No, I did not said I stopped loving Rei because someone just told me. He was using the same psychology as you did; and got me to realize that I was not living reality. It would never be possible to ever find her, so why bother looking for her?
In a way, this was also enhanced by a review on Club Nintendo magazine, as they did an article on the Slam Dunk anime/manga. In which they mentioned about Haruko's crush on the dream guy every girl wants, Rukawa. Rukawa is a bit similar to Rei, as in he doesn't speak much, is mysterious and gets the job done. But he really never cared for any of his fans. So, in the magazine's review it came the following "why try to look after someone who will possibly never love you back?"
Do I really want to spend my life following something that can't be reached? Besides, with what has happened I just can't follow fantasies anymore! Now part of my job's money will have to cover the things that my mom used to cover, on which I have to bring in economical plans.
Oh! But that has been the problem all along! That I make plans and try to think out things before doing them! Just like you said, everyone keeps telling me to stop being too organized, meek and polite. Well I will do just that. Tomorrow at work, I am going to yell with anger at that who I dislike the most.
And there is this girl I like, yeah a 3D real woman. I am going to tell her my feelings because I was trying to respect her, but who cares now! I am going to tell her that I want to be more than friends with her and if she rejects me and tells me to stop being friends, then so be it! And then I will try it with another girl, and another and another, until one accepts; and even if one accepts and stops being my girlfriend; I will live again and look for another one!
Oh and you say that I feel bad that I was trying to live to the expectations of my family. Well that is a problem, I did and I never did! I tried to study and be smart all my life, and now I see it didn't pay off! Everyone looks at me like some freak because I try to speak my language properly. And all of those who didn't make an effort in life, now have everything!
But of course, it is all my fault. My fault for not having done years ago what I should had done just these times. Now I have to continue with what little time I have. My project continues, but no longer with Rei as the inspirating muse. Sure it will be something totally different to what I had in mind, but so it goes.
After my mental breakdown, I had already came to terms, that I needed to work on it (my story), I was calmed down; also considering on Rei being my waifu, and then that happened. What she said in those pages... what she said to SHinji.
In that manga, it seems Shinji is also working on some story like me. I have been trying to do it for quite sometime, and when I finally get to do it, and face the fact that I should be a writer, and not feel bad for not being something else in life; she says those words. Those words which hurt me:
Rei: Having the ability to create something out of nothing, that really impresses me.
And she says that after displaying a feat of destruction.
It makes me feel bad.
I already came to terms, that it was OK what I was doing, then not only is she now a strong fighter, but she still dares to say that. Like if it is not enough what I am doing. It also hurt my manhood. Saying it is OK for me to be weak. Not only Rei now has powers, but now she is a skilled martial artist. Of course, I would have to take into consideration that she is Rei from a different continuity so... honestly I am not sure.
Not to mention that well, in accordance with the nature of my project; I had to research many things, from science to esotherical stuff; to know about fears and such, well Freelance also helped me on something. And if it is true, plus following Rei's words, guess that is it.
"Accept yourself and then you may be able to accept others. You cant even understand yourself let alone your familiy. The answers are all inside your heart just like someone said in EOE." Your words are true as they hurt me. Who said such words? Misato or Asuka as they sure sound like they came from them. With those words I figure I should not talk of the rest as you will say the same things as answer. For example? Have you figured our where I am from?
Here it is no longer easy to get out, or you could get killed at some random shooting. But I am sure you will say that it doesn't matter or something alike.
Anyway, with what Rei did; it means nothing will ever be enough for her. Now I have to aim at what she is doing, but for myself; not for her. I imagine even if I reached godhood/omnipotence, it will still be not enough for her. Nothing will ever be enough, nothing. That is why I hate her.
And yet, I still have some small feeling inside (like .0000000007%) that I still love her, but I have to face reality and move on. I don't want to be a martyr for her.
The reason why I stopped having Hinata as my waifu, is because I don't want to end up hating her like I do with Rei. As I still see Hinata in a good light. Pure.
Fine I will say it, it is Mexico. John Laringitis is right, here people don't have the aproppiate sense of humor. I can't go around saying these things, without people looking at me bad or worse some gang/cartel member trying to shoot me just because I think different. I once had hopes for Mexico, that it could change for the better; but now it looks impossible.
For Rei, I was willing to make Mexico a better place. She was also my motivation for that. But people are already used to living like we are, none is willing to make the change "in mass" as the few ones who do are killed or never heard of again. Heck, I don't think it would be proper to make my book here as it would probably bring me trouble considering the nation's socio-economical-religious scenario. (Heck, the Canoa scenario is grim).
Of course for this you will say "Accept yourself and then you may be able to accept others. You cant even understand yourself let alone your familiy. The answers are all inside your heart just like someone said in EOE." And so, I decided to speak Spanish properly, for which I am a pariah. Gee, I really don't feel like writing the rest of what I feel because "Accept yourself and then you may be able to accept others. You cant even understand yourself let alone your familiy. The answers are all inside your heart just like someone said in EOE." It really hurts me because it is such a valid point.
I really loved her... but all the change, sacrifice and effort I did for her was worthless.
Thing is, I have to learn to settle for less.
-I've always; all my life disliked political correctness (it took me years to know how to call it).
-Lately from what I have been reading and been told, is that everything, even reality is an illusion. You know how you guys say 2D is better than 3D, well it seems 2D and 1D are terrible places or something like that. How is everything an illusion? I don't know.
This documentary shows me that in reality none is good, and you can't be honest and win. Another reason I decided I didn't want to get involved into politics for Rei and to help Mexico, because one can't use honesty there.
I feel old and a dying breed.
It is an excellent book. Some doubt the veracity, but still it is a great read.
There were many things I wanted to place but after this "Accept yourself and then you may be able to accept others. You cant even understand yourself let alone your familiy. The answers are all inside your heart just like someone said in EOE." I don't have to. Then what is what? Again, not sure if I will continue posting here, specially if some of you don't welcome what I just said; but you are free to write me at my e-mail if you wish.