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11392 No. 11392 [Edit]
Has anyone on /so/ heard about a mental illness called depersonalization / derealization before? I was reading about it last night, and its symptoms fit me to a "T"

I've been experiencing derealization in various degrees for the past three years or so. I've always been a little bit spacey, but recently, I've begun to hallucinate a bit more severely, in lack of a better word. I feel like I'm gradually "dropping out" of reality for short bits of time -- my surroundings feel kind of hazy, maybe. Colors may become more or less vivid. I may see static or other nonsense above the world I tend to see. My symptoms are much like what I hear HPPD's are. More than anything, I feel that my self grows distant from the sensory world, and I generally become less conscious of my surroundings. When it's most intense, I stop seeing the world around me completely, seeing only very very vivid daydreams. I don't actually fall asleep when I lose consciousness; I've gotten this "distancing" feeling before when I've been outside and I've found myself back at home or in a park or something when I "wake up," with only very vague memories (if any) of what happened in between. I've made small purchases before and ran into people who I've known (who said I was ignoring them or acting funny). My episodes are usually brief, usually lasting half an hour to two hours for a rough estimate. What bothers me is that I can't figure out what triggers my states of delirium -- I thought for a long time that it may be stress, poor diet (I've gone for long periods of time without eating -- I just don't get hungry), or poor sleep, but I can still drift in and out of reality in my room with a full stomach after a good night's rest. I'm also a diabetic; the symptoms I face are similar to those of hypoglycemia, but I have not noticed blood sugar levels to be linked with my state of mind. It feels like having a bad aura; even if I'm only slightly derealized, I can't read or write or focus on anything without great amounts of effort. I feel like all I can do is wait until it passes, hoping for mental clarity of some kind.

Another way to describe it... It's like I feel a switch triggering that knocks me out of reality. Just a little "click" and I'm gone for a while, gradually getting worse or just staying slightly away. I can sometimes force myself out of it, but with great difficulty. And after a while, I just switch back instantly.

I sometimes hear voices when I'm in what I think of as being a "bad mood" but it's very rare. Effects are almost always visual. I've spent most of my time in my room since effects began to worsen, and I tend to just lie in bed and stare at my ceiling for my periods of psychosis. Sometimes I've seen images flashing into my mind or had very bizarre thoughts, or had delusions ("everyone hates me!" is most common; "Haruhi/demons/an angel is talking to me! is another I've had). I've always known or been able to convince myself that I'm just hallucinating, but it doesn't change the effects I experience. Feels bad, man. I'm afraid to tell anyone about it in the real world about what I'm experiencing because they'll probably think I'm nuts
>> No. 11393 [Edit]
If you're hearing voices, seeing things, and experiencing delusions it's definitely more severe than derealization. I'd guess a psychosis...such as schizo-affective disorder or something.

I'd avoid a self-diagnosis of anything pertaining to mental health. You wouldn't diagnose yourself with cancer, would you? The thing with these illnesses is that they not only share so many symptoms with each other - making their diagnosis often hard to specify - but they also can be caused by neurological or physiological reasons. Before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia I was put through lots of CT scans, MRIs, and even radionuclide testing to determine if it is perhaps just something in the brain as opposed to any mental illness.

If I were you, I'd go see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) because they are the only ones who will be able to confidentially determine the cause of your experiences.

Post edited on 17th Aug 2012, 7:01am
>> No. 11394 [Edit]
Depersonalization doesn't involve hallucinations so much. It's more about "losing your grounding", sort of. Having a feeling that nothing has any meaning, that reality is "unreal", emotions are meaningless, etc. It's hard to describe, but I was going through something like it a while back.

I think it's very easy to feel that way when you don't have work and you're pretty much removed from everything and everyone in every way possible. Now I have work, which I think is what cured me of the above problem (because it makes at least something real for me, even if everything else in my life is still fucking meaningless.
>> No. 11402 [Edit]
I experience derealization much more than I do depersonalization.. but if I'm stressed out or whatever, or in a worse state, I'll experience both.

Last night I suffered some strong hallucinations while feeling very, very distanced from "the real world." I can't remember almost anything from an 8 hour period or so today. It felt like I was really dreaming... "delirium" is a great word for it. I drank some and self-harmed some, I think. I'm feeling a lot less numb. Some of my cuts are starting to sting, and I consider that to be a good sign, if things are going to be as they are. But it troubles me that I did bad things while I lost my grasp on reality.

I made an appointment to see a doctor on Monday to talk about DP/DR and my hallucinations. For most of the day, I felt maybe 40% detached from the world, in that "mental fog" some people describe when they discuss how their DR affects them. For some reason, it climbed up a lot, and it reached that state I'd describe as 100% dissociation from the world. This has only happened to me maybe 4 or 5 times (very hard to think about it, for some reason) but it's never made me self-harm, from what I can recall. I'm nervous to go into the doctor's. As long as I don't tell him about the suicidal thoughts or self-harm, he shouldn't do anything "bad" to me, I figure... maybe I can even get on SSI...

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