Sounds like you should see a psychologist or a counsellor or something. Talk to your doctor about it and see what they recommend. Be honest with them.

Think about this carefully. Have you truly failed, or have you simply let down society's expectations which were never your expectations to begin with? On this planet, in this society, you only live for yourself. Forget about the bitching of others and find a way to sustain your own living.

If you still have a decent roof above your head, you're already better off than most of the world's population.

>>2454

It's more that I've let society's expectations interfere too much for too long in my life, to the point that when I realized how stupid that was, it seemed like to late to catch up with everything I really wanted for myself, and it made no sense to keep trying fit in anymore, even though I still do it just because I don't really know how to stop after so long.

So, yeah, I've trully failed, in the sense that I wasted my chance to build a life based on my own standards and I've also failed to live up to society's standards. Now I don't really see any way out. It feels like I'm just postponing the inevitable.

I know how you feel OP. I haven't done anything since I got out of high school (3 years ago). I don't have a license, I've never had a job, and I can count the number of times I leave the house a year on one hand. I feel like I'll probably never have a decent, independent life.

>>2455
As long as you still draw breath, you haven't failed. Your mind and body both still function. Your only problem is that you're discouraged and in need of support. I don't know what vote of confidence I can give you or how useful that would be, but don't give up just yet. Give yourself a chance and do your best, okay?

But if you truly see no hope and no way out, there's nothing I can do.

>>2457

That has been my way of thinking about things for a long time, but I just keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and everytime I set myself up for a shift in life I end up in a place worse than I was before I started. Each time I die a little inside, to the point that I realy can't get in touch with my feelings anymore. I can't feel happy, sad or angry about anything anymore. The only thing I experience is indiference, which is pretty much the opposite of feeling something, and the occasional panic attack.

I don't feel like giving up. I actually have a lot of hope of changing some aspects of my life and a lot of things I want to acomplish, but like I said in my original post, I know that sooner or latter I'll just give in to one of the panic attacks and end it. I need to try a different approach before it's too late for me and I'm hoping that looking for help in other people will be the approach that will make a difference. Just posting all of this self pity rants in here is already something new for me, and I'm hoping to bear some new fruits from it.

>>2456

Thanks mostly to my roomate, who seems to hold some sort of patternal feelings towards me, I was pushed to get a job last year and get back into college this year for the third time. He (and a few old friends from highschool) also used to push me to go out at bars and clubs. Turns out that didn't help me at all. If anything, it only taught me that my problem needed a solution other than just starting to do something.

>>2453

Tried it. I used to do therapy when I was younger, but my therapist wasn't really competent. I ended up making up a different, idealized version of my life to tell her about She never tried to make me face the fact that I was delluding myself, even though she had a great opportunity to do it.

Tried going to a psychiatrist once too. I told him how I felt dead inside, how I was indiferent even to my own mother's feelings most of the time and couldn't navigate my way through social situations without comming off as a dick or a freak. I told him about my panic attacks and suicidal thoughts that crept up every now and then too. He pulled out a handbook from his drawer, asked me some questions in the book and diagnosed me with social phobia after 5 minutes (and 60 dollars), saying I needed medications. I left without saying thanks and had to hold back not to punch the psychotic son of a bitch in the face.

But you might be right on me needing a counselor, something like a father figure. That's why I came here. How do I find one when I have no one else I can turn to besides a paid professional who most likely just wants to see me out of his clinic so he can go home and fuck his wife? I can't turn to the few people I know either cause it would be unfair to bother them with my problems when I've already lived off of their pity for so long. Also, they probably wouldn't be able to deal with finding out who I really am. A lot of what I do routinely is considered serial-killer tier freakish by them.

>>2458
>Each time I die a little inside, to the point that I realy can't get in touch with my feelings anymore. I can't feel happy, sad or angry about anything anymore.

I've been feeling that way for a while. I think I just got tired of being frustrated so much that I can't bring myself to care anymore.

If you don't want to get prescribed drugs, though, don't go to a psychiatrist. I started counseling with a psychologist today. I don't know how much good it's going to do, but I know he won't just throw some pills at me, and at the very least it feels good to tell somebody in person about all this after putting up a front with my family for so long.

So, to avoid anoying you with another rant, I'll just ask: Is a psychologist the general consensus for the best choice for me?

>>2576
NOT a psychologist. A psychiatrist.

>>2577
About the only difference is that a psychiatrist can, and probably will, put him on meds.

>>2579
That's the one I should probably see then. I firmly believe that no amount of coaching or self examination will pull me out of my slump, but if I can rewire my brain chemistry with drugs I might have a shot. I just wouldn't want it to change me too much, I just want to be able to be around people without fear

>>2580 is not OP, I am. Just to avoid a misunderstanding, I've already been to a psychiatrist and didn't like it precisely because he just prescribed me some drugs without even properly hearing me out. I'm no psychiatrist, but I know that 5 minutes with a 10 question formulaire is not enough to make a proper diagnosis of whatever is my problem.

I don't mind taking drugs, that's not the issue. The problem is that if I'm going to take psychoactive drugs, I'd like to get a well thought opinion from a professional who knows what kind of drug I need and what kind of activities I should do to help the treatment.

I don't want to take some shit that will make me smile all day and not give a fuck about anything else. I already have alcohol and marijuana for that. I want to take something that will help me get determination and motivation and maybe get me out of the path to suicide.

>>2582
We are all a product of our environment, whether we like it or not. Clearly, your environment is making you this way, so the only true solution to your problem is changing to a better environment. (For instance, university makes me depressed. I don't like being there, I'm not interested in what I am learning. I'm just there "because". Everyday, waking up and going there is a chore. People make me mad.)

I'd see a real psychiatrist or a real doctor (in a hospital), not a charlatan. A physician who knows what he's doing. He will do all kinds of physical and mental tests, see if you don't have any imbalances or diseases.

Quite a few drugs can make you depressed (Accutane for instance) and maybe lead to suicide. I'd stop all medication and eat healthier food instead, do some exercise (even jogging outside for 15 min a day and get some sun is enough). Your dopamine levels should rise.

Even if you don't care about what I just wrote or you think it's wrong, just remember this:

Start small.
Do what you like.

You really, REALLY, want to avoid taking drugs. Trust me.

>>2584
why?

>>2585
There is a big chance it will mess you up. The danger is quite real.

>>2586
But in what way? I am already pretty fucked up, so I need some details

>>2587
Well, the side effects of course.People's reactions to he drug varies from person to person, and you could react in a way the doctor could not foresee. You could have changes in attitude. You could become constantly lethargic or angry or be stuck in a state of fake happiness. You could develop a chemical addiction. You could develop physiological side effects and get a heart attack or something else. If theres a problem, it could stay with you permanently, or make your life unbearable for a few years. This might all sound like scare talk but theres a chance of it happening. A skilled doctor and proper dosages and monitoring reduces the chances of horrible shit occuring but you surely must be wary of even small/lesser versions of side effects affecting your life.

Ultimately its up to you to weigh the risks and advantages. Is the risk of me taking drugs and getting new problems worth the chance to get over my old problems? Consider it carefully. Don't keep your thoughts jumbled in your brain: write it down and consider your situation objectively. Keep in mind, drugs are not a magic pill. They might help with getting rid of that shitty feeling, but ultimately if the root of the problem is social, economic, spiritual or whatever, its YOU, not the pill, who has to fix it.

>>2583

OP here, that was a really sound argument, thanks.

Just to correct what I said earlier, I didn't mean that I want to take medications. I meant that if I were to resort to that I'd want to be very aware of what I was getting into. I'm really much more favorable to an exercise and diet therapy like you said.

As for changing my environment, well, I just got into college for the third time, so, even if I don't like having to deal with so many people everyday, quitting would probably be a bad idea at this point. It would probably be the last step towards giving up on myself completely.

As for doing what I like... I can't really get into anything anymore. It seems that my interests can't sustain themselves for much longer than a few days.

Heck, I'm not really knowladgeble of anything, not even useless things. I'll start to get into something, get to know it, and then move on to the next shinny thing that's flashed in front of me.

I guess it has something to do with how my interests (Video-games, Anime, etc...) were looked down upon when I was a kid and I was conditioned by my peers to supress them. I used to be happier when I played video games everyday and tried to get my friends to like anime. Now I feel out of place even in communities like tohno-chan because I've stayed away from my own hobbies for so long.

I spent a good deal of my life trying to be normal and not pursuing my own interests which left me with nothing to show for it. I suck at being normal and I distanced myself from the things that used to make me happy. Yet I keep trying to look normal to other people. Really feels like I've hit rock bottom.

I wouldn't recommend seeing a regular medical doctor for psychological problems. I've known a lot of people who did this, especially since I used to live in a town with no mental health professionals, and nothing good ever came of it. The experience with the psychiatrist that you complained about is even more likely to happen with a general physician. When I was in middle school a doctor diagnosed me with depression after hearing me talk for like ten minutes, and of course prescribed me drugs for it. They just don't have much training in the area so it's better to see a specialist.

Dealing with psychiatrists is difficult. They obviously know more about medicine than you, so you have to trust them, but you also have to be cynical they're not jumping to conclusions or getting paid of by the medication companies. The latter might just sound paranoid, and I always thought it was before I actually started going to psychiatrists. I found it rather suspicious when my previous doctor prescribed me something that was only marginally related to my issues, especially since she had a lot of merchandise for it on her desk. My current psychiatrist is more reliable, but he still says things like, "You COULD fix it yourself, or I can just prescribe you something to fix it for you."

>>2602
>but you also have to be cynical they're not jumping to conclusions or getting paid of by the medication companies. The latter might just sound paranoid, and I always thought it was before I actually started going to psychiatrists.
It's definitely not paranoid since that's how the pharmaceutical industry works. I never thought about it either until one time I developed a dependency to an asthma medicine I was prescribed despite not really needing it. Even the doctor admitted that I didn't need it but told me to take it anyway. It was a new drug and he had a lot of merchandise for it so I think the pharmaceutical companies were pushing him to prescribe it. It really sucked having to go through over a month straight of terrible asthma to break that dependency. All for the sake of making some rich drug companies richer.

Now I'm like you and trust my doctors but am also aware that their patient's health isn't always their only motivation.

>>2602

My father is a doctor. It's scary how far the drug companies will go to get their medicines prescribed. They keep track of every prescription that's used at the pharmacies and reward doctors who prescribe a lot of their medication. My father, despite trying to be honest in his prescriptions, wins lots of "prizes" ranging from game tickets to paid vacations to the beach.

>>2604
Yea, when's the last time you went to a doctor for something and DIDN'T come out of his office without a prescription for something. I understand there are plenty of situations where patients DO need a drug/prescription for their health, but there's a lot of people taking meds they do not need. I think we have become too reliant on medication to solve all our problems when there certainly could be alternative healthier methods. Insomnia? Take an ambien and forget about it! Depression got you down? Take this prozac and make sure to come back for a refill! the pharmaceutical companies are too happy to oblige. You are their source of income.

>>2620
I hate this. I've never been to a psychiatrist before, but I have been to doctors and specialists for other problems and gotten this treatment more times than I care to remember. Guy listens to me for three minutes, checks some boxes and shove me out the door with some pills that only treat the symptoms and cause even worse side effects. Dick. At least I had a pretty good family doctor growing up.

I'm going to see a psychologist right now for counseling, but I'm trying to sort out problems I've had for a long time anyway and I'm in no danger of hurting myself or anything like that. I think it's the right choice for me, but you might need something different depending on your circumstances.

>>2620
Medication doesn't solve problems.

Several prominent psychiatrists have said "we don't cure people, we improve their symptoms".

Medicine is no absolute solution.