NEET is not a label, it's a way of life!

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10615 No. 10615 [Edit]
"Depression isn't situational."

An online friend said that to me a long while ago now. I felt like he was right, but only recently understood why.

Like a lot of you, I've been alone and miserable. Friendless, joyless and without any direction in life. At heart I longed so much for a different way of life, for company and all the other "normal" things that seem to fulfill "normal" people. You know, people who don't spend every other minute wanting to disappear. If I had what THEY have, then surely I would be happy! Finally!

Well, I got there. By the easiest method possible, which is of course university. I met people, many different people of varied and interesting backgrounds. Made some good friends too, close ones. People I am honestly glad to have met.

Yesterday I spent a lovely day with some of them. We went out and enjoyed the sun, we walked around the city for hours, talking and laughing. Looking from the outside, it was everything I ever thought having friends would be like. If 2 years ago you had told me I would have such a day I wouldn't have believed you for a moment. It would've seemed idyllic. Fantasy.

I got there. My dream came true. Yet at the end of the day, when I woke up and started thinking again, "it" wasn't there. You know, happiness. Inside, I didn't feel any different from only a few years ago when I had zero friends and social anxiety so debilitating I frequently starved for days instead of going out to buy food. Changing the situation has made no difference in the end.

The reason is this... I don't like myself. There is nothing about myself that, given the chance, I wouldn't change. I am a broken person, empty, without any worthwhile traits, dysfunctional in every way, utterly dislikeable. Even when other people claim to enjoy my company, I can can only react with disbelief or shock. The only way I could overcome some of these issues was becoming a borderline alcoholic, which eventually made me dislike myself even more.

And, you know, no amount of friends or whatever can change that. No one and nothing can change that but myself. Except, of course, if I had the means to change it then I would have done so a long time ago.

I don't know if this will ever change. Dubious. I don't want to kill myself, but I do wish I had never been born. Fading into thin air would be perfect.

At this stage in the bumpy road of depression, it seems that real happiness has to come from the inside. Changing the surroundings only helps temporarily.

Sorry for the blog post. I love this community. Thank you all for making it so special.
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>> No. 10616 [Edit]
Okay, you're normal and you're have friends. Thanks for sharing OP, sure made me feel a lot better.
>> No. 10617 [Edit]

he's not normal. he had a "normal day with friends" because he thought thats what makes people happy, and still felt like a sack of shit. Granted, I still don't see the point of this thread or what we are supposed to discuss
>> No. 10619 [Edit]
This is what everyone comes to realize eventually, mostly after they get an experiential taste of the thing that they thought would heal them. Lottery winners are a perfect example. Nothing will save you from your misery unless you change from within. I'm glad you got past the stage of looking for things outside of yourself to cure your depression.

The hedonic treadmill will always be operating in the background - it's vital that nobody forgets this.
>> No. 10620 [Edit]

You could make a hundred friends tomorrow and you still wouldn't "feel a lot better". I was in your position for years, then it changed and look where I am. Still lurking on TC, drinking myself stupid and feeling like shit.

That's all my point was. Depressed people often think that "having" things will solve all their problems. Having friends, having a relationship, having money, having everything. I'm not pretending to speak for anyone else, but in the experience of this one anon I can say it does not work like that. You need to help yourself, not wait around for other things to do it for you.

>> No. 10621 [Edit]
It's hard to realize things without actually experiencing it first hand.

My story is similar to OP's. Got a lot of things behind me.

Nowadays, it seems that on some days I can achieve total peace of mind, nirvana, and it's really beautiful. Happiness from within, fulfilled, perfect harmony. And the more problems I overcome the more the frequency of such days occurs.

I think each person has to go on their own adventure to reach true happiness. But what worked for me was spending time in nature, enjoying the little things.

What I want to say I guess is, there is hope guys, don't give up, please.
>> No. 10622 [Edit]
I remember my family's vacation to western america. Vegas, LA, san francisco, bars and beaches. I was really excited to go. "People would kill to have this vacation", I thought, "There's no way it can't be fun". Upon actually doing these things I hated it and longed to be a thousand miles away, back at home at my computer looking for cute toho pictures. That's when I realized that for better or worse, I'm just not average and never will be.
>> No. 10623 [Edit]
Depression is situational for some people. I was a NEET for 5+ years but now I have a full time job and a few good friends, I feel fine.
I dont know why I even lurk here anymore. I've been here since the AnonIB hikki board went down, back when I was a hikki, so I feel attached to the place.
>> No. 10625 [Edit]
I think you probably don't have any morale, ideals, and anything you believe in. If you don't have any it's very easy to get depressed because you are just a piece of meat with bones and your life is totally meaningless as well as life in general.

Find something you'll believe in, like love, honor, science, your country, family, anime, anything, and live for that. It's a lot easier to live like that. This is why it's already 2012 and there are still a lot of stupid religions, because people just want to believe in something.
>> No. 10626 [Edit]
Just dropping by to say this applies to me.
I'm not smart enough to believe in anything, I know I'll just be wrong.
>> No. 10627 [Edit]
I really agree with this, too. I feel we begin the road to enlightenment through doubt and end it with faith. When we can find that there's something greater than ourselves that we can believe in, our lives are more meaningful, happier, and more enjoyable for it. This is why so many people are religious; even if they believe stupid things, the fact that they believe SOMETHING makes their lives meaningful, at least for themselves. If we only surround ourselves with doubt and fill ourselves with emptiness, we won't be happy and we certainly don't enjoy life.
>> No. 10630 [Edit]
Not sure if this quote would help as I haven't read the book:

Wilson goes on to argue that sadness is "the enabler of joy," and that the "true path to ecstatic joy is through acute melancholia." You can't have one end of the continuum without the other. Thus, people who strive for happiness at all times limit their capacity for joy.

The comment is similar to my own counter rebuttal. You had a new revelation so now that new revelation is the new exclusive feeling and this new exclusive feeling now fills you with ideas of how only you can change how you're feeling depressed.'re wrong. The extension of depression isn't situational is that all experiences aren't situational. You can't have a normal day and have it become a special day at the click of your fingers. Not even if you want it to happen with those "friends".

I've had special days with so called people and feel much hollower inside and I had less than special days with people including arguments and those at times could be the moments that make me the happiest when I'm severely depressed. Not because I like hurting someone or I didn't remember feeling like they were hurting me more than I was hurting them but because each situation is different. Old hurtful memories can seem like wonderful memories when you're hurting a lot more and happier memories could seem shallow and cheap in comparison.

There's a stage in life when treating life like a wheel is profound but before you do that, you have to be wary of the depressed-vision equivalent of "the grass is not greener on the side" and figure out why one change in surrounding does not equal all change in surrounding. To miss that would be to miss why certain people fought for more even when they found certain places where they belong the most. To miss that would be to miss why those people who were blessed with happiness would do the opposite and use the method in them to put themselves in harsher and sadder situations...and sometimes become happier/content than when they used to be in a surrounding that made them happy.
>> No. 10714 [Edit]
Is there anyone on this shitty board that actually knows what depression is and can differentiate it from self-pity and teen angst?
>> No. 10715 [Edit]

Apparently you can. Please explain to people why they aren't really depressed or whatever it is you are mad about.
>> No. 10716 [Edit]
If it's a shitty board why are you even here
>> No. 10717 [Edit]

You sound like you need help figuring that out.
>> No. 10718 [Edit]
Tell us what your opinion on what "depression" is. I'm curious.

Post edited on 7th Jun 2012, 8:05pm
>> No. 10848 [Edit]
I've been beating myself up over how I feel for years now. When I was a teenager, I had two or three friends but I never felt like it mattered, and I always suspected they hated me. I told myself I was being a useless piece of shit, I was acting like a typical teenager. That I was a whiny bitch and scum. I never grew out of feeling worthless and unwanted, or that the people I interacted with were trying to find ways to laugh at me. I'm pathetic. I'm still a stupid little kid, regardless of how many years it has been.
>> No. 10849 [Edit]

What a ridiculous thing to be elitist about.

You're right though, only you have ever felt true depression. Only you will ever understand depression. You're so incredibly depressed you could write a book on the subject, if only you weren't too depressed to write things. Everyone else is a lying angsty idiot. Happy now?
>> No. 10888 [Edit]
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Darn, I already passed that point. Finished university without anything like that happening to me.
I don't have a job right now.

I was actually more sociable in high school. I had 3 best friends, people talked to me, I was never picked on. I was just a normal person, although the kind that fades into the background.

I don't know what happened, but if I really look at it I am not that different from how I used to be, other than facial hair and no friends.

I can't relate much with you guys either. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed either. I'm okay, but not content like this.

It's not like I have the OP's problem either, if I wanted to do something I would do it, I'm not scared of people. Well, much.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
>> No. 11388 [Edit]
I just wanted to say thank you to the OP, if you're still around. I have read what you wrote multiple times when browsing /so/, but tonight I read it and it motivated me to write a similar piece that fit more to my (similar to yours) life.

I wrote it from how I felt a few years back when I dropped out of college. I then wrote a follow-up piece of how I feel now about who I am and what I did. It became nine long paragraphs.

I'm going to show it to my parents so they can understand who I truly am without me having to speak it out awkwardly and stupidly.

Perhaps I can get help for my problems then.

Post edited on 16th Aug 2012, 11:01pm
>> No. 11472 [Edit]

Someone I talk to on Skype said that he felt better when he was in China, and when he was in his home country of Latvia he felt shittier due to his context and growing up.

Also see SAD

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