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11490 No. 11490 [Edit]
I sometimes wish for my mother to kick me out of the house.
She's annoying, always blaming myself for everything, even things that she did. For example, if I leave the tv on and go upstairs, she then yells "WHY YOU LEFT THE TV ON LIGHT IS EXPENSIVE". But if she turns on a light, goes away and I say something to her, she says "WHY DON'T YOU TURN IT OFF I'M BUSY LIGHT IS EXPENSIVE". With every little thing, it's always the same. If I do something, it's my fault (of course). If she does something, it's my fault for not noticing. I'm sick of this.

So sometimes I wish she would kick me out already. I wish for her to come and say that I'm a good for nothing and she doesn't want me in the house anymore; or something like "get a job or get out!" and I wish for her to really mean it. To not leave me another choice.
Do you know what I would do? I'dgrab a few things and walk away. Walk until I reach the sea or die trying. And if I reach it, ask a ship I'd work so they take me to the other side. And in the other side, keep walking. Just walking, with my pack. Until I find something worth living for.

I know it's stupid. I'd die before reaching the ocean, probably. I'd have to eat grass as soon my little money runs out and drink any dirty water I find. I'd get sick, tired, cold, hungry and die just on a side of the road.

But, even if, I wish for it. The freedom I'd gain! No more studying for a career I don't care about, no more listening to her, no more being in this little room, in this little town. It all feels like a prision. I really want her to kick me out. Because then I'd have nothing to lose. I could leave now, yeah, but as soon I have a problem I'd blame myself for leaving, for being so stupid, so childish. I'd have to choose between this life (happy? no. easy? free internet and food, of course it's easy) and the wilderness.
But if she kicks me out, I'd have to choose between getting a stupid job and remain in this prision, or finally leave. That would be an easy choice.

I don't even know why I'm posting. I'm not asking anything at you. I guess the question would be, am I alone in this feeling? Maybe it's just a fantasy, right. But I'll never find out until she decides she hates me enough. Some people kill themselves when they have nothing else. I don't understand that. If you lost everything, doesn't that mean you're free? Being that you will die soon (no food, no water, no money, no nothing) why not live until the end?
Am I too strange?
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>> No. 11491 [Edit]
she was actually telling you that light is expAnsive and trying to give you a science lesson
>> No. 11493 [Edit]
>> No. 11494 [Edit]
I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

OP why don't you just leave without her telling you to?
>> No. 11495 [Edit]
>I leave the tv on and go upstairs

This is a real waste of time and electricity.

I'm sorry, but it sounds as though you're going through your rebellious stage as a very dumb teenager.

The only advice I can give you is to think. Think about everything and think as hard as you can on these things, to the point where you can't think any more.
>> No. 11496 [Edit]
>why not live until the end?

Because it sucks!
>> No. 11498 [Edit]
I don't care. I know her, unlike you. I do leave the tv on when I'm alone, just so the house has some sound in it. But it doesn't matter. Rebellious stage? Don't make me laugh. That wasn't even the point of this post. Not only her, everything, this place, these people. You read only what you wanted to read.
>> No. 11500 [Edit]
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I sympathize. My problem with that kind of freedom is I would have to deal with all the drab 3D people I meet without the soporific balm of anime/manga/VNs.
>> No. 11510 [Edit]
Thanks, this is so helpful. I posted just to see if I was alone, but maybe you guys are right, maybe I'm nothing more than a faggot and a retard.
Yeah, this will do wonders for my selfsteem.
>> No. 11512 [Edit]
Think of your mom and your town like these posters. Would you run to the ocean because they are so terrible?
>> No. 11513 [Edit]
Stop being such assholes.
>> No. 11514 [Edit]
Talk to her about it. Don't try to accuse her of anything or it'll just end up as an argument, but try to calmly explain your feelings to her and make sure it sounds as if it's a problem with your own self, not with her. You're not strong enough to not get hurt by what she says, or something.

Alternatively, plan out a hiking holiday by yourself. Get a taste for what it'd be like to do your walking dream but without putting everything on the line for it. See what it's like and if it's something you think you'd be happy doing indefinitely, while still having the security of being able to go home whenever you want without any of the shame that'd usually come with it if it was meant to be a permanent exile.
>> No. 11515 [Edit]
All right I'll be honest with you buddy, you need to relax and grow up a bit. I'm not trying to be mean but the way you sound so spoiled and selfish its kind of embarrassing.

> For example, if I leave the tv on and go upstairs, she then yells "WHY YOU LEFT THE TV ON LIGHT IS EXPENSIVE". But if she turns on a light, goes away and I say something to her, she says "WHY DON'T YOU TURN IT OFF I'M BUSY LIGHT IS EXPENSIVE". With every little thing, it's always the same. If I do something, it's my fault (of course). If she does something, it's my fault for not noticing. I'm sick of this.

Is this really the worst that your mother brings up to you, wasting electricity by leaving a tv on? So you do something stupid, your mother calls you out on it and you think shes in the wrong? Come on dude, that's silly.

I guarantee your mother cares about you but doesn't know how to approach you or you're just too stupid notice.

Honestly if you want to leave so badly then get a job and move out, its really not that hard. Otherwise learn some fucking respect for the person who spoils your ass
>> No. 11516 [Edit]
Me and my mother wasn't the point, but oaky, let's discuse that for a moment.

Did you read the "If I do something, it's my fault (of course). If she does something, it's my fault for not noticing.". I'm always at fault just for being near the situation, even if I myself have nothing to do with it.
I know I'm nothing but a burden, I know I'm a lazy piece of shit. I try to eat little and cheap just so she doesn't add reasons as to "why my son is such a good for nothing burden".
But I also now that she blames me for everything, even for things she does.
That's it, no more talking about my mother. Maybe it's because my lousy engrish that I couldn't write a better post. The point that being free once you have nothing else to lose or something.
>> No. 11517 [Edit]
Here's what you do.

Buy a bunch of instant food, bottled water or sodas, that kind of thing. You following me here? Now take all that junk up to your room. Just toss it anywhere. Close your door and push something big and heavy against it. I like my bookshelf, but beds, dressers, desks, anything really will work. If you have a window that's not boarded up, I recommend cracking it open a few inches.

Now don't leave your room unless you have to shit or get more food. Don't respond to her at all, even if she shuts off your power for weeks. Hit the library sometime and get books if you can't use the computer. The point is that you're sending the message taht you won't submit to her, and by not telling her what she did wrong, she can't attack you for pointing out her flaws. This way, she'll be forced to realize her own faults and how valuable you are.

Don't be rude about it though. Don't blast your music or write a note saying "fuck you" and leave it somewhere. Just fade away. If she works, you should know when it'll be safe to use the bathroom/get food/shower/do laundry/whatever. But just vanish for a few weeks until she tells you that she'll make real change and stop abusing you.

Don't cave in and be strong. The hikki life can be very stressful. Only the hardest of the hard can maintain it.
>> No. 11521 [Edit]
You're welcome.

>> No. 11522 [Edit]
Aren't many of us here faggot retards? It's ok were all the human equivalent of garbage here. My mother is also very very stupid. She is extremely obnoxious and calls everyone else assholes when she brings it on herself and this isn't just from me. I sometimes wonder what she would do without me. She loses everything on a daily basis like her keys or wallet and gets mad at me when she can't find them. I really don't want to be kicked out, I'm not willing to drop everything left in my life yet. I know I'm a useless, selfish piece of shit and that's all I'll ever be and the only thing I really deserve is a bullet to my head but I just want to live right now for the sake of doing so while I'm in my lower 20's before shit really hits the fan in my life here. OP let me tell you, there is nothing out there that you will find you really want. You'll feel free for a day or two and then the only thing you'll find the big open world is made of is more pain. I know how you feel but I'm just saying things are rough all over for us. Whatever it is your looking for in life to be at least satisfied is not out there waiting for you. You'll just be the same person in a different place feeling the same things. Losing everything may make you free but it's empty freedom. Death may set you free but even that is a gamble with eternal misery. There's nothing else I can tell you.
>> No. 11524 [Edit]
>Aren't many of us here faggot retards?

i am
>> No. 11526 [Edit]
Of course you're not alone, lots of people here don't want to own up to their own problems by taking action, instead they wallow in their own self-pity, thats why most of us are here and thats why you are here. You won't try to look at your own problems and fix them, you won't even leave the house yourself and you want your mother to kick you out for you. You get butthurt when I make the suggestion that in fact you might be the one being a little bitch.
>> No. 11561 [Edit]
Perhaps you are romanticising the ocean.

My observations here are: sure, you could do it. In 1920. Nowadays things are so tied up in legal shit that nobody would take a deckhand on a ship today.

If you have any chance of getting an income, save up and move out. If you want, settle into an apartment somewhere. Or just use all the money you saved up to travel. Be an urban nomad, then either get more money somehow or just die, whatever you choose. You can get that freedom you want.

If you take the responsible route, stick with what you are doing now.

I'm not one to talk, though. Try so hard to get a job. I can't even get the drive to apply to a community college because studying that shit sounds as fun as anal with a petrol pump. I wish I could have gotten into a place where I could learn something decent and fun, not this trade school or nursing shit.

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