Well, just reporting in, still alive and all. Not actively trying to die at the moment, so yay.
>> No. 4825 [Edit]
>>4823
How is it important?
>> No. 4964 [Edit]
Just rambling a bit, here. I get like this a lot...
It always bums me out whenever I see suicide posts on /tc/. Just because we're "ningen shikaku" doesn't mean shit. The dude in No Longer Human tried to kill himself twice, and didn't succeed. That's just totally screwed up. Imagine that - You can't even kill yourself properly. But he kept going with life after that, because he completely erased all trace of what makes someone human through that. A human should at least be able to die. I feel like most, if not all the folks on /tc/ have reached that point, just (hopefully) without the two failed suicide attempts. But still, the guy kept going, he just became an invalid/possible hiki. I just always thought like a life of complete apathy seemed more appealing than no life at all.

I don't know, though, those are just my personal values. Of course, it's your call either way. I mean, in the ultimate act of hypocrisy I'm probably going to inevitably end up doing it at some point.

Still the point remains: don't give up, brohno's. Despite hopelessness and seemingly-constant strife, there's always a chance to be happy. It doesn't even matter who thinks you are, as long as you know are.
>> No. 5056 [Edit]
Nobody's said anything here for a while. So yeah, how's everybody been holding up?
>> No. 5057 [Edit]
I got panicky about my future (lack thereof) for a little while today, but I've since calmed down.
>> No. 5059 [Edit]
>>5057
Heh, I've been doing the same thing.

I think my time as a hikki has run out, or will soon. I sort of wonder what will happen, I mean I know that it's a sort of sink or swim thing, but all the same.
>> No. 5068 [Edit]
>>4742 Here.

The midnight watching was unsuccessfull, but it got me outside for a little while, even though it was at night. I felt really tired afterwards.

I apologise for updating my actions so soon after i last posted, i feel like i'm whoring attention like so many normalfag posts do.


I hope all you are feeling okay
>> No. 5232 [Edit]
>>5068
Oh please, you made 2 posts 4 days apart, that's nowhere near attention whoring.
>> No. 5236 [Edit]
File 130799686731.jpg - (193.86KB , 1280x720 , Arakawa Under the Bridge - 01 - Large 29.jpg )
5236
>>5057
I've already accepted my future.
literally it's going to be something like this, but I'll be all alone ;_; and it won't be fun at all.
>> No. 5239 [Edit]
>>5232
Oh, im really sorry! I'd delete my post but i didn't set a password when i posted
>> No. 5246 [Edit]
>>5236
Don't worry anon, I'll come live under a bridge with you.
If we can recruit some more anons we'll have our own little community.
(It won't be filled with wacky adventures and cute crazy girls though, just homeless anons living in cardboard boxes.)
>> No. 5250 [Edit]
File 130800987511.jpg - (502.77KB , 1200x863 , 9d5785e0410cf578686e91a2687cb6d2.jpg )
5250
>>5236
>>5246

Sounds fun.
>> No. 5294 [Edit]
>>5246
>>5250
>just homeless anons living in cardboard boxes
I posted this trying to make it sound depressing but the more I think about it, the less bad it seems.
Even suffering can be made bearable if you have some brohnos to talk too.
I wish Tohno was a rich, eccentric dude in a kappa suit living under a bridge using this site to recruit new members.
>> No. 5563 [Edit]
I hope you're all doing okay tohnos, i realised i hadn't posted here in a while, and i thought that it wasnt't very nice just watching the thread sit here and do nothing.
>> No. 5567 [Edit]
>>5239
nonono, I'm saying you're fine.

>>5563
Eh, slightly depressed, but it's nothing too bad. Though it's offset by how I played spiral knights with rostran a few days ago, which was fun, and how there's so little to do at work that I'm getting paid to sit on my ass and browse the web most of the time, which is awesome.
>> No. 5568 [Edit]
>>5567
I suppose its nice just sitting at work doing that
>> No. 5572 [Edit]
Just over here. Being useless as usual. Haven't really talked to anyone new in a few years.
>> No. 5573 [Edit]
I've been working non-stop over the last few months after a year of no work. Now that I've paid my debt and moved on a bit I'm starting to lose sigh of who I am. Not in any deep meaningful way but it seems my urge for hobbies disappeared. Its pretty weird to say the lease but I don't really know what to do. By the end of this year ill be at a point I can go live on my own but I have no idea what I want to accomplish so it seems rather pointless. Its confusing really
>> No. 5575 [Edit]
Not sure if this is the best place to post this, but...

I lurk Tohno-chan quite a lot, but rarely ever post. I think I've made like two or three posts, tops. However, I read pretty much all the posts in /so/.

So don't feel like it isn't worth writing your giant walls of text or that no one cares about you or what you have to say.

People will read your walls of text, and people do care, even if they don't post a reply.

Have a nice day.
>> No. 5576 [Edit]
I'm pretty sure that my mother thinks that I am mentally retarded.
>> No. 5577 [Edit]
>>5576
Mine too. I also always got that vibe from my teachers at school
>> No. 5578 [Edit]
>>5576
>>5577
I somehow seem to give off the vibe of being anywhere near remotely intelligent, when in reality it's just a tendency of remaining silent and spewing believable bullshit when faced with questions, as well as being able to follow simple directions. I'm certain I fall under the 'below average' intelligence category, and it's manifested itself clearly in my current life situation. I guess they're just trying to make me feel better, but it makes me angry to receive pity.
>> No. 5586 [Edit]
>>5576
Pssh, same.

I have a cronic stutter, and on the rare occasion i have to talk to someone they dont make a point to listen to what im saying much because its like talking to someone with downs syndrome to them.
>> No. 5588 [Edit]
Yesterday I walked out of my 2 hour fluid mechanics exam after 30 minutes. I bet everyone thought I was a genius and completed all the questions in just 30 minutes.

Little did they know I left in fact because I couldn't do any questions so staying in there any longer would've been futile. Hahah!
>> No. 5611 [Edit]
>>5586
I actually have a bit of a stutter myself, which usually kicks in when I'm exited and trying to think fast or when I'm being shy, which can be so bad that I can't get past that first syllable and I have to stop talking for a second and form a mental "buffer" of sorts so that I can talk normally, though it only gets that bad when I'm exited.
>> No. 5612 [Edit]
>>5611
I have the same problem. For some reason people associate it with me lying.
>> No. 5616 [Edit]
>>5612
That sucks. I stutter a lot, but it's actually helpful sometimes, because then no one can tell when I actually am lying.
>> No. 5617 [Edit]
>>5616
There is some truth to it, though. I stutter when I'm telling inconsequential lies (something like a bad excuse as to why I don't want to hang out with someone). I'm still somewhat social. Somewhat being a very appropriate word. Like I still communicate with people but I always blow off plans and make up excuses, everyone always thinks I'm busy but I'm really always sitting in my dark room on some IRC, watching anime or playing some eroge. I just don't really like people.

I've got 1 true bro and he is a brohno too and he is the only person I don't do that with.

But anyways, I have a stutter that comes and goes and it acts up when I'm actually trying to say something meaningful. It's really fucked up too because once it starts it won't stop and It's not like I'm stumbling over my words (which I also do) but people think they can be one in the same. One of the reasons I quit going to my debate class and dropped it last semester and the reason I quit trying to discuss things I'm passionate about (which links directly to my post in the "ITT we make quotes about ourselves" thread)
>> No. 5658 [Edit]
I hope OP is okay, he hasn't updated in a while.

Today i ate the last of some macaroni cheese i made and tinkered with some electronics.
>> No. 5659 [Edit]
>>5658
Tinkered with electronics? That sounds interesting, expound a little if you please.
>> No. 5671 [Edit]
>>5658
Sorry about that, things have taken a turn for the worst on my end, we'll see what happens I suppose.

I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.
>> No. 5687 [Edit]
>>5671
I hope you're okay OP.
>>5659
Eh, i made a little board with quite a lot of switches for programming a ROM chip that i plan to use in a project of mine.
>> No. 5691 [Edit]
>>5687
Ooh, what are you planning on making?
>> No. 5703 [Edit]
>>5687
like manually program it? like 1970's style, with an array of toggle switches?
>> No. 5709 [Edit]
>>5691
A simple Z80 computer, nothing to complex, just some 7-segment displays and leds. I had an idea of having some switches that'd let you execute machine code at runtime

>>5703
Indeed, 12 bank switches for the address ports, 8 bank switches for the data ports and a button to write the data to that address. Although they're only a couple of centemeters long, so by "1970's" style if you mean great big clunky switches, then i guess no

I also have a strangely bad feeling about attracting attention to my post so quickly
>> No. 5763 [Edit]
I hope that I can make it for however long I'll be without internet... I'm gonna miss you guys. ;_;
>> No. 5764 [Edit]
>>5763
It'll be okay anonymous!
Remember, im always here waiting for you and you'll have a nice warm home to come back to!
>> No. 5796 [Edit]
I walk into the building where I live and the people in the lobby stop talking and stare at me. Fuck them. And fuck everybody, except for you guys. You get me. It's not much I suppose, but thanks for being here.
>> No. 5822 [Edit]
>>5796
We're always here anonymous
>> No. 5918 [Edit]
I don't post using a nickname often (mostly just when I translate stuff for people), but I guess it makes sense for this thread.

I've been suicidal ever since I was 8 years old. The main reason I'm still alive is that I was always scared of making a failed suicide attempt and having to live on with my body all messed up.
Earlier this year I made up my mind to finally write down some fairly concrete plans on how to off myself and what I want to do before that, but I've been putting off their implementation for months now. Maybe because life was actually quite nice the past few months, since I got to spend a lot of time alone.
>> No. 5920 [Edit]
I've been feeling kind of good lately. I've been doing a few internet activities that, while dumb, give me some amusement. Also this sunday one of the only non-anime shows I watch starts it's new season, so there's something else to look forward to ( ¯ω¯·)
>> No. 5927 [Edit]
I was without internet for 2 days
I missed you tohno-chan

I remembered this thread and thought I'd tell you that I'm still alive
>> No. 5929 [Edit]
>>5927
Who are you again?
>> No. 5933 [Edit]
>>5929
He's clearly the guy who was without internet for two days.
>> No. 5935 [Edit]
>>5933
oh yeah!that guy
how could I forget?
>> No. 5936 [Edit]
>>5927 here, i wasn't >>5763 by the way.
>> No. 5956 [Edit]
So I don't know if this is the right thread for this and if it isn't I'll delete it. I've been seeing and hearing things lately. I don't really leave my room that often (a few times a day to eat, wash clothes and go to the restroom)and thought it may have something to do with me sitting in my room with the lights off looking at a computer screen all day but I've spent the last few days outside of my room pretending to be social to test this theory. It's actually gotten worse.

The hearing is just starting and I'm still unsure whether or not it is phantom noises that I'm imagining hearing (as strange as that may sound) or something that is literally wrong with me.

The seeing isn't a new phenomenon. It's been going on for about three or four months now. I tried to write it off for a while as just tricks of light and that type of thing but it's become exceedingly clear it isn't.

the thing that scares the shit out of me is that schizophrenia doesn't run in our family and as far as I know, no one has ever been schizophrenic and we have family records back to 5 or 6 generations on a few sides.

So I'm going to quit wasting your time with this now. Sorry for wasting your time.

EDIT: I'm not saying I'm schizophrenic but I'm scared shitless I might be.

Post edited on 15th Jul 2011, 12:12pm
>> No. 5957 [Edit]
>>5956
I've heard things before, usually in the mornings after I've woken up but haven't gotten out of bed yet. Like a whispery voice saying my name, which jolts me out of bed. Haven't seen anything though, that sounds frightening
>> No. 5961 [Edit]
>>5956
what do you see and hear?
>> No. 5963 [Edit]
>>5961
Strange things, Shapes that look like bugs crawling around but far too large to actually exist where I do. I also tend to hear them moving, which we all know isn't really possible with most bugs. Tend to see centipedes, millipedes and Around 2pm yesterday I was reading and heard my door open, the door was still closed and then I saw my chair spin around. No one was in the chair and no one was in my room. when I turned away from the chair and then looked back it hadn't moved.

I've also been having the same thing happen every time I wake up. I see a man standing at the edge of my bed, really tall dude with almost no features, but extremely thin and frail looking. He is normally reaching out for me. I close my eyes then open them and he is gone. I doubt this is really connected though. Been going on for a very long time now. Maybe 3 years.

edited to fix a few spelling errors.

Post edited on 15th Jul 2011, 1:10pm
>> No. 5966 [Edit]
>>5963

That sounds horrible. Have you ever talked to anyone about this before?
>> No. 5967 [Edit]
>>5963
I'm not sure but I think you either live on an indian burial ground or silent hill. Perhaps both
>> No. 5968 [Edit]
>>5966
My mom asked me if I was okay yesterday and I told her I was seeing things and she kind of shrugged it off, saying I was spending too much time on the computer.
>> No. 5969 [Edit]
>>5963
i used to see wierd alien bugs crawling around on the wall just after i woke up, i don't think you're schizophrenic
look up sleep paralysis or night terrors on wikipedia

Post edited on 15th Jul 2011, 1:14pm
>> No. 5971 [Edit]
>>5969
I thought it was that too but I've been seeing them at like 2 or 3 in the afternoon and I tend to wake up around 9 or so in the morning. Obviously the man at the end of the bed is probably tied to one of the two you just mentioned but the bugs and the chair moving just doesn't tie with it at all.
>> No. 5972 [Edit]
>>5971
do they only occur in your room?
>> No. 5973 [Edit]
I occasionally hear people talking, but not in an identifiable way. This usually happens in such a way that it shouldn't be be possible (like in areas that voices wouldn't be able to reach if they were to come from say, outside, or another room). I also often times see, well, I guess, things happen outside of my vision. Like a blur or impossible shadow.

When it gets really bad I guess I have these sort of waking dreams where typical horror movie stuff happens (bloody girl in the mirror, monster by the window) and literally become paralyzed with with fear (usually in a sort of fetal position) . That's only odd becuase they can happen when I'm wide awake during the middle of the day, but things all feel very dreamlike from then on until the end of the episode (which can last as long as up to three or four days).

I'm not really susceptible to these sorts of feelings when lucid, which is really what makes them odd, almost laughable after I recover from them. Not to needlessly banter on, or change the topic farther, but can someone shed some light on this maybe? I've pretty much accepted that my mind may be going, and that I may need to end my life before it gets too much worse.
>> No. 5974 [Edit]
>>5972
I wish, I would just avoid my room. I'm not seeing anything right now which is wonderful. For the past few nights I've been hearing what sounds like gun shots which should wake everyone up in the house and when I mentioned it and that I left my room to go check (I was still hearing them) they told me they didn't hear anything.

We're all from North Carolina and hearing gun shots isn't out of the question but where we live now we don't hear that. I know it was just the 4th of July but the last of all the fireworks in this area were lit off a week ago and the cops were called because of the noise at 23:45 (obviously only somewhat related).

It's just strange.
>> No. 5976 [Edit]
I can't diagnose you or anything, so I can't say what you might or might not have.

But I do know that the reality of symptoms like hearing voices and seeing things is not as bad as the movies make it seem. There's an entire community (in the thousands/tens of thousands, I think) of people who have these symptoms but are functional and normal, the same way you see people who are technically autistic being married and working in computer/technology jobs.

There are multiple possible causes so if you can, I would suggest going to a doctor and/or psychologist to see what kinds of help you can get. Believe it or not, you may simply be able to learn to ignore the things you're seeing and hearing, or they might just be related to stress or other fixable causes.
>> No. 5977 [Edit]
Well my great aunt is dying. I don't really give a shit about her, since hey it's one less person to interact with at family functions, but I'm worried my mom will be depressed. Also I'll have to go to the funeral, which means I'll have that AND a wedding I need to go to in two weeks.
>> No. 5981 [Edit]
>>5977

Cheer up, that's still better than four weddings and a funeral.
>> No. 5982 [Edit]
>>5976
I've got an appointment set with my doctor for next Tuesday (the 26th) in the hope that this shit will some how magically blow over and disappear before then and I cancel the appointment
>> No. 5990 [Edit]
I went to a convention today. I found noone whom I knew and was very lonely. Came back with nothing gained but the experience of doing it.
>> No. 6025 [Edit]
My neighbors keep driving their car through our grass to park a car in their yard (even though there is plenty of room on their driveway), and my parents have told them about 3 times to stop. Since they won't stop, my mom has put a little metal fence in our yard to stop them from doing it. I'm pretty sure it will be stolen before tomorrow morning and/or they will see this as a sign of aggression and throw a brick through our window or something, and I really hope I'm not here alone when they do.

Post edited on 17th Jul 2011, 5:58pm
>> No. 6030 [Edit]
>>6025
What kind of place do you live in? Maybe people are too passive and law-biding where I live, but I find it bizarre that someone would steal a fence and throw bricks at its neighbors for the simply use of theyre lawn. Then again, maybe that is common and I simply didn't knew it.
>> No. 6031 [Edit]
I've been practicing playing the guitar lately. I can't really read music, but playing isn't has hard as I remember it being a few years ago. I got the entry riff for Tornado of Souls down in about an hour. I guess that's kind of decent for just picking up.

I started playing FFXIII. It isn't as bad as I've been told, and lighting seems like a pretty cool MC. Quiet characters who just do what they have to and are not vocal about their qualms are the best. First time posting in this thread since I never have anything to talk about, just sleep and fap.
>> No. 6034 [Edit]
>>6030
>What kind of place do you live in?

A place that has slowly gotten worse. The house next door used to be OK, but our old neighbors moved away years ago and some guy bought it and rents it out now, and we haven't had a decent neighbor since.
>> No. 6036 [Edit]
I guess this is the right thread ;_; . I have literally no one to talk to. My parents force me to go to college,and now that the scholarship I had is gone; I'm living at home again and my mom is talking about me getting a Job ;_;. The bad part is that even with a job the loan money will just suck my earnings up, and I want to buy a Jewel Rosa Candy girl. I guess ,I'm sorry for rambling ,but I'm so sick of being alone. Having no one to talk to,no one to hold. I'm getting so desperate , I might consider 3DPD ;_;.
>> No. 6038 [Edit]
>>6031
I wish you luck on learning guitar. It is something alot of us would like to do and, though I do not play a string instrument, I would say that reading music sheet would be a wise choice. The earlier you begin to read the faster you'll become it sight reading sheets. Not sure if it helps you out or interests you but it really eases the process of learning.

>>6036
I would honestly love if I had the chance to get into a college. I deeply regret having lost the option of going to college and, though you may not want it, you'll have to work sooner or later and a college diploma will help you considerably. I wish you good luck in case you have to back up a college course with a part-time job, it must be a tough work.
>> No. 6039 [Edit]
Op here, just got through a bit of a hard patch so sorry for not keeping up with this thread.

I've had to reconsider my future a bit. I've sadly come to terms with the fact that the plan I had hoped to achieve is.. well, frankly it's not realistic. I've looked at it again, and I'm stumped. I don't know what I'm going to do, at all. Suicide was an appealing option, but right now it's not the one I'm leaning towards.

Ever since I first moved here I considered it a temporary thing, the reasons differed over time, but I never once really accepted that I'd stay here for any meaningful time. A year has passed since then, and despite me having other things I'd like to do the point has really been hammered home; I can't stay here. I'm not really gonna go into the hows and whys of it, but I'll simply say that staying here wouldn't result in me lasting the year in anything nearing good health, that is if I don't kill myself outright before then. I had thoughts of getting my act together and grabbing a well paying job where I didn't need to worry over much about being a social animal, but there's simply too many requisites to attend to first. Getting low entry level jobs as things are would crush what's left of my morale, and would lock me into a course where it wouldn't be easy to get economically ahead enough to improve my lot from that point onwards. I receive assistance from the government, so if I could somehow figure out the process of moving out and finding a roommate that I could stomach I could buy some time. But as a long term hikki that prospect is daunting. Having ran the numbers, there is simply no way for me to live alone on what I get, not even in the smallest cheapest most dangerous places (I've looked, as far as I'm willing to settle for). For the longest time I wanted to just take the easy way out and float through life, but it's come to a point where something drastic will have to be done to break this cycle long enough for me to get my head in a place where mental breakdowns aren't everyday life again. I really don't know what to do. I've held back this long so I could spend my money on things that would help me get along, paying rent with it would crush those plans, but I can't really hold out long enough anyway. I wonder, does anyone have suggestions how someone could act in this situation? (toughing it out here is not possible, going to school would require time to recover first, I've been hikki for several years and have negligible social ability as I don't even speak to or see those I live with [bi yearly we spot one another, at most])
>> No. 6044 [Edit]
>>6039
I've always forseen a moment such as yours that would come for me. I have the feeling that I can hold back on the necessity for work and spend what I have saved for only so long until I have to fatally either work or die of hunger. I cannot say what I have to say that, left with no other option, you would necessarily have to pick a source of income or die. Suicide would be a way out but I do not think it would be the wisest. I have second thoughts on suicide especially being a potent suicidal myself. I would say that to kill yourself is literally the last way out, and I think you would die of age before lacking other ways to resolve your problems.

I cannot give you any advice further but I do wish you good luck as I notice you are in a tough situation that most of us in the same state fear.
>> No. 6045 [Edit]
>>6039
It seems like your options are either: a) get more money or b) spend less money, and both are extremely unappealing. I'm not a hikki, but, if I was in your situation, I would try to share a home with people that wouldn't bother me (there's no shortage of shy people in my city so that wouldn't be very hard for me, I don't know about you though), maybe some college students that came from another state. The more people the cheaper and the noisier, but someone that came from another place likely wouldn't bring much trouble. Then, depending on the resulting situation, finnancially speaking, I'd either study full-time or work part-time and study, or work full-time and study when I can. If you can't stomach a college, there's those online courses that, although not really well-liked by most, tend to be better than nothing. Like I said, that's what I would do, in my city, your mileage may vary. But I do hope that my thoughts might help you.
>> No. 6046 [Edit]
As much as people laugh at people who diagnose themselves with mental conditions, I feel like I suffer from an undiagnosed case of low testosterone and perhaps a mild case of diabetes. I don't even have the energy to do the simplest things anymore.
>> No. 6056 [Edit]
>>6046
I feel the exact opposite. Maybe it's all the years I've stayed quiet and keep my composure, but I get red faced blind fury over the slightest thing. Watching the first episode of twin angel last week, I flipped over my computer tower in rage when that asshole bishoujo decided to ruin the perfect moe magical girl moment.
>> No. 6061 [Edit]
I feel despair whenever I try to look a way to write a resume when looking up how to write them because I know I'd have nothing put on it. I feel so bad that something like this makes me feel hopeless, but it does.
>> No. 6102 [Edit]
I found out there is a Tanabata Matsuri in a bigger city close to mine and I knew a girl that like such things. I asked her out today for it and she said no.
>> No. 6106 [Edit]
I hate talking to men.
>> No. 6107 [Edit]
>>6106
cool, I hate talking to women.
>> No. 6135 [Edit]
File 131138381814.jpg - (49.47KB , 1034x584 , Kaiji_serious.jpg )
6135
I have nothing to talk about.
I dont read any books, i am uneducated, i am physically weak, i am pretty much empty space, space which i don't want to fill and can't.

This summer, after more than 5 years, i am ready.

P.S.: fuck this chan, with longassposts deadly for my attentionspan and nazimods and admin.
>> No. 6136 [Edit]
>>6135
>longassposts deadly for my attentionspan

and Nothing of value was lost
>> No. 6137 [Edit]
>>6135
You can always talk about Anime, Manga, Games, and VNs. Or maybe yourself. If you want to, that is.
>> No. 6138 [Edit]
>>6135
I'm telling~
>> No. 6146 [Edit]
First time actually posting on T-C, I've just been lurking for the past couple of weeks...

One of my laptop's hinges broke and now it won't be back for a couple of days. This made me realize how much I've been living through it. I have a desktop, but it's in the living room, in a position where everyone can see what I'm typing, watching, or reading. And I'm kind of paranoid about that stuff. I don't want my family to know the shit I talk about online.

I'm not even a full-blown hikki, since I do leave the house on occasion (I have no choice, uni) but this summer I've been turning more and more reclusive. I guess it would help that I'm living in a foreign country, the few people I knew and loved are on the other side of the world and I have no interest in meeting people here. I've thought about killing myself, especially a few weeks ago when it all came crumbling down (parents found out i'm gay + dad cheating + financial crisis) but I just can't do it. I still seem to have a little shred of naive, unrealistic, stupid fucking hope, and I can't let go of it. I just started thinking that things will turn out fine, that I'll be OK... But I know they won't. I know.

So, I guess I'm doomed to live, for now. Sorry for just ranting here...
>> No. 6147 [Edit]
>>6146
>I guess I'm doomed to live, for now. Sorry for just ranting here...

Don't mind: you actually hit the very right spot with that first sentence: it's indeed the best conclusion some of us can possibly say, by now.
You're welcome her, to keep on holding without any really good reason.

Post edited on 22nd Jul 2011, 10:29pm
>> No. 6153 [Edit]
>>6137
I barely watch any Anime anymore, i read Mangas online, but i barely remember anything.
I haven't experienced any VNs so far.

Games? Barely playing many games.

What i am doing all day long?

To sum it up, nothing actually.
Refreshing the same few pages, and then playing the same 1-2 games, and just doing nothing.

I have no interests. I barely can talk about anything, my mind is pretty much empty. It stopped analyzing, reflecting and memory and attentionrate has been steadily decreasing.

Whatever
>> No. 6157 [Edit]
>>6153
I'm the same as you. I've tried to find friends to cure my boredom/loneliness, but it never leads to anywhere as I have nothing to talk about.
>> No. 6158 [Edit]
>>6153
RSS feeds are great for passing time, I have around 700 feeds to read every day!
>> No. 6162 [Edit]
I'm going to have a hard time for the rest of the year, or at least for the next three months (I'll have to study a lot if I don't want to be disowned i.e. to die), and if I fail I'll have to spend the whole year of 2012 trying again. In an effort to avoid that, I'm locking myself out of Tohno-chan until november. I guess I just wanted to say this somewhere, so sorry if I don't answer someone something. Goodbye.
>> No. 6201 [Edit]
How are you guys dealing with the summer heat?
>> No. 6203 [Edit]
>>6201
The same way I deal with everything: By not leaving my room and watching anime/playing games
>> No. 6207 [Edit]
>>6201
Badly, it makes me want to sleep, and at the same time, i cant sleep because its too hot. I wouldn't be able to survive the recent american heatwave, my standard of hot is a stereotypical british summer 25c
>> No. 6214 [Edit]
>>6201
I don't leave the house very often, so it doesn't really affect me much. The few times I did, it was unbearable. I thought this was just in America, but Canada seems to be going through a heat wave as well. Last night I did leave the house, though, and it was raining heavily, which was quite nice. It made it more bearable. Night seems to be the only time I like going outside, too. Especially if it's raining... Going for a walk listening to music without anyone bothering me is wonderful.
>> No. 6269 [Edit]
Has anyone else noticed that, as one loses connection to the outside world and stops doing things to keep them occupied, their thoughts become more sluggish and they have more trouble communicating? I used to write, quite often in fact, but as the months go by in which I don't talk to anyone, online or off for more than a few sentences of what amounts to small-talk here and there, I find myself less eloquent and less articulate than I remember being. Perhaps it's just me though. I'm sorry for ranting ;_;
>> No. 6270 [Edit]
>>6269
I'm the opposite. I'm always talking in my head to myself and imaging things like historical battles and whatnot. I focus a bit on writing when ideas that were brewing in the back of my head come clear all of a sudden. Since retreating from the world, I've had more time to write them down, but in order to even get ideas in the first place I have to keep reading voraciously and questioning what it is I'm learning. I have a strong self education ethic since I never enjoyed high school or formal education. You should try to do the same, just start reading things that interest you and keep a notepad of ideas.
>> No. 6271 [Edit]
>>6270

I'm actually the same, even down to not having a formal education. I used to be quite the autodiadact, but recently I've found myself unable to focus on the pages of my books long enough to be able to really make any progress learning, and my memory, which has always been a bit weak, has gotten even worse. I know it's probably just a matter of getting back into the practice, but I can never motivate myself to actually do it. Eye strain is another factor. I need glasses pretty badly, but being a fellow recluse, you can probably understand how acquiring a prescription for such would be somewhat difficult ;_;

I'm also quite fond of imagining elaborate scenarios, though mine tend be more fantastic than historical. I think about magic a lot. It's one of the few things I really enjoy anymore. I spend a good amount of time lying in bed, thinking about rituals and the metaphysics behind spells and whatnot. I have some pretty detailed systems worked out, but the more time I spend doing nothing but sleeping or just trying to pass the time in whichever way distracts me from the world the best, the weaker my imagination gets. I have trouble seeing things in my mind and animating scenes now, which has made things much less enjoyable.

Which is partly why I've started writing again. I'm pretty terrible at it, but I used to love writing a lot. I could spend all day doing nothing but writing, and still not run out of ideas. My output has faded as I've become more depressed, but I can still occasionally manage a thousand or two words in one session. I managed to write a bit yesterday, but I had to self-induce an episode to get any inspiration, and by the time I was finished my hands were shaking and I was crying a little. I think it was worth it though, and I know if I just keep forcing myself to do it, I'll eventually get back into the habit.
>> No. 6272 [Edit]
File 131179048555.jpg - (74.21KB , 500x248 , tumblr_lnoltumqYr1qdvb0po1_500.jpg )
6272
>>6271
While mental fortitude is one thing, you must also consider the body as something that must be in excellent shape as well. I want you to ask yourself the following:

1. Do I go to bed at the right times and get just enough sleep? Do I oversleep?
-> Having terrible sleeping habits can lead to a lot of health problems that can get in the way of your mental abilities.
2. Is the place where I sleep at night even that good? Is it helping or hurting me?
-> I currently sleep on a crappy futon, but spending one night on an actually good mattress has convinced me this is something to consider seriously.
3. Do I eat healthy enough? Do I even know what my body needs in order to function properly?
-> This is something that requires a lot of knowledge to do right, but becomes second nature once you manage to eat a healthy diet.
4. Do I get enough physical activity? Do I even know what kind of physical activity my body needs?
-> This is where NEETs like me flounder, but you don't have to become a body builder. Just look up fitness guides on how to cut the bullshit and do real fitness.
5. How am I mentally? Do I feel lazy, do I lack concentration, am I depressed?
-> This one is very serious, because it can prevent you from working on anything else. I'll go into detail...
-->In a nutshell, laziness is a result of fear. It's easier to say I'm lazy and don't want to do it than I'm afraid can't do it. You have to understand what it is you fear and how to fight it.
--> Lacking concentration on something either means you're afraid of doing it (Procrastination) or you just aren't interested in (Boredom).
---> Procrastination is the thinking man's laziness. It's when you don't want to admit you don't want to do it and say you'll do it later. Ultimately, the same problem of fear pervades this mental process as well. Take the time to consider your fears and how to overcome them.
---> As for boredom, sometimes you just have to buckle down and do things you don't want to. This is ultimately a battle of your willpower. That is, your short term desires over your long term ones. Remind yourself of your long term goals often and don't be short sighted.
--> Depression is a very serious thing and in all honesty I'm not qualified to give advice on it. Simply put it's the loss of pleasure or interest in things you like. That means in order to be depressed about something you had to have had liked it in the past. Therefore, you can't be depressed over things like a job unless you actually liked it in the past. Do you see what I mean?
---> Only consider yourself depressed if things you once enjoyed, like writing, is no longer fun. Depression can be brought on various things, but here's the thing: You can fight back against it without medication. I'm not some new age hippie, but doing the first four things I said should help you mentally quite a bit. Once you fixed up those things, then see how you feel about your interests.

Hopefully this helps. By the way if you spend a lot of time on the computer consider some alternatives like a standing desk, glasses designed for people who use computers all day, a chair that's actually designed to support your back, proper posture for not hurting yourself, and so on. Good luck getting control of your life and being able to focus on your passions again. I'm in the middle of trying to do all of this myself.
>> No. 6273 [Edit]
>>6272

All of that is very good advice indeed. I'm in a pretty unhealthy situation, really. I sleep on the floor and usually sleep for either much too long or hardly at all. Either around four-five hours or sixteen. I rarely eat more than two bowls of rice a day. Even that is too filling really, but I cannot stand letting food sit uneaten so I always eat everything I make, no matter how much. I don't get more physical activity than walking up a small flight of stairs a few times a day. My legs are usually a little tired after that, though it dissipates quickly enough to not be a bother. I've always been sickly and weak though, I can't really do most forms of exercise. I've always wanted to try tai chi though. Mentally, I know quite well that I'm depressed, amongst other, more serious things. I have schizoaffective disorder, manic-depressive disorder, and severe OCD. At least, that's what I've been diagnosed with so far. I know I have other issues though as well, at the very least, GID. I was on medication for awhile, but I was forced to move to another state and haven't found a new doctor. It's probably for the best though, as usually I would abuse the medications I was prescribed to sleep all day, or try to kill myself via overdose. I don't think having access to such things would be a good idea right now.

I know my life is in a rather sorry state, but there isn't much I can do about it. I have trouble leaving the house even when I have people with me to do so, let alone going outside alone. I have no friends and can't get along with people in person, so I can't make any. I probably shouldn't be living on my own to be honest, but the thought of a group home terrifies me to no end. I've been to a psychiatric hospital before, and while it wasn't so bad overall, having to share my room was less than pleasant. I know I need help, but I'm not going to get it so I may as well try to make what I have a bit better.

I'm sorry for the long post, I know nobody cares, but you went through the trouble to post all of that so I felt I should at least thank you~
>> No. 6382 [Edit]
well, the vacation's over. now it's either doing something with my life and being miserable or staying as a NEET, straining my relationship with my parents and being miserable in a different way.
>> No. 6407 [Edit]
It's my birthday today.

I don't exactly know what to do. Just wanted to say that.
>> No. 6408 [Edit]
>>6407
Why not have yourself a nice cake?
>> No. 6409 [Edit]
>>6407
well snap, happy birthday.
>> No. 6410 [Edit]
>>6407
Happy birthday! Eat cake with your waifu.
>> No. 6411 [Edit]
>>6407
ʎɐpɥʇɹıq ʎddɐɥ
>> No. 6412 [Edit]
>>6411
>>6410
>>6409
>>6408

I will now buy a cake and spend time with my waifu like I should be doing-- thanks to you guys. I will also not forget to give a toast to the denizens of TC because I think this place is my home.
>> No. 6413 [Edit]
  >>6407
You know what time it is?
>> No. 6418 [Edit]
>>6407
Happy birthday you jackass. Enjoy your cake.
>> No. 6436 [Edit]
I'd like to thank you guys again for wishing me a happy birthday. It's changed the mood of the day for the better, and not to mention I had fun.
>> No. 6562 [Edit]
Today i listened to some music and read
>> No. 6642 [Edit]
This morning, my cousin's told me she's in love with me. I don't know how I'll tell her that she's got too many dimensions. I don't really want to make her sad. Eh, whatever, I'll manage.
>> No. 6708 [Edit]
File 131381334395.jpg - (32.46KB , 425x480 , fdr.jpg )
6708
>>6642
I, for one, find that to be the ideal arrangement!
>> No. 6737 [Edit]
I have had an internet connection for a few hours today so far. Have not been online in over a month, so all I have had to keep me going has been old stale video games, and sleeping. Porn backups were not filled enough sadly. Do not know when this connection will die out but.
>> No. 6825 [Edit]
I've been taking classes for the last 3 semesters, and am currently entering my second year. The only classes I have taken have been ones that are required for my major, have had only 11 or so people for a somewhat large room, and the lab room is open 24 hours a day, so I'm always there when it's empty. but this semester I was required to take an additional class to satisfy the federal aid full time student checkmark.

Everything was filled up this late into the game, so I was forced to pick up anything, and chose music appreciation. It's a class I've taken before in 8th grade or so, and I do know how to play and read music, an easy A was assured.

the scheduled meeting time for the class is 10:30am, and I've skipped it twice now (Tuesday and Thursday). The first time I got there early and walked in by the group of people by the door. I was pretty nervous and the class looked pretty big. My legs started shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I lost it and just headed into the library for the rest of the day.

Today I decided I would not make that mistake again, and got there just on the dot so I could avoid everyone and sit in the back.
I opened the door, but I did not walk the dinosaur. As soon as I peered inside, everyone looked back at me, and all I could murmur was "hmm wrong class". I got a bit teary eyed as I headed to the library again, but luckily most people were in class and I did not pass by anyone who would notice.

Luckily I was able to find a spot in a macroeconomics class that's purely online, but I have to finish up two quizzes and read two units by midnight today. At least I can do those in comfort though.

Post edited on 25th Aug 2011, 8:06am
>> No. 6832 [Edit]
>>6825
>As soon as I peered inside, everyone looked back at me and all I could murmur was "hmm wrong class". I got a bit teary eyed
Geez..that hit too close to home. But at least you found a nice online class.

My first day of classes begin today (Friday? Seriously?) and I've thought about skipping, but the first day is important. Unfortunately, I have to take a Speech class. It's good to get it out of the way as a freshman and I can't remember the last time I had to speak in front of people, but least I won't have to deal with that until Monday.

This ends 3 years of being NEET and I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself. I have no regrets.
>> No. 6835 [Edit]
I finally got my laptop back. I think this shouldn't affect me as much as it does, really. I felt such a relief as soon as I got it back... I finally have my anime and manga back. I hope the guy who fixed it didn't find my shota stash...
>> No. 6841 [Edit]
>>6835
Encrypt it or you're asking to get caught.
>> No. 6848 [Edit]
I was out on a long walk, my sad excuse for trying to get in to a better shape. Can't run for shit.

The path goes through an edge of a forest. I was feeling pretty neutral when started, figured I'd feel better afterwards (that's kinda the whole point, d'oh). I went on and on, further than before, didn't even know where the hell I was. So far, the network on my android based phone, on which I was listening to music from digitally imported went to 0 bars and stayed there. So instead, it's just the sound of me walking and drips of a passed rain dropping from the leaves of threes.
I started to analyse my life in-depth. Too much in-depth actually, because I started to weep.
I was trying to hold back from crying so much my throat hurt like shit and I was afraid of choking on it. I went a bit off course to some small cliff, sat down on the wet rock and broke down. I cried like a little bitch for who knows how long, always when I thought it has ended, I started all over again. Calmed myself down and quickly went home, my head down in shame when I actually crossed paths with some people.

Afterwards I realised I haven't cried in years, I really can't remember the last time.
>> No. 6854 [Edit]
Today is my birthday, same as Miku's.
>> No. 6855 [Edit]
>>6854
Happy birthday!
>> No. 6858 [Edit]
>>6854
Happy Birthday!
>> No. 6860 [Edit]
>>6855
>>6858
Thanks, guys.
>> No. 6861 [Edit]
>>6860
No problem. I just hope that today went well for you.
>> No. 6862 [Edit]
>>6854
Happy Birthday man.
>> No. 6874 [Edit]
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Nb27HTdFYNJdXMUQ2Pt-8UJ0t5SrDnKqzEJwdpHHv9E/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1

Oh Haruhi, I'm so jelly of Shaun I almost feel physically sick. Why couldn't I have an imouto?
WHY? ;_;
>> No. 6876 [Edit]
>>6874
These stories are really sweet. Are there any more collections like this?
>> No. 6877 [Edit]
After months of being sick I guess my great aunt is dying for real this time. Another family thing I'll need to go to...
>> No. 6881 [Edit]
Two of my childhood friends died at the same time yesterday. They often came to my house to buy me food. They know of my condition and helped me nonetheless. The last thing I told them was that I didn't need their help and that I'm just wasting their time.

I just needed to get that out.
>> No. 6883 [Edit]
>>6881
This sounds so sad. But, don't blame yourself too much. I mean, I'm sure they knew that they were very important friends to you and that, deep inside, you were caring for them in your own way. It's not like they killed themselves because of you or something like that. Remember, though, no matter what happens, you're never alone. Never. Even if this imageboard goes down, you have yourself, as long as you trust your own hunches and thoughts.
>> No. 6884 [Edit]
>>6881
Well that's fucking horrible. Sorry that happened to you
>> No. 6888 [Edit]
>>6883
and the irc
>> No. 6889 [Edit]
>>6881
>just needed to get that out.

Well, guess what? it won't: it's now part of you. Guilt shapes us like nothing else.
>> No. 6890 [Edit]
>>6883
>killed themselves
"Died at the same time" makes me think it was more of an accident-type situation.
>> No. 6925 [Edit]
>>6877
Well she died, but the good news is there will be no funeral. There will just be a family "get together" at night, and since it's at night we can't stay very long due to my dad needing to sleep for work. ( ´∀`)
>> No. 7010 [Edit]
Oh Haruhi, my mom called me in some new asthma inhalers and I might need to go to the doctor next week. I HATE going to the doctor


On the bright side, maybe he will find something gravely wrong with me and I can get a rough estimate on when this shit will be over

Post edited on 9th Sep 2011, 10:41am
>> No. 7012 [Edit]
>>7010
I have to go to the doctor next week as well. They need to take a blood sample, but I'm afraid of needles and I don't like pain. ;_;
I rather just die and get all of this over with
>> No. 7047 [Edit]
I haven't tinkered with electronics in a while because i don't have the energy

Hopefully when i go back to college it'll kick-start my enthusiasm again
>> No. 7048 [Edit]
>>7047
>I haven't tinkered with electronics in a while because i don't have the energy
dohoho unintentional pun
>> No. 7062 [Edit]
>>7048
Haha, thanks for pointing that out, it made me giggle
>> No. 7075 [Edit]
so I started my first day of work yesterday. I've got a seasonal job at Halloween Horror Nights down here in Orlando. It's my 3rd year doing the event but I'm not happy about it. I've had a lot happen over the last year and I'm just not wanting to do it this year but I need the money. I'm the tall silent type when I'm uncomfortable and social situations make me very uncomfortable so this should prove to be rather interesting.

I would much rather get this job at a grocery store that I applied at, while I would still have to work with others I wold be doing a lot of stocking so I would only be bothered by others when they had questions.
>> No. 7150 [Edit]
I woke up this morning at 5:30 and cried for the first time in awhile because it feels like I will never be able to escape from mean, judgmental people, either on the internet or in real life.
>> No. 7151 [Edit]
>>7150

That's my usual morning routine.
>> No. 7152 [Edit]
>>7150
>>7150
Haha, what a faggot.

Just joking man, I do the same but at night when no one can hear me cry. It's like a natural high.
>> No. 7153 [Edit]
I've horribly mistreated the few things I care about. I don't feel terrible about what I've done though, and I don't know why.
>> No. 7158 [Edit]
Welp, my dad is going to lose his job and be forced to retire early, meaning he won't make nearly as much retirement money as if he retired in 3 years like his plan was. Now I'm going to be an even bigger burden on my family and I don't know how I will live with myself
>> No. 7159 [Edit]
I went to the doctor's office to treat my cold and left with a referral to a psychiatrist.

Impressive, eh? I had a panic attack after the doctor started interrogating me about my friends and hobbies.
>> No. 7176 [Edit]
I really really don't want to carry on with college. But my parents will kick me out and force me to get a job if i do, so i guess i'll bear it for the couple of years i have left, and disappoint them then.
>> No. 7180 [Edit]
I know it's not really my place to say anything but I wish there was more conversation in this thread, but then again I understand this is a thread for people who are often too shy to even post.

>>6273
I just wanted to let you know and everybody else in this thread I read every post and even though I don't know you I do care.

I also read in this thread a lot of anxiety about irc. Some irc channels are very insular but I found tohno chan very accepting.
>> No. 7194 [Edit]
My parents want me to go to a shrink and go to a happy house because I'm 21 and a virgin among other things.

I really need to finish my degree and move ASAP.
>> No. 7208 [Edit]
I've had my step-sister's family living with me for 3 months now or so, and it has taken its toll on me. I don't even want to begin to detail the full story, but the bulk of the problem is that they have 3 very young girls (2, 5 and 6) who are loud and intrusive. I just feel like a stranger in my own home at this point, and anime / manga don't work as forms of escape anymore. I don't browse much anymore because I need to listen to loud music and play video games with headphones on to properly drown out reality.

They're here until they find an apartment and are financially stable enough to move into it. I hope that doesn't take too long. I don't dislike them or anything, but I've reached my limit as a socially inept autist.
>> No. 7215 [Edit]
I used to just be ok with being alone, I was for my entire HS career and after HS it felt great not having to socialize (as much) anymore. But now... I don't know. Something changed. All of the sudden it just hit... I wish had someone to talk to. I have one real friend and he moved so we can only talk online now, aside from the few times we visit. I don't want to go out and be some super alpha person who spends the days going to parties and getting drunk and doing team sports like my parents want me to, I just wish I had some close friends that I could talk and relate to. However, every time I talk to someone I get the feeling I'm just bothering them and so I stop talking. It's really just my fault for being so boring and shy.

I guess this was inspired by seeing a post by someone else that was going through the same thing, someone who I'm also too much of a coward to talk to.
>> No. 7216 [Edit]
>>7215
Make friends here. Start small by joining the steam group, maybe lurking the irc, and eventually maybe you will find people to be friends with
>> No. 7217 [Edit]
>>7215
I'm similar, though I've graduated from college. All the supposed opportunities I was supposed to amass, and all the friends I was supposed to make just didn't happen. I've got friends that live nearby, but they're so busy with their own lives that it's far too depressing to meet with them. They're active and fulfilled while I just keep browsing 'chan subcultures, playing games and watching anime. I really do like this lifestyle but nobody I know, even those who used share my interests, appreciate it on the same level.
>> No. 7218 [Edit]
>>7216
Can people on the IRC see my IP? That kind of scares me away from such things
>> No. 7220 [Edit]
>>7218
Register an account on Rizon, then apply for an IRC vHost. Your IP will no longer be visible after that.

Not like you need to worry, however. I doubt anyone would care what your IP is.
>> No. 7221 [Edit]
In little over 30 minutes I'll default on a loan I had taken out to pay for my classes this semester. I'll be dropped from my classes and lose the last shred of hope I had in my life.

Strange that I really don't care anymore though. I've been waking up at 5:30AM every single day, to take a little over 11 hours combined class and lecture daily. I enjoyed it first year, but this semester I've been nothing but a zombie. No motivation, just going because I was expected to. I know this will be a pretty bad place to ask, but what should I do now? Is there anything else to life other than working to earn enough money to get yourself back to work?

I feel as though I should know of all the other possibilities, but I've been institutionalized to not notice them.
>> No. 7222 [Edit]
>>7221
Maybe this will help

http://ben.casnocha.com/2010/04/who-should-and-should-not-be-going-to-college.html

http://ben.casnocha.com/2008/12/why-so-many-struggle-finding-a-job-or-a-calling.html

http://ben.casnocha.com/2007/10/one-difference-.html
>> No. 7223 [Edit]
>>7221
It's not so bad. I guess you could say you're free now. From expectations, and obligations.

What do you do now? I dunno, I think that's something a lot of people here struggle with. You've got your hobbies, and your interests. Find someone or something to leech off of, and go enjoy them.
>> No. 7228 [Edit]
This thread needs to get pinned.
>> No. 7230 [Edit]
>>7228
it's not like the board moves fast enough for you to lose it
>> No. 7231 [Edit]
>>7221

American college has almost nothing to offer for you unless you're studying a science or engineering or something like that now, where it's still hard to get resources for learning outside of college. It really is just gonna send you into debt. Degrees help with jobs in some places, but start off somewhere as a low worker, and you'll end up as the senior of the people who went to college by the time they graduate when you would've.
>> No. 7232 [Edit]
>>7180
>>but I found tohno chan very accepting

...I got banned from theirc once for saying there are decent american-made animated shows like the Boondocks once...
>> No. 7235 [Edit]
>>7232

Wow. That's seriously bullshit.
>> No. 7237 [Edit]
>>7232
Are you serious? Even 4chan isn't quite that bad.
>> No. 7238 [Edit]
>>7232
do you happen to know which mod it was that banned you?
>> No. 7240 [Edit]
>>7232
good
>> No. 7242 [Edit]
>>7232
But you haven't been banned from the site too?
The moderation most have been slacking.
>> No. 7249 [Edit]
>>7235
>>7237
Yep. I forgot the mod but he had a short name think just 2 or 3 characters. I was unbanned I guess 1 week later. Me and some other guy. I guess they unbanned me from the forum too
>> No. 7250 [Edit]
>>7238
He had a short name 2 to 3 characters
>>7242
I think they unbanned me.
>> No. 7259 [Edit]
>>7216
I joined the steam but my computer is a piece of garbage so I won't be able to play with anyone. I did join the irc though.

>>7217
Same for me. I just watched some people who were quite like myself and had similar interests... except they still managed to have decent friends who shared their hobbies. I only wish I knew people I could relate to like that in real life instead of just watching others...

If only it was possible to have offline meetings easily.
>> No. 7278 [Edit]
>>7232
If I remember correctly, you were banned for attentionwhoring and acting like a teenager to that effect. Not just that. Or you could've just said you liked My Little Pony. Not sure.
>> No. 7279 [Edit]
Today was a pretty good day. I watched the first episode of Ika Musume S2, got Touhou MoF working at a real frame rate, and now I've got Kaiji finale to watch.
>> No. 7311 [Edit]
I'm pretty sure I failed my Japanese vocab quiz today like 50s.(please don't let it be lower).

I always heard stories about blanking out on test,but I never thought it was true.
;_;,;_;
>> No. 7323 [Edit]
File 131765661081.jpg - (86.45KB , 500x247 , having friends is suffering ;_;.jpg )
7323
I've felt terrible during last months. Person I've considered my only and the best friend ever has 'dumped' me. I would be fine if I've would have heard reasons for that. Even words "You are terrible and annoying person and I dont want to see you ever again." would have been fine. But no single text, e-mail, query message or anything... Just being left alone without a word feels really terrible. Everyday I want to forget that person - I wish we would've never even met.

I quess was just too late for trying to find friends and I know my social skills are too left behind. But still that kind behaviour is insulting and rude in my opinion.
>> No. 7324 [Edit]
>>7323
I know that feel, bro. That's happened to me a couple of times and it irritated me to no end that they could just up and leave instead of having the dignity to explain themselves.

I know it's cliche and overused, but "they were never really a friend to begin with" generally applies in these situations.
>> No. 7325 [Edit]
>>7323

Yes, that is rude and insulting, socially adept or not. Fuck 'em, you're better than that.
>> No. 7326 [Edit]
>>7323
I've done this to people who I've realized were failures and destined to become NEETs.
>> No. 7327 [Edit]
>>7323
I don't know your particular relationship with this ex-friend, but I know friendship requires both parties to make an effort, so I ask you: were you making an effort?

>>7326
I could actually see this happening. Many people being hipocrites and all...
>> No. 7328 [Edit]
would an explaination really have helped? if they have given a reason it still would have hurt. they'd still be gone against your will with nothing you could do about it.
>> No. 7329 [Edit]
File 131770958935.jpg - (433.18KB , 1500x1043 , meguca.jpg )
7329
>>7327
>I don't know your particular relationship with this ex-friend, but I know friendship requires both parties to make an effort, so I ask you: were you making an effort?
My only friend ever, ofcourse I made lot of effort. I think problem might have been reverse and because I am socially unexperienced and was excited, I might have been making too much effort. But I don't know.

>>7328
Well I would have considered it as some sort of feedback. Feedback helps people to get better and atleast I wouldn't be asking myself everyday "What did I do wrong?". Ofcourse there will be things in me that can't be changed or I don't want to change but I think every person has something to improve.

I feel lot better after reading your posts. Thanks.
>> No. 7330 [Edit]
>>7329
I don't think its fair on yourself to try and wonder where you went wrong. I mean you'll do it anyway but... if you had a reason, you'd inevitably end up trying to change that part of yourself when you shouldn't. With a friend you should be who you are. When friendships end like this, it usually comes down to an incompatibilty of character, where nobody is to blame, and the end of the friendship was inevitable
>> No. 7334 [Edit]
Even after spending time at the hospital, I can honestly say that the worst part of this month was the part with no internet.
>> No. 7337 [Edit]
>>7334
Addiction is suffering.
>> No. 7338 [Edit]
I had a friend in high school. He died in hospital after asian gangsters rolled him inside a chain link fence like a tootsie roll and beat him with iron pipes.
>> No. 7339 [Edit]
>>7338
Holy shit.
>> No. 7343 [Edit]
>>7337
This addiction is the only thing that makes me happy anymore, so I don't really care. I rather get stabbed again than lose my internet again.
>> No. 7350 [Edit]
>>7337
Yeah, I'd say so. This summer solidified that for me. I swear, I began salivating at the sight of a computer.

It's a weird feeling when you realize that you're only genuinely okay with everything when you have the internet.
>> No. 7351 [Edit]
too afraid / paranoid to use the irc, wish i wasn't
>> No. 7352 [Edit]
>>7351
lol, same here.
Anonymous imageboards sort of fucked up the bits of social aptitude I used to have, even for online interaction.
>> No. 7354 [Edit]
>>7351
Just go in, you don't have to post.
>> No. 7355 [Edit]
>>7354
traceable
>> No. 7356 [Edit]
>>7355
not any more than you are here
>> No. 7357 [Edit]
>>7356
it scares me enough just posting here
>> No. 7358 [Edit]
>>7357
You're doing it, aren't you?
>> No. 7359 [Edit]
>>7358
What if, every time he posts he has to take a breather because he's too disturbed by the pressure
>> No. 7360 [Edit]
>>7355
I think the real question is why does it matter? What is the worst that could happen? We all ready live our lives in isolation. People who face negative consequences on the internet are the people who have social lives (or jobs even), and generally care what others think.

Plus you could always get a vanityIP-thing or what ever they are called, you know when it hides the IP and says something like [email protected]
>> No. 7390 [Edit]
I think that I'm gonna keep spending more than 10 hours on monster hunter.

It's so good that I just can't stop playing online, though, getting better armor/weapons is fun and awesome.
>> No. 7459 [Edit]
Monster Hunter is the most entertaining thing in my life, currently, and I find myself playing for 15+ hours each day. I'm starting to become addicted to it since I can't go more than a couple of minutes without sighing and feeling bored. It feels so good when I play and beat down monsters, and especially when I upgrade my sword. I'm only HR 26, but I love playing online. ;_;

I'm not sure if this is something bad or something good because I have nothing else to look forward to in my pathetic life.

I love this game.
>> No. 7481 [Edit]
I never posted in this thread before. Anyway, my father's most recent move to solve my social anxiety, depression, fucked up sleep pattern and trauncy problems was to remove my door. Right now i'm buffeting the hole using a spare mattress propped up by a table. What do I do?
>> No. 7482 [Edit]
>>7481
my dad once kicked me out of the house and told me to go out and do something on a friday night,
i kind of just went to a barnes and nobles and slept there.
>> No. 7483 [Edit]
>>7481
kill him in his sleep by stabbing him repeatedly in the chest where his heart would be if he had one.
>> No. 7485 [Edit]
I dont want to start a new thread, so I'll just post here. I dont really need any replies either, I just want to post.

I dont know what to do anymore. I was fired from my job. It wasnt a career by any stretch, but it did provide me with the daily bread.
I spent the last month just sitting home, doing nothing, going out only couple times a week to buy some groceries.
It sounds pathetic, but I have trouble applying for a new job. I screwed up pretty badly at my last one (I have been working there for 2.5 years), so I cant use them as a reference. I dont really have any education, so it rules out anything but the minimum wage jobs. Again. And even those kind of jobs...
And here I was thinking about saving some money and going back to school to pick up some trade. I am almost 30. I was thinking I can finally get my act together and create some stability in my life. I figured its not too late and I still have a chance to achieve at least an average life, but it just shot me down even before I tried to lift off.

So here I am, just sitting by myself and making excuses not to do anything. I bet if instead of me there was a normal man in my situation, he would figure something out and claw his way to the light. You can say, I am a free man, I can go whenever I want, do anything I want, live my life to the fullest, all that. But, I dont see any possibility or away out. And dont feel any energy inside of me to act.

Its not that I want to die either. I like life. Not my life, but life in general. I think its great to be alive. Good coffee, sound of a rain, dump autumn air with a smell of fallen leaves... Its good to be alive. Its not good to be me, but its good to be alive. I dont want to die. I am afraid to die.
But I am just so tired. I have done nothing at all, and I am already so very tired. Heh.
>> No. 7490 [Edit]
>>7485
I'm sure a lot of us would do the same thing. Finding a new job can be a stressful experience, but it is an inevitable task for most people. Personally I would hikki it out for a month then if I'm still don't feel like finding a job, I would stop thinking about it and just rush head-first into job applications.
>> No. 7578 [Edit]
I made a friend while playing Minecraft and I have no idea what to do.
(´・ω・`)


Post edited on 15th Oct 2011, 7:25pm
>> No. 7633 [Edit]
I've been playing Monster Hunter online for the past three weeks and I am now HR 48.

I am unsure about whether or not I am doing well.

I also need to get past the first set of quests on the solo mode of the game, but I refuse to run from Lagiacrus, and the last time I managed to weaken it, but failed to kill it since the time ran out.

I'll try to get good enough so that I can one day stand in front of a Deviljho and know that I will be the one carving it's corpse to harvest it's body for my future weapon.
>> No. 7635 [Edit]
File 131901332194.gif - (830.91KB , 533x300 , 1318487134443.gif )
7635
Another day wasted. Nothing to do except browse the chans, watch anime and fap. I know this can't last forever. I don't know what I'm going to once my parents die. I wish I had been aborted.
>> No. 7829 [Edit]
File 132044566050.jpg - (37.05KB , 900x900 , Deep_Impact.jpg )
7829
Today, just a moment ago, after 2-3 years as a shut-in (over wich I've been supposed to be doing something at home, that I haven't) my aunt gave me... you know... the talk.

One of my uncles, her elder brother, is now old, sick and unemployed, so he frequently call her to ask for help, for some money, to keep on holding; she told me that, last night, she just realized that I am, as I am now, right into that path of future helplessness, and got terrified. She told me that she loved me and didn't wanted to push me, but she was now sick worried so she had to tell this to me now (also, because she didn't wanted to say this to me in front of my mother, who is out right now, not to worry her); because -of course- she doesn't know when she and my mom are going to die and well, my sister has her humble but stable job already, and I, apart from the little thing I'm -hardly- doing and wich shall end the next year or so, I have nothing: no plan, no savings (as I spend everything in collectibles), no expectations for the future and certainly no current will at all to re-gain any of those.

She ask me to do what I'm supposed to do already; to activate myself, to stop living as an oldman doing Haruhi knows what on my computer all day and night, and look for my own future; to put order in my room and my life... in short: to wake up, get a grip, regain the will for pursuing something more, something new, to close this stage already and move on...

I just nodded, slightly...

And that's it; that's all I wanted to say, here and now. Image somehow related.
>> No. 7832 [Edit]
>>7829
Well, you seem to have two choices:

Do it.
Don't do it.

Now, weigh the consequences.

If all goes well, you could be a real life satou.
>> No. 7838 [Edit]
>>7821
I am sorry to hear of your unfortunate experience. I hope that such an incident that of which you have gone through never happens again, but in this shitty world, anything can happen.

I'm glad that I gave up on 3D trash.

>>7829
I'm going through the same thing. My mother constantly reminds me that she might not have long to live and that anything can happen, while my uncle recently started going on about this as well. The reason I mention them is because they're the significant figures in my life (my mother is, well, my mother, and my uncle treats me like as if I were his son, even if I'm not since his brother/my father decided that I wasn't worth being a father to). I have no idea what I'm going to do or how I'm going to get through this and I don't want to put any effort into figuring out what to do; I just play video games during my waking hours and sit in front of my computer as I do jack shit.

I hope that I die soon.
>> No. 7862 [Edit]
File 132046545552.jpg - (376.11KB , 864x1230 , 1260301146430.jpg )
7862
>>7829>>7838
And the thing is, you know they are right. Not even "you know it deep down inside", no, you know it because its obvious and clear as a day. THEY. ARE. RIGHT. Time is running out. Procrastination doesnt lead you anywhere. Video games and anime are not going to help you in life.
And it makes you even more mad and frustrated, because despite realizing that they are right, you cant act on that. You need a boost, but that boost isnt found anywhere. Sometimes you wish you can go to an army, or find someone to push you in the right direction. But of course you cant do even that.
"Sow an act, and you reap a habit; sow a habit, and you reap a character." Normal people did not just simply lived all those years, they spent them to create and nurture a normal, active character. While you were screwing around. And so thats what you end up - a screwed up character. What a normal person can do in a heartbit, without giving it any second thought, you have trouble even thinking about.


I couldnt do anything today. As usual. I thought about doing the laundry, but all I could do is just check how much detergent I have. Not enough. I thought about going outside, but before I knew it, it was already 7, it was dark, rainy, and windy. I thought about looking for a job, but I only checked couple adds on craigslist, and became depressed.
Money is running out, this is the last month I can afford to pay rent. I have trouble looking for a job, and I cant move back with my mom because I have already caused her enough troubles.

Tomorow I will wake up early, take a shower, and go to Wallmart. I heard they sell those disposable helium tanks even here, in Canada. I hope I can do at least one thing right.
>> No. 7863 [Edit]
My parents have never outright told me to get a job and leave, but I know they are thinking it. It's a pretty big elephant in the room whenever jobs or money are mentioned
>> No. 7866 [Edit]
I've been seeing a psychologist lately. I decided to quit seeming him because he was a waste of my time and money. I'm not going to say that I'm a mentally unstable fuck but every session/meeting he would focus solely on my family and what had happened over the last week, ignoring any other issue I tried to bring up. I told him about seeing and hearing things and he shrugged it off, same with the fact that I've been contemplating drinking that gallon of bleach and saying fuck it finally. He just basically told me I wasn't going to do it. So yeah, that is pretty shitty expecially seeing as there are a few things that he could have looked at if he had wanted to instead of basically saying, "nah, living like a hermit and hating the world and being discontent with your lot in life and the world is perfectly normal healthy behavior."

It may be but something I noticed that I do is that at jobs I go by Joe, that's my first name. I'm in work mode, not personal mode so I go with the name I associate of mine of being impersonal. No one in my family calls me Joe, no one that I've known for more than a week calls me Joe. When I was in school I went by Joseph, my full first name, because that is what they had down and that's what was easier for them to remember and I was in school work/study mode. When I'm at home though, I go by Aaron. My only friend calls me Aaron as well, that's my relaxation name.

No one knows that I do this but I'm worried that I'm going to get caught and tehn get strange looks so this has become the source of more fucking anxiety. Gotta love this type of shit huh?
>> No. 7867 [Edit]
File 132053028427.jpg - (159.36KB , 850x850 , 1291991901637.jpg )
7867
There are a lot of things I have to come to terms with. The last thing i want is for this to end in regret. Accepting my situation for better worse, that's the most important thing here. Whether I move on, or just let go.

It's a little scary, right? The responsibility, that kind of control over your own life. I'd have to acknowledge myself as a person to do that, though. I wonder, why can that be so hard...

These past few months seem to be hitting people hard. With so much bad news here lately, I can only hope everyone else manages okay. All the money is drying up, and there's nowhere for us leeches to go.

I look in the mirror and say "who is this?" Wondering things like "Can a person like this even live alone?". I feel like I've spent so much time just cowering or recovering from panic attacks or even just lost in delusion , that I've lost any subjective experience I might have had. My drive and ambitions, so little of it's left. And what is there I have to doubt if it's even actually me wanting them. A reactionary life, I am a doll.
>> No. 7868 [Edit]
>>7635
I'm also pro-(self)abortion...
This is pathetic. I'm fucking pathetic.
>> No. 7869 [Edit]
I wish that I didn't exist.
>> No. 7896 [Edit]
Without going into many details, yesterday my mother have a very emotional talk with me, about my life. At some point, she told me that she suports me because she loves me; I kind of refuted her, not to bother her at all, but because of how I honestly regard the functioning of love in general (even against my own benefit); so she told me that it was also because she now thought I was a truly great person, admirable in many ways... And the very moment I herd that, I couldn't help but bursting into the sickest laughter I can recall in years; she told me to believe it and take myself seriously; I laughed even harder, as I sincerely tried to stop and apologize, but the laughing didn't stop; I kept laughing (and crying) like a right asshole, until she asked me to then, please take HER seriously; then I could finally regain control and began to calm. When it all ended, I said thanks to her (once again), and keep on my with day more or less normally...

Pathetic.
>> No. 7904 [Edit]
>>7896
Anything said below is just an opinion of nobody who have never amounted to anything, so take it with a grain of salt.

Well, it sounds like you have loving and caring parent who wants to help. Thats the start.
It doesnt matter why she loves you. Any love is illogical and irrational. Thats just the way it is. Dont shy away from it, dont try to rebel against it. Use it.
Those talks... I know them. I had plenty of them in my time. My mother was always kind to me and tried to support me, and told me that I used to do ok in school, so I just have to be more focused.
The thing is, what she offered was support and encouragement. What I needed, perhaps, was guidance. I cant really request it now, its far too late. So now I am at the bottom. But maybe its not too late for you.
Parents love to do "serious talks". They talk, you listen and nod. Then they leave, you lock up your room, and everything is at the square one. But have you tried to give her "serious talk"? Tell her exactly how you feel about the situation you are in? If you want to improve, but have crippling social anxiety - tell her, maybe she can help you, like find you a job that doesnt require any interaction. If you dont want to improve, and just want to stay the way you are - tell her, maybe she can help you to apply for disability.
The thing is, sooner or later your help will run out. And then you will curse yourself for not getting the help when there was a person willing to help you.
>> No. 7934 [Edit]
Listening to this amazing guitar usage in these songs really makes me want to learn how to use the guitar that I bought because of this feeling.

I love this feeling of excitation that these songs fill me with and want to be able to play along with these songs whenever I hear them just for fun.

I will never learn how to use my guitar.
>> No. 7939 [Edit]
Chances your life will change: 0.1%

Chances people will scold you for being a blatant shut-in, even if no one asks or tells: 99.9%
>> No. 7940 [Edit]
>>7939
I guessed as much.

I was finally asked today the question of when I was going to get a 3DPD. I didn't answer as I knew that nothing good would come out of it.
>> No. 7941 [Edit]
I always come back here, not this thread specifically but /tc/ in general. It's strangely calming. When things go bad this is the place I go to even though I rarely post.
>> No. 7949 [Edit]
>>7941
Me too. I only made like 2, or 3 posts but I have been coming here for like half a year. I know it's not that long but ever since I discovered this place it just helped me. Even though all I really did was lurk and read posts.
>> No. 7951 [Edit]
Yes chances for that are very low, if you don't want to change anything. if you are willing to make some effort, changing is easy.
>> No. 7959 [Edit]
I really miss hanging out in the /tc/ IRC channel. I went back to university last year and it's taken all of my energy to deal with the normals from day to day. It's very stressful trying to blend in. Especially since I'm a few years older than most of the students. I feel super out of place.

IRC was one of the only places I got to socialize on a level that I was OK with. I feel really disconnected now. It sucks.
>> No. 7971 [Edit]
>>7959
You could always drop by the irc when you feel like wasting some time with us~
We havn't had any drama in months either (or I missed it)
>> No. 7972 [Edit]
It was my birthday yesterday.
>> No. 7973 [Edit]
>>7972
Happy belated birthday!
>> No. 7974 [Edit]
>>7973
thx
>> No. 7975 [Edit]
I've mentioned this before but now it's official: My father will be forced to retire in 90 days. If they don't give him credit for an extra 3 years, my family will basically be poor until he is 62 and his social security benefits kick in. I'll either need to get out or finally kill myself or I will just be that much more of a burden on those around me.
>> No. 7976 [Edit]
>>7975
I'm sorry! That must be really tough.

At least try to get food stamps if you're unemployed.
>> No. 7977 [Edit]
>>7904
I've been remembering this post a lot.
>> No. 8097 [Edit]
I feel a void, from my belly to my chest, urging me to fill it. Yet, my body rejects everything I give to it: I have nausea; I feel like wanting to vomit air, thought I lack of it and almost any energy left to move at all. My eyelids feel damn heavy, just like the rest of my body; I'm completely exhausted, but I can't hardly sleep or really rest at all in any position. My face looks swollen, disgusting; my sight is empty and my hands are cold, stiffen, with my fingers and wrists like they're about to break any second. My hair bothers me, and I constantly and unawarely pull it off; my already scarce beard tickles me and I pull it off as well, when I'm not biting my nails (there are some fancy terms for calling these habits). I can't endure any real attempt to focus on anything for more than a few minutes, without getting headaches; my head won't shut up, but all that comes out are mockery, insults and incoherent fragments of rancid words and blurry memories that doesn't mean anything. I feel this constantly, for hours, for days, in plain daylight or utter darkness; I don't even care about it stoping or not, or actually anything happening or not. I just hold it: I think everything's ok, really, as long as I can keep holding; for as long as I can endure going through whatever is going on, it's fair to call it comfortable and I can live ok with it. Evening.
>> No. 8099 [Edit]
>>8097
Eat/smoke weed.
>> No. 8100 [Edit]
>>8099
It'd be way worst: I'd start sweating cold, shaking uncontrollably and maybe even convulsing (always hated cannabinoids, in particular: never worked well for me at all; by all means, recreational usage of drugs is just pathetic).

Thanks anyway.
>> No. 8110 [Edit]
Yesterday was my birthday. Aside from the usual gifts that I didn't really care for (I think I got like, 3 - the only ones I'm crazy about are new headphones), Fate/zero 9 and Ben-To 8 were released. I think I would have been beyond content with just those two.

Don't know what other thread would fit for this, but I wanted to tell someone.
>> No. 8135 [Edit]
>>8110
>headphones
What kind? Did the benefactor know you wanted a new pair?
>> No. 8140 [Edit]
>>8135
Not sure on the brand; I think it's like "Wicked Audio" or something. The kind you buy for someone when you're not sure what type to buy for them, you know? It's nice, though. Gifts are nice.
I'm sure they knew - My old pair leaked sound horribly and I was holding them together with duct tape.
>> No. 8185 [Edit]
>>8140
Oh okay. I used to be very interested in headphones, but only in the high-end.
>> No. 8205 [Edit]
>>8185
I used to be interested in headphones too. Had couple Senns, Grados, some Shure in-ear... But then I became a NEET and had no more money for fancy toys.
>> No. 8220 [Edit]
File 132294502627.jpg - (247.15KB , 700x618 , 1322895470033.jpg )
8220
Lately I've been kinda regretting my life. Not really living the way I do, but more about the way I have. I see all the missed opportunities, things that I won't have again, the time before certain things were irrevocably broken for me...

I know it's not healthy. But somewhere tucked deep into my mind is this notion that something important is in all that. Like, by going through it all, I'll find something that could help me somehow. So I just keep doing it, and keep get filled with melancholy and a certain bitterness that only comes from believing you've already lived out your prime.

I've been drinking more and more to cope with it, and I just know I'm coming up on something bad because of it. The problem is I don't want to fix it, I want to be better, I want to be more like I was, but I don't want to actually work for it. Which is probably a major cause of how I got this way in the first place. But you know, how do you motivate yourself to do it? Whenever I think about how good it could be if I did, I just spend the day lost in a delusion. Actually, it seems that my default state. Whenever I see or experience something, I just make it how it "should" be, instead of actually considering it or whatever. Just I just sit around empty headed all day becuase all my focus is being used to make my life seem a way it's not. And I try fighting this, but the nature of this foe makes it frustrating to face, and more times than not leads to the exact thing that caused it in the first place. Just thinking about having done it, instead of actually making the attempt. And then I just spend the next week jerking it to how great things were before I was like this.

I like to tell myself that I'm already past the line that things can come back from. Like that it's already hopeless. And becuase of that, I know I've actually worked to make it that way. Because if there's nothing I can do, there's no responsibility, I haven't really failed at all, and I could just end my life instead of fixing it. How warped is that? It's like I'm acting like another person so that I can't disappoint myself.

Yeah, I know this is becuase I've closed myself off. And have all of sorts of fears about life and it's aspects that are outside of direct control, and pain, and failure, and all that. But to spare myself the rant (and anyone who reads this, from it) I'll just end it on the note of; I'm in a bad way, and it sucks.
>> No. 8221 [Edit]
>>8220
I just wanted to say I read your post. And I feel the same way.

People usually take the path of least resistance in life. They want the most happiness for the least effort.. However, this is just a dream. All the things that are worthwhile in life need to be worked hard for.

I also believe in the cascade effect. One good thing leads to even more good things down the road. Its not like you suddenly have to exert a superhuman effort to better yourself. You just need to take a small step. Those little steps eventually become big ones.
>> No. 8229 [Edit]
>>8220
You're just in a rut, man. I wholeheartedly agree with what the poster before me said about the cascading effect.

Just try changing one thing. Break up your routine. See what happens. Are you happier? If not, try something else. Keep in mind any one change isn't going to drastically change your life so be mindful of the details. Ask yourself if you are in any way more remotely pleased with your existence in any way by the change you've made. If so, try to think about what you could do to accentuate that feeling.
>> No. 8297 [Edit]
>>8220
Oh man, this is my life.

I've recently begun talking to someone who is very much like what I want to be, and it just makes me regret wasting my younger years even more.

Also I I've seen you on formspring Y10
>> No. 8309 [Edit]
I have no reason to live for. I don't care about my family, my only friend is 50,000 kms away, I'm stupid, annoying, a coward and an idiot. I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself. Ever since I left my first house at 7 to move into the city with my parents my life has been fucking miserable. I get pissed off for no reason at all and just feel like hurting something sometimes. I just end up hurting myself because I'm too much of a coward to do it to someone else. Everything seems so pointless. Why would I want to get a job or have money when after some years, you're dead? Who gives a shit if you enjoyed your life? Your rotting corpse sure as hell won't.
This os getting too whiny. Bye.
>> No. 8310 [Edit]
>>8309
Isn't living for the simple reasons of enjoying a nice burger, or playing a cool game, enough? Live doesn't have to have a deeper meaning.
>> No. 8311 [Edit]
File 132359116121.png - (11.06KB , 256x224 , Terranigma_Ark_and_Elle.png )
8311
>>8310
>> No. 8312 [Edit]
>>8309
Except for the ending of that paragraph and the hurting others thing, this sounds like something I'd type up.
>> No. 8314 [Edit]
>>8310
>Isn't living for the simple reasons of enjoying a nice burger, or playing a cool game, enough?

It is until you become depressed. Depression, no matter what the reason, causes you to lose interest in things that you previously found pleasurable. So while you once were able to cheer yourself up by going out for food and playing games or watching anime, you now find yourself using that as a plug to fix a leak that refuses to get better. It can make you feel like you need something drastic to happen to snap you out of it, hence the search for the deeper meaning.
>> No. 8315 [Edit]
Today my mother told me that, because my dad will probably be retiring and we need to save money, they can only give me and my siblings a few dollars for christmas. If this had happened a few years ago I would have been super disappointed, but it didn't really bother me at all now. I wonder if it's me being more mature, or maybe a side effect of my increasing apathy towards life. Or maybe that's what being mature is
>> No. 8318 [Edit]
Suicide is starting to sound very appealing.
>> No. 8321 [Edit]
>>8315
I haven't gotten Christmas presents in forever. It may or may not be apathy, but I'm more inclined to just say it's maturity (accepting a bad situation).

>>8318
Why's that?

Post edited on 13th Dec 2011, 2:16am
>> No. 8322 [Edit]
Christmas is coming up and I'm feeling gloomier than usual. I hope it passes by quickly this year.
>> No. 8323 [Edit]
>>8322
Christmas seems to have come quickly this year, for me. Less than two weeks away already
>> No. 8324 [Edit]
Screw Christmas, Comiket is coming up and the thought of it is making me happier.
>> No. 8325 [Edit]
I enjoy Christmas. One of the more positive aspects of being a useless parasite, I guess.

Had to help decorate the tree today. Was really weird. I don't spend more than 10 minutes outside of my room at a time, but there I was...

>>8324
This is actually the first year I'm a little excited for it. Might just be the otaku atmosphere of /tc/ is getting to me.
>> No. 8326 [Edit]
I, too, agree with the "screw christmas" thing.
>> No. 8329 [Edit]
Christmas was fun before I graduated highschool, now I fear the constant threat of family gatherings in which people ask me "what am I doing these days"

Also all that too much consumerism and tradition.
>> No. 8330 [Edit]
>>8329
Yeah. I always say "not much" when they ask, but I'm always afraid they will demand to know more
>> No. 8332 [Edit]
Christmas is awful. There's always so much shit talking when everyone gets together.

The only good thing about it is the money. But I suspect I won't get much at this year's family gathering because I'm on bad terms with certain family members. I had nothing to do with it either, nor can I control it.
>> No. 8336 [Edit]
My mom has been promising me for weeks that for christmas it will be a small immediate family thing, and now we are apparently going to have a big family thing at my great uncle/aunts house. I don't know why I even talk to her when all she does is lie to me or puts me down
>> No. 8365 [Edit]
>>8336
You were aware of the posibility from the very beginning.
It came up and she didn't feel it to be right to refuse, or she just didn't tell you because it'd only have bothered you all the time before.

Now that still means she lied to you or put you down.
Will you forgive her or was your desire to have a quiet time around christmas that much stronger than she thought it was?
If you talk to her about it, you might get her to authentically feel sorry about it.
Either way I hope you won't hold a grudge because of it.
>> No. 8441 [Edit]
Today I had a feeling that was very strange to me. I felt painfully bored, but vastly more so than usual. Nothing at all seemed appealing to me. I went over things in my mind to do, and they all sounded... boring. I didn't feel like going to any sites I like, playing anything, or watching anything, and felt some emptiness inside. I started to imagine doing activities that were impossible, like going to an amusement park or sky diving— something that should not be boring. But everything seemed unappealing, those included. I ended up just staring at the new tab screen. I wondered if I was depressed, since I've heard that a loss of interest in things is a symptom. That worried me a little, and eventually decided to take a walk. It was past midnight, and I hadn't taken a walk in a very long time. I'm not sure if I've ever taken one so late.
I went out, and it was quite nice. Walking under the stars was something I haven't done in a long while. The streetlights make the frost on the sidewalks sparkle like diamonds, which was kind of dazzling. Not very far into my walk, I realized that the answer to my dilemma was rather simple.
I was just mistaking loneliness for boredom. That would be why all of those solitary activities seemed undesirable and boring to me. Being someone who prefers solitude, I guess I rarely feel lonely. That feeling was strange and confusing to me, but I guess it happened. When I imagined more social activities that I normally resent, they didn't seem so bad. Even things like handing out candy to trick-or-treaters seemed a little nice. I haven't really talked to someone in person for a while, and online interaction just didn't fulfill some desire I had within me. While it still has not been fulfilled, I feel a bit better about myself for realizing it.
>> No. 8442 [Edit]
>>8441
I've been feeling the same thing lately, but I didn't realize that it was loneliness.

I'd rather keep doing things the way I've been doing them and be alone than give into this stupid feeling. I don't need to interact with people if I can stay busy.
>> No. 8443 [Edit]
>>8441
>>8442
Staying busy is what I do for this too.
It really hurts when I'm trying to sleep though.
>> No. 8446 [Edit]
File 132464923656.jpg - (216.75KB , 800x600 , 1273303.jpg )
8446
I hope everyone has a good Christmas, and here's to another happy year of roneryness.
>> No. 8449 [Edit]
My dad made me withdraw what little I had(approx. 500$) from the bank and took my money. I can't really say no as he pays more than that for my living costs but damnit. I was going to get a laptop on boxing day too.
>> No. 8453 [Edit]
What should you do if you desperately crave attention and human contact but got hurt so bad in the past by other people that you became an insufferable prick?

>>8449

I think I can feel your pain. Being dependent on someone for your basic living is hard to come to terms with. You simultaneously feel grateful and caged.

>>8446

Have a happy christmas. Be sure that someone's gonna be thinking about you and hoping for you to be happy, even if it's just some stranger on the internet you'll probably never meet.
>> No. 8456 [Edit]
>>8453
I've read somewhere that watching TV substitutes for socializing. Or you could find some online friends if real ones aren't an option.
>> No. 8457 [Edit]
>>8446
I wish you, everyone in this thread and in this board a merry christmas, even though things may not go as you wish or planned. I love you all as close friends.
>> No. 8458 [Edit]
>>8457
I'm seconding these feelings. You guys make Tohno-chan home, and I earnestly think of you all as friends. I hope you're able to get past whatever misery Christmas brings you to have a joyous time.
>> No. 8459 [Edit]
Have a merry Christmas, I know I won't
>> No. 8461 [Edit]
Well, I hope you guys have a good/decent Christmas at least.
>> No. 8462 [Edit]
I got a little butthurt recently when I learned a bunch of people I thought I was friends with (at least electronically) were talking shit about me in IRC.

Hurt in the butt.
>> No. 8463 [Edit]
>>8462
Not in tohno's irc channel I hope.
>> No. 8464 [Edit]
>>8441
I know that feel. I just stare at the computer screen all day, don't even want to watch anime or play games. I don't feel like doing anything.
>> No. 8465 [Edit]
>>8462
I know that feeling.

Honestly, I expect people to talk about me behind my back at this point, because I know how fucked up I can be, but then I feel like I'm thinking too highly of myself, in that they would even waste their time bitching about me.

Feels bad, man.
>> No. 8466 [Edit]
>>8465
I think the same thing about myself.
>> No. 8467 [Edit]
>>8463
No comment.

>>8465
There's no way you can be that bad if you know you're not perfect. The only truly despicable people I've met in my life thought they were perfect and it was the world that had the problem. You'll note that this description is remarkably close to one of insanity.
>> No. 8468 [Edit]
>>8467
>The only truly despicable people I've met in my life thought they were perfect

Am I really that bad?srsly 1/2 my posts are about my greatness

merry xmas
>> No. 8469 [Edit]
>>8468
Ha! No, man. There's a difference between being confident and sociopathic.

Merry Christmas, bro.
>> No. 8475 [Edit]
What am I supposed to do?
>> No. 8476 [Edit]
>>8475
What are you trying to achieve?
>> No. 8478 [Edit]
File 132506096121.jpg - (140.66KB , 850x1132 , 1320454012255.jpg )
8478
>>8475
Embrace the FEVAAA!
>> No. 8479 [Edit]
>>8476
I guess what I'm trying to do is find my purpose.

>>8478
Haha, that's awesome.
>> No. 8482 [Edit]
>>8479
Finding your purpose in the world... Wow. I remember wanting to do that, too. I don't want to influence you one way or the other on that journey because the answer is so very personal and specific.

I think finding your purpose is finding what gives you a sense of fulfillment and doing that. You're gonna have to try different things. Unless you feel satisfied being a NEET, which is perfectly fine as far as a purpose goes.

Some people will tell you differently but I believe if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anyone else then fuck 'em.

Post edited on 28th Dec 2011, 5:18pm
>> No. 8509 [Edit]
Happiness is something I've given up on a long time ago.
>> No. 8558 [Edit]
I've been considering donating a lot of semen. As much as I can donate.
Just think about it, drugs like prozac kill your libido, they're made to take you out of the genepool. Now who would take the time to do something so sinister? Don't want to sound like a nut, but there is something behind all this.
Lucky for me I've avoided being labeled and controlled by anything so far. Maybe one of my children will get farther than me though.
>> No. 8594 [Edit]
Well, I'm feeling more and more vague and useless by the day.

It seems to me that everyday gets more bleak than the last. I'm growing sick and tired of simply existing. It seems like it's nothing more than a swaying dance to the grave, with little to no meaning behind it, unless you're one of "the chosen" who will be remembered 500 years after their death (which, I assure you, I am not). Being this way pains me, because it's against almost every single ideal I've had - I'm sick and tired of being a paranoid, pathetic individual, but I cannot see any way out of this Haruhi damn box that I locked myself in. It's just a general...itchiness, crampedness that permeates my everyday life, which I'm just getting irritated from. I can't handle the world of "adulthood", but I really hate the idea of being trapped in the world of "childhood". Like I've gained nothing from my years as a teenager, or an adolescent, and the upcoming years as a man won't yield any results either. The very notion of my existence seems to be some kind of cosmic joke. It just bothers me, what type of person I've become without paying attention to it. The hypocritical, useless human I am...I hate it.

I want to change, to strive, or at the least, to become someone my waifu would love. But I can't, because I'm trapped in this Haruhi damn stagnation that I threw over myself. It feels like the past me has a horrid vendetta against the future me, and I've had no idea all this time. I can't even ask "Why me?" anymore, because I know exactly why - I'm lazy and purposeless...I'm just so Haruhi damn sick of being "me".

Sorry you guys had to see this side of me, but I really felt like telling someone all that.
>> No. 8600 [Edit]
Time to let it all out for me too. I feel I'm completely useless too and my life like the persons above is just a slow dance to the grave. In fact the only real comforts for peace of mind I have anymore are the usual drugs, music, and lots of food on the weekend. Besides that I can't take my mind off my early grave that's soon to come no matter what I do. Though I know I probably won't live longer than 30 and maybe that's for the best. I'm only 19 right now but getting older is something I just can't stand. Leaving yourself behind to a future full of nothing but shit while even the area you lived your whole life becomes less and less familiar with every couple of years. I'm a complete mental wreck who can't do anything right. I guess a small job where I'm required to think much would make my life a little better though. The only things I buy are food and I have a large physical music collection since it all has meant so much to me my whole life. All I want is eternal peace in the end. There's nothing for me here but then again there's nothing for me even beyond death. No matter what I do the way I feel now is the way I'll feel forever.
>> No. 8605 [Edit]
>>8558
Even if you donated a lot of semen, what woman would take it? Maybe you should... nah.
>> No. 8608 [Edit]
File 132694620234.png - (53.09KB , 256x512 , Th11Satori.png )
8608
Cars are so expensive, how can anyone afford them? There is a local racetrack not an hour from my house and it would be fun to visit. I don't own a car, and if you put a vehicle under that much stress it would last even less.

There are so many strange and cost ineffective things people do for a quick "high", i cannot understand it.

You have people who drop most of their salary to race a car a few times a year, and take maybe one test run every month. Those who drive hours to play three or four times in videogame tournaments that you have to pay to get in, so it ends up being hundreds for hotel, entry fee, and gas. Even the 3DP thing where you sink thousands to court a woman for a few bits of happiness and a frustration multiplier.

I have an idea that might help me and those who think like me. We could work together and set up a chart. This chart will be marked with both cost and "joy", where we will find how many joys per hour can be taken from each task. We will have graphs also for the price point, for JPH (which would probably fall in mJPH) in comparison to expenditures for every hour.

I believe we can all be MUCH happier if we could streamline these processes. Although it wont be the same value for everyone, it should rank close for tohno chan. A series of surveys could be used for ranking 1-10 (10 being a full joy, so more like 1.0). A bit more effort would be needed to calculate the price points, and these may have to be adjusted for forecasted inflation down the line, or for other regions.

If anyone thinks this is a good idea I hope you implement, it's to arduous an ordeal for me which would cut down in my daily JPH quota.
kind of a simplistic general idea that I've written down but someone smarter than me could make it work.
>> No. 8609 [Edit]
>>8558
I've heard sperm banks are extremely selective. In other words, they wouldn't take people like us. But it's almost definitely not worth it anyway. If you were to be selected as a sperm donor, you'd have to go in at regular intervals, and the only kind of material they provide is the normal sort. And then you'd be restricted with regard to fapping whenever you felt like it. And there's always the possibility that your future children might track you down.
>> No. 8610 [Edit]
>>8609
>they wouldn't take people like us.
They only look at your medical records, not social status.
>> No. 8611 [Edit]
>>8610
If that were all they looked at, it would be easy for most men to be sperm donors if they wanted, yet the great majority get rejected.
>> No. 8612 [Edit]
>>8611
they might check for drugs, alcohol, tattoos, that sort of thing.
which most people can't pass.
>> No. 8613 [Edit]
>>8608
I want to do this just for the novelty of it. So what? Keep a record of things I do for entertainment, rating them from 1 to 10 based on the amount of happiness I feel per hour? Use a vertical bar graph? If I do actually bother with this, I can't promise I'll keep at it long.
>> No. 8615 [Edit]
>>8608
Thats a cool idea, but enjoyment is pretty subjective. You wouldn't even get the same reading from the same person depending on the time.

I hate cars too. I wouldn't be learning to drive if it wans't for the fact that its extremely inconvenient to be a functional member of society without one.
>> No. 8616 [Edit]
>>8615
Perhaps we could do weekly reports? Post our neat little graphs in /mt/.

Price points were mentioned. Does that mean the total cost in parentheses next to the recreational activity won't work?
>> No. 8621 [Edit]
>its extremely inconvenient to be a functional member of society without one

I disagree strongly with this.

>>8613
I'm also kind of interested in this for the novelty of it.
and btw I'm one of the people who travels long distances to play in video game tournaments and most probably lose in the first round. I'm going overseas this year.
>> No. 8624 [Edit]
>>5956
You sound like you are in the same situation I am. I don't have all the much visual hallucinations but auditory stuff is a daily thing to me. Most of the time I can ignore it but other times it just scares me shitless because it comes out of nowhere. (like hearing people screaming or voices that I can't understand and there can be more than one of them and it also all seems very distant like behind a thin wall or something). Other than that it can actually be peaceful, sometimes at night I'll hear birds chirping or flowing water. I had a very fucked up one last friday in the very early morning hours before the sun came up though. I was awoken by this very loud what sounded like a melody from a organ with an electronic vibe to it. It was probably one of the most frightening pieces of music I ever heard and it seemed to be coming out of the whole room and I know it was just me because with how loud it was everyone in the house would have woken up.
>> No. 8625 [Edit]
>>8621
If you disagree then how do you get over not using a car? If you don't have a car, you need to use public transport. Trains and buses don't service all regions. They also have delays and sometimes the people go on strike, so how are you going to go to your job on that day? What if you want to buy groceries for your family? Are you seriously going to walk, bus and train with several bags of stuff?
>> No. 8626 [Edit]
>>8625
You can get a taxi if you need to, I think its cheaper than a car when you consider maintenance, registration and the amount you have saved on fuel by catching public transport. Of course it depends where you live.
>> No. 8627 [Edit]
In the US, automobile corporations kneecapped the public transport industry early on. Today, even some third world countries have better bus and train service than we do
>> No. 8628 [Edit]
>>8625
I agree with this guy.

I can't drive due to a vision disability. Even if I want to go somewhere, I can't usually. Public transportation sucks where I live.

All I can access is a few places via bicycle.

I feel like a real burden. When the weather is bad I have to bum rides to and from my awful job. I guess I should be happy that I have one, but living alone isn't going to be possible for me as I don't make anywhere near enough.
>> No. 8629 [Edit]
>>8627
The thing that makes me laugh is when (inevitably) the US starts to ration petrol, the transportation infrastructure (and ordinary citizens) will really be kicking themselves for not setting up a stronger national rail system.

I just like trains because they are cool and cars scare me.
>> No. 8630 [Edit]
>>8609
> they wouldn't take people like us
Maybe not full on hikis, but this guy seems to have been quite successful : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/17/father-of-14-sperm-donor-_n_1210427.html
>> No. 8631 [Edit]
>>8332
I hate all family gatherings because that's all my family does too is shit talk and I always get the "What are you up to?" question too. Being around them makes me uncomfortable especially since I am secretly everything they hate.
>> No. 8632 [Edit]
>>8630
>fathered 14 children through his free donations
I wouldn't call doing it for free 'successful'
>> No. 8633 [Edit]
>>8632
From a reproductive/genetic point of view it probably is. He spread his seed to 14 offspring without any cost in resources. Besides the opportunity cost associated with whacking off so much, probably. But admit it, anyone would've spent that time whacking off anyway.
>> No. 8634 [Edit]
I've gotten to the point where when I look at things in the future (even just a year), the first thing I think is "am I really still going to be alive?". I just want to die so badly, but I don't have the guts to do it and I don't want to make my family unhappy. I feel like someone who fell down a few steps into a race and is being slowly dragged along the ground by others to the finish line.
>> No. 8635 [Edit]
I've been contemplating killing myself again lately. Not really just contemplating, I just kinda spontaneously tried and failed at smothering myself because I just couldn't force my mind to over power the panic mode it went into. I'm so much of a failure I can't even do that.
>> No. 8636 [Edit]
>>8635
Smothering yourself is almost impossible, because even if you were to pass out your body would automatically save itself
>> No. 8638 [Edit]
>>8634
That's mostly how I feel. Every year to me now since I just barely made it out of high school last Summer is like a game of survival. I've already disappointed my family my entire life, it's almost expected of me to be a failure to them. Dying would be a good option if it wasn't so hard to do and if the grass is greener on the other side but here's the thing fellow suicidal people, it's not. You'll be just as miserable dead than you were alive. If not more miserable. I can hardly even manage to get a job, the farthest I've ever gotten is an interview but I can never get past a interview and on top of that I can't drive correctly for shit and fail every test no matter how hard I try so deciding hours for myself would also be impossible. Also judging by how I completely failed high school and the only way I managed to get out with my class was through mass amounts of small extra classes I won't ever be going back to school. I always feel like the world the wants to kill me anyways, everyone seems to hate me just for being alive. It's a early dead end no matter where I turn anymore. Everything that brings me a little comfort is now is like trying to cover the scent of dead fish with room spray. Everything still smells like rotting fish but now it smells like pretty rotting fish.
>> No. 8639 [Edit]
>>8638
>Everything that brings me a little comfort is now is like trying to cover the scent of dead fish with room spray

That's a pretty good analogy. Every single thing I do, I only do to take my mind off of how much I loathe my existence. When I run out of things to do, the "scent" will end me.
>> No. 8646 [Edit]
>>8638
>Everything still smells like rotting fish but now it smells like pretty rotting fish.
I would tell you: "Then get out of that room; if you hate it then change it, if you can't then leave it"...

But I know there are some rooms we simply cannot escape from (not alive). So, the only thing I could tell you then is: run (further) INSIDE; lock yourself up; run deep inside you until you reach a place where you can at least stop tasting the rotten flavour of regret all the time; if the room just won't stop smelling (as it won't), then build another (sort of) one inside you: a better one, where you could actually (keep on holding and) live...

At least that's what I (try to) do.
>> No. 8649 [Edit]
File 132737663281.jpg - (815.86KB , 758x1000 , 798ee9f5cfd4e2f24624235ff094584e.jpg )
8649
I don't do anything

I work around 40-50 hours a week for a paycheck I don't see outside food and bills. Its low level and I'm positive I'm going to be on unemployment by the summer. Other then that all I do is annoy the few people that talk to me and spam mediocore fictional pop that no one else cares about. The few nights I am home not working/sleeping I don't know what to do with myself

its kind of sad. Oh well, sorry for taking up space in your thread for ranting


>Cars are so expensive, how can anyone afford them?

I pay around 240 for payments.. 40 a week in gas, 120 or so for insurance and maintenance.

Still beats the bus
>> No. 8650 [Edit]
>>8649
pretty sure a bus would cost less than half of that.
>> No. 8651 [Edit]
>>8649

Hi, Meepsa.
>> No. 8652 [Edit]
File 132737777039.jpg - (782.51KB , 877x910 , 6bd6427ffcda9132c2edf967b27a1258.jpg )
8652
>>8650

You'd be surprised

It depends on how much you value your time really, if I bused I would lose at LEAST 3-4 hours out of my day, 5/6 days a week to get to where I work. I'd rather pay the money then sit on a bus long. And that's the bare minimum.. Night bus takes even longer. I bet this depends more on where you live though, oh well

And this is compared to a 10 minute drive from home > employment.. Worth it then losing 15+plus hours a day compared to 11+

>>8651

Hi
>> No. 8653 [Edit]
>>8652
That and you don't have to be stuck on a moving vehicle with a bunch of strange unfamiliar people.
>> No. 8654 [Edit]
>>8646
I'm constantly doing that to find some form of inner peace and I try to do it by constantly discovering new music. I feel I have went so deep inside myself that I can't go much deeper than where I am now. Sometimes in complete delusion I can feel it but most of the time it's just not there.
>> No. 8747 [Edit]
I've been receiving debt collection letters from someplace called Transworld debt something or other.

I don't know what it could possibly be that I would owe $500 for, since I don't pay for anything and my bank account is still $440 in the positive side, although my checking was $3 overdrawn from when I bought lunch a few weeks ago but I payed that off. Interesting to see that some debt collection company connected to JP Morgan is out to make a slave out of me now though. Fuck this, I only opted for a debit card because I thought shit like this would not happen, and they would only approve anything if I had the money there, my own money.

Looks like they're in the business of making "errors" and selling me off to the highest bidder like that. Pretty shitty stuff to do for a credit union of all places. I'm completely done with this. When I get this mess cleared out I am cancelling my account and keeping my money in a safe at home and tie it down to plastique in case someone tries to rune off with it I can keep their legs.

I've heard you can buy some sort of prepaid debit cards at stores and do online purchases that way. A question I have is if I have to use my name for these. I'd rather have a card with money on it I purchase at a store, then that card has a number and that's all it is. No name, no SSN, nothing, and the online number for the card gets erased from database after it's funds are depleted. That would be perfect.
If it doesn't exist, that could be the best fucking idea for a business in order to fuck up modern day slave driving banks. A problem that would come up would be money laundering, but that doesn't really matter since money isn't backed by anything and really just worthless anyhow. Places like Amazon who don't apply sales tax would have problems with people avoiding taxes, but that's not my problem anyways and even now I don't pay that shit.

I don't know much about how to apply this but I hope if I don't at least someone else picks up the idea of complete anonymous transactions involving just the number on a card like that. It would bring back a lot of advantages of using paper money while eliminating the disadvantages of checking accounts.
>> No. 8749 [Edit]
>>8747
I don't have any cards, I only work with cash. i do have a bank account but if I want to buy things online I buy one of those debit cards. they normally cost about $5 more than the amount on the card and I've seen the values go up to $5000 so you can get them for all amounts. You can also register them with Pay Pal IIRC
>> No. 8750 [Edit]
>>8652
I'd rather catch train/bus because then I can spend the time listening to podcasts or reading, which is mostly what I do at home anyway. It doesnt bother me at all.

3-4 hours compared to 10 minutes is an extreme case, glad I dont live there.
>> No. 8756 [Edit]
>>8749
I'd rather not use paypal so I guess those gift cards are a go. I had a crazy idea of starting a bank in Florida a while ago since they don't need to connect into the federal reserve for state banks, but the money all goes to the same place anyways so it matter unless I start my own currency.
>> No. 8761 [Edit]
>>8747
>I've heard you can buy some sort of prepaid debit cards at stores and do online purchases that way.
You can, most of the time. How much information you have to give up and the chances of the payment going through are a bit of a crapshoot.

I've had some cards ask for only my ZIP code, and then during purchase when asked for a name/address etc I simply faked it, and the transaction went through. To be fair, it was only game time for an MMO. Various merchants have differing degrees of strictness as far as payment validation goes.

I've also had cards request much more information on sign up. It's never at the store though, and there's usually no way to tell. After you purchase the card, you have to go online and enter in some information. If you do fake it, make sure to keep a record of it so that you can repeat that information on purchase.

Worst case scenario, you're out around five bucks and can use the card to buy things at brick-and-mortar stores or restaurants, such purchases basically never fail for me. If you have poor luck with one brand of card (Visa, for example), try another (Mastercard).

I wish they were more reliable myself, because I love the idea of them. Make sure you get a gift card, and not a prepaid credit/green dot card or a paypal card. Those will request your SSN.

>>8749
>they normally cost about $5 more than the amount on the card and I've seen the values go up to $5000 so you can get them for all amounts. You can also register them with Pay Pal IIRC

Wow, really? I've seen $500 max. Also, I heard you used to be able to validate a paypal with them, but I've never been able to do it myself.
>> No. 8762 [Edit]
>>8747
Makes me not want to get any debit card with anything about attached to it. I buy from Amazon a lot and I use Amazon gift cards to pay only.
>> No. 8766 [Edit]
There is no easy way to cash in a check or rent an apartment without a bank account.

I've head of small places that do let you, but charge you 6% or so of your check to cash it in. Renting a place seems possible if the landlord accepts cash, the same with a used vehicle. No loans should have to be taken out, or at least I think, by this point.

A shame it's near impossible to abandon federal reserve notes.
>> No. 8767 [Edit]
>>8766
I don't think I'll ever be able to live on my own, I'm just too stupid. Just getting a small job at a grocery store would be something amazing to me.
>> No. 8768 [Edit]
>>8767
I'm the same way, but I don't really consider myself stupid. I just doubt myself constantly and no matter what job I had I would probably worry myself to death that I didn't do it right somehow.
>> No. 8798 [Edit]
Earlier I realized what a broken person I've become. CNN had breaking news that Israel might attack Iran within a few months, and instead of thinking "Oh no, war and death would be terrible" like a normal person, I was actually excited that WW3 might happen. I just have no compassion for humanity anymore
>> No. 8816 [Edit]
>>8798
I don't have any compassion left for most of humanity either, I can't even watch the news but since it is always on in the living room I hear it whenever I walk by and just want to close my ears whenever I do. All I see and hear when I walk by the living room in a nutshell is "WAR MURDER RAPE DESTRUCTION SADNESS SUFFERING" and it never ends. All of it with mostly no reason behind it a lot of the time either just an endless daily shit storm of people killing, hurting, and screwing over people just for the sake of doing so. It's times like that, where I just can't love anything. I know there is some good people out there but where are they? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person anyone can trust to not stab them in the back for anything. I mean I'm no one to rely on for all that much, in fact I'm useless for anything much else besides some physical work but I can be friend and an emotional shelter from all of the shit in the world if you want me to be. All of your deepest secrets and things you just want to get off of your chest are safe with me, no machine like back stabbing government strings attached. I may be useless piece of shit for the most part but I take pride in the fact that I'm a "real" useless piece of shit with a heart and soul.
>> No. 8817 [Edit]
>>8816
>"WAR MURDER RAPE DESTRUCTION SADNESS SUFFERING"
yeah, that's why I can't stand the news, and whats worse is that they only talk about bad things like that, because that's the only stuff most people have interest in hearing about.
>> No. 8818 [Edit]
The news reporting disasters and tragedies doesn't piss me off so much, since that is a part of their job. What pisses me off is how they so openly shill for the Democrats and/or the Republicans and whore themselves for the ad space that nets them money while the two year election cycle runs. The network and cable news channels both report on the issues they feel are important which, all too often, are not the issues that their media conglomerate parent companies don't want raised.

They're taking money from special interests and flouting their real job, which is to inform people about when other people in positions of power are lying or trying to sneak shit through. I didn't hear about the NDAA on the TV news until Obama signed it, and the only reason they ever addressed SOPA is because major websites that normal people rely on daily went down.

Post edited on 4th Feb 2012, 10:50pm
>> No. 8820 [Edit]
American news is a fucking joke.
>> No. 8821 [Edit]
The one phrase I hate:
"No Americans were harmed in this disaster."
Second most hated:
"An American was harmed in this disaster."

Oh, so, that's the most important thing? What about my relatives in Germany and Ireland and Mexico? None of them were vacationing in the disaster area?
>> No. 8822 [Edit]
>>8821
Americans only care about Americans, and view the rest of the world as being filled with savage subhumans.

I'm sure the news in every other country does the same.

Post edited on 5th Feb 2012, 6:44pm
>> No. 8827 [Edit]
We had a family tragedy last month, and my father cried about it a few times today. My mom said that he really needs to see a therapist if he's depressed (my mom sees one), and he said he isn't depressed. I told my mom that I am pretty depressed all the time and she just sort of laughed. What the hell.


I don't know if I could see a therapist anyway, since the thought of sitting down and telling someone about what a terrible human being I am fills me with dread

Post edited on 6th Feb 2012, 12:39pm
>> No. 8829 [Edit]
>>8827
My mom lost her husband recently, and although she never seemed to like him all that much when he was alive, she misses him now. She openly admits to being depressed and sometimes suicidal. It really worries me but I don't want to pressure her to do anything about it because the topic makes me anxious and self-conscious. I should probably see a therapist myself, but I feel like the second part of your post.
>> No. 8830 [Edit]
>>8827
I imagine most normals think depression just means being sad about something.
>> No. 8833 [Edit]
>>8750

Yeah its pretty crazy considering how direct off the high way the play is. I can drive there in the time I finally walk to the bus terminal

Well it worked out regardless since now theirs a bus strike going on here, so it wins out again.
>> No. 8834 [Edit]
>>8830
The same as the word "autism" is thrown around the internet a lot of these days. If excel even slightly in any topic you're instantly labeled as autistic.
It's a very silly cop out for "that's hard to do and would take a bit of effort to be as good as that guy. I'll just say he's autistic, that way I have an excuse for not being as good as he is since I'm a normal person."
then proceed to feel superior to your betters, because they supposedly have a mental disorder now.
>> No. 8835 [Edit]
I've only told my therapist enough to catch on that I was feeling depressed and unmotivated to do anything with my life, along with some slight A.D.D.

There's no way that I'm telling anybody anything else about me.
>> No. 8836 [Edit]
>>8835
How do you just tell them that much? Don't they ask about hobbies?
>> No. 8837 [Edit]
I don't have any experience with these therapist people at all, nor do I want to based on what people say here. They seem like a massive waste of time where you just go in tell them about your life breaking problems, then they just pat you on the back, say it's going to be ok, and you leave.
>> No. 8838 [Edit]
>>8837
That really is just about it.
They can't do much other than tell you what you probably already know about your problems.
The only thing they're good for is making those problems 'official', so you can get onto government assistance programs and access to medication.
>> No. 8839 [Edit]
I dunno if I would want to see a male therapist or a female one. I would probably be more comfortable discussing sexual things with another guy, but a woman would probably be more receptive of my love of cute things. Hopefully I would never have to discuss either of those things though!
>> No. 8840 [Edit]
>>8838
>The only thing they're good for is making those problems 'official', so you can get onto government assistance programs and access to medication.

Those are the only reasons I want to see one. Get money so I won't feel like such a leech on my parents (be a leech on the US government instead!) and to get meds that won't make me feel like my heart will explode if I do something as simple as walking outside while my neighbors are out
>> No. 8841 [Edit]
If I see a therapist, should I tell them how sick I am of living? Or will that get me thrown into a hospital for being "suicidal"?
>> No. 8842 [Edit]
>>8841

Do it, you'll most likely be prescribed antidepressants.
>> No. 8843 [Edit]
>>8842
...that they'll make you take punctually with the other patients in the block.
>> No. 8844 [Edit]
>>8843
The problem is being sick of life and wanting to die is my problem, so if I can't even tell them that without being thrown in the brig then what is the point.
>> No. 8846 [Edit]
>>8841
I've seen this topic brought up before. Supposedly you'll be told the problem is having no will and just to "deal with it", as anti-depressants will surely end in suicide.
>> No. 8849 [Edit]
>>8840
Oh I see, in that case I should. But everyone just takes all my problems as a joke, so right now no one in my house would probably take me to one. Maybe they will when I get so old and the problem so big no one can ignore it anymore they will because that's just the way my family deals with shit which is by denying everything till it can't be denied anymore.
>> No. 8857 [Edit]
Depression can also be chemical, right? There doesn't have to be a situation that makes you feel that way?

Because lately the smallest things that wouldn't usually bug me much upset me more and put me into this weird state of both fatigue and restlessness. I want to do something, but at the same time I don't. The things that would usually make me happy don't, while I'm in this state.

I don't believe I honestly have anything to worry about or be depressed about, though. Should I try and get some anti-depressants for this, or what?
>> No. 8858 [Edit]
Often just waiting it out works.
>> No. 8859 [Edit]
>>8849
It's undoubtedly a complicated and hard problem to deal with.
It's not just your family, almost everyone thinks of mental illnesses as being a big joke, and will usually just ignore your problem while saying you have nothing wrong with you.
Everyone I know is like this, and the only people that will believe you are people who study the problems or have them themselves.
problem is, getting professional help with these problems usually involves someone else helping you get it.
I'm currently trying to get professional help, but my family is making me do everything myself, which is just going to make it look like I have no problem interacting with people or taking care of myself.
>> No. 8926 [Edit]
My father is going to buy a gun, and it makes me kind of nervous because one of the reasons I don't kill myself is I have no easy way to do it at the moment. I do have a method planned for if I ever move out, but with a gun in the house I'm worried I won't be able to help myself eventually.
>> No. 8937 [Edit]
>>8926
I would be more worried they were getting that gun to kill me with. I can really see that happening, my parents hate me and they don't even know me that well. I'm always paranoid of them coming out of nowhere and just killing me one day because they feel like it.
>> No. 8938 [Edit]
>>8937
According to my mom, my dad actually took me and my her to the woods with nothing but a gun and a shovel once. Not really sure how we made it out of it, too Young to remember most of what happened.
>> No. 8941 [Edit]
>>8938
That's pretty messed up. I'm surprised I wasn't killed by them already. I mean they (mostly my mother) start flipping out for the smallest stuff. And when I say flipping out I mean, throwing shit, beating the living daylights out of me, breaking stuff, and just in general acting like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum on crack. When she starts getting like that I just leave and hope not too much is broken when I come back. And one of these once started over a plate being left in my room overnight that I forgot to put back into the kitchen. I know I can easily fight back but it would just end up with me in trouble either way. I try to live by her rules at least a little in this house to keep her temper down but it still happens sometimes and since I'm a brain dead retard I'm never getting out of here alive.
>> No. 8945 [Edit]
>>8941
If my mom wasn't around, I'm sure my dad would have killed me as a child.
but I think now that I'm grown up and he's only getting older, he's to scared to try anything anymore.
I know there's no way in hell I could take him in a fight, but he doesn't, I hope.
also helps that there's no good reason to kill me anymore, since I'm already out of his life now.

Post edited on 16th Feb 2012, 9:29pm
>> No. 9032 [Edit]
How do you detect if someone is bipolar? I don't suffer from any mental or health disorders, I'm just antisocial and shy, but I'm starting to wonder if my swings are caused by something. I go through days in a row where I can just stay awake with 3 hours of sleep and I feel great. I can't even keep my hands off myself while looking in a mirror and life feels like it couldn't get any better.
Suddenly I get hit with "I Want To Die", and become very tired. It's not strange to sleep the whole day away then, but I am still pretty young so that might not be something serious with just sleep. After that initial feeling and lack of energy I can't think how I could possibly make my life any worse or find anything that anyone could take away since I have nothing.
I've been crazy confident the past week, but now I'm starting to mellow out. I'm scared it'll get bad. I can't say I don't enjoy both sides of it though. The high road for obvious reasons, but for a strange reason I like feeling like shit and laying in bed. It's a chest ache like I'm hollowed out and I can't even masturbate.
>> No. 9035 [Edit]
>>9032
You sound like me, I would say that's definitely being bipolar myself but don't take my word for it. I have my up times and my down times. Sometimes I'll feel so good that I can do anything but then soon after I'll feel so bad that I want to die. Then after a few days of feeling like that I have a random period of happiness again.
>> No. 9036 [Edit]
I'm really not very good with people.

I'm starting to think that people hate me just because I exist. It's not that I want to exist, but I'm too cowardly to choose not to.

I don't have to do or say anything, it just happens, even if I can try to make myself seem like an approachable and nice person, I can't hide the worthless me that nobody likes.
>> No. 9037 [Edit]
>>9036
I'm too cowardly to kill myself too so I'm just waiting for something to kill me. Everyone really does hate me just for existing. I don't really care about anything anymore, everything is just a game now in my life.
>> No. 9038 [Edit]
>>7158
today it was made official that my father will be losing his job by may. on the plus side they arent talking about forcing me into a job, but my mom might get one. on the downside, that makes me feel like shit
>> No. 9050 [Edit]
>>9038
i remember when my mother got a job
it officially made me the most useless person of the household
>> No. 9092 [Edit]
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9092
Lately, I've been having constant panic attacks so bad I couldn't speak coherently, walk straight, or sleep. Chances are it's from a new bipolar medication, but I was feeling pretty shitty and horribly depressed before I even started on it. I'm probably going to have to drop college for the semester at least.

Right now, I'm terrified I'll never be fit to function in real life, let alone at a job or anything, again.

And I really don't want to fall into NEET/hikki life. From the sound of it, it can be a sad, disturbing, lonely existence.

I know my family and the one friend I still have are all comforting me now, but I keep fearing that it's only a matter of time before my friend gets sick of my whining and my mom gets even sicker of it and inevitably throws me out or something.

Maybe I worry too much. Or maybe I shouldn't be posting at 5AM on a small dose of Klonopin whilst having frequent panic attacks.
>> No. 9093 [Edit]
>>9092
This kind of post brings out only disgusting feelinsg in me.

I really wish I had something nice to say, mainly because this is a board for NEET/hiki. You're saying you don't want to be like 95% of this board? That's great...go get a facebook, a fuckspace, and whatever else attention shores/whores have.
>> No. 9094 [Edit]
>>9093
No offense intended, it's just I've seen plenty of NEETs/Hikkis describe the lifestyle as some of the most horribly depressing shit I've ever heard.
>> No. 9095 [Edit]
>>9094

That a part that always makes me wonder a bit, i can´t really compare myself to most of you and i don´t intend to but i´ve been a NEET for quite some time aswell, i wouldn´t go so far to say that i was a hikikomori back then, but i was dangerously close. Well what i want to say is, that it really is horrible and depressing but it also was a live of "freedom", now i´ve got a job and i really miss those days. I guess its mostly because i am anxious and lazy, but if i could choose again beetween facing the horrors of my psyche or to be a "part" of the outside-world, i´d gladly choose the former.
>> No. 9097 [Edit]
>>9092
I'm a NEET here living at home still, I'll never be able to get a job and if by some miracle I do then that will probably be as far as I'll get. I don't take any medications and I've never even been to one of those mental places or whatever they are but no one ever takes me seriously so I doubt I ever will. I'm just a useless schizophrenic that's too stupid to live. I get depressed occasionally and yesterday it just ruined me and it was my own fault though. In the past I tried this alcohol everyone seems to like but had a terrible experience on it and I wasn't even all that drunk but I thought maybe I just wasn't ready and tried again on Friday. I didn't start talking to people that didn't exist and rolling around on the floor again but it still made me feel like shit so I just decided to put it down forever and stick with stimulants. But the feeling of it stuck with me till Monday where was in my basement doing my daily excercise when all of sudden something came over me. I was just hit with a wave of rapid fire mental images of all the hopelessness and visions of my even more lonely depressing future. I all of a sudden out of nowhere had tears streaming down my face as the music I was listening to as I was excercising began to morph into this I don't even know. It just turned from drum and bass into this complete bassy broken mess. Then there was just all these voices everywhere, I couldn't even understand them because they were so distorted. I managed to make it back upstairs and after about a few minutes I would say it all settled down. I just thought "what the fuck was that?". I am never touching any drug that is a depressant ever again. I had a energy drink and one of those energy shots later and that just brought me back to my normal mental state.
>> No. 9103 [Edit]
>>9093
>>9095
>>9097
Exactly.

It's not that I'm discounting or condemning the idea altogether really, I'm honestly just scared of it on account of the NEET/hikki horror stories I've heard from tohno-chan, /jp/ and the likes.
>> No. 9104 [Edit]
>>9103
Yeah it's not for everyone and I wouldn't say most even actively chose this path. This is just where life has led me. I can't be any other way and that's why I'm satisfied.
>> No. 9117 [Edit]
I got sick just before turning 18, and have been ill ever since. I'm 22 now and still live at home and can't get a job. I could go to school now but I have no motivation. Every day feels pointless and full of loneliness. I don't tell anyone how I feel because they'll hate me for it. If someone shows me a little attention I very quickly become fixated on them. I feel this dullness in my chest right now, I don't even want to be awake anymore. Yesterday I slept 18 hours. What am I supposed to do to feel happy? I'm going to sleep now I guess..
>> No. 9118 [Edit]
>>9117
You ever done that thing where you wake up, eat something, and drink some caffeine, then go back to sleep? That shit's a fucking drug. Then you wake up when it's dark outside, because that's the only time of day that it feels semi-ok being awake during. You know? All half-awake, wanting to go back to sleep, but you can't because sleep has started to give you a massive headache.

Then you masturbate to make yourself feel even a little bit like you're alive. It doesn't feel as good as it used to. So you decided to stop masturbating for a few days to get some kind of sensitivity back in your dick. This takes about 7 days to do, but that doesn't matter. Seven days, when compared to a whole lifetime of free time and nothingness ahead of you, inevitably mean nothing. When you stop masturbating you sleep even more than you did before, even more than you thought you'd ever be able to: 17-18 hours a day. When the 7 days are up, you jerk yourself raw. You've only cum 3 times, but it feels like 20 times in a row, compared to you in your youth. Maybe you should have waited a few more days.

So, based on how long you're sleeping, I'm guessing you're in between cycles of masturbating and not masturbating.

On another note, I did write all of this for the same reason I do anything - personal gain. Could someone please email me? I haven't had an actual conversation, outside of my immediate family or Japanese people on the internet, in years. Could someone please email me? I could teach you some Japanese. I'm only JLPT 3 so I probably can't teach you that much, and my keyboard's fucked up on my main computer so I can't IM. But could someone please email me? I don't know if this is the place to write this, but this is technically /so/, right?
>> No. 9120 [Edit]
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9120
>>9118
I won't email you and may not talk about the details. But I think I pretty much get what you're dueling with: had been like my routine over, at least, the past year.

Now I'm going out, walking under the sunlight, talking to a few people and doing some stuff; supposedly moving forward towards a well determinated (and allegedly positive) direction. But the thing is, by doing this (interacting with people and mixing with society), I actually feel more lost and alienated than ever; mostly, I just feel so damn WRONG in every single thing I do, always mistaken and never capable enough for getting anything right. I constantly get deceived by myself: I see no reason, no fair sense, no ostensible value in anything (and everything) I've ever done, felt or thought, not before, nor now; I feel pretty much like about 4 years ago, when I started recluding myself: totally valueless, surrounded by a world I can't possibly figure out, and in the fair company of nothing but my endless bablering; full of words and more words that don't mean anything and, thus, don't reach anyone; not even empty, but just evidently full of shit...

So, whenever I'm back inside my room, I simply go back into the internet-masturbating-snack/drink-sleeping routine. Wasting time because: who the fuck cares? what the fuck my own (or anyone's) life it is really worth?... You see, I arrive to no decent answers/standpoints, for anything: I get fucking nothing right, nothing at all. And it just sleeps for a while and starts again, piling up.

However: thanks for the japanese lessons offering. Hope we keep in contact now and then, as Anonymous (otherwise I just can't stand it or manage it well).

-------------------
"Is not easy, is it? To find that... Well... just goes to show you that no matter how many books you read there's some things in this world that you'll never ever ever, ever, EVER... fucking understand." —Mike Leigh (Naked)

Post edited on 2nd Mar 2012, 11:10pm
>> No. 9121 [Edit]
I had it in my head, it was beautiful. On the border of falling asleep I began to think of music, and every time the music was reaching a perfect sound I became short on breath and my body began to lock down and stiffen, so I got scared and took in more breath, then the music died down. This happened around four or five times, and I always moved or broke the trance like dream before the music reached it's apex.
If I had not been scared, I could have probably remembered that sound and wrote it down. I could even possibly have my name forever engraved in history for creating something so fantastic. But out of fear I stopped and had to break the trance.

Have any of you ever gone through something like this? It's like I'm subconsciously taunting myself for being a failure.
>> No. 9122 [Edit]
>>9120
I have a bad habit of saying weird things on the internet, and I probably shouldn't post a follow up. But, I guess, I'll just relax and do it anyway.

I think anyone's life is worth about as much cum as he can shoot into his hand. But once that cum starts to dry up he should just call it quits, shut his eyes, and go to sleep. Now, whether things in your life starting to dry up is a case for suicide or just moving on to something else I don't really know. Either way you've got yourself into a sticky situation (Hahaa that was terrible).

So, you have the same 4 year shut-in mark as I do. Fucking odd. Did it happen slowly for you too, or was it all at once, NHK style? I don't really mean to pry or anything. This kind of stuff just interests me.

Ok. I'm off to go try and meet people on the internet without talking about my dick. Thanks for being the first person I've talked to in a few years!
>> No. 9123 [Edit]
>>9121
Oh Haruhi yes.

Have you ever listened to an album for the first time and thought, "Holy shit! I wrote this! Oh, well, maybe it's because all time is happening at the same time, and I've just heard it before because I've heard everything before, really." I always get paranoid when I think of writing down those dream riffs for fear of some inadvertent, parallel thought based, cosmic level plagiarism. That, and I don't play an instrument.

How often have you gotten into a trance like state? I haven't gotten into one since I listened to Rubber Soul for the first time (Unfortunately not kidding). I just wanna know how to get back to that place.
>> No. 9125 [Edit]
>>9122
>Did it happen slowly for you too
Yes: from a 4rd into a 2, and stone me with figs to death if I know what's coming next.

I often think: "for Haruhi's sake, just cut this shit already; your moment's gone and it was pityful, anyway". But the thing is: there's no such thing as an end; it does not happen: one does not experience it; we just experience doubt, even in agony, until lights shut down somehow and we're just a bad story that no one will tell. So the closest of getting a conclusion at all, seemed to be pretending that it happened already; to live like a mere memory: to live as a ghost and, tell you what? ghosts do not dream: they're dreams, themselves... and who would possibly dream with something like this?

Nice talking to you.
>> No. 9126 [Edit]
>>9122
I'm not a complete shut in as I actually at least go out places alone just keep what little I have of my own sanity intact. Lately all I've been doing each week is the same thing over and over again. Even after excercising a bit and not eating much during the week to keep my body skinny, the weekend where I always just indulge isn't even that rewarding anymore. I just wake up on Friday and Saturday drink coffee till my heart is gonna explode, enjoy some music and eat myself to death later out somewhere alone. During the week even if I wait a while masturbation is still dull and void of much pleasure even in my best orgasms. I have a bottle of very nice lube too and if that doesn't help get anymore out of it I don't know what will alone. Whenever I am, I almost can't even call it self pleasure anymore as my mind always envisions me like giving someone else I like IRL a handjob or something. It's like my mind is silently teasing me with a "haha you'll never feel this in your life! You're gonna be dead, alone, and sad forever!" kind of thing. I don't want to be surrounded by friends I just want someone I can love and do anything with no strings attached. But I'm 19 and I feel it's too late and the mocking of mind gets stronger and stronger every year now. I can't get it out of my head even if I push it back for a day and try to feel good on my own.
>> No. 9129 [Edit]
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9129
>>9126
If you're 19, I don't think there is much to worry about right now. I'm also 19 and go through high/low phases where I feel amazing and others where I feel like shit. But what I'm trying to say is you have to stop? I also just sleep/masturbate most of the time, but lucky enough to have a parent that forces me to attend college.
Also, people are not that great. I wish I had not bothered at all, since it really hurts even more when you get abandoned. I've never had friends so I didn't know how to act around people, then made a friend on MSN but I became obsessed and then they said they were going on a trip and be back in two weeks and never came back after those two weeks. It was really really nice for those three months I had someone to talk to about anything, but I'm worse off than before now and refresh the page more often just to see if they log in for a very short while I can catch them.
It's not as bad when you just assume and label yourself as not worth anything, but when someone else just confirms that for you by just blowing you off and showing you have no worth...

Basically, there is no such thing as someone you can really understand and love. It's something from fairy tales that has been propagated for so long people assume it has to be true. Kind of like the people who chase bigfoot or really really want to believe in a Haruhi. You can't really blame them for doing that, and it's better to be under that veil in the long run until you really get hurt because you couldn't see.
Also, no matter how much you talk or say to each other, will you really be able to fully understand another person? I think that might be possible, maybe. I know sometimes I think about something and my brother sits across from me playing videogames, then we both say the same thing pretty much out of nowhere, or come to the same conclusions quickly. We're both locked inside the same room pretty much all day since forever, so that's to be expected of that. I don't know how that would work out for when people get together and aren't in a situation where they must be in the same proximity for that long. He's even homeschooled now...

I mean, at least you're able to go places like you said. I'm assuming you talk to people then sometimes right? I know me and a lot of other brohnos have trouble in crowds. Just shutdown and start fantasizing about being anywhere else but there. Like sticking your head in the sand.
>> No. 9130 [Edit]
>>9129
Yeah true I'm just chasing my own fantasy here I realize but yet it's always still there in my head and someone saying one thing that hits a sensitive part of me I'm sent into a depressive mind state only something really good could pull me out of and back into my usual life. I know I'm not worth much. When I'm out I never really talk to anyone, if anything people talk to me sometimes randomly but no one that actually wants anything other than small talk and no I ever like. When I'm speaking sometimes I just get lost for words, don't know what to say or some times if I do try to say something it comes out all wrong. I'm usually just at some close by cheap places like buffets, pizza places, or whatever chain restaurant is around that I like. I try my best to see the brighter side of things and not be so miserable and let it rub off on others.
>> No. 9133 [Edit]
Everyone here was born in the early 90s or at least the very late 80s, right? Think about the amazing lives we've had.

You're two years old, the animation boom was fucking booming. New cartoons all the time, any time. Then we grew a little older and started playing video games. And, up until a couple of years ago, we had all these fucking amazing video games with constantly evolving concepts and platforms. And the whole time that stuff was going on we had the internet: that thing you didn't really start using on a regular basis until you were like 11 or something. Before then, it just seemed like that thing you played you played flash games on in between Spyro releases. But now it became a place where you suspiciously started spending more and more of your time on. Later you would buy your first GBA flashcart, only to feel cheated that you didn't just wait for the DS flashcarts to come out, which was a pretty shitty way to look at things considering you were getting free games either way.

Forums turn into chans, Myspace turns into Facebook, and you can watch 10 videos on youtube. All so one of your friends can make some shitty meme the top comment and reaffirm his belief in the meme, and in himself and his life. Either way all memes are shitty and boring now, just like Obama, belief, assumed self-worth and everything else that was awesome just a half a decade ago. Fuck.

We have TV shows that are like 50 hour movies. They make people forget how to live. It's culture, going with the flow of things, that's done this. All entertainment is sugar and we all have cultural diabetes. We watch 100 hours of awesomeness and then we have withdraw. So we watch some more, then withdraw. We go on and on like this in cycles or binges, and it's killing us. Soooo much sugar.. everywhere.

And with the job market the way it is, it gets a little bit harder to get vegetables, meaning labor and hard work, to the masses. Just, vegetables. And sometimes, after eating ice-cream, it's hard to get your self to eat healthy, to get a job or study.

I just want to say that I didn't go into writing this thinking I would write anything. I feel stupid now. I mean, it's not like shitbookgoing down is gonna make me 15 again. But I do have to start with the vegetables now, because it's not like my parents ever forced me to eat my vegetables in the first place. Damn.
>> No. 9134 [Edit]
My birthday is October 13th 1992. I do feel very bad for kids being born in the 2000's and up. All of the entertainment we have now is more advanced of course technologically and there is so much of it but there isn't much quality left at all anymore. I'm always going back to older games since nothing today interests me anymore except like the Serious Sam HD series but that's just a remake of a classic game. If we aren't talking games the situation is even worse. Seriously when you're seeing movies about Abraham Lincoln hunting Vampires you know movie entertainment has went down the shitter. As for TV, all we have is a bunch of horrible reality shows. I think the only thing left where there is always good things being made is music, just not in the mainstream. Well the mainstream was always shit but it's even more shit now if you know what I'm saying.
>> No. 9135 [Edit]
>>9133
All I remember from the 90s is Hanson, shitty sweaters and boofy hair
>> No. 9136 [Edit]
>>9135
For every reality show there's a bunch of award winning life drainers out there. Though, I might only be talking about them because I've fucked myself out of way too much time with netflix and HBO. Either that or I just ripped the "How do they expect me to do anything when they keep putting interesting stuff on TV" bit from Welcome to the NHK. I think it was something like that. Do responsible adults quote cartoons?
>> No. 9175 [Edit]
I've been going to psychiatrists and therapists since I was eight. For the past several years I finally managed to be free of all that bullshit, but here I am now, going back to see one. I've been on antidepressants for about six months, and after every single one didn't work, I'm going in to see a specialist. Funnily, my physician sent me to this person at random, but I had seen him before, when I was fifteen. I'm no longer going with for therapy or some kind of self-help bullshit. I'm going there to try getting some kind of medication that will actually do something. I sleep all day or sit online and accomplish nothing. I have no motivation to do anything. Everything feels like a waste when I try doing things. I don't even have the energy to finish this post. Oh well.
>> No. 9176 [Edit]
>>9175
Sometimes I can't get out of bed in the morning either because I feel it's not worth it but being in bed for so long makes me uncomfortable after waking up. I don't have the motivation to do anything besides what I always have. I can't live any other way, there's nothing to move on to. Other times I'm so depressed and drained of energy I can't even move from my computer. My head hurts and I feel an unquenchable thirst and hunger that doesn't go away no matter what since for some reason eating and drinking actually doesn't make it go away. It's like a sickly empty feeling I can't really explain.
>> No. 9179 [Edit]
Today I cried for the first time in over a decade.

I don't even know how it happened, my mom was bugging me to get a job again. This happens every day so I don't know what was different this time to have caused me to break.

The worst is that this made my mom bitch even harder telling me to grow up and stop being a child.

And it gets even worse. I can't seem to stop crying, every time I think about my life I tear up.
It just keeps hitting me that I'm turning 24 this year and I'm unemployed and have no education, no money and I'm afraid of driving so learning to drive a car is out of the question.
I can't even seem to escape in my fantasies anymore.
>> No. 9180 [Edit]
>>9179
I'm in the same situation, but 2 years younger. I never really cry about it but thinking about it makes me feel like shit
>> No. 9181 [Edit]
>>9179
It's ok to cry when you can't really do much else. Things like that happen to occasionally too. All it takes is one person telling me the wrong thing at the wrong time and the uncontrollable tears start. Usually the same sort of stuff that got you going. I'm a 5 years younger than you but I know my situation isn't going to change. Just try to be comfortable in the fact that you're safe for the moment. The future is a terrible thing to look on to when it just has suffering and death written all over of it. If you do think about the future just try not to think about the bad things. Think about anything you're actually looking forward too that will make you happy.
>> No. 9182 [Edit]
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9182
>> No. 9183 [Edit]
>>9179
I haven't cried in the longest time, but I can relate to your situation pretty well. Especially the part about not wanting to learn to drive a car.
I was able to take it easy for a while after dropping out of high school, but the past couple of years life seems to have caught up to me and now all these problems just leave me despairing the fact that I'll need to wake up the next day. Never had a job, high school dropout, no qualifications, only money I have is from government benefits (which I might soon lose), no driver's license, just a roof over my head that I'm only able to have because my mother doesn't mind me leeching off her (for now). Except even she's just getting by leeching money from the government so between us we can barely afford to pay the bills and keep buying food.

I've only been able to keep myself sane until now by laughing everything off as a bad joke, the harder I laugh at it the less real it feels. For a while, at least, before I need to go back to getting drunk and taking double my prescribed dose of anti-psychotics to numb the feelings of pretty much everything.
>> No. 9184 [Edit]
Seems rizon is down. Now I have no one to talk to (´・ω・`)
>> No. 9185 [Edit]
>>9184
Talk to yourself, I do it all the time.
Do it long enough and you'll start to get replys.
>> No. 9186 [Edit]
How do you have a conversation? I always try to bail out the second I feel like neither me or the person I'm talking to can gain any kind of new information or insight from the other. Is this an real problem, anxiety, or am I just over thinking all of this?
>> No. 9187 [Edit]
>>9186

A conversation is pointless if there's nothing to gain or learn; You're fine.
>> No. 9188 [Edit]
>>9187
Good to know.
>> No. 9189 [Edit]
>>9187
I have the same opinion. Although, I don't follow it exactly since I am a hypocrite.
>> No. 9191 [Edit]
>>9186
Over thinking it. Just chat.
>> No. 9193 [Edit]
>>9191
Underthinking. I'm off.
>> No. 9196 [Edit]
This is confusing.
>> No. 9204 [Edit]
I've been assigned a psychiatrist whom I'll have to meet again in about a month. In the meantime, my parents won't bother me. I hope I'll be able to have at least have a few more meetings before they realise that they can't do anything for me.
>> No. 9206 [Edit]
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9206
Have you ever come across a point where you could have made a choice and whatever you choose, you start to think of what would have happened if you had taken the other option and how that would have cascaded down through the weeks, but then that option opens up more options that were not available in the path you chose and you can't follow all those branches?
Like just yesterday I had the option of either sleeping in, playing videogames, or watching a movie. I decided to just sleep in since I didn't want to kill my gains, but it made me think while I was resting, about all the other option I could have had. Would I have been an entirely different person today depending on something I chose years ago? By that there could have been thousands of different versions of me, some of them probably died from a meaningless choice that cascaded. I've been thinking of carrying a notebook and writing things down where I feel a branch occurred. It'd be a problem continuing those branches since it'd be based on plenty of assumptions of what external variables would do, but given that I live pretty closed down and in a box, the outside variance should be the same unless something absolutely crazy happens, like taking a glass of water would cause a pipe for someone else to go at a slower flow which would make them wait a few seconds longer and their kid touches the stove and burns themselves that would not have occurred if the stream of water had been a bit faster to fill out a pot or something. That could branch down for them to yell or stomp on the floor above me and draw my attention away from whatever I was doing for just the right amount of time to kill whatever I was on. If multiple delays like that happen in one branch, then I'd be minutes behind in thought processes that I could have done had I not been interrupted.
That makes me kind of paranoid. If there are version of me whom have had the perfect conditions they will be extremely well off, while the lower end of that spectrum would likely be dead. then where do I fall in there?
>> No. 9277 [Edit]
>>9206
I always think like that, if I did one thing different I would be someone else or at least not where I am now. It could be the smallest thing like waking up at a different time, walking in a different direction somewhere, or saying something to someone. Almost every little thing you do makes a difference in your life. Think of all the things you can do right now in an instant that would instantly change everything or lead to some new experience you never thought you would ever have.
>> No. 9285 [Edit]
Well I'm 20 years old and my life has been shitty pretty much. I don't want to talk too much about it. Back in school I had some friends, one I abondon even tho he was a genuinely nice guy and always asked me to stuff with him because of his other friends that I could not stand at all. Then there were two other guys. Long story short we got in an argument and now we have no contact whatsoever. After school I have been Hikky for a year now. I also think I have fallen into a depression, everything bores me. On some days I find things entertaining but most of the time it's shit. I've never been to parties a lot nor did I go out on village. mainly because I live in some rural backwater village and I'm not friends with the locals just people from school which was pretty far away. I also think people don't like me because most of the time people show a little bit of interest on me I get really clingy and annoying and also jealous when I see them being social with other people rather than me, I'm such a lowlife... I also have quite a temper (probably because of my father who is a choleric) and that doesnt make making friends easier... I also lack any real interests, I'm not into sports or anything and I have no real hobbies, except for playing videogames and lurking all day long. So I don't even now how people would be able to relate with me... Well, I enrolled at university and all I really wanna do is make some friends I can talk to. But I'm afraid I will fail completely because of my lack of social skills and social anxiousness. I have never been a very social person but the thought of being alone for just another year or the rest of my life is killing me.

Post edited on 13th Mar 2012, 3:39pm
>> No. 9286 [Edit]
>>9277
Well don't feel too bad. Small things have a correspondingly small chance of a big change.
>> No. 9288 [Edit]
>>9285
>I don't want to talk too much about it.
Well you posted quite a bit...

I had that clingyness problem with a friend online though. I was apparently too possessive too, and they stopped talking with me.
I don't know about you, but I can't make friends with just anyone. Most people just make me angry. I'm disgusted with how they talk, act, just generally what they are.
>> No. 9291 [Edit]
>>9206
This is the case for literally everyone in the world, except for people who are bedridden or otherwise incapacitated. If you're active and have a working mind, you make those choices without knowing their full consequences.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being five years old while still knowing the things I know now, so I could do a lot better. But thinking like that is useless, and regret is doubly so. It's far better to move on and do the best with the skills you have than to worry about things that have already happened. After all, you'll be dead one day, probably sooner than you'd like, so what's the point of spending a single minute in regret?

I know this is all easy for me to say, but I did go through an extremely rough patch for a few years, and more than a few times I honestly wished I were dead. Once you realize that you define your own life and what a successful life means to you, though, you may start doing much better. This helped me stop regretting and procrastinating every day.
>> No. 9337 [Edit]
Does taking community collage courses make me not a neet? If so, tomorrow I'm not a neet anymore. Thanks for being with me for the bad times, /so/!
>> No. 9338 [Edit]
>>9337
Yeah, it doesn't
>> No. 9344 [Edit]
File 13321684528.jpg - (38.69KB , 480x358 , asdf.jpg )
9344
So, today is officially the day I am bald.

As a kid, I always had a long think hair, then in my teens I had really long hair (up to my ass), I never listened to metal music of any kind or wasn't part of any fad/scene/belief or whatever that would require me to have long hair, I just did.
Then in my clinical depression years I didn't take good care of it, went weeks without washing or brooming and eventually it was in pretty horrible shape and I bit the bullet and cut it short.
I went with the general semi-hitler style that was in popular demand and it actually looked good.
Time passed on and it started to go rather thin, I accepted that as growing older.
Then receding of the hairline started to happen on the corners, I accepted that as growing older and as a part of the natural male hair evolution whatever. "Doesn't mean I'm going bald.. right?"

Then, years later.
I have a blank spot on the back of my head, at the age of 23.

Always when I think of myself I see the thick lustrous hair I had as a teen.
I've always hated baldies, like, I find it disgusting in some way.

I am so sad, I really don't know what to do.
..there's nothing I can do.

This makes me feel so fucking old. I've lost my hair before I've lost my virginity, how fucking pathetic is that. Now I look even more like a complete creep.

This just ruins everything, the only way I was able to masturbate anymore was to place myself in a fantasy where I'm abused by older men, but now that I don't have hair, even that doesn't work. I'm not a "boy" anymore.

Fucking unfair piece of shit world. One more reason to hate my parents, thanks for the shit genes, mom.

Picture related, it's what I've probably end up looking like.
>> No. 9345 [Edit]
>>9344
>I am so sad, I really don't know what to do.
Shave that thing, feel the fucking wind licking your bare scalp like a hipster hooker on cocaine and starbucks coffee performing a blowjob and thank Haruhi you don't need to ever see a hairdresser or bother with shampoo anymore. That's what you do.

Or you can(could, maybe) start a treatment and get to worry with haircuts, fancy shampoo and taking some shitty ointments/pills regularly.
>> No. 9346 [Edit]
File 133217555389.jpg - (312.87KB , 768x820 , Picard2379.jpg )
9346
>>9344

Pic related. You can still be bald(ing) and be a sophisticated, intellectual and charming individual.
>> No. 9348 [Edit]
I'm just above bald and have been my entire life, thinking about just going completely bald soon. It isn't bad really. It feels a lot better to me. Don't know what it feels like to have longer hair. After a while I think you'll feel much better too, just one less thing you need to care about.

Post edited on 19th Mar 2012, 8:30pm
>> No. 9349 [Edit]
constantly keep your head shaved to a waxy shine so you never know how truly bald you are
>> No. 9350 [Edit]
If you don't intend on going attracting women any time soon, then.. What does going bald matter?
>> No. 9351 [Edit]
>>9350
Some people feel good by knowing they look good.
Personal appearance isn't just about the opposite sex for everyone.
>> No. 9354 [Edit]
>>9344

Try imagining yourself as one of the abusive old men.
>> No. 9392 [Edit]
>>9206
You cannot change the decisions you are going to make. Everything including your mind is a reaction that results from a reaction that results from a reaction, right back down to the beginning of the universe itself. In that rapid expansion everything that will ever happen was set in stone. Your mind is governed by the same physical laws as everything else, every electrochemical signal in your brain is a result of a something previous, which is a result of something previous etc.

There can only be one version of you. You can make whatever choices you want, but you were always going to make those choices anyway. A different decision would not only be a different decision, it would be a change in the universe itself. To create that tiny difference, the beginning of the universe itself would have had to have been different.

This concept astounds me. Every thought you have, every action you take, was determined before the Earth existed.
>> No. 9402 [Edit]
How am I supposed to learn math? I'm too old and too proud to embarrass myself and get a tutor, but I'm just the right amount of being shitty at math to need one. No right to complain but I do, that kind of shit. And, at the same time, I've tried to teach myself math online for years, but that's never really panned out. What do I do? I'm not so much asking for a real answer so much as a magical super secret. Does anyone know how I could learn math, outside of trying to learn it on my own or having a tutor help me? You know..? A moe blob that could come to life and show me that the secret to equations was in her panties all along. I'm just gonna have to leave home or kill myself in refusal to leave home. Veranda jumping anyone?
>> No. 9403 [Edit]
>>9402
Get some educational video games. Take an online class.

Otherwise, if teaching yourself doesn't work, take the hit and get a tutor.
>> No. 9404 [Edit]
>>9402
What subject and degree of maths, specifically, you need to learn right now? is it highschool integral calculus? analytical geometry?... what?

BTW: the thread is already on autosage. shall we make another?

Post edited on 25th Mar 2012, 3:11am
>> No. 9405 [Edit]
>>9402
Try textbooks and do as many questions as you can. Try to find a good one, there are many shit ones out there. Looking at wiki and forums isn't going to do shit. Some youtube videos, like khan academy, can be quite good to act in the role of teacher, but its not as good as a real one
>> No. 9411 [Edit]
I'm relearning algebra, slowly grasping the impossible. It's not as bad as I thought. SOS Math and khan academy are working out pretty well. No tutor yet, I can probably stave off any human contact for a while.

Also, I might wanna refrain from posting on an image board with every slight discomfort. Fucking life.
>> No. 9493 [Edit]
Lately, I've been seeing a ton of people doing whatever they've wanted instead of doing things properly. I'm not expecting perfection out of anybody, but I HATE how they feel the need to throw their shitty personality into it and act like stupid shit heads in how they go about it.

If somebody asks a question, you give an answer. Not that difficult, but some idiots feel the need to make a shitty joke and then insult that person to make themselves feel superior just because the other person likes a certain thing. When you answer a question, you don't act like a dick and make shitty jokes. I'm not saying that jokes are unacceptable as they can be if they're light hearted and fit the situation.

If you're going to be biased/make a stupid remark/be a dick, then don't answer/post and ignore it.
>> No. 9496 [Edit]
My mind is dead. I can't think anymore. I drown myself in music, in movies, in shows, all in vain. All it does is fill me up with nothing.
You think in the same language and with the same terms as what surrounds you, and shallowness is what surrounds me.

I just want to lie down and sleep. But I can't lie down without being aware that I am alone. There is no one next to me.
I create limitations for myself, I refuse to do anything, I hate everything I do. If only there was a way to live life as a spectator. I don't want to interact. I don't want to see your face. I don't want to hear you. I want someone to take over, take command of my life. I don't care enough about it.

Post edited on 8th Apr 2012, 8:32pm
>> No. 9498 [Edit]
File 13339457158.jpg - (24.63KB , 700x400 , madoka-12-god.jpg )
9498
>>9496
>If only there was a way to live life as a spectator. I don't want to interact.

I damned feel you. For over the last 3 years, all I've longed for is to "live" like a ghost: someone who sees but is not seen, and thus no pushed into taking part on anything and contributing to any horror...

Someone who, since his own life and hopes are over, he now only exists in shadows, in dreams, in order to see what may possibly ever come (and still be worth to be seen), before disappearing completely and forever.
>> No. 9973 [Edit]
Fucking pig disgusting son of bitch normals, I hate them all!
>> No. 10018 [Edit]
>>9973
>> No. 10906 [Edit]
I just finished catching up to some anime that I put off, and as I sat in my chair just doing nothing, I felt an intense feeling of dissatisfaction. I felt very bored, I felt as if I needed to listen to music or something to entertain me just to stop feeling bad.

I've gotten addicted to entertainment. It's so good and I can't stop, but there's nothing else for me in this life so it's all I've got.
>> No. 11119 [Edit]
I go to one forum, which I've been actively posting on for five years. In my head, I've always thought that my personality on there is completely different from what it is in real life, and I act funny and confident, pretty much the opposite of how I really am. A few minutes ago people on there— people I know well on the site, ended up telling me that they've always thought I seem depressed and could tell I'm rarely happy... which was absolutely shocking to me, so much that it actually made me tear up and I had to walk away from the computer. I feel fucking pitiful for crying because of what some people on the internet said to me. That's never happened, and I never thought I was this kind of person. I've never felt worse about myself in my life. I actually feel paranoid that they will somehow find and read this post.

Post edited on 15th Jul 2012, 9:47pm
>> No. 12415 [Edit]
I CAN'T STOP MAKING MISTAKES AND SHITPOSTING! AOIRGNJAI['OGR I NEED TO DIE!
>> No. 12641 [Edit]
h-hi
>> No. 12966 [Edit]
Oh wow, this is still sort of alive.

I've got nothing much to say other than the fact that I fapped 4 times today. I could go again, but I dunno.

I could go on and on about how I need to die and such, but it gets repetitive and meaningless if I say it too much, which I have.

All I've been doing is playing video games and sleeping. So much so, that I've even had dreams of some of the video games I play.

I can't think of much else to say aside from this mindless rambling. I don't try to stay on any thoughts for long and try to just think of whatever to keep my mind going.

Should I eat? I'm not really hungry, but I sort of feel like eating something salty. Or at least just tasting it. Am I hungry? I can't even tell. I didn't have much to eat for breakfast, but was that enough? Ah, I want something salty...

I just remembered that I burnt my tongue earlier when I drank the milk.

I hope nobody reads this. I probably sound really stupid just making this post with these short and pointless thoughts.
>> No. 13026 [Edit]
I'm a piece of shit.

There is no way that I can deny this and I refuse to let myself think otherwise because of the way I am.

Picking arguments just because I was too stupid to do anything properly. I've stated that I hated people who don't take the time to do such things and yet I constantly continue to do the same.

I don't know what to do. I'm not going to become any better, but I'll try to make less mistakes if I can help it.
>> No. 13047 [Edit]
I so very badly want Project Versus J since I loved Jump Super Star and Jump Ultimate Star, but I won't ever be able to play it because of the fact that I have to buy a ton of useless shit that I don't really want.

Fucking shit, I just found out that Kiruko was part of Jump and this makes things even worse because I really like Kiruko. Fuck, man. Fuck, it's very likely that Kiruko is going to be in Project Versus J because she's a little popular because of her boobs. I want to play as her and do a ton of cool moves with her specials and melee.

I can't believe that I'm going to have to miss out on this.
>> No. 13100 [Edit]
My mother has mentioned to me about enlisting me in some shit called ITT tech. I've heard of it from the commercials a long while ago when I used to watch television. I know that she wants me to be able to support myself on my own when she dies and stuff, but I don't want that. I don't want to even be alive right now. I don't want to work just to live in this stupid, boring shit hole that is existence. For the last few years I've stayed in my room as much as I could and lived my life online or through my games. I've been happier this way, but not as much.

Last week she asked me about getting a 3DPD and I told her that I didn't care about finding one. I think that she just ignored it and believes that everyone needs one. I don't care to challenge such a stupid train of thought.

I... I don't know what I want. I want something that isn't real. I want something that I can't ever hope to touch. I don't want to exist. Not existing is probably the closest and best thing I could have since I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I wouldn't have to make any choices or decisions. I wouldn't have to think. I wouldn't be able to feel anything.

I don't know what to do. I need to die. I should die, but I'm not even sure if I could do it when it comes down to it. I don't know what to do.
>> No. 13146 [Edit]
I want to try hard starting today. It doesn't really matter what I do anyway, so I might as well do something. And I want it to be for myself and not some lofty goal about helping others. I have never had any special qualities and maybe beginning to earnestly hone some sort of skill will give me some satisfaction. I can't help but care about what people think about me though. I'll have to stop doing that.

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