I absolutely HATE thinking about the future beyond maybe 1 or 2 years at most because after that it's all going downhill from there. Right now even a lot of my family is getting torn apart, I don't want to continue that chain and I can't anyways so I'm ending it with me. I always think about my past even if that past isn't so distant, it was still the golden age of my life I would say and that's over now. Very little if any chance left for to be satisfied in life. Nothing in the present has much soul to me and it's not because things are getting that much worse but because they weren't part of my life in meaningful times, I can't connect to them. This is like the afterlife to me. No memories seem to stick to my head anymore because they have no meaning to me beyond passed time that something average happened in. The only things I look forward to in the media these days is things that I can connect the past to personally.