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1022 No. 1022 [Edit]
I don't know where else on the internet to post this, so I'm doing it here.
I used to browse this chan along with the IRC channel back in 2011/2012 when it was newer and /ot/ was a new board. I think those dates are right anyways.
I'll have to rush this post so not everything might be complete and some iformation on here will be intentionally left vague in order to protect my identity the best I can.

I was unsatisfied with my OtaCOOL life and enlisted in the US navy. I currently serve on a nuclear submarine. I am unsure at which point the deal with the devil was fully formed, but my life has been completely turned around at roughly six months before I enlisted. I feel as if every waking moment in this life I am hiding myself in shame from God for what I have done. My successes turn to sand in my mouth.
I've gone from out of shape hikki neet into outstanding PRT scores and ACFL/Diver qual'd.
Within my first year onboard my current command, I achieved Senior in rate, made second class, and during deployment I reacted to X casualties in the engine room and was awarded X NAM's. Nothing has been a challenge. I only feel fully safe from shame and the gaze of God when I am fully submerged. There is an impending sense of doom floating over my head, I know that after all these easy achievements and awards are over and my life is done, I'll have to pay for all of it. What I suffered during my NEET life wasn't enough to cover even a drop of what I have now, yet it was a million times more difficult. I have still been given too much and I am way in over my head. I cannot afford this good fortune. My original role in life was supposed to be unhappiness and I've cheated my way out of my story into another. I fill the role and the slot, but the train ride through it isn't something I fully feel.
I don't know what I want anyone to respond to this post with. Really, all I needed was a place to say this outside of my own head in the only place where I've been able to be myself.

Everything is easy. There are no challenges. Nothing makes me happy.

I have to rush this post out, thanks if you read it. I might check replies at a later date.
>> No. 1023 [Edit]
Have you considered that maybe you're just good at your job? For example, I'm outstanding in organizational skills and I know I would perform great if I were to put those to good use, the issue is that I'm a lazy entertainment glutton and I don't want to surrender my HikiNEET life.

The saddest thing about the otaku subculture is the wasted potential.
>> No. 1037 [Edit]

Get you some suicide plant, boi. It has one of the most agonizing toxins on Earth, and the pain takes years to fade away. Smack a leaf on whatever body part you will miss the least, cause you won't have the mental fortitude to even touch that shit for at least a fortnight.

This idea is stupid.
>> No. 1044 [Edit]
>Everything is easy. There are no challenges. Nothing makes me happy.
If only Kircheis was here.
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