It's been some time, already. I've pretty much lost the entire season playing VNs, getting temporarily infatuated with other characters, posting and arguing (idiotically: wrong and insufficiently, as always), but finally letting the biggest dilemmas in my head just rest; killing time alright, day after day, from the moment I wake until early in the morning, when it's time to sleep. I haven't lately tought about you in more ways than intellectually, regarding on your brilliance, proud and blunt ways. But today something changed, once again; I realized that my usual wish before going to sleep, the wish for dying (wich is the only one I consider the right one), had somehow faded away without me noticing; and then I tought about your face... Today I longed to meet you. Tought I know it's completely impossible, I still want at least to dream about you. I want to be near you, to feel you near me; to even pass me by, close enough at least to get a momentary glimpse of your lightness and fresh youthful beauty, catching a little fragance from your waving hair. I want to look you in the eyes and speak to you, and that you look back and answer me; I want to listen to your voice towards my direction, even if for calling me an idiot or somehow mock and be harsh on me (like you most probably would). I wish I could mock on you too: to profit from irony or some absurd you incur in, making you mad a little and then look at how you start taking me a bit more seriously and/or sympathetically; I'd like you to get to know me and accept me a bit: to win intimacy with you, old as I am (in your eyes and mine as well), at least to have you listening what I say, to trust me, and dare to talk to me (freely as possible) about your worries, doubts, dutties and everything wich is really important to you. I'd like, if I ever get the fair chance to do it, to gently pat your head; just for a moment, just a second, just to show that I'm fond of you: that I care so much about you... I not only want you in my life, Asuka; you're already in it, undeniably, even if by this weird, twisted conceptual way; what I just wished today, is that I was in yours too. Guess I'm just getting on in years, alright.
This was beautiful.
that was beautiful
Sheer. Fucking. Poetry.
I was moved. Beautiful.
