It is always the same story. Some new girl character catches my attention and, if she somehow hits the right spot, I really fall in love with her. The initial fascination may be more or less strong each time, and sometimes last for longer than others; but at a given moment they all reach a status of pure perfection, in their own form and respective world, and end up becoming a very dear memory for me; so dear, that it makes me think of my life as worthy of been kept on living just to have met them, and wich I couldn't replace with anything and wouldn't trade for gold...

But none of them, not possibly, can ever compare with you.

You're certainly not the dearest one to me. You are not someone I distinguish amongst them as somehow the best because, quite simply, I not only couldn't perform such a heartless selection but it's actually not necessary or appropriate at all. You are at a completely different level, because you are in a completely different place:

You are part of me. We, you and me, really are one.

The others are all just somehow attached to me. Even if as ideas in my head, they're all like my most precious otherness: they are quite the last things I would ever want to lose, if such possesive terms can be ever used in a good way (similarily than with my dear collections and references of other stuff). But, in my darkest moments, I find myself ready and even willing to lose them all: to destroy them already, with my own hands, just to be freed from any kind of bond that, as it seems, in the end can only be proven as a foolish mistake and reveal itself as a burden, wich will only bring pain and deceive. So I can very well imagine myself smashing them all, one by one; coldly tearing them apart, with no regrets, as I have effectively done before with other things; all of them gone, with no problem, none at all... until it's your turn and I find myself in front of your picture; the difference, then, becomes crystal clear:

I simply cannot destroy you, not now, not anymore, without me being mutilated in the process.

Because you, and only you, are my sole reason to do and understand everything I do now, exactly the way I do it, in order to live the very life I do (each and every moment), I cannot amputate you without becoming crippled myself: I cannot leave you behind without ending up, finally, utterly lost ("and delirious"), left completely alone with my broken self. So, as the old quote could now say: "I pray one prayer. I repeat it till my tongue stiffens" ...haunt me, then; drive me mad, alright; but just don't leave me alone, not in here, sinking in the abyss...

"I cannot live without my life!
I cannot live without my soul!"