More on the poisoning: I think I would be drinking more before I did it, if I were to. Overdosing on my medication is a very common form of death for people with my condition, and if I were drinking, the doctors would assume it were an accident, and it would also be easier for me to do it. I tried cutting myself last night and it took my mind off of things for a while but I can't stand the sight of my blood so it is a poor long-term solution and I wouldn't want to die by bleeding to death anyway. I can't think of anyone who would because blood is very gross and it hurts.

Please please don't kill yourself.

I've heard good things about the helium tank method. That's probably what I'm going to end up choosing, if I have enough money at the time.

I just found this:

http://lostallhope.com/

Really interesting.

>>10301

Sounds good to me BUT there's something very enticing about hanging yourself, even if it could go horribly wrong...

Is there one person, like your father or mother, that would feel at least somewhat sad if you died? If so, you don't have the right to kill yourself, in my opinion. They will think it was their fault you killed yourself and feel bad, maybe for the rest of their life. For that reason I would never kill myself. Killing yourself is a very selfish act.

>>10308
Ain't it, even if involuntarily, tying up someone to an existence they don't like and never asked for in first place at least slightly selfish aswell?

>>10309
It is. But that doesn't justify being selfish yourself?

>>10310
All selfish means is that you do things that you think will make you happy. We're all a bit selfish, if you look at it like that.

>>10308
a combination of this and cowardice is why I haven't done it yet

>>10312
Mostly I just hope I die of natural causes soon. Thinking that I'm either going to die naturally or kill myself, and dying naturally would probably be less scarring for my parents than ending it myself

I'm so frustrated right now. Everything I do is futile. I'm going nowhere in school. When I find someone they want to leave me just as quickly. I'll never do anything meaningful and I'm only a nuisance for my family.

>>10314
What do you mean by "dying naturally?" Starving to death or something? Not getting enough sleep? Most "natural deaths" seem to come late in life. The closest you could probably get is getting in a car wreck or mixing aspirins with alcohol.

>>10315
brain aneurism or something

>>10310
The thing is, as you implied, selfishness isn't necessarily tied to the act of suicide. My suicide is only selfish as long as someone else is selfish enough as to not accept me wanting to leave life. Not that I expect people to leave the suicide taboos behind anytime soon, but ideally, that's what should happen.
And it doesn't matter much after all. As a dead man I'd need the image of being a selfless person as much as my internal organs, if regarding me as selfish would help those who'd miss me, then so be it.

>>10296
I graduate today, so I can kill myself tonight ant not give a fuck as I lost any remaining needed family piety required. I have my degree so i will die now

>>10319
good luck

I'm sitting here since a long time and thinking about what I could write. But I don't know. Please don't kill yourself. Please...

I dunno about best, but I still think it would be fun, and easy, to drive my car off a cliff.
southern california does have a few nice mountain roads.

I don't have a problem with suicide. Just make sure that it isn't an emotional response to a sudden bad event or moment in your life. Make sure you are in a calm and rational state of mind when you make the decision.

It would also probably be a good idea to get your affairs in order so whoever has to clean up your room/finances doesn't have to work too hard.

I don't think that suicide is selfish, but it can be done selfishly. Leaving a bunch of debt, a big mess to clean up, jumping in front of a crowded school bus, etc., are all selfish when you have the means and the time to choose a much cleaner way of killing yourself and leaving your affairs in order.

>>10320
>>10319
>>10319
Ugh. That post sounded like I WAS going to kill myself tonight. I meant that IF out of nowhere I felt like committing suicide tonight (say jumping off the bridge - I can't swim; or charging the militarized pigs in my city claiming I have an 'explosive device') one reason NOT to do so has been removed.

Ill prolly ask people I know off the web what they'd do if I commit suicide and honestly I might Feel better tonight while alone or tomorrowwhile being alone as well. Whatever.....

>>10324
okay

From what I understand, dehydration is not such a bad way to die. Elderly people in hospice frequently refuse fluids in order to hasten death (even in jurisdictions that allow physician-assisted suicide by drugs, like Oregon and the Netherlands), and it doesn't seem to be associated with unmanageable suffering.

The worst part (apparently) is dry mouth, which can be managed with special sprays, mouthwash, etc. that can be purchased OTC at any drug store. It also takes a few weeks to work, so not only do you need to make sure that no one intervenes during that time, but also that you can keep your resolve to die. In a way, that's a good thing because it prevents "impulsive" suicide; you can't really dehydrate yourself to death just on a hormone-induced whim.

It's also 100% free (besides anesthetics etc.), and doesn't leave a mess other than the corpse, if you feel that's a concern.

OP, I won't say anything like "don't do it, you have so much to live for," because (a) I don't know you or your situation, and (b) I'm in the exact same boat, so that would be massively hypocritical of me. What I will say is to not make this decision lightly, or too soon. There's really no such thing as the cliched "permanent solution to a temporary problem", because all problems are technically temporary and we all come to the same permanent solution in the end, no matter what. Still, there's something to be said for sticking it out as long as you can and seeing what happens. I've wanted to die constantly - constantly - for as long as I can remember; in 2009, I met my waifu, the love of my life; in the past 3 years, I've learned enough Japanese to be able to enjoy a wide variety of anime and manga I could never have enjoyed otherwise, I've made new friends and learned new things about my old friends, I've become a better and wiser person in general. But I still desperately want to die, all the time. And I'm okay with that. Maybe you're the same, I don't know. But if I die this year (as I plan to), I will at least look back and say that I'm glad I didn't die four years ago (as I had originally planned to).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is quite obviously an irredeemable crap factory, but before we go, we might as well take our revenge on the whole mess by wringing out as much joy as we can along the way. We owe it to ourselves.

>>10298
>>10321

I always wonder what makes people write stuff like that. Who are you to make such a request to a person whose circumstances are a complete mystery to you and whom you don't even know?

>>10317

>Not that I expect people to leave the suicide taboos behind anytime soon, but ideally, that's what should happen.

Well suicide was a somewhat acceptable thing to do in Ancient Rome under certain circumstances. Also Japan I guess.



Shame I don't live in a civilized country where there are lots of online groups that plan suicide together. I'm sure I'll never be able to pull it off by myself...

Do you think it would feel good in the last moments before you come in contact with the pavement or the rope pulls taut or the trigger gives way?

I'm imagining it as an amazing, freeing feeling. I'm so tired of everything; there's no happiness or enjoyment in my life and that depresses me greatly, though worst of all is my complete and utter failure as a human being. There's nothing I want more than to look eternal sleep in the face and let it claim me. I realise how angsty and pathetic that sounds but I... fuck I don't know. I just want this all to come to an end.

I wish people didn't get so upset over the death of family members. Despite me being a giant loser in every facet of life my mum still loves me a lot and she's the only reason I haven't done it yet.

Post edited on 19th May 2012, 5:40am

>>10340

>Do you think it would feel good in the last moments before you come in contact with the pavement or the rope pulls taut or the trigger gives way?

This thought always scared me shitless and it's the main reason I will never ever attempt to commit suicide by jumping of some bridge or something of the sort. I always imagine I would feel I just made a pretty big mistake the second before I hit the ground and that's the last thing I would want to feel before dying.

If you hang yourself correctly you die pretty much right away but even pro executioners used to screw up every now and then so it's not too safe either I guess.

Shooting yourself is all but devoid of that risk but it's really easy to screw up.

>>10304

This site is pretty cool by the way. Rather objective, too, it's not one of those 'DON'T KILL YOURSELF LIFE IS WONDERFUL YOU'LL GET OVER IT TRUST US' shitty sites.

>Do you think it would feel good in the last moments before you come in contact with the pavement or the rope pulls taut or the trigger gives way?

Nah, you'll probably snap your neck by that time or it'll hurt like hell and you'll be left there choking to death.

>Despite me being a giant loser in every facet of life my mum still loves me a lot and she's the only reason I haven't done it yet.

It's the same for me.

The way I see it, is even if you kill yourself and end up hurting someone they'll probably get over it.

It's your life, and you can decide to live it or not. If you are really worried about consequences of your actions affecting someone else, suicide probably isn't the answer you are after.

There is no "best" method of suicide unless it's "suicide by cop." Every other method is ineffective at best and includes a too-high possibility of failure, which would turn you into a vegetable for life or something like that.

I suppose on the plus side of that if you're a vegetable you wouldn't necessarily care about being a shutin. Or speaking. Or uncontrollably crapping your pants.

>>10350
>There is no "best" method of suicide unless it's "suicide by cop."

How is that any different than shooting yourself?

>>10352

Cops shoot to kill. You can miss and just blow out a vital part of your brain and still be alive.

>>10353
I'd say holding a gun to your head and pulling the trigger would be more accurate and fatal than a cop shooting at you.

>>10354

Yeah. I'm pretty sure cops - at least in civilized nations - are trained to shoot non lethal areas of the body to subdue you, not kill you.

>>10354
But eating the gun, that'd be the way to go if you were to. Imagine blasting off your face, yuck.

How painless is insulin I wonder?

I want to kill myself but when you end up miscalculating and screwing up, you end up in the hospital for MONTHS. I don't know what to do about it.

>>10357
>>10353
They also are trained to know if you're trying to get them to shoot you (at least in USA) so they won't fall for more blatant signs, whatever those are.....

>>10365
Considering how dumb most police are, I don't think so.

>>10360
From what I'd guess (I am a diabetic) it would be painless. A lower than normal blood sugar doesn't really hurt or anything... you just feel kind of tired and you get kinda sweaty. It becomes harder to think about things, I guess. The lower it goes, the more disoriented you become. It doesn't hurt, but the feeling isn't great. From what I've read, once it gets low enough, you just go into a coma. If you're serious about using insulin as a means of suicide, you'd want to use a bunch (a needle's worth, which is at least 1/3rd of a ml?) just in case so your glucagon doesn't kick in and save you... you don't need a lot of insulin to create a large reaction in your body. But please don't kill yourself!

>>10369

I think I have 12ml.

>>10308
this is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. Apparently they disagree with me about how much I'm worth, and would rather I continue being a burden, instead of making life easier on everyone.

OP, I love Jerkcity.

Also, you can kill yourself if you want, but then there will be one less person around like me and I feel shitty enough already. I've had my thoughts, same as you, but I find things to distract myself. I love history, and there's more than enough of that to fill a lifetime - I'm sure I'll never do myself in because I want to learn more. Try finding a goal or interest like that.

Mind, I'm not saying "YOUR LIFE HAS WORTH PLEASE DON'T" or any such thing. I don't believe any life has inherent worth. But it's a waste to commit suicide, and for the short time you're alive, you should try to use it well. The world is much bigger than any of us might think, certainly bigger than the horrible, degenerate culture that infests it.

>>10381
I'm glad that someone else likes it.

There's something romantic about drowning, I think. It's the ultimate form of submission to the world. Once you're in the water, you thrash and feel hope, but as soon as you realize it's useless, you'd accept it and pass on peacefully. All you'd have to do is swim out as far as you can... also related to water, you could always toss a toaster or hairdryer into the bathtub. Seems like it'd be instant.

>>10429

I've thought of drowning, but I hear the terror before the calm is unlike anything one will experience. After that it's like going to sleep, they say.

I'm not sure hairdryers in tubs works much anymore, since homes are wired to instantly trip a circuit or fuse when the voltage or current ends up outside the norm. Electrocution sounds like it would be awful though. I imagine it would be feel like being shot with a "taser" gun. Your muscles contract and release a lot and you're twisting and turning. It sounds horrible.

>>10429

>Once you're in the water, you thrash and feel hope, but as soon as you realize it's useless, you'd accept it and pass on peacefully.

As someone who was very, VERY close to drowning as a kid I have to tell you this is bullshit. Drowning is not fun.
Then again maybe it's different if you can swim and WANT to drown.

Right now, suicide is only a fantasy for me, but that may change.

I feel very, very alone, and when I think about my future, all I see is an endless sea of gray. I'll never contribute to society in a way that means anything, whether now, or in 50 years, or in 500 years. It's useless to make friends or look for love because it just ends painfully when people find out how much of a fuckup I am. Most people only disgust me, anyway. When I spend time around others, I'm reminding why I hate other people. When I spend time alone, I learn what I hate about myself.

The only people that say they love me do it because they're obliged to, and unless I find some job I hate doing and devote all my time to that, I'll only be a burden on them. If I were to commit suicide, it'd end the long term suffering of those who say they care about me, as well as my own.

I no longer feel there's any reason why I should stay on this earth; if I were informed I was to pass soon, I'd smile and be relieved. But when I actually think about how to do it, my mind freezes up. No natural causes are likely to come, and even though my brain wants to do it, everything in my body screams against it in protest.

Still, I unconsciously find myself daydreaming about it and slowly, day by day, the idea becomes a little easier to think about. I have more faith in the reasons to do it and less in the reasons not to. It's not like it's a new thing in my life; I've felt this way for several years.

I've recently been more reckless with the care and protection of my body as these needs begin to externalize. I've begun cutting myself near the top of my legs so that no one will see it and worry. My sleep schedule's been worsening to the point where I'll sleep 2 hours one night and 18 another. I'll go without eating for a week or just drink half a glass of water a day.

The illusion of "many years from now" has been broken down and absent for quite a while now; the delusion of "several years from now" has begun slowly fading away recently. And my brain's beginning to accept these thoughts, bending and melting reality around while it overcomes its cultural, religious, and genetic programming to accept what feels to me like simple reasoning.

Suffering is a funny thing. It and it alone is what justifies our existence. A job which takes no effort to complete, one which is completely painless, will not be of value to the individual. When was the last time you felt pride for breathing? By struggling and overcoming suffering do we find meaning and verification for our actions. Love is so much sweeter with just a hint of pain, for instance.

But not every person can overcome his suffering, and I believe that suffering needlessly is absurd. Although suffering is the means to an end for meaningful and satisfying existence, we can all agree that it would be better not to suffer at all than it would be to suffer and suffer as a means in itself. All arguments I have in defense of suicide essentially boil down to this point.

>>10477
I read it all and of course we all heard this hear said a million times before in a million ways but I still read it all. I am starting to feel very hopeless in my life, it's starting to get to the point where for love it may be too late now. 19 may not be old to a normal but in NEET/general mentally fucked up loser years that's like being middle aged. I'm not there yet but I feel it slipping away with every passing year now. Slowly becoming more suicidally depressed each time around. Me trying to get what I want out of life is like trying to fight the ocean, it's useless but I do it anyways to keep from killing myself till I get too old and can't fight it anymore and just die a lonely, miserable, and painful death. The pain I feel in life is meaningless. Your right we need to suffer but when it gets you nowhere and has no motivation behind it, it's only destroying you more not making you stronger. The only people I even see in my life anymore are my family and all they do is further bring me down and make a mockery out of all my problems. I have the faintest light of hope inside me left motivating me to live.

>>10481
You have us. This is why /so/ exists.

It may not seem like it, but the ones writing these posts are real people like you.

>>10486
It's comforting to think that, but how does it give him hope?

Hope is merely the expectation that something good will miraculously happen to you anyways. Only you as an individual can make the choices that dictate how you will exist in the world.

Suicide is if course an option, but if you have no reason to live is there a reason to die?

>>10488
I firmly believe that most of the things which have a major impact on our lives lie outside of our realm of control. Ah, justifying my beliefs might be a bit tough, so let me try to think of a way to approach that...

What kind of household we grow up in, what our genetics are, how we look... whether accidents happen to us or not, how we're predisposed to act, how other people act, we have very little control over any of those things. We feel that we make decisions in our lives, but we're conditioned to act in certain ways in response to certain stimuli, and we can never control every aspect of a situation, as much as we think we can control things. We have tendencies to work and process information in certain ways because our conditioning plays a big role in our decision making process. If we were taught not to steal and to fear consequences as children, we will likely not be thieves. If we have a mental illness such as anxiety, we may find it very difficult to grow close to other people. We can fight these urges, but we will find it very, very difficult.

Sure, we can decide some things in our lives, more or less. When I wake up in the morning, I may make, for example, the decision of whether I'll eat toast. But arguably, I'll only go to the effort of making breakfast if I'm hungry, if I have the time, if I rested well enough, if the bread's there, if I have a toaster, etc. If I woke up at the right time and there's bread available and I'm hungry, and nothing else is asking for my attention, there's no reason why I wouldn't have a bite to eat. If I'm only a little bit hungry and I'm also dead tired when I'm not obligated to wake up (maybe I'm a NEET or it's the weekend, or I woke up at 3AM because of those fucking dogs next door), I'll probably fall back asleep. Not because I enjoy sleeping, mind you; I'll only sleep because my body demands it from me, and I'm obliged to do so or I'll feel like crap.

What I'm trying to say is that other than our environments, I think that our obligations are major factor in the way we decide to do things. Our conditioning (as I mentioned earlier) is another form of an obligation. If we're hungry but can't afford food, and as children, we were conditioned never to steal, our obligation to eat will conflict with our obligation to not steal. The greater obligation wins. It doesn't matter why we have obligations; all that matters when a decision is presented to us is whether some form of obligation exists or not. If we're obligated to do nothing, we will not feel the need to do anything, and we won't. Ah, I'm not sure if this is a convincing argument, I keep losing my train of thought...

Anyway, strong emotions we have in response to our environments and our conditioning will affect how we perceive our environment and how much importance we place on our obligations. If I have an obligation to be decent to people but I'm very angry for whatever reason, it may not be as important for me to treat people with respect as it may be if I were calmer. You can argue that I choose to be rude, and I might feel regret for how I acted, but if you say that my environment and my mindset and all that are either fully in my control OR do not affect how I behave at all, I will strongly disagree. Let me go a bit further and argue that that our conditioning is really only a product of our environment. If this is so, I certainly believe that how I live is just a reaction to my surroundings. We can only truly have free will when we are thinking about an issue completely independently of our past and our present... but as we can never have complete independence from ourselves, we'll never have this free will.

You say that we as individuals are the only things responsible for our actions, our behaviors, but I would disagree strongly. If you're a drug addict, the way your brain works WILL be different than how a non-addict's is. If we have strong hopes when we once had none, they may affect our obligations. After all, how do we know that we have hope if it doesn't affect how we act, how we understand things at all? How we act is based on our conditioning, our environment, and our obligations. I know that my hopes for the future (while unrealistic) are the only thing that get me out of bed and do things I'd rather not do because my hopes are so strong and real in my mind that they have more, uh, presidence in the way I live and act than others. And my hopes are only a result of my environment and my conditioning, as much as anything else is. I don't choose to feel hope, I don't want to love, but I still do anyway. I've thought a lot that I would suffer less if I weren't so delusional, but because my feelings are so strongly felt, I continue having them.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I'm kind of stupid. I feel like I'm repeating myself and saying nothing, going nowhere. I didn't even really touch the issue of free will at all. But I wanted to say that my conditioning and environment along with my obligations DO play strong roles in the way that I act, and I really do believe that all my actions are are reactions to the world around me, and I'm certain that this is true for everyone else, and so the reason I made so many examples, even if they were crap. You'll probably disagree with some of what I have to say, but do you disagree with all of it? I'd love to hear why you think we have free will and what it means to you, and if you disagree with me, why that is, too. I'm sure you have some interesting ideas and this is an interesting topic to discuss, so please share!

>>10490
Nice post. I feel the urge to reply even though I'm not as good with words.

The way I see it, most of our decisions don't matter, and if they matter, they can matter only to a certain degree.

The majority or at least the most important factors of your life are already predetermined. If you're born a privileged, attractive, intelligent person, success will come to you one way or another. You don't really have to work for it. For example, even if you were to do something harmful, like procrastination, there are enough people that care about you, like family and friends, who will push you to do the stuff you need to be successful.

On the other hand if you're born an unattractive, lower-class person, it will be very easy to stray somewhere in life to the wrong path of failure. Because no one cared enough about you to teach you better or help you.

That doesn't mean people are bad or something, it's just how they act on an unconscious level, and it's nothing bad really, just nature doing its work, natural selection and everything.

Now it's true that both of those persons have their free will and will make decisions in life. But their decisions can only have that much influence on their life. For example, if the privileged person deliberately tried to destroy its life, be it due to depression or whatever reason, his/her environment would amend for it somehow.

Every action and decision in our lives is just a game of chance. It's just that some decisions/actions have a higher chance they will have a range of impact and it's all a combination of starting factor and environment. That's why low-lives can still succeed and kings fall. It just doesn't happen very often.

>>10490
theres no such thing as free choice. ever hear of determinism? (I've only brought it up about 5 times on this board)

>>10492

Determinism is merely an opposite theory to free choice. Neither of them are absolute.

>>10492
Hey, a lot of people in our society seem to believe in free choice... there's probably a few people on this board that do, even. (I thought that the person I was replying to was making a statement on free will, but maybe I just misinterpreted him). I personally think the topic of it, free choice, pops up because if it exists, it means we must assume responsibility for our actions, which means figures of authority can make people feel shame and guilt, thus controlling us more easily. That's why it pops up in religion so much. BUT don't you have the feeling that you control your thoughts? It's really hard to think about, at least for me.

>>10491
You make a lot of good points and I agree with you!

Post edited on 27th May 2012, 4:41pm

>>10494
>BUT don't you have the feeling that you control your thoughts?

Well, we can't control our thoughts but we can assess and act upon them. I think it depends what your principles are. And I don't believe conditioning or circumstance have any impact on an individuals principles.

Let's imagine what it was like during the Siege of Leningrad, for a familiar example. When the people were virtually out of food, many turned to cannibalism. But many more did not, and chose to die. They exercised free choice here despite the desperation of their situations, no?

>>10500
If we can't control our thoughts, how are we supposed to be able to assess them or act on our assessments? How do our principals come to be, do we control those at all? And certainly we don't hold all of our principals equally true or valid; you can't have the same principals now as you did when you were six years old or maybe even twelve years old.

I think that just means that the ones who turned to cannibalism weren't as conditioned as strongly as the ones who starved. And, you know, the human body is a pretty gross thing... if I had to kill a cow, or I found a dead one somewhere, I don't think I'd be able to eat it, even though I can eat the meat I buy from the store without a second thought. If they sold human meat in stores and it were sold, consumed, and seasoned like pork and beef and chicken are, I can say that, without a doubt, I would be a cannibal. If we taste like our four legged friends do, I really wouldn't care that I were eating human flesh if it were provided to me today, as a non-starving man with plenty of food available in a country where cannibalism is a great taboo.

I'm not sure how thinking or reflection really work. When I think about things, it's not an ongoing internal dialogue like it is in novels. I just see an image or idea flash into my mind, followed by another and then another. I don't even see things or hear things in my imagination; I just kind of feel them, if that makes sense. I can't remember faces or the sound of people's voices unless I actively consider them, rather than passively; and even then, I'm likely to remember them incorrectly, only really recalling elements that really stand out (like "that dude has a big nose!" or "that lady's cute!"). I can't even imagine my own father's face, I can only really sense something like the same feeling I get when I see him if I try, maybe "see him out of the corner of my eye" if I really focus. It's something like nostalgia. The images I see don't always logically follow, either. I'll think "hungry, sad, my toes, cold, my cat, dota 2, cold, tired," for example, if that's anything close to accurate. I'm no different from a fucking Sim when I think about it. I just live my life blindly following my impulses unless I self reflect, but even then, I only reflect because of my impulses.

I feel like I'm rambling and going off on tangents and I apologize if I am. I'm not really used to having longer, in-depth conversations on imageboards. I also don't think very clearly and I daydream a lot. Usually I just post a short comment or an image or talk on instant messaging, which is much different. The only emails I get are ones which make me cry.

I thought again today about dehydration and starvation. For some reason they're very submissive ways to go. You can just waste away... and then you're gone.

One of the best would probably be Nembutal.
It's commonly used for euthanasia.
But it's impossible to get, even on Silk Road. You pretty much have to travel to Mexico to get it.

>>10560

I've tried this method once. I went for 5.5 days without food or drink.

I finally caved when I decided I wanted to die in a painless content fashion, rather than agonizing over nourishment, slowly having the energy sapped out of you. By the time I caved, standing straight up was literally too exhausting for me to do. I walked around like a hunchback because a straight back required far too much energy. Even walking itself was difficult. Ironically, despite the fact that you are dieing of thirst, you crave for food much more than drink.

I've decided to change my life. I am doing something I'm good at (at least kind of) and I hope to make a living off of it, even if it's meager. I will start to go to the gym and exercise and eat right and stop drinking. I will revive myself.

And I'll be the bitterest fuck that ever walked the earth. I will live alone, pursue my own interests, and ignore everyone who wants to deal with me outside of a strictly professional setting. I will be a true and independent man living on my own terms. I will spit in the face of society.

But for any of that to matter, I have to have power. Power to attract people, so that I can turn them away and shit on them (in a figurative sense.) I have just about none of that now, but I want to try to gain it. Try to become someone who's worth more than a dog shit in this world. And this intense and motivating spite is what keeps me alive.

So if you can't find a positive reason to stay alive, find one like this. Have some pride in your life and in yourself. Otherwise, what's the point.

>>10702
Hey Jerkcity bro, it's good you can change your life around. I think it's wrong of you to want to improve yourself just so you can shit on people... if you try changing yourself for any reason other than yourself, you'll either end up losing motivation part way through or you'll just feel hollow inside.

Working out is great though, I've been doing that a lot more lately. It's a good way to relieve stress and get your mind off things. Now I can do 30 pushups, I couldn't do any at all in high school. Going for runs and shit is great.

>>10702
Despite of the fact that I already have the narcissism for that to work, I would never have the motivation to do that because that isn't what I want. I would've gone with that plan a long time ago when I still worked out.

There really isn't anything that I want to do with my life. My life is essentially a big waste.

>>10704
Yeah, well, living for myself would be better, I know that. But I have no goals, no desires and no love. I'm kept from being able to solve or even bring up these problems, so all I have left to keep me going is spite. I still have to put up a front to my family, though.

I just wish there was a way to instantly die. No thinking about it, no wondering what's beyond life. Just a way to shut off all vital processes in your body.

>>10748
Unfortunately you would still have to think up to the point where you would take it. Some kind of drug that makes you gradually stop thinking may be better...

For me, I haven't killed myself because the thought of my funeral is so embarrassing. I always look terrible in pictures, and everyone would be focused on me and talking about me. Humiliating. I can't let that happen, even if I'd be dead.

>>10910
My funeral would be embarrassing because there are hardly any pictures of me and the only people who would come is my family. The only people who would care is my immediate family, and everyone else there would only be there for them. There wouldn't even be a reason to put an obituary out

OP here. I haven't killed myself yet.

I hope all of you are still alive.

>>11352

I'm dead, posting from the grave.