I know exactly how you feel. I am sort of going somewhere with my life, but I don't know or care where that is. Any effort I make at college or in anything else is made just so I can maintain my mostly comfortable life, alone in my cramped apartment. I have no long-term goals, nothing to interest me at all. The only time I'm ever really happy in the shitty outside world is when I'm playing music, but I don't have the time, resources or skill to make a living out of it.

Yes, yes I do.

>>1724
>The only time I'm ever really happy in the shitty outside world is when I'm playing music, but I don't have the time, resources or skill to make a living out of it.

Isn't that enough? It's enough for me, though I don't do it outside of my comfort zone. Just creating things is enough for me, in terms of finding purpose. It may not be the final answer for a good life, or whatever idea that might incarnate a good life, but it will suffice (for me). Would you not be living by capitalistic principles of trade and capital if you condition worth via prestige? Would it not only be natural to develope one's own personal ideas of worth by one's own premises? Find alternate ideas of worth when operating in conditions you'd regard as alien, e.g. real life interaction, is my suggestion. Submition is a choice; submitting to foreign views of value is what I call losing your integrity. On the topic of 'real' ambitions, it wouldn't make much sense to fake your ideals, would it? When making a living off of your interests, as suits your clients, are you _really_ living the dream? To me it becomes a paradox, but that's just my personal opinion/rant.

>>1724
I know that feel. I prefer to write rather than play, which is hardly impressive to people or lucrative or anything like that.

>>1727
I guess being able to play for myself and no one else makes it purer in a sense. I can play what I want, when I want to, for my own enjoyment. If it became work I might start thinking of it as a burden.
>>1728
I'd think of writing in the same way, since it's something creative you enjoy. And I don't play for other people, at least not intentionally, so there's nobody around to be impressed by it anyway.

I just can't give up on myself. Not as "shouldn't" but as "unable to".
I don't know what to hope for, but I'm still hoping.

But isn't that a blessing OP?
Why do you want a purpose in life?

It seems that you want to accomplish something just to feel proud, but that's too shallow. Saying "fuck it" is okay. Society tolerates WAY too much bullshit. A tool has a purpose, humans have opportunities.


I used to have a lot of goals, but by thinking in the light at the end of the tunnel one can never be satisfied.

That's why rich people stress over more money. A lot of people is running to the goal of "being successful" while ignoring the scenery.

>"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving."
-Lao-tzu

My advice? Get a question. The most accomplished people tried to answer something instead of just being productive. Want an example?

You.

What motivated you to open yourself, write something and post here? That you didn't know why you are so apathetic, and in order to answer that question you created something.

It seems that you care A LOT about your problem of not having something to care about.

I don't, really. I react more to computer problems than any health problems I have. I have to use my inhaler so much that I'm sure I have some sort of terrible lung problem, but if I dust my room it will be more for my computer's sake.

>>1729
Exactly; what would you be left with if your passions ended up devouring your previous joys? That's a hard set-back, and it might not dawn on oneself before it's too late - should that be the scenario. Now, I'd restrain from sounding like a purist, but whatever; keeping certain things pure - out of reach from the outside world - might not be such a bad thing. Though if your ideals involve human interaction, then it's of course different - you'd have to share your joys more so than those to be regarded as reculsive. There's nothing wrong with finding alternatives, but certain things are yours and none other's. For a professional painter, there's always certain paintings you wouldn't share. Or so I believe; I might realize on some point that I was very wrong and ignorant.. but sometimes you just have to say something.

Yes, all the time. It's why I've been so messed up for years. I want to improve, but then I contemplate and decide it's not worth the effort or I just become anxious and say Fuck It.

>>1731
You actually make some really good points. I think I care about not caring about anything because it's a societal issue. You have to have ambition and motivation these days, and yet, I have none at all. It's probably the pressures of the people around me that make me wonder about my feelings. I think my main problem is that I know how to say "Fuck it" to things that matter (my ambition, my future), but still cling to what others think of me. I think that's a problem, because if I want to do what I want in life, I have to reverse that. I believe, if anything, that that should be my goal in life. Doing what I want, without worrying about people so much. If I want to be a NEET, then I think I should be a NEET. I think I should just go with what I think I should do, and not let others dictate what I want to do. It's just a lot easier said than done...But it's such an obvious thing, I don't know what prevented me from figuring that out before.

Saying 'fuck it' to everything a while back is probably the only reason I'm still alive. I used to worry so much about what I 'had' to do, or what people thought of me, all of that stuff, that I just couldn't take it easy, ever. I guess I feel the same as you, I know I'm a bad person for exploiting others the way I do, but I really just don't care about anything anymore.

Kind ironic, eh? I live on when I decide I have nothing to live for, but I wouldn't be if I still wanted to really live.

Well currently I care about learning jap and drawing a bit.
And philosophizing.
But I never really cared about "the real world".