/so/ - Ronery
NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!

Posting mode: Reply
Subject   (reply to 12212)
BB Code
File URL
Embed   Help
Password  (for post and file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: None
  • Maximum file size allowed is 7000 KB.
  • Images greater than 260x260 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Currently unique user posts.
  • board catalog

File 135044575381.jpg - (1.80MB , 1406x2000 , 1350430792199.jpg )
12212 No. 12212 [Edit]
Have you ever attempted to shut yourself completely from every single person from the entire world? How was the experience and what went right/wrong?
Expand all images
>> No. 12213 [Edit]
I do it all the time.
>> No. 12214 [Edit]
I used to try it, but now I can't really do it since I have to be at the beck and call of my mother.

I'd ignore everything and not leave my room for days while I pissed in bottles and used to toilet very late in the night. My perception of time had become very distorted and I felt truly alone. I'll admit that I really needed it at the time so I didn't do it just to experience it.

It felt as though the world had moved on and left me behind. Nothing mattered.
>> No. 12217 [Edit]
Most of the time I can't be completely alone for more than 2 or 3 days because of my parents, but during the short time I live on my own, I managed to be completely alienated from everyone else for 7 days. How was it like? Both very satisfying and a fucking hell at the time.

The lack of contact with others made me feel very relieved, but it also meant I had to put with my own presence all day. As long as I was distracted from my thoughts and mindlessly drifted through the day, it was alright, but I couldn't supress them forever, and having to "tolerate myself" was the most difficult thing in that experience.
>> No. 12218 [Edit]
>Have you ever attempted to shut yourself completely from every single person from the entire world?
Only when the internet gets cut off. Other than that I always have people to talk to online, so I'm always connected to many other people across the world.
>> No. 12220 [Edit]
File 135052051264.jpg - (43.18KB , 720x480 , lain.jpg )
With college, commuting, work, grocery shopping, the internet, a phone, etc. it's really difficult for me to be completely isolated. I generally isolate myself as much as possible though. But to be a completely isolated hermit, although appealing, isn't possible for me (or most other people either, for that matter).

We're all connected.
>> No. 12221 [Edit]
If Canada accepted me, I'd go live in a hut in the most northern region they could offer.
>> No. 12240 [Edit]
>from every single person
There was one time where I turned off my internet for about a month or two and refused to browse it. It happened sometime after an MMO I was playing gave me a panic attack. I was living alone at the time (only for two or three months really) and had a bunch of food stockpiled that I rarely ate - I was rationing the food because I was too afraid to open my door and go outside to buy more. I would freeze when I put my hand near my doorknob and would stand there for about an hour unable to move (I was trying to open the door). I decided starving was better than opening the door.

I forgot how to speak, felt like I was going insane and my panic attacks grew out of control and every outside noise was getting to me. Soon I was panicking over everything and couldn't even operate unless it was nighttime and all the lights were off because I thought someone could see me through the windows. Then I started being afraid of night because I thought something was in my place, hiding in the shadows and I couldn't decide if night or day was worse and if the lights should be on or off. It was only really bad because I felt like I was drifting away from being able to appear as a normal person if I went outside; since I was secluded for so long - I thought people would stare at me and would be able to notice my horrible anxiety and that I probably developed weird quirks from being away from people so long. Basically, I just didn't want people to stare at me and I knew I was turning weirder by the minute and forgetting all my social skills. I never got over the fear associated with people looking at me and I still can't go near windows.

Those were the days when I learned that the internet is very important for staying sane. Even if my experience was only for a little over a month (I think? It was a long time ago). I think it might have been a bit different if I was secluded away from society, rather than trapped in the middle of it (didn't help I was in a huge city). I am rather curious how living away from society in the middle of nowhere would be. Surely, I wouldn't end up as paranoid if I was alone in the woods, right?
>> No. 12259 [Edit]
>Have you ever attempted to shut yourself completely from every single person from the entire world?

Depends if parents included in that. The last time I spoke to someone that wasn't my parents would be a few years ago. Last time I had a proper "conversation" with someone who wasn't my parents or wasn't being paid to talk to me would probably be 8 years ago when I was at college.

I don't even really "speak" to my parents, rather I just sort of "grunt" at them. My father only really speaks to me when he's drunk. I go for long periods where I never see him even though he lives in the same house as me and neither of us have a job or friends. Perhaps it is a case of 'like father, like son'. Except he does actually go outside practically every day and speaks to people outside the house.

>How was the experience and what went right/wrong?

What went right = almost no anxiety
What went wrong = Waking up in middle of the night with horrible feeling that I've ruined my own life. Missing out and never experiencing what a girls body feels like. Feeling like I'm wasting my life. Feeling illegitimate. Feeling subhuman. Feeling like I could never forgive myself. Feeling like I'm at war against myself. Feeling like I couldn't ever participate in society or be a normal person. Not really even wanting to be with other people anyway.

Nobody else in the world even knows I exist apart from my parents.

I came to the conclusion that for you to exist, other people have to think thoughts about you. If they don't think thoughts about you, then you don't exist.

I am left with the thougths of: Who am I? What am I doing here? Do I really exist? Am I really alive? Yes I am. I am actually alive, just like all the normal people. I tried to deny it, but I can't it's true. I'm alive just like how they are.

And being alive is horrifying because it also means you are going to suffer and die. The future will involve suffering. Right now, I am hidden away as a hiki, hiding away from suffering this whole time. But I can't go on like this forever. I just don't feel robust enough to participate in the real world, but eventually I will have to and the longer I've avoided it the worst it will get. Now is the calm before the storm. I've done so wrong.
>> No. 12261 [Edit]
>I came to the conclusion that for you to exist, other people have to think thoughts about you
Berekeley would agree with you ("Esse est percipi")...

>being alive is horrifying [...] The future will involve suffering
The Wisdom of Silenus, indeed...

>I've done so wrong.
So have I, it seems...

Wish I have something else and better to say, myself. But I'm just as lost and hollow. Just as coward and dumbest of all, because I don't even really get the stuff I keep saying.
>> No. 12282 [Edit]
Your definitely not alone there. There is no turning back for me either because that would involve the impossible. Turning back time with my present inner developed self still intact. I am royally fucked in every single way I can think of. I'm finished, just living on a free ride till it all comes crashing down. The last person I talked to who wasn't paid to talk to me or my parents was someone who still knew me from highschool. He was genuinely interested in helping me and being my friend but it just couldn't work. I tried to politely tell him that it would be better if he just forgot I ever existed.
>> No. 12294 [Edit]

I used to think like that during the time when I desperately wanted to be "normal". Acceptance is the best thing; just remember that in the scale of the universe your life is but the blink of an eye and everything you see around you will cease to exist within a very short frame of time.
>> No. 12310 [Edit]
I used to do this. For a couple of years I was cut off from the entire world, just about.

Now I'm working and thinking about going back to school, though I'm not sure what I can do with my fairly shitty record. Working has destroyed my social anxiety, and now I can go out and do things without stressing over what other people think of me or any of that. So I'm not a NEET anymore.

A few months into my new life, though, I realized that there was nothing I desired. I don't want a nice car or a nice house, I don't want a family, and I sure as hell don't want some leechy hag of a woman stuck to me. So I'm out here in the world making some progress, but I don't have any goals at all. There's nothing I want from life.

Maybe I could become a monk with this kind of attitude; cut myself off from all human contact almost. Of course my family wouldn't allow it, because I'm an only child and my parents expect me to carry on their line. What a fucking joke. I'm still not sure how to deal with that problem.

Still, I'd never go back to my old life. I felt like I was dead back then. Never again.
>> No. 12313 [Edit]
I wanna feel like I feel when I'm asleep.
>> No. 13036 [Edit]
I'm pretty much this, except i wanted nothing more than to go back to my seclusion. And now I am back to having a hopeless future, being unable to support myself. Still, I feel much better not working than working, but unfortunately it is not something that will be sustainable.

board catalog

Delete post []
Report post

[Home] [Manage]

- Tohno-chan took 0.23 seconds to load -

[ an / ma / mai / ns ] [ foe / vg / vn ] [ cr / fig / mp3 / mt / ot / pic / so / fb ] [ arc / ddl / irc ] [ home ]