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25719 No. 25719 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How is your mental condition? From a functional point of view.

I'm really worried about this. Any issue I could have is getting worse with the years and I'm developing new ones.
My hands don't respond well, I drop things or do weird shit like getting stuck in a certain movement. Sometimes I just fall or lose my balance. I get my clothes hooked with all kinds of stuff, like doors, and I haven't seen a person with the same problem in my life.
I confuse numbers, like my own phone number, directions and names. But I'm also starting to confuse words and sounds. Let's say I want to say "psychology" and suddenly I don't know if I should say "psychologist", "psychology" or psychologic". Or I want to say or write "come on" and I say "common", "coming", "cumming" or who knows what dumb shit. Sometimes I just forget words or half a sentence so I just end with an absolute nonsense that I can't even understand myself. Other issues include repeating things (maybe I even posted this before but I can't know for sure), getting extremely disoriented while going anywhere and being unable to focus on anything (I can't even properly watch an episode of anime because of this). Sometimes I'm reading a book and I have to turn back and reread the last 20 pages because I've literally no idea about what I've been reading in the last ten minutes.

It seems like alzheimer or the kind of illness you start to suffer when you're old, senile and about to die soon, but I'm in my 30's.
I heard lack (I just wrote "like" in place of "lack", noticed minutes later while rereading) of social interaction can deteriorate your cognition but this is just too much and it's not like I've been the last ten years in a desert island.
It could be something worse like a brain tumour, actual alzheimer (it's rare but it can start in your 30's) or some similar disease.
But I don't see what I can do about it. I can't go to a doctor because I don't believe in them and this is an issue that would require lots of effort to get a dyagnose. I want to improve my enviroment and mindset to see if it can help, but if it's something serious I'm
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>> No. 25748 [Edit]
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I like to believe it's not that severe, but reading the posts (even mine) makes me think maybe I'm fucked up but somehow managed to hide it from most. I'm not sure.

Still, I've been feeling better last week since I've been living by myself. I can see this issues aren't uncommon in our kind and I want to believe it's a psychological thing, along with some chronic condition like some kind of dyslexia, but at least not alzheimer hitting in my 30's. If it's not and it's my brain's dying then there's little to do about it so no point in worrying.
A problem I have is I'm never really sure about what's going on. I'm not sure if I'm still functional or not, I'm not sure about what image I'm giving either. Sometimes I think I'm just some sort of monkey-like creature and everyone just tries to act semi-normal with me out of pity. I think one of the results of isolation is not having too many points of reference, but maybe that's still better than herd mentality.
>> No. 25793 [Edit]
My OCD is getting worse and better at the same time, I stopped eating my mothers cooking and I decided that when I move out I will have to leave thousands of dollars worth of books and furniture behind. But I am converting more on waifu 2x and my hands have improved. It's still incredibly exhausting though, every morning I wake up dreading the day because I know how I will have to walk on a mine field to avoid touching or seeing anything and I know how much effort that takes.

Maybe, I saw my GP to talk to him about getting help for it. My GP was worried about me because the last Psych he sent me to for something else saw me, was meant to write a report to him but then never sent it to him and he had not heard from me for two years.
>> No. 26265 [Edit]
Sorry for bumping this thread, but it was the closest I could find: ( is an even better match, but that's archived)

Does anyone have any experience with (and hopefully solutions to prevent) overthinking/dwelling, both on past events and future decisions? For instance, I'll often ruminate on a past decision I made and lament about how if I had only done something else the present would be different. It's similar to what the OP of that previous linked thread stated
>I can't stop thinking in the smallest mistakes over and over, like a loud speaker on my head

but for me at least it's not necessarily limited to "mistakes" but also any past decision made in the lack of "perfect information" (i.e. decisions made in the face of some uncertainty). Then later on in the present when the outcome of that decision has been realized resulting in new information, I'll sit there thinking in circles simulating the past decision in light of that new knowledge, wondering whether I should have picked the other option. Of course logically I know that such rumination is pointless, but emotionally/subconsciously I'll continue to dwell on it. The same happens for past decisions whose outcome isn't known yet but has already predetermined as a result of that choice (i.e. at this point the outcome is uncontrollable, so there's no logical point ruminating about it; and yet I still can't help myself). I'll also similarly overthink decisions that have yet to be made (one can see a common theme of "fear of uncertainty").

There's probably an element of (self-diagnosed) ocd thrown in amidst all of that too (I've faced similar situations to that scene in Slow Start where Hana found a loose screw on the floor and couldn't go to sleep without finding the source. And perhaps ironically spent the past hour researching ocd symptoms; the "classic" symptoms mentioned online don't seem to apply, except for the general element of overthinking).

As someone in that aforementioned thread stated
>For psychological and neurological reasons, rumination gets worse t
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>> No. 26269 [Edit]
I don't overthink about decisions I made because I think I'm actually good at making them, I don't feel too much regreet over any big decision in last years. I also don't need to make that many decisions to start with.
So I focus my overthinking in stupid inane shit, even the most insignificant. I could simply trip into someone or cause a minor inconvenience and something like that can take me into an spiral of overthinking and guilt to the point I could remember the event even years (or decades) later. It's really sick if you think about it.

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25750 No. 25750 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
How do you feel when people laugh at you?
There's still pride inside you? You can still feel the pain of getting humiliated? Maybe have you reached nirvana or just don't give a fuck?
I still feel the pain. Sometimes I feel my only function in earth is to be a laughing stock or someone that can be ordered or just mistreated by literally everyone so the other humans feel better about themselves. I feel like this is a function that has been determined, socially, and also genetically. From a really early age. It doesn't help that I get laughed because my walking, my voice or my face, the most basics things of my being.
If you're also a ridiculous creature, how do you deal with this?
I just would like this eternal high school to end someday.
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>> No. 26238 [Edit]
being snippy gives you cancer
>> No. 26239 [Edit]
My post wasn't intended to sound like "it's a pretty basic rule, I can't believe you haven't heard of it you absolute scrub", but more along the lines of "Oh, you haven't read them? Well, that rule is a pretty major one so keep it in mind when posting in the future and expect it to be enforced pretty consistently".
>> No. 26259 [Edit]
My bad fam
>> No. 26260 [Edit]
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24516 No. 24516 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Tomorrow I will be going to a neurologist. I have been keeping up the masquerade and going through the motions for many years already, and I think that I can't fool anyone anymore.
People can tell that I'm not one of them, several incidents in the lasts days have ascertained me of that. My parents told me last night that the have already booked a appointment with a neurologist to whom they are acquainted with, and that is set for tomorrow.
I'm somewhat concerned with this, I'm afraid of what I would have to reveal, and the implications of such, but refusing to go doesn't seem like an option. Can someone who's been through this give some advice? Even if you have never been in a similar situation, I would appreciate your assessment.
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>> No. 26219 [Edit]
So I went to some autism specialist. She said she could give an autism card, that I could use at university and things similar to not need to do these group work projects. She would need to talk to my mother first, and after that it would be necessary that my mother talks with university or whatever else. Should I ask for her to deliver me this card? Thing is, I'm afraid that I might go on a list or something of autists and lose some opportunities in the future, also that my mother would see me differently after this.
>> No. 26220 [Edit]
I can understand getting a card like that for certain things(single person dorm room), but avoiding group work seems like shooting yourself in the foot. Almost every job requires working in a group at some point or another.
>> No. 26221 [Edit]
>she could give an autism card
Does she mean a medical certificate or a physical card? If it's the latter, I can't say I'd heard of such a thing. Googling it gives a bit more context, but handing over a card to people you meet seems pointless when it'd be easier to just remain silent and be thought as that "weird guy." I don't think the card itself really gives you any specific medical exemption (unlike e.g. those handicap ones), you'd just be relying on the goodwill of the person you present the card to. For universities, that would involve working with their disability/accomodations office to come to some arrangement. That seems orthogonal to having a physical card delivered to you.

> I might go on a list or something of autists
No such thing. I don't think you'd even have to mention it on job applications unless you think it's the type of job that would be hard to perform for you (in which case why apply to it?)

>I ask for her to deliver me this card
If it were me, I would not since there seems to be zero material benefit.

Yes I agree that things like single person dorm would be very useful. But unless I'm misunderstanding that would only need proof of medical diagnosis, not a physical card. Group work is also highly overrated; even at uni the majority of people there will do the least amount of work possible. By contrast my experience in the workforce has been a lot more pleasant (probably dependent on the specific worplace as well; a selective firm is going to be more easy to get along with in than a minimum-wage one with little qualifications required) as people will genuinely cooperate to get things done.

Post edited on 16th Dec 2020, 4:07pm
>> No. 26231 [Edit]
Well, I meant an actual certificate. Like stating this man has autism verified by X and X.

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25962 No. 25962 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
At what point in your life did you realize you don't belong? Did some event make this clear to you or did you simply think it over and walk away from everyone? How did you feel when it happened? How did you feel later or now?
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>> No. 26217 [Edit]
Ok Mr. Starseed
>> No. 26223 [Edit]
I don't think there's anything wrong with just being lonely, we're on the ronery board after all, posters also shouldn't be talking or humble-bragging about being chased by girls. Not because I'm jealous, but because it does subtly invite exactly the kind of stupid jealously shit and normalfag shitflinging as you can see in this chain of posts. It's also just a good thing to avoid straight up blogging on imageboards as much as possible, in my opinion. I agree with you that posting about jealously for 3dpd doesn't belong but neither does posting about it in the first place. No good comes from the wizchan purity spiral, because both results end up either with actual toxic normalfags, who hate 2D and see it as a "cope" for losers, or such exclusive wizards that they think 2D is too attached to females, desiring a female, etc. and want it banned from their site on the basis that it's cope for failed normalfag losers. I think you can see where I'm going with this and why this might be a problem for a website populated by those with waifus.
>> No. 26229 [Edit]
That wizchan purity spiral sounds like an extension of society's Freudian obsession with people's intentions. If they have the wrong reasons for liking something, that's enough to ostracize them. People can't just enjoy things. I suspect that if those people tried to enjoy 2d, they would be unable to because they would be keep thinking about how much of a loser they are to be watching it instead of doing normal things or whatever. I don't see what's bad about "coping" either. That's how people deal with adversity, they cope. Since when has that been a bad thing? Is wallowing in misery and self-denial supposed to be more respectable? Upside down world.
>> No. 26230 [Edit]
>I don't see what's bad about "coping" either.

Because you're supposed to be and look like a perfect being without flaws, a handsome, intelligent, turbochad that is so fucking great he doesn't even need females. If you go further most of internet talking is basically an exercise on narcicism and nothing more.
Actually, wizchan and all of it's mindset was nothing more than a group of early 20's and younger "normals" predating and making fun of a few actually fucked up individuals that got even more fucked up as a result.

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26067 No. 26067 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Have you found recently or in the past any small matrix-hacks that make your life better in any way? Something that makes it less tiresome, cheaper, helps to sleep, helps to deal with people or whatever.
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>> No. 26073 [Edit]
I gave it some thought and I don't think the coin method could work for me at all. Thinking about some of the important decisions I've taken in last years, I never really wanted to take them because I'm insecure and felt fear, so by all means I would have preffered the coin to give me the most passive outcome. But all those decisions were absolutely correct and have improved, or even saved, my life.
It's like needing surgery and you have to decide to take it or not, if you're a coward fuck you will want to avoid the situation at all costs, even if it ends killing you, you will lie to yourself if necessary. So what do you "want" is not necessarily what do you "need".
>> No. 26076 [Edit]
That's part of the coin method I didn't mention. You'll start whining about best 2/3, and then just stop because you know the easy route is a terrible decision. So you chin up and do what you actually need. Usually. It's a way I've found to cut down on my indecisiveness.
>> No. 26083 [Edit]
Same here. I usually already know what I want to do and it is often not what I should do. It's hedonism vs "go and get shit done".

As for being a character and accepting that I'm bad: It's not like I have a problem with talking or that situations intimidate me. Simply, the more I interact with the normie world the more emotionally drained and disturbed I become.
Might be my fault.
>> No. 26204 [Edit]
In windows, you can use the task scheduler to make your computer do certain things at a specific time. I made a bunch of tasks that put my computer to sleep in ten minute intervals. While I could just get it out of sleep mode every single time, it's gotten me to go to sleep earlier. You could also schedule your computer to shut down like that.

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26084 No. 26084 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
Do you guys get angry or depressed when thinking about sex? I normally do, especially when continuously exposed to pornographic material of any sort or sometimes when going out. The inexistent propects of sexual life for my are quite saddening. Does anyone else feel the same?
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>> No. 26152 [Edit]
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True that, though I wouldn't put it so aggressively.

It bothers me how this stuff consooms people's lives, makes them depressed and jeopardizes their judgement and decision-making capabilities.
I know way too many cases of people in shitty relationships and life situations, blue pilled by coitus.

I'm currently in a 2D relationship, but even before that I had sworn celibacy for personal development reasons, influenced by the aforementioned.
Now that I think about it, it was probably all of this combined that made me receptive to 2D love.

Either way, don't feel like I'm missing anything at all. In fact, quite the opposite.

Post edited on 14th Nov 2020, 6:36pm
>> No. 26153 [Edit]
>blue pilled
And so thus this island too was reduced to a vestige as it began to sink under the weight of overseas lexicon.
Maybe it should be moved to /tat/? It doesn't seem to have produced much fruitful discussion and to me seems like a blight on the other threads.
>> No. 26154 [Edit]
I don't know why people insist on repeating the same stupid lingo of the week everywhere. I wouldn't be able to write that without being embarrassed.

Post edited on 14th Nov 2020, 7:50pm
>> No. 26155 [Edit]
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I would've locked it, but your suggestion might be better.

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23218 No. 23218 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Post and discuss medical issues here. It helps to talk about them.

My lower left lung has been hurting, it feels like it's been stabbed. And I just coughed and tasted blood. Didn't see any blood when I went to the mirror and made myself cough again, just tasted it.
I'm scared. I'm poor. The doctors are going to let me die if it's cancer, I can't afford it. I did used to smoke but it was only for a year or two... I've been having trouble breathing but it might just be allergies. I will try to be optimistic.

I also went two years without brushing my teeth and my gums are so full of bacteria it's actually making me sick now. I'm sick constantly because of my own mouth, swallowing bacteria is irritating my throat and giving me a fever, and will be till I pay up $7,000 to unfuck my mouth. No root canals yet, and only two teeth have to be pulled, so that's a positive I guess. I got good teeth genetics from my folks. The dentist said average people would have had lots of teeth fall out by now.

Best advice I can give anyone is take Vitamin D supplements if you aren't in the sunlight at least 30 minutes a day. It helped me a lot.
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>> No. 23730 [Edit]
Lately my social anxiety and insomnia have been so bad that I get shaky when I go out in public. I wasn't like this even 1-2 weeks ago. It has gotten so much worse in such a short amount of time. I'm not normally like this. Scary how fast I'm deteriorating.
>> No. 26069 [Edit]
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>I recommend broccoli
I don't know why everyone has such a hard on for broccoli and immediately recommends it to everybody. For somebody getting into vegetables, it seems like an especially bad choice. There's so many more palatable vegetables out there. All of the leafy greens like spinach, chard, lettuce, cabbage, radicchio and collard greens exist. There's also radishes, turnips and zucchini. Pickled bamboo shoots and more exotic stuff like that is also available. Broccoli makes people gaseous and doesn't taste good unless it's smothered in some sugary sauce.
>> No. 26070 [Edit]
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Spinach needs to be prepared right for it to taste good, and lettuce is basically flavorless water-flavored fodder. Cabbage is usually a good choice though, and tomatoes (bought from local farms, not the mass-market stuff) can be delicious when lightly grilled.
>> No. 26071 [Edit]
>lettuce is basically flavorless water-flavored fodder
Which is still better than broccoli. I enjoy lettuce and raw spinach in salads and sandwiches. I like cauliflower though.

Post edited on 10th Nov 2020, 1:48pm

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23136 No. 23136 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Do you have any traumatic moments in your life you might want to share and talk about? It could be something deep in the past or a recent event. We're all friends here, feel free to let it out.
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>> No. 26034 [Edit]
I don't remember, I can't find it. I only remember that the most important line of the song's refrain was "Help me" (not in English).
>> No. 26041 [Edit]
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I finally had a second attempt at meditating today. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough but I didn't concentrate as much as last time. Intrusive thoughts are still there but distractions prove helpful. It's easiest to keep them out so long as I avoid things that remind me of said thoughts. There are a lot that are loosely related to those thoughts that I end up having to avoid a lot of things but it's not too hard to do so, I think.
I'll probably post about my updates with this in the daily report thread on /ot/ so that I won't be making off topic posts here.
>> No. 26055 [Edit]
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To be honest, I only asked as an attempt to bait you into posting something ban worthy. I can't relate to your specific insecurities. I'm telling you this because I dislike the things you wrote.
>> No. 26056 [Edit]
Just plain nasty.

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25919 No. 25919 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
Is there any comforting fantasies or thoughts you have or entertain regularly? I'm sure a life with your waifu is one of them but what about others?
I like to think about being a cute loli and having a cute and caring older sister to grow up and fall in love with. We would climb trees, shoot water guns at each other, play in a pool, read stories before bed, make desserts, cuddle at night and spend practically all of our time together. It helps me fall asleep and makes me feel better when I'm sad.
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>> No. 25935 [Edit]
There's a bunch.

Going through childhood again, except my parents are still together, my dad actually gets to be a part of my life without the army sending him all over the world, and my mom never makes friends with all the people who made my childhood hell. Those three changes alone would have made a hell of a difference.

Having a group of friends in highschool, kind of like what >>25923 except less outdoors: playing video games together, shooting the breeze during lunch, bouncing around ideas for stories and games and such, basically just being part of that group of weird kids that I always envied back then because they were happy together.

Being a part of the 00s internet in my teens, which was something I couldn't fully do because of the awful computer I had, plus a lack of interest in most anime/games/etc that I saw people talking about. The most I really did in those days was browse imageboards.

Gaining invisibility+teleportation powers and pretty much becoming a trickster god. Spy on people, play pranks, do something terrible and see who gets the blame for it, toy with the minds of investigators, etc.
>> No. 25936 [Edit]
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I have formed an elaborate fantasy universe over many years. The most comforting scene that I return to is a dark, snowy evergreen forest in the mountains of some astral plane of existence. In a valley between a number of enormous mountains, there is a picturesque gothic village. There, thousands of undead relax in quiet harmony after living tumultuous or otherwise unpleasant lives. Everything they could ever need or want is conjured up by magic, and animated snowmen act as civil servants and butlers, free of charge. The undead are led by an admirable king that inspires everyone to do their best, but the king seldom actually does anything because his undead subjects are so well-behaved and the snowmen are such great civil servants. Everyone just wants to relax and forget the miserable lives they left behind.

Naturally, the snowmen can fly:

I like to listen to baroque or classical music and imagine the king wandering through his domain (down a street, immaculately maintained by the snowmen; through the woods, populated by magic rabbits and deer; atop a mountain; above the clouds that always snow; anywhere).

This too on occasion. Within the framework of my whole fantasy setting, I imagine the king's ghost floating around the material world, invisibly watching stuff happen.
>> No. 26036 [Edit]
I fucking imagine myself as a music guy making music videos because i'm a big late 20's baby with fucking up prospects and i hate it here
however i do enjoy it because even though it is hopeless because i have no will or depression and am getting older, it's one of the few things i can be a bit creative with
why did life have to end up like this? just kidding, it's because i was born in unfortunate circumstances and i remain human garbage marred by experience. i'd take nothingness in a heartbeat

sometimes i imagine being with women or having friends but i shut that out real quick. it hurts too much or it will eventually
>> No. 26042 [Edit]
Entering the 2D realm. Meeting the many characters and getting to live those stories, shifting from one to another, abandoning this reality forever.

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25770 No. 25770 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit]
What do you think would happen if you had a kid? The scenario doesn't matter, imagine you miraculously had a kid, what now? What kind of parent do you think you'd be? How do you think they would turn out?

On one hand the idea of having that much influence over another person has some appeal, on the other hand there's no guarantee they'll turn out the way you want. If they end up being shitty, it could be absolutely painful. While I wouldn't want them to be a normalfag, if they aren't they'd probably have a miserable life. It's a lose lose situation. I don't think I would be good at it.

Post edited on 27th Jul 2020, 8:40am
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>> No. 25831 [Edit]
I think one of my biggest disappointments in life has been to discover people doesn't really give a shit about anything except the usual topics. What for a minority are passions for the majority will always be nothing more than pastimes.
And giving a shit about something isn't particularly well seen, like my father always told me how I was "obsessed" everytime I got into a particular interest, and that was really bad.
And I understand their point, it's probably necessary for the species to be like that and stick into social and physical relations over all other things, but I will not be the fucker that gets bored and depressed when he gets old, retires or suddenly gets some considerable free time. What it's good for the species isn't necessarily good for the individual.
>> No. 25832 [Edit]
I'm not a violent or sexually perverted person, so my kids would at the very least not be physically abused.
I actually think about child rearing a lot, and I think I could do a good job as a dad in terms of getting them well-educated (e.g. teaching them at least 3 languages from the time they're babies, getting them into computer programming, math and electronics at a young age, teaching them how to think critically and do their own research on topics like politics) and healthy (I know a lot about nutrition because when I became an adult I had to get rid of the morbid obesity that my mother's care had left me with, and I would see to it that they spend a lot of time doing sports and training their bodies). I wouldn't let them watch much TV and instead teach them more beneficial ways of entertaining themselves.

In many ways, I'd be a much better father than the one I had.
Thing is, they will end up severely emotionally neglected unless they have a mother who can compensate for my coldness, and I cannot imagine that I'd be able to put up with a woman's shit for years and years without eventually killing myself.
>> No. 26020 [Edit]
My dad is a lot more normal than me in a lot of ways, but I think it's a good vision at what happens when someone who isn't very normal has kids. For the record, I don't hate him for it and I have to thank him for a lot of my perspectives on reality. He had few if any friends growing up, I believe he has some form of autism/aspergers. He impressed a lot of his hobbies onto me, that's not really anything that went wrong though. I like his hobbies a lot, he was into lots of good stuff like building scale models, learning about history, stuff I really do like. But there was a lot of physical violence when he got angry, I had welts on my back quite often and his mental illnesses definitely affected me worse genetically. I don't mind being an outcast, or a loser or whatever normalfags would call me, but I wouldn't make me if I could help it. I don't think I should have kids sex or no, because if his mental illnesses were enhanced in me, who knows what my kids would be like. My mom is partially to blame genetically as well, having a grandmother with actual schizophrenia and a history of spending long periods of time, months or years, at mental hospitals. It's just a terrible combination. Theres so much to say but I'm tired at the moment and the genetic problems stand out the most.
>> No. 26024 [Edit]
Having a child could either be like a cutesy SoL manga and give our lives meaning or a very tragic situation. It depends on how they turn out and if they resent you for being a loser or something.

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23512 No. 23512 hide watch expand quickreply [Reply] [Edit] [Last 50 posts]
You know what sucks about being a loner? Not having people to go to restaurants with. There is so much good food I would eat if only I had people to eat with. Going to a restaurant alone is weird. I could never do that.

I mean, every now and then I get food with people. But not anywhere near as much as I’d like.

Can you think of anything else you need a group for?
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>> No. 25878 [Edit]
File 159933045468.jpg - (227.43KB , 1854x639 , imsofuckedup.jpg )
Some don't deserve nice things.
>> No. 25894 [Edit]
Nicotine actually, I feel like that’s something a lot of people here wouldn’t have. I took it up to get myself to stop drinking, and that and some other stuff did the job but then I developed a really bad nicotine addiction. I’ve been weening myself off slowly over the past month or so though and it’s been going pretty well, hopefully I’ll be able to stop for good soon
>> No. 25895 [Edit]
you can't do nicotine without other people?
>> No. 25940 [Edit]
Op, I do a lot of things alone because I'm already used to be alone. I go to restaurants alone in a regular basis, I don't see it as weird because I don't care about society or what is perceived as weird because I simply just want eat tasty food and I don't need people to eat food or anything that I just need my body and money to do.

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