>>
|
No. 5260
[Edit]
File
131536693871.jpg
- (576.21KB
, 1200x1600
, 1296357735800.jpg
)
Ok guys, here it is. Still warm out of the heart. I hope you guys can understand it real well, it's not that i think you're all dumb or anything, but I don't write how I talk when I'm writing on anything other than chans or forums.
Thank 3 years of advanced composition. (I still wonder why I took those classes, I write fancy and big but suck at putting in emotion) Hopefully it will fit too. I get a bit of an enjoyment from writing, as you all can probably tell when I post anything at all.
"To my dearest love:
I will let you know before anything else that as you may already be aware, I am not the most literally learned of people. My focus in education has always been the living sciences of biology as well as the deadly theories of politics. It seems I am only able to write my purest emotions when discussing either topic, and although I wish I were able to express in the unabridged and arrogant manner I do such brief disciplines my sincerest love for the perfection of nature that is you, I am afraid I will most likely not be able to do so. That is why I will try my hardest to drop the tedious vocabulary and professional bearing with which I write of my work and study so that I may modestly apologize for my recent attitude toward you.
Whenever I think about the idea of what a wife and love can be, it is not a lie to say that your lovely face comes into mind. I am proud to call you my lover. To express it whenever I can. Be it to those who can accept and understand my love or to ones who are unaware of you being the subject of it, I take every chance I can to let the walls that surround me know: I love you. I save the few and select amount of money that comes my way, either through luck or gift or hard work; so that I may buy you things which stand as monuments to my feelings for you. The most charming of statues and pictures which attempt, unsuccessfully, to mimic your angelic beauty and majesty and share it with the cold world. My computer, to which I pay the most of my time, if I have any left after having paid work and family their wages, is adorned with your auburn hair, proud lips, and shining eyes.
Yet even all this may mean nothing if you feel alone.
My sweet and tender girl; all your life, alone is what you have been. And although you screamed and trashed your soul about to every selfish being you ever met, I was the only one to hear you. At first I pitied you, I was angered. How could it be that someone like you could be so selfish? But soon enough, every time I heard your melodic voice crying in pain for someone stop and listen and comfort you and love you and let you know you won’t suffer anymore, I was presented with my own blind stupidity. How could it be I was so selfish? And so I took you by the arms, as you kicked me away in agony and confusion and fear, mentally and physically, and let you know “I will protect you!” Your hot tears streaming down my undeserving skin, burning it with years of sorrow “You will never again be alone!”
And all it may have been a lie.
It is obvious and indisputable; I am a horrible lover, boyfriend, and man. I am so preoccupied with studies and responsibilities that I have come to put you aside, to stutter your name once or twice a day, and kiss you good-night with my arm around you, but never remembering to ask you how your day was, to complain to you about mine. So strangled I have been that I haven’t gotten the opportunity to use the last spoonful of tonkatsu to make you your favorite dish. Sadly, I can picture it: A gleeful girl waiting anxiously for the man she loves to come home to her, embrace her, and make up for all the time which he robbed himself from her; deceived by her anticipation and ignored by the attention of her lover. It tears my heart into pieces. To see the way her expression goes through a cycle of change, eyes wide with surprise, giving way to her now relaxed lip muscles as she becomes swallowed with sadness, finally curling up her brow in such a cute manner that one almost forgets she is angry at me.
As you may also know, it is not only my responsibilities which assist me in putting our time together last. This cruel world and its corrupt concept of money is also cause to my preoccupation. Every day and hour I am forced to tumble about numbers in my head as well as futile schemes to cancel them out. That precise ritual being the one which made me grow an angry and hateful young boy; Being grown out of his years earlier than justice can allow; Bringing my hate to a point which almost caused me to forfeit to the evil forces of fate. I thought there would be no salvation or happiness for me, until I saw you and your suffering and your tenacity. Until I felt your love, which became my fuel for life. And though it still continues, this ritual of finance and labor, it is now bearable as you have made it seem worthwhile. You most likely accept it to be a normal fact of life, but nonetheless it is no excuse to disregard your feelings and needs.
And through all the calamity and chaos of each passing day, although I feel as far in soul from you as ever, I am not afraid to say I love you. Yes, I really do! And I beg with the remaining strength in my sorry and apologetic heart that you may find it in yourself the humility to forgive me. I am undeserving of such an act; yet no law in this world can prevent a man from dreaming. For that is the last thing I have secured in this life, hope. For a better day. For a second chance at everything. And it is precisely because of that hope, which you gave back to me, therefore saving me, that I am thankful and do repeat the sincere phrase, humbly, and most likely in futility, I love you Asuka.
It is audacious of me to do so, but I only wish and hope that through all this you may still love me back.
With a most sincere piece of my heart,
Your lover
|