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10563 No. 10563 [Edit]
Do you have any terrible habits that you know is only bringing you down, but you don't care to stop? Either it be smoking, drugs, drinking or even masturbating to the point it brings you down

I don't think I could live a day without at least something altering my mind
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>> No. 10564 [Edit]
I drink WAY too much.

That does fuel the fap bank as I went from maybe once every other day to once even twice a day now.

Hell I have hit three time a day and wonder why. At that point if I finish it is really underwhelming.

I put on some weight too as alcohol has many calories and destroys the desire to work out.

Depression is fun.
>> No. 10565 [Edit]
I swear I've seen this thread before, but blogging never gets old.

I'm lazy and I live life by following my impulses. I don't masturbate too often... it ranges between twice a day and once every few days, depending on my mood... and it's not like I get drunk all the time or do drugs. But if I weren't so lazy and I could be a bit more introspective, I think my life might be a bit better. It sure is hard to be sad though when you don't stop and think and just live life as it comes.
>> No. 10566 [Edit]
I always feel I am wasting all my free time for something I didn't plan to do.

Also I usually get trolled too easily. I have hard time ignoring things that annoy me.
>> No. 10567 [Edit]
Worrying. I worry about everything and always assume the worst. It's probably why I'm miserable all the time
>> No. 10568 [Edit]
I masturbate at least 6 times a day. I'm almost always smoking weed, except when I'm drinking. Need college grade stimulants to get anything done. I know this isn't a stable lifestyle. Most of these habits link to anxiety. I'm bored by regular consciousness. I'm assuming this thread means habits in strictly physical sense, leaning more towards vices. Gambling is fun but I'm terrible at it and it's difficult to do alone.
>> No. 10569 [Edit]
When I cry I tend to get hysterical and can't calm myself down, so I cut my wrist a little just so I start to feel the shock of pain and it calms me. I haven't in awhile because it's harder to hide in the summer, and it's driving me nuts.
>> No. 10570 [Edit]
Oh man, I worry a lot too. I'm told that it helps to watch anime or play games or whatever, but when I'm in one of _those_ moods, I can't snap out of it. It's awful, isn't it? Just eats you up inside!
>> No. 10571 [Edit]
I can't stop just sitting around doing nothing browsing through chans and such when there are things I want to do like anime, video games, or a little exersize.

I also step over the line too easy with people and offend them and lose them as friends.
>> No. 10572 [Edit]
I collect too much porn, I do things impulsively without giving it much thought, I am absurdly lazy, I eat food when I'm bored/sad, and sometimes I can't hold my laughter in and laugh out loud when I see something really funny.
>> No. 10573 [Edit]
Eating junkfood and excessive masturbating.
Junkfood always happens when I go like 12-20h without eating and then I'll order pizza online. Masturbating I try to quit even for a few days so it'd actually start to feel like something again, but I'll always start browsing porn when I'm bored.
And at the moment I've been high for like almost two weeks, but then I'll run out of supply and can't get any more because my connections are obviously very few thanks to my hikky-ness.
I tried to go for a night without any, but I became depressed as shit instantly.
I'm pretty sure I have enough for two days left.

>> No. 10575 [Edit]
Stimulants. Oh, Haruhi, stimulants.

They're so damn fantastic for what I like to do the most - Writing, listening to music and masturbating. The euphoria they deliver is also a factor, naturally. It's so strange, my relationship with them. I dislike them, kind of, because they can be very cruel to me - Making me behave like a fool, and causing me to act in ways I wouldn't, missing sleep and such. I honestly can't recommend them to anyone - Their cruelty is too much, in my honest opinion. Such a little risk-reward factor. I despise them, and I love them.

My waifu would regard me as human trash for this weakness of mine, and I love that more than anything about her.

I don't care to stop because as I said, they're good for what I do, and they manage to put me in a relatively positive mood.
>> No. 10576 [Edit]
Internet addiction is the only big one for me. Boring, I guess.

Morbid curiosity, how do you get controlled substances? That seems like something you have to deal with other people for. Mail service?
>> No. 10577 [Edit]
Excessive masturbation and internet use, alcohol, smoking, cutting myself, extreme procrastination, etc.

Just being me is a bad habit in itself. I have shitloads of bottled anger, frustration and anguish, and I only keeping adding more and more of these to my 'stock', I can feel my nerves being grinded down slowly as each day passes.
>> No. 10578 [Edit]
I'm slowly committing a slow suicide. So much stimulants and constant pain induced extreme endorphin highs. I'm beyond brain fucked now even though I was many years before. All that's missing is more weekly near starvation days only to eat more than any human should in a week in a couple weekend days before doing it all over again. This has been my way of life ever since I entered high school to help me cope with my hopelessness. I was set to fail from the second my life began. Becoming insane makes me more sane and clear headed if that makes sense to anyone but me. Bringing myself down only brings me up. There is no sober middle ground for me, just pleasure and pain. This is the way my life was meant to be, I can't find what I'm looking for but everything is on track somehow. I live in such a distorted reality, it's like a world over lapping this world where everything looks the same but everything is so different. I can't even begin to explain, I'm confused by my own perception. It is what it is.
>> No. 10579 [Edit]
I hear The Silk Road on TOR is a good place to look. (Am I allowed to mention it?)
>> No. 10580 [Edit]
My mind is so cloudy right now. I've fallen into motivation hell. I would kill myself without a second thought if my mom's support was cut off.
>> No. 10581 [Edit]
>Becoming insane makes me more sane and clear headed if that makes sense to anyone but me

It does. I know what you mean
>> No. 10582 [Edit]
Sleep deprivation, internet addiction and procrastination.
I know there isn't any other solution than actually stop browsing the internet so much and start doing something hard but worthy of my time. But doing it without being tempted by the void and pleasing feeling the internet gives me is awfully hard.
>> No. 10583 [Edit]
My bad habits that have always made everything a mess: drinking, heroin, hurting myself (cutting, burning, hitting, slapping, making myself sick, refusing to eat), creating lies, excessive hedonism.
>> No. 11055 [Edit]
>I had a problem with drinking until I tried pot. Now I'm always high and haven't gotten drunk in weeks.
Congratulations?... (I quited all drugs but tobacco, myself)

>The only bad thing is that I have to leave the house and talk to people to get it
Why don't you try hydroponics farming at your own house, even at your room, just for personal use? I'm sure you can find decent tutorials online, and you'd just need some of the seeds you'd normally throw away to start with.
>> No. 11059 [Edit]
Aside from general stuff associated with being a useless piece of shit I forget about the games I play. I start something, really enjoy it and then I forget I even played it and it's really hard to get back into it after a while. I never EVER finish any games (less than 1% most likely).

Happens with manga sometimes, too, but it's not as bad.
>> No. 11067 [Edit]
I wish I could have the strength to just stop eating altogether or a minimal amount during the week and pig out on the weekend only and repeat whilst exercising during the week still like I did in high school. The feeling of being so empty hurt but made me so sedated and emotionally numb. Anything I did on the weekend after putting myself through so much pain felt amazing bringing me to a even more mentally numb state. I felt so distant from everything, it didn't do me any good but when you had nothing in sight good other than that coming to you in life it was painful bliss being so disconnected.
>> No. 11072 [Edit]
Pulling hair from my face. So far it hasn't caused much harm besides some small wounds and holes all over my beard and eyebrows, but it's still fairly destructive, annoying and difficult to stop.
Biting and taking small pieces off my buccal mucosa is another bad habit, but I almost stopped with that one(ever since I started pulling hair)

Also all that.
>> No. 11081 [Edit]
I have a habit that also hurts, and it's worse. I can't help but rip my skin off whenever I see a little piece of it from a scratch or whatever standing up. The worst was when I accidentally ripped off almost all of the skin on top of my foot. For some reason it's so satisfying though, especially ripping the skin off of my lips.
>> No. 11083 [Edit]
I do that with dry skin sometimes. I have a real bad patch of it on my foot right now and I've taken to putting lotion and a sock on it so I'm not compelled to pick it
>> No. 11088 [Edit]
Holy shit.

I have a patch of calloused skin on the pad of my foot behind my little toe, and another on my big toe on the other foot. The skin will come back within weeks and develop into a full two mm of dead skin. It's a form of trench foot where moisture has apparently permanently damaged my foot so any exterior dermis that develops promptly dies, and dies deep.

It wouldn't be a bad thing except for it's embarrassing as all fuck when I go to a pool or a lake and my feet cone out half sickly yellow and puffy and looking like sone sort of zombie. So I found out that it came off quite a few years ago. If I get it wet in the sink for about twenty minutes it makes it easier to see where my skin is dead, and I take a pick or safety pin and shove it in there, then rip it out. I make a preforation on each side of the dead skin, then rip off the 4cm2 patch of dead skin, and healthy new skin is beneath it. This way if I am barefoot and wet it just looks like my foot was ripped to shit.

I should do something about it but ripping the skin is extremely satisfying.
>> No. 11089 [Edit]
>calloused skin on the pad of my foot behind my little toe
I had that from sitting on chairs in weird ways all day. Sitting on my bed instead fixed it.

I didn't do anything weird with it though, so it might be different for you.
>> No. 11092 [Edit]
I keep fapping even when it doesn't give me pleasure. I keep browsing the net even though its boring. I keep scratching this itchy patch on my forehead and its getting bigger and bigger.
>> No. 11101 [Edit]
I am a compulsive eater and on bad days I binge eat when I wake up and eat again as soon as my stomach empties a little bit. I am really addicted to the 'high' that comes with stuffing my face with high carbohydrate food devoid of any nutrients; a common binge session would either involve bowls of rice or a loaf of bread, where I would wolf down rice/bread then take a bite of any kind of meat for flavor then repeat the cycle.

I am not obese because I actively try to avoid eating carbohydrates (low/zero carbohydrate food is surprisingly calorie sparse) and because my friends are ardent gym-goers who take along me with them.
>> No. 11103 [Edit]
I've been fapping a lot more lately too. Probably my growing sexual frustration that's slowly eating away at me in the back of my mind. Urges that can never be filled. I'm pretty happy I am at least lucky enough to feel naturally attracted to some guys because for anyone else in order for me to get any extreme pleasure from you or even feel attracted at all, you're gonna need to conform to my perverted fetishes to satisfy me. I don't think you can get any further from normal sexual attraction than what I am without being interested in animals or something.

This is me every weekend but now I have a stomach ache that I had since Tuesday whenever I eat more than a tiny bit of anything and it hurts to move, further bringing me to wanting to just starve myself to death. I don't like my body right now anyways. I don't really get any high from over eating it just simply numbs my mind. I can get high from consuming massive amounts of spicy stuff. I have a bottle of Mad Dog 357: Ghost Pepper edition in my room just for the purpose of getting fucked up all night on my own endorphins. But even that high has lost its magic and doesn't do much anymore. Eating is doing less and less for me with every passing year now. Now there is nothing that can make me feel happy, just slightly disconnected enough to be a little more satisfied.
>> No. 11132 [Edit]
I procrastinate. Right now, I have just over two weeks to find out if I can get any benefits to help pay for somewhere to live and also to, of course, find somewhere to live. At this rate, I'm almost certain to fail. I'm worried about where I'll end up, but still I do nothing.
>> No. 11133 [Edit]
I've struggled with compulsive eating for my entire life. I'm guessing that much of it is rooted in my parents forcing me to eat all of the food they would put on my plate at dinner when I was young. I was always obese as a child, and while I was able to slim down later in life, I've never been able to overcome compulsive eating completely. What I have found to work well is intermittent fasting, which can be practiced different ways but in my case means only eating one meal a day in the evening. The large meal size somewhat indulges my compulsive eating, it's easier to keep track of calories, and my energy levels actually seem improved through the day even with a longish bicycle commute.
>> No. 11134 [Edit]
Me, I don't eat much during the week and pig out on Fridays and Saturdays. In fact I should probably be a competitive eater with the insane amount of food I can shove down my throat in one sitting (The most I ever ate was an entire large pizza in a single sitting.). I'm not fat though, maybe since I eat and drink so much within 2 days that most of it just goes right through me. But it seems even that isn't satisfying anymore. I don't know what can satisfy me and leave me truly happy for once, I feel like my chance to be happy in my life is a few years off of going away forever. I'm one of those people who simply wants to live in eternal youth because being an adult is so dark and depressing, there's nothing for me in it. I just thinking about the words "adult" or "mature" and I feel terrible to put it in a nutshell. I basically live in my memories, my life has always been a unsatisfying mess but I'll take anything over where I'm heading now. I'm not really afraid of the future beyond the inevitable physical pain but just how much more sad and fucked up I'll be as not only my physical body starts to change so much that I won't even be able to recognize myself anymore but everything I now have that's keeping me sane like my computer and such will start to disappear. I really do think the only thing that can save me now is death. I just want to go back in time and live through it over and over and over again.
>> No. 11138 [Edit]
While a large pizza is indeed a lot of food to eat at once, I'm sorry to say that it's not an insane amount. My personal record at a pizza buffet was twenty-three slices; this was when I was a teenager, and about ten or fifteen pounds lighter than I am presently.
>> No. 11147 [Edit]
damn, that's crazy! I can't remember the most I ever ate at a buffet before. All I remember is once eating so much I could hardly walk out of the place. At least we can have fun in life sometimes doing stupid stuff like this right? I keep myself happy by occupying my mind with small stuff like this to keep me from thinking about anything that would bring me down.
>> No. 11148 [Edit]
damn, that's crazy! I can't remember the most I ever ate at a buffet before. All I remember is once eating so much I could hardly walk out of the place. At least we can have fun in life sometimes doing stupid stuff like this right? I keep myself happy by occupying my mind with small stuff like this to keep me from thinking about anything that would bring me down.
>> No. 11152 [Edit]
>twenty-three slices

Wow. You should have inquired if there was like a restaurant record for eating the most slices or something - I imagine you could have beat or set it.
>> No. 11159 [Edit]
File 13430728323.jpg - (63.15KB , 709x480 , can't be helped.jpg )
Current habits:
benzos (favorite)
nitrous oxide
dissociatives (only rarely though)

I really like downers.

Stuff I've quit:
speed (I loved the euphoria and energy, but when I overdid it once and had amphetamine-induced psychosis, I was severely traumatized and quit as soon as I could (which actually took some time, because I had to gradually ween off of it, being addicted and all))
cigarettes (my family doesn't like the smell and forced me to quit, even though I'd smoke outside)

Whenever I get high, drunk, or sedated, I don't just take a little. I go all out. Always. I get so high that I look and sound retarded. I get so drunk I pass out. I get so sedated I'm completely catatonic.

Drugs help me escape reality.

I also used to cut myself to get the endorphin rush resulting from bleeding, but once I discovered drugs, I stopped doing that. Cutting is really dumb, unless you don't have access to drugs or alcohol.

I don't like living, but I'm also too much of a wimp to kill myself.
>> No. 11168 [Edit]
They know people IRL. It's not as weird as you think for tohno-channers. Remember some of us knew people or were social for aperiod of times or were involved in some shitty/scummy scenes before becoming hikki. The shitty drug and party scenes may have PROMPTED people to become hikki. I remember some posters talking about how they had multiple 3DPDs and went to clubs and shit and how the crappy scenes there and relationshits with 3DPD made them withdraw....
>> No. 11170 [Edit]
there's gels which remove facial hair easily. Also, if those fuck you up maybe a raazxor would work/
>> No. 11171 [Edit]
Then that definitely puts us into two separate categories.

I have no problem with reasoned and moderate drug use, but I just don't know anybody.
>> No. 11179 [Edit]
If I remove my beard I start pulling from eyebrows and eyelashes, then from the head and arms, it just goes on.
>> No. 11180 [Edit]
At least you have access to a lot of shit, you're lucky. The best I got is the most powerful energy drinks you can buy, endless coffee, and sending myself into pain induced endorphin euphoria which gave me some of the best times of my life besides the pain part which afterwards I couldn't even feel in such an altered state of mind anyways. Only thing I can say I hate that I have easy access to right now is alcohol, got very drunk multiple times and thought it just made me feel like shit every time. So I'm just a stimulant and whatever you would classify your own endorphin releases as lover. Only other things I have easy access to is the typical dph or dxm but seeing as I already see and hear things vividly and have moments of moderate body disconnection (which by the way I actually enjoy, in my more extreme experiences it almost feels like I'm trying to control my body from just outside of myself in some numb vibrational state where I can't feel anything directly.) without drugs as it is, so something tells me those aren't a good idea.

I haven't known many people IRL in the past and know none now. I go places on my own. But the drug and shitty party/music scenes go hand in hand with my shitty self. All I ever wanted in life as time went on was to just become as fucked up and disconnected from reality as possible. I could have at least one 3D in my life that I can fall in love with for a short time but they would leave me quickly seeing how insane and clingy I am. But really that's all I need, I don't expect to live much longer. The funny thing is felt I was going to grow up to be like this the second I entered grade school. Something just didn't feel right in my life and sometimes I would just start tearing up out of nowhere about it. When I was young almost everything I saw, I saw something evil and twisted in it under the surface. The cartoons I watched, every day objects, games, and people themselves. I didn't understand why everything that was supposed to be so pure and innocent became so corrupted when I looked at it and it made even me scared sometimes. What I now know I was seeing was a reflection of myself. It was only until high school when I fully embraced and accepted the fact that I was just really screwed up in the head and nothing was going to change that. I wasn't afraid or hated myself anymore, this was just what I was. The only normal I have left in me is simply wanting a single 3D for a little while to satisfy me even though in the end he'll probably just be running away because he realizes how broken and useless other than a multifunction human sex toy I am.
>> No. 11184 [Edit]
Maybe you could buy a cheap doll/teddy bear, pull the hair off that, and slowly wean yourself off the habit.
>> No. 11187 [Edit]
File 13432796661.jpg - (539.43KB , 1200x1600 , Dermatillomania_fingers.jpg )
Right now I don't have anything terrible.

I used to pull out my hair (Trichotillomania) when I was younger. I did that a lot, even in class with people watching me. I would not pay them attention and no one from the school ever mentioned it, maybe they didn't even understand what I was doing. Or, now I realize, they had always thought I was a freak.
Every day I would leave the school with a handful of hair left under my chair.
That was terrible, really. The hair on my head was very noticeably patchy, more so for a young person and the bin was always full of hair.
To this day I cannot comprehend how is it possible that no one had ever noticed.

I also used to eat my finger and knuckle skin (Dermatophagia) for a really long time. I still have marks (see pic, not mine) even though I haven't really done it in years.
At some point I started to bite the skin off my upper arm, I looked like a druggie. This didn't last long.
Also lip/cheek biting.

All of this started around middle school and lasted for around 8 years... yeah.
>> No. 11189 [Edit]
I had problems that started around middle school with constantly ripping my hair out to. I couldn't really control it. I still do it sometimes. It was pretty disgusting and I hated doing it but I still did it. I try to keep my hair very short to prevent problems like that. I have lots of hair problems in general, I have a very flaky head and as for the rest of my body, my hair grows at the speed of light. I can honestly grow a small beard within just a couple weeks. I just want to be hairless. I hate it all. Especially on my legs too which I don't even bother shaving anymore since after a few days it's coming back again or even my chest and stomach. Fuck hair, so fucking ugly on anything else other than some people's heads. I need a way to make it stop growing on me.
>> No. 11202 [Edit]
I'm purposefully depriving myself from sleep. When I go through difficult times or have an important task before me I do the minimum to get over with it and stay up late even if I have nothing to do. I can browse the net for hours or do some other meaningless crap that doesn't require using my head. I can go for weeks with 6-4 hours sleep a day.
>> No. 11248 [Edit]
I poop too much.
And then I get tired.
>> No. 11250 [Edit]
Better than not pooping enough.

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